


And the Night Goes by So Very Slow.

by Corbeau7



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Historical, Period Typical Attitudes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 93,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corbeau7/pseuds/Corbeau7
Summary: Set mainly from the end of season six into a non-canon imagining of how things transpired after the final Patsy and Delia scene.  Will include flashbacks of canon scenes and notions all my own.  Mainly worked around the point of view of Delia, but all characters help chug the story along in their own way.
Relationships: Delia Busby/Patsy Mount
Comments: 196
Kudos: 140





	1. Cut my Feelings to the Bone.

Delia was pleased for Barbara. Honestly. There was no jealousy on her part in relation to the wedding and large carousel-shaped declarations of love. She wasn’t. If asked to swear upon that she would be able to do so without pause.

She was, however, sad beyond comprehension. On a personal level. No one seemed much interested in the sad nurse, and whilst that was benefiting her as she made small talk and walked around with her hands firmly pressed down in her pockets, it was also tearing at her insides. Tonight, Delia was simply wandering around long enough to not seem uncharitable.

It was, Delia assumed, a bit like the feelings she had after the accident that robbed her of so much more than her memories. It had robbed her of time. Months. So many months. With the regaining of the memories came a fierce melancholy that she had not been prepared for in the slightest. 

There had been so much going on underneath the tragedy. Perhaps even more terrifying than her recovery was her Mam’s militant-like insistence Delia no longer have a say in the way her life would progress. The accident had robbed her of more than independence, it sat heavily with her even now, the way she seemed suddenly ill-equipped to stand up to her. The dread that still creeps in like the cold in the smallest of cracks that she had been so close to returning to her family home. No London. No nursing. 

No Patsy.

They had lost that time and in doing so, had lost themselves. Even after the unbridled joy of reunion, there was a sense that things had been on pause almost too long. Yes, she was living under the same roof as Patsy, but their hard-fought freedom of a shared flat was no longer discussed. The ring was never returned nor was it spoken of again. Their days almost went on as they did when they knew each other at The London, with sporadic moments of wonderment that were wrapped in the sharpness of Patsy’s voice (apologetic Pats visited often) and the longing looks that filled Delia with both joy and regret.

Then came Hong Kong. The longing began once more, this time it was far more acute than it had been before. Delia couldn’t help but compare her feelings to the ones Patsy had felt when she was injured. It made her feel guilty that she felt so upset with the lack of communication. Was she a bad person for wanting to shout at Patsy? The phone was at her disposal in Hong Kong and yet … and yet, nothing. 

Delia could use this moment to be cynical. She could wallow and wonder if she’d see the love of her life again. She could feel deflated as she rifled through the mail. Or feel the sympathetic eyes of Nurse Crane upon her, day in and out. She could even bemoan the lack of equality and fairness and shout at the heavens that Barbara and Tom were blessed in a way she and Patsy could never have for themselves. She could wish upon a star for a moment like this (perhaps with a few less mechanical horses), where all and sundry would celebrate in her love. Would it make her feel any better? She doubted it. So instead she tried to think of the happier moments. Her Pats. 

Her love. 

Hers. 

Was Patsy still ‘hers’, Delia wondered. Truth, it had been all she could think about when she wasn’t studying. 

So, she kept going. She often tried looking back on moments in time where she was positively happy, with no comprehension on what would transpire in her life. Her beloved Nurse Patience Mount, and those early days. Would she warn that idealistic Delia to run far away? No. No, she wouldn’t. Her love of Patience Mount would never be wrong. It simply couldn’t be wrong. She afforded herself a smile as she tried recalling the freshness of her ideals as she left home in search of adventure in London. Little did she know at the time, but her life would change forever, in the way often mentioned in those films she loved to watch (and which Patsy indulged) at the cinema. She wanted to make a difference, to be useful. Of course, she had also wanted to escape the claustrophobic way of life in Wales. Nursing seemed like a fulfilling and respectable choice. 

*****

Delia had been overwhelmed from the moment the bus dropped her off, ready to commence her new life as a nurse. She had left home to escape the notions of how one’s life was to set out. It was also like these mechanical horses; up and down, up and down. Meet a man, marry, have children. That’s how it was done, how it was expected. Up and down. 

Delia had never felt the need to be courted by the local boys. Never felt the need to gossip on the economic safety of certain suitors. Even when she moved to London, she found it odd that capable nurses would melt into a puddle if a doctor looked their way. The need to socialise at dances? The giggles and dress shopping? The sneaking in either just on or after curfew? Delia didn’t feel the enthusiasm of her peers. She went along, sure. She danced a few times with the opposite sex and was a sounding board for all the dramas that seemed to seep from all this testosterone-filled fancies. 

She was focused on study, on training. She wasn’t afraid to try it on her own; right or wrong. Her life was now her own and she wanted to keep it that way. After a while, the invitations became easier to pass over, as she was known as the Welsh bookworm. It was most likely complimentary on the whole, and those husband-hungry women using nursing as a stepping stone to marriage were pleased that there was one less woman in their way.

She liked to think that her ability to move away from home to stand alone and achieve something in her life away from the shadow of her parents was what captured the attention of the unflappable Nurse Mount. She would, if only to save herself from recalling the frightfully embarrassing first few times they worked together!

It was about two months into her time at The London, those hideous puffy sleeves a clear repellent for unwanted attention from the doctors, that she formally met Nurse Patience Mount. She had been on bed pan duty. It wasn’t a glamourous task, but she always tried to infuse a little dignity in it for the patients. Yes, even those who had lewd remarks at the ready.

Thankfully she didn’t have one of those disaster-filled first meetings with Patsy like one of her peers who managed to walk solidly into Nurse Mount, bouncing off her and catching the door frame. The poor dot of a girl needed patching up whilst Nurse Mount remained fully intact. She doubted she’d ever recover if that had occurred. Instead it was simply one of those moments where Delia met the impenetrable emotional wall that Patsy had erected. 

It had been her fault, she had heard from several other nurses that Nurse Mount was a “hard arse” in their words. There were other descriptors that were even less flattening, but Delia was loathe to let others opinions affect how she engaged with others, it never went well in her opinion. So, Delia smiled when Nurse Mount walked past. She received a brisk nod in her direction in reply. Delia took that as an invitation to introduce herself. It didn’t go well.

“Hi Nurse Mount. I’m Nurse Busby. I cannot wait to work along of side you,” Delia had begun, her mouth running ahead of her common sense. She knew she should have utilised a different tactic, yet here she was, the chatterbox. “I’ll take any assistance you can give, and Matron too of course.” 

“Nurse Busby let’s get back to our patients, yes?” Was the firm reply from Nurse Mount. In a way, Delia was pleased by the brusque response as it welded her mouth shut immediately.

Delia swallowed nervously. She felt more uneasy standing there, near other nursing staff and a patient that had been allowed to get up and walk up and down the hall, than she had when she met Matron.

Delia wasn’t typically one to be rendered speechless. Just ask her teachers. Or her parents. Yet here, up against the formidable Nurse Mount, she had nothing. Other than the reddening of her cheeks that became a shade darker when her colleagues giggled.

“Never you mind, Busby. I didn’t even get dialogue with her two weeks ago unless it was in relation to the patients,” Trinny said sympathetically. “She’s not a chatter when working.”

“Or at all,” piped up another nurse who Delia didn’t know.

“Now hush Constance. She is okay when not on shift. We shared a cigarette break few days back and she was nice to talk with, even if I did most of it,” Trinny said with a slight grimace. “Okay, I think I did all the talking really, but she sat with me and listened.”

Delia smiled.

“I’m very persistent,” Delia announced. “I’ll get her to crack a smile in no time.”

Both Trinny and Constance looked at her smiling, neither really believing that would occur.

So, it began; the quest to make Patience Mount smile at her whilst working.

The second non-work-related conversation came a week and a bit later. 

Patience, sorry, Nurse Mount, asked Delia to help her with a patient and his young son who had been allowed to visit. It was unusual to see children on the ward. In fact, this young scamp was the first child Delia had seen on the ward. Nurse Mount had quickly explained that the patient was soon to be passing on and was influential in some manner, so the rules were bent for him. He was given a room on his own, which was really a small office space not currently in use. Delia saw a young boy and young wife (Delia wagered she was near-on 10 years younger than her husband) as she followed Nurse Mount. His wife had just left the room in tears. She was truly sobbing uncontrollably while her little boy sat on a chair too high for him to have been able to climb onto on his own, doodled on some paper.

“Nurse Busby, this is Mrs. Temple.”

Delia went to crouch to offer her assistance but was gently pulled up by the crook of her elbow by Nurse Mount.

“Leave her, I need you to take the boy.”

Delia nodded, though she had no idea where she was to go with him. It must have been on her face that she was uncertain for she heard a small sigh.

“Take him to get a candy or whatever it is young boys like,” Nurse Mount suggested. Though her tone of voice felt more like an order than a request.

“Come on love,” Delia said softly. The young boy sat ridged as this stranger appeared at his side. 

“Stay,” He said softly, as though he had been told only to use a low voice. 

Delia looked over to the patient, who looked frail and close to death. His eyes darted around with frightening speed as though he was trying to catch up to just what was to come for him. Delia saw fear, and she knew she had to get the young one out of the room. She placed a hand on the patient and whispered, “I will take care of him for you, you rest.”

It was a ridiculous notion to offer comfort to a stranger who most likely didn’t even know truly what was happening, but Delia couldn’t help it. Even when she turned to see Nurse Mount frowning at her.

“Now, Nurse Busby, please.”

Delia turned her attention back to the young boy who was grasping at his paper and pencil, turning to hear the racking sobs of his mother.

“Let’s go sweetie,” Delia said calmly. “Show me what you’re doing,” she pointed down to the paper.

She still didn’t know the sweet young child’s name, and clearly Nurse Mount wasn’t going to help her, so she ploughed on, lifting the boy from the seat and placing his feet solidly on the floor. Extending her hand, she was relieved when he took it, paper and pencil in the other hand.

“Bachgen da,” Delia said with a small smile. He truly was a good boy for trusting she was there to help him.

Delia turned to see Nurse Mount had called for more reinforcements to remove Mrs Temple from sight, making it easier for Delia to move up the hall with her son.

“I’ll take him to wait room two,” Delia relayed to Trinny as she passed her. Trinny nodded and patted Delia’s shoulder sympathetically.

As they turned the corner, Delia almost paused as she heard an almighty wail. She knew what that was, and she knew now, this young boy was missing a parent forever. She clasped his hand just that little bit tighter and smiled as he looked up at her.

“What’s your name, annwyl?” This darling of a boy was clearly more aware of what was happening than the adults around him would assume. Delia’s limited interactions with children had led her to believe they were quite intuitive.

The boy simple looked up yet spoke no words to her. His eyes were welling with tears that he was attempting to ignore as he blinked fast and tried to wipe away.

“No mind, I’ll just sit here near you,” Delia said with a smile and a quick pat on the arm. As he cried, Delia sat close enough to be ready to provide comfort, but not close enough to embarrass him as he grieved. It would do neither of them any good to force the issue.

“Nurse Busby.”

Delia looked over to the now-open door, at Nurse Mount. She was holding the hand of Mrs Temple who looked like she had been trying to regain her composure. Whether on her own or at the insistence of Nurse Mount, Delia did not know. Nor was she fool enough to ask.

“Mrs Temple will see to Michael now. You can return to the ward, after a 15-minute break, in accordance to Matron’s orders.”

Delia blinked, she had caught a very brief pause in Nurse Mount’s voice as she spoke, but it was quickly recovered. Nurse Mount was rigid. She was poised. Delia was torn between jealously and anger.

“Right. Goodbye Michael. Take care.”

Delia stood to leave, until she felt an insistent tug on her uniform. Michael stood there, holding out his paper. He pushed it into her hands and said, “keep” as he was pulled away by his mother. Mrs Temple thanked her and Nurse Mount as she left the room.

“Is he?” Delia asked, though she knew the answer. It was just to fill the gap while Nurse Mount stood in the doorway.

“Yes. Now, excuse me, I have to get back to it,” Nurse Mount spoke, smoothing down her uniform. She briefly made eye contact with Delia before nodding and turning with an almost-military heel turn.

Delia sighed. Things were not getting any easier with Nurse Mount. 

*****

Her break was such a relief. Whilst she wasn’t sad about the event, she was obviously generous of spirit and she felt for Mrs Temple and Michael. She wasn’t in need of a hand to hold, but the brief respite was most welcomed. 

The paper dear Michael had handed her was crumpled in her hand, so she unravelled it, trying to smooth it out. Delia wasn’t quite sure what it was, a mash of markings in circular patterns. She wished she had asked him what it was, so she simply rated it as an abstract drawing. Smiling, she folded it and placed it in her uniform. 

“Here you are.”

Delia looked up sharply, her neck stinging as she moved it.

“Nurse Mount,” Delia grimaced as she rubbed her neck.

“You did well,” Nurse Mount said, lighting a cigarette as she spoke. “With the boy.”

Delia smiled.

“Thanks.”

Nurse Mount nodded, looking down as Delia remained seated on the step.

“Don’t get too emotionally attached. I know you’ve been told that numerous times before. It serves no one in the end.”

Delia felt that anger simmering again, but like she always did, she took a calming breath before responding.

“Thank you for that reminder Nurse Mount,” Delia nodded. 

Nurse Mount took another puff of her cigarette.

“It’s Patience. Patsy. I’m not Matron, Nurse Busby. Patsy is fine when we aren’t on the floor.”

Delia blinked a few times, stunned by the quite manner in which Nurse – Patsy - spoke to her. It was a completely different tone to the one she had known until now. She stood, wiping her hands on her uniform front. Patsy’s shoulders were slightly slumped, not noticeable unless someone had been watching her every move.

“Hi Patsy. I’m Delia,” she said with a wry grin, hand extended.

Patsy stubbed out her cigarette and stuck her own hand out.

“Hi Delia,” the older nurse said with a whisper of a smile and a very firm and assured handshake.

Delia didn’t take that as a victory just yet, but she felt a certain rush of excitement that she had finally made a tiny dent in the Nurse Mount wall.

“Let’s go, before Matron checks her watch,” Patsy said with one of her little nods.

*****

The next few months saw Delia frantically studying and learning on the floor. She was currently assigned to night shifts and saw Patsy infrequently. Every so often she’d find a study book outside her door, marked and colour-coded. She knew it was from Patsy even where there was no note assigned. The books always coincided with her lessons though how Patsy knew she wasn’t sure, but it was tremendous to get Patsy’s insight.

Delia wasn’t sure if she should say thank you, or simply allow Patsy the privacy of the moment. If there was no note, obviously she wanted to remain somewhat anonymous. The reason why? Delia didn’t know, but for now she respected the clandestine drops and looked forward to reading her notes, with her beautiful handwriting.

*****

Dance nights at The London began to fill Delia with dread. The hospital disguising these nights as camaraderie events where nurses and doctors could unwind together really felt more like a meat market of eligible bachelors. The first few Delia looked forward to, to meet others and find like-minded souls who could further her studies along.

Now? Now they felt torturous and whilst it wasn’t compulsory, it was strongly encouraged that those not on shift made an appearance.

“Delia!” Trinny squealed, a product no doubt of whatever was in her glass.

“Hi Trinny,” Delia smiled, delighted to see her friend was enjoying herself.

“This is Tommy,” Trinny pulled the gentleman who was standing near her towards Delia. “Tommy, this is Delia.”

The gentleman was well-kept. His hair slicked back, his bright blue eyes catching the light. He wore a suit that fitted well; ash grey with a scarlet-coloured tie. 

“It’s Thomas,” the man said with a slight pompous air to him. “I detest nicknames.”

Trinny simply smiled and patted him on the chest, too inebriated to catch his tone.

“Thomas, are you enjoying your evening?” Delia was anything but polite, but she was determined to keep an eye on her friend tonight.

Thomas looked Delia up and down, a slight sneer appearing as he looked over her shoulder at something, or someone. His hand rubbed up and down Delia’s arm before she moved it away at speed.

“So many lovely ladies here, what’s not to like?” 

Delia sincerely hoped she had not rolled her eyes, for that’s what she was thinking as he winked at her.

“Let’s go dance,” Trinny said, placing her glass on the table near them.

“Will I see you later?” Thomas asked Delia as he was being pulled away. “I love a girl with an accent.”

Delia moved back, bumping into someone as she did so. She turned to apologise and realised it was Patsy. 

“I think your date wishes to dance with you,” Patsy said firmly, her Nurse Mount persona completely on show. Instinctively she moved closer to Delia, though she wasn’t too sure why, and placed a hard stare at the man who was being inappropriate.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later,” Thomas smiled with a wink.

“Doubt that,” Patsy muttered.

“Oh, he was a cad,” Delia sighed as she watched Trinny obviously dance with a man who was actively flirting with another woman as he moved her around the small dancefloor.

“Are you alright?” Patsy’s attention was on Delia completely, looking for signs of discomfort.

“No harm done, Pats.”

Patsy’s eyebrow raised at the nickname but she said nothing.

“He is a pig,” Constance said, her voice coming from behind Patsy. “Already tried it on me at the start of the evening. I think he’s plying Trinny with the alcohol.”

“Then we must remove Trinny from him and assure she gets home safely,” Patsy said in a manner that brokered no argument.

“Good luck. She is too far gone to recognise she’s being used, and honestly, she’s been told by her parents that they won’t fund her time here much longer. She needs to get married,” Constance said with a dramatic sigh.

“Marriage isn’t the answer,” Delia said with a shake of her head.

“It never is,” Patsy muttered, but Delia heard her and smiled.

“Okay I’ll grab her coat and purse. Pats, you go over there and do your intimidating thing. Connie, you get Trinny and I’ll meet you all outside,” Delia began to organise things, pausing when Patsy didn’t move. Delia looked towards her with a slight frown.

“My intimidating thing?” Patsy said with a raised eyebrow and indignant pose.

“Yeah, the I’m the Boss kind of thing you did to scare Delia when you two first met properly,” Constance said laughing. “She was so scared of you yet determined to get you to smile.”

Delia blushed but was not to be distracted. Even with Patsy staring at her in a manner that one could called affectionate.

“We will talk about this later, Nurse Busby,” Patsy said in Delia’s ear. A tremor shot through Delia at the teasing tone.

Delia lowered her eyes to regain her composure. 

“Let’s get Trinny,” Patsy ordered.

*****

“He was so lovely, wasn’t he Connie?” 

They had finally managed to get Trinny outside. Thomas didn’t put up any resistance, which was a relief to all but Patsy. She had hoped for just a little so should could put him in his place. A swift warning about unwanted hands on women for a start. 

“He was flirting with everyone sweetie. If it had a pulse, he was at it,” Constance replied, pushing Trinny’s hair off her face. 

“He even tried it with me, can you believe it?” Delia exclaimed. She was not the prettiest of nurses, she knew her clothing was a little more reserved than other girls, and she was often teased about her “homely” mannerisms, though she wasn’t sure what they were beyond an accent that didn’t match many of the girls around her. 

Patsy was walking a little behind Delia and the other two nurses. She heard the incredulous tone in her voice and almost spoke up in her defence. Delia was the shortest of the four, but she was certainly well-built. Patsy had witnessed her ability to use her deceptively strong upper body to put those male patients in their place on several occasions. She looked quite lovely in her powder blue dress with navy blue polka dots evenly spaced from her torso down. The upper portion of her dress was tight, yet somewhat conservative, the fabric going up towards her throat. The mass of people in that small hall had seen a thin sheen on sweat pool on Delia’s upper arms, which now seemed to cause her to shiver. 

Patsy suddenly regretted not bringing a cardigan.

“Oh, hold up, I think Trinny is …” Constance didn’t need to finish the sentence, as Trinny bent over and vomited. “Okay, okay sweetie. Let it out. Better here than in your room,” Constance soothed her friend as she emptied her stomach.

“I’ll head in and get a washer and some water,” Delia offered, knowing Trinny wouldn’t be terribly mobile anytime soon.

“I’ll remain here,” Patsy said, knowing that whilst she wasn’t able to help, it did not take two people to return with water.

*****

It took some time, but Trinny was finally safely ensconced in her room with some fresh water, a wastepaper bin and aspirin all at the ready. Constance had to dash lest she miss curfew, which lead Patsy and Delia to say their goodnights.

“That was a night to remember,” Delia smiled, “though how much of it Trinny will recall is to be seen tomorrow,” she added laughing. She had grabbed a cardigan whilst she was inside, the chill affecting her now they had ceased walking. She pulled it close and shook her head, “personally I’d want to forget Thomas more than anything else that transpired this evening.”

Patsy laughed, a short sharp bark-like sound. Delia couldn’t help but smile wider as she heard it. As quickly as the laugh was released, the walls seemed to go back up again, much to the disappointment of Delia.

“Best be off,” Patsy said, looking down to her shoes then back up as she turned to head to her room.

“Pats?” 

Patsy didn’t want to turn, she wanted to be free to leave Delia in the hall and return to her room where she could compose herself. Though she wasn’t quite sure why she was feeling a sense of dread in her stomach, it churned with ferocity. But she turned, she almost felt as though it hadn’t really been her choice in the end.

“I know you most likely don’t want to discuss it,” Delia took a deep breath as Patsy placed her arms on her torso in a protective manner. She soldiered on, “but I want to say I am really appreciative. For the study notes.”

Patsy sighed and unwrapped herself.

“You are welcome Deels,” Patsy replied, gasping when she gave Delia an unsolicited nickname.

Delia shyly smiled in reply.

“I love reading your take on the subject, and your handwriting is lovely. My Mam would be suitably impressed!”

Patsy flinched though Delia didn’t know why, so she tried to plough on as though she didn’t notice.

“I won’t keep you, Pats. I just wanted to say thank you, and let you know it’s appreciated.”

“You’re welcome Delia. Night,” Patsy smiled, and walked down the hall without a glance.

“Night,” Delia returned to the silence of the hallway. 

*****

Delia shook her head clear of those early memories. She was still here at Barbara’s wedding celebration, the sounds of the carousel and everyone’s merriment echoing around her. The occasional wave at her friends filled her with warmth yet as they spun away, the warmth of the moment vanished. She was well and truly alone. She thought, as she had often of late, that if only she had word from Patsy. Something to hold on to. Yet there was nothing. It was cruel really, and yet Patsy was not cruel. Delia truly felt as though she was the ghost she often feared she would become, loving a woman. Loving Patience Mount.

She waved one more time towards Barbara and began to walk away from it all when she saw her.

She would have laughed that despite all the waving she had been doing, the wave from Patsy caused a complete shut down for a moment. Patsy looked unkept, but Delia knew what she saw first was just how timid she looked in her misshapen clothes and peculiar shoes. She felt like she had been punched in the chest, with an overwhelming need to turn and compose herself. That notion was swiftly overridden then by an anger that Delia never knew she had in her. Here she was, simply here, with no word. With a little wave of her left hand!

Delia took in several deep breaths in a rush. Her eyes hardened at the almost nonchalance in Patsy’s appearance. She strode towards Patsy. No eye contact. Just determined, angry steps towards the woman who had hold of her heart so hard that it felt like it would burst. In her stride was a swagger that seemed to embrace Delia’s entire frame of mind. 

She and Patsy as they always did, worked in symmetry even if they didn’t plan it such was their connection. Hands were removed from coat pockets simultaneously, which allowed Delia to grab at the hand that sent her the wave forcefully as though punishing it for its mocking motion.

She still couldn’t look at Patsy directly, so she pulled her away from her suitcase, away a little further from the festivities. She dropped Patsy’s left hand only to then pull at her right arm, almost like a non-verbal order that Patsy look her in the eyes and sufficiently explain. 

Until that tug, Patsy had struggled to look Delia in the eyes. That wasn’t new, she often found that hard. Whether it be fear of what she would see in her darlings’ eyes, or that Delia would see right through the façade. So, she looked down, to the right of Delia, almost hoping her love would speak first, offer her a way out.

Delia didn’t, not this time. There was no soothing arm, no kind words to bring Patsy around. There was silence and an anger that was permeating through her body that worried Patsy. 

She tried to speak, she gasped for a breath as she began. She worried whatever was to exit her mouth could make or break them. She didn’t offer up excuses or hide away. No, she couldn’t do that as soon as she could stop breathing. So, she took it on, she squared up and said the first thing she thought of, “I got on the boat the day after his funeral”, yet Patsy knew, she just knew that wasn’t enough. That explanation was as weak as she had been all the time she was away. 

Delia could finally maintain the eye contact she craved when she was with Patsy. She saw the struggle but wasn’t going to let Patsy off lightly this time. 

“I didn’t,” Delia’s voice became stuck. “I didn’t know you were coming back.” It was so hard to admit that aloud to the one person who could truly break her heart. She knew it would eat away at Patsy too, that admission, but she needed to voice it. It had been on her mind every single day, so to leave it locked away would not be of any help to either of them.

What Delia didn’t expect was the response.

“I did. I always did,” was said with such determination and grit. Like Patsy had been sitting on this assuredness for the entire trip home? Possibly the entire time she was away? Delia wasn’t going to ask that right now. She felt her heart beat slow to an almost regular beat at Patsy’s tone and when she added, “and wherever I go next, you’re coming with me.” 

Suddenly Patsy was pulling at her coat. There was no path but the one which saw her grab Patsy’s face and kiss her. Witnesses be damned. Delia felt the clumsy arm wrap around her shoulder for a moment, then Patsy readjusted to rest her hand on her waist as though she was surprised that Delia hadn’t yet pushed her away. The kiss was brief as it sadly had to be, but Patsy hoped against all hope that Delia was letting her know she would be forgiven. Perhaps not immediately, but soon. 

With a practiced skill sadly acted out many times before in the relationship, the women separated, ready act as though they were simply dear friends. It was like a stabbing pain in Delia’s heart that they couldn’t just, for one night, be who they truly were to each other. Surely tonight was that one night.

Delia picked up Patsy’s suitcase as they ventured back, Patsy making a very weak-sounding joke about the carousel, which Delia didn’t quite hear but simply reacted to the sound of Patsy’s voice more than anything else, with a smile in her direction.

“They’ll want to see you,” Delia nodded in the direction of their friends. Their family.

“I know,” Patsy nodded, taking a deep breath to steel herself for the questions she didn’t yet want to answer.

It took a moment, so enraptured by the evening they all were, for Patsy to be noticed. It was, but of course, Trixie who first caught a glimpse of her dear friend. She had just popped off the carousel for a moment, craving a cigarette. She looked over just as Patsy and Delia materialised from the tunnel.

“Patience Mount, fashionably late,” Trixie teased to make up for the fact she was tremendously relieved to see her. She put her cigarette away and made her way over to Patsy who pulled her in for a hug. It was pointless to pretend she didn’t simply fall into that embrace, there would be no teasing of the reaction by either woman. They held onto each other with equal ferocity. Trixie finally pushing Patsy away, joking, “you better not be ruining my face Patsy, or I’ll simply die!”

Patsy took it for what it was and smiled at her dear friend.

“You will still be the prettiest best friend a girl can have,” she said with a wink.

“Blimey, you must need some glasses Patsy, I must look an absolute wreck now!” Trixie swatted at Patsy’s arm.

“You look happy,” Patsy said quietly.

“I am on the way,” Trixie replied with a secretive smile and a wink, “I’ll fill you with all the goss later,” she nodded discretely in Delia’s direction, “you’re needed elsewhere tonight.”

Patsy couldn’t maintain a look of indifference, so she simply nodded and patted her dear friend on the upper arm.

“Looks like we both have things needing updating,” Trixie added before being called away by a young beautiful girl and a handsome gentleman who smiled sincerely at Trixie as she walked over. Patsy knew that conversation was going to be a big one, in several ways!

Patsy reached out for Delia, only to be rebuffed. It stung, yet she knew it wasn’t wise to be so candid. She couldn’t help but feel as though she had outgrown some of her old notions and fears and wanted to celebrate her love in a way that didn’t put them in peril but also didn’t push Delia into the darkness. 

“I’ll put your suitcase inside,” Delia said, exhausted. She didn’t mean it as an invitation for Patsy to join her, no not right now. No, Delia needed space.

“A hearty welcome back Nurse Mount. A few notes of correspondence would have been fruitful in maintaining a watch over you, but what’s done is done,” Nurse Crane voiced her feelings without fear of reproach. She had worried over Delia on a daily basis, though often from a distance lest she embarrass the young lass. Now Nurse Mount had returned, and there was nor sight or sound of the sweetheart she had left behind. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m to return inside and check on how things are going. Babies don’t wait for weddings to end before making their way into the world after all!”

Delia wasn’t sure where to lay the suitcase, now that Patsy’s bed was taken by Val, so she took it to her room and placed it near the foot of the bed. It opened as she let it go, so she began to scurry and place everything that had come out, back in once more.

She had hoped to find letters. Unsent but at least written. She had hoped Patsy would come in the room and profess her fear of rejection, of having Sister Monica Joan read them before they got to her. She had hoped for a tangible reason, yet she found none. 

There wasn’t time to dwell on it, not now. She had to fix her make-up and return outside before people asked questions.

“Oh, Nurse Busby, splendid,” Nurse Crane plastered on a cheery persona and got straight to it.

“I don’t know where to put her suitcase,” Delia said, the tears cascading out before she could stop them.

Phyllis pulled a sobbing Delia to her chest and simply let her cry. 

“Sorry Phyllis, I’m ruining your clothes.”

“Nonsense. You have had a shock, Nurse Busby. You are entitled to feel the emotions that you have been bottling up until now.”

Delia’s sobs turned to gasps and soon she settled under the warmth of a full embrace.

“Now, let’s fix your make-up and then face whatever is to come, okay?” 

Delia nodded. She did well with a plan, with instructions, so get ready she would.

Phyllis handed her a handkerchief and asked, “As you do that, might I ponder an idea aloud?”

Delia nodded as she blew her nose as discreetly as possible.

“You see, with all the changes of late, and more women your age here, I’m looking to request I have a room to myself. Now I do realise that this request would come at the expense of your own privacy as you are the one currently without a roommate. What I propose it that we do a swap, it can easily be done tonight with the permission of yourself and Sister Julienne if everyone is agreeable.”

It took Delia a moment to understand what Phyllis was offering.

“I know that perhaps you have a lot to talk about, with Nurse Mount’s return, and you might wish for an oasis when or if things should become emotional. Rest assured Delia, my door will forever be open to you should you so need to talk. Or not talk as it were.”

Delia could only nod, too afraid that any dialogue beyond that would cause yet another touch up of make-up.

Nurse Crane needed nothing more, promising to discuss the matter at once with Sister Julienne. 

*****

Patsy waited patiently as Barbara was lifted off the carousel by her new husband, Tom. It seemed so foreign to say that, and not feel a pang of sympathy for Trixie. She knew it was all in the past, but she simply couldn’t stop that initial feeling. Seeing how happy the bride and groom were made Patsy smile. It was a sincere smile, for sweet Barbara deserved to be cherished. She was simply the sweetest friend she ever had, and she hated herself for missing the wedding.

“Don’t think upon it any longer. I’m the bride and I’m in charge and I say there is nothing to forgive and no harm done to our friendship,” Barbara proclaimed with a wide smile and a tight embrace. 

“You must let me take you and Tom out for a dinner or luncheon. Once all honeymoon activities have ceased,” Patsy cheekily added, envying the blush on both their faces.

“You have our word we will endeavour to make a time when we are all free,” Tom said sincerely.

Patsy kissed her sweet friend on the cheek and allowed them to return to the celebrations. They looked so in love it was not hard to feel happy for them. She smiled as Barbara tried catching a few of the flurries that surrounded everyone. It was quite aromatic, yet chilly, and Patsy was decidedly underdressed for this weather!

“Nurse Mount, a hearty welcome home,” Doctor Turner grasped Patsy’s hand and shook it with surprising gentleness.

“Congratulations to you all,” Patsy looked over to Shelagh, waving her congratulations.

“Thank you. We are beyond besotted with our little darling.”

“If he stood and watched the frigid wind tousling the clouds,” Sister Monica Jones interrupted as though she too was interrupting her own train of thought as her hand reached out to brush a few droplets of snow off Patsy’s coat. “That is how we measure our own nature.”

“Good evening Sister Monica Joan. Did you enjoy your ride on the carousel?” Patsy asked kindly.

“Nurse Mount. Patsy. Welcome back. You missed a beautiful wedding,” Sister Winifred smiled as she ushered Sister Monica Joan towards the stairs with the promise of cake.

“Nurse Mount, am I to attribute your late-night arrival to mean you are eager to resume your work here?” Sister Julienne pressed Patsy, knowing that an answer might not even be truly known just yet.

“Sister, I have no notions beyond a simple request to return to familiarity. If you are amenable, I would like to discuss options with you tomorrow?” Patsy said, standing ramrod straight.

“I am sorry, I cannot permit a conversation that holds such gravitas,” Sister Julienne paused as often she does, before continuing, “for at least two weeks from now.”

Patsy let out the breath she was holding in.

“That would be most agreeable, Sister Julienne. Until then I wish to be helpful even if I am not on call. Would it be acceptable to discuss this with Nurse Crane?”

“It would be. You can see to her now if you desire, she has just spoken to me regarding the changing of the sleeping arrangements and I have agreed with her proposal. She assures me she also has the blessing of Nurse Busby in this area.”

Patsy had no idea what had transpired and knew it bad manners to run into Nonnatus House to decipher the cryptic words of the Sister. 

So, with as much poise and strength as she could muster, Patsy respectfully took her leave and went inside.

*****


	2. In the Wake of Your Smile.

“I believe the incidentals of the moving can be done later, don’t you agree Nurse Busby?” 

“Yes Phyllis. For now, we have done the bedding and our belongings. I can collect whatever else is left tomorrow perhaps, after breakfast?” Delia said with a strained smile.

“Splendid. Now, I need to get out of these shoes and into the flats before we have to go down for supper. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Phyllis? I, well. Thank you.”

Nurse Crane nodded and pulled Delia into a brief sideways embrace.

“You’re a tough kid, I don’t know how you managed, but I’m proud of you. Don’t let her off the hook, okay? You are as equally important Delia, don’t forget it.”

With that, Phyllis was gone, down the hall and off to the staircase.

“Ah Nurse Mount, have you spoken to Sister Julienne yet?” Delia could hear Phyllis address Patsy, and knew she needed to be presentable so she could detach from the moment and act simply as a dear friend pleased to have her friend returned.

“Yes, but it was brief and somewhat puzzling, she said to speak to you about my room. I am also to speak to you regarding my duties here for the next few weeks.”

“I’d be happy to discuss that with you tomorrow if you are okay to wait upon me in that regard. I fear too much talk of work on such a beautiful and emotional day spoils it somewhat. In relation to any other matters, I direct you to Nurse Busby.”

Patsy looked upwards, and she saw Delia standing near the top of the stairs still in her thick coat, sheltering her from the whole world around her. Patsy sadly acknowledged that Delia was so forlorn even her usual attempts to look unaffected were failing spectacularly. Patsy made her way closer, nervously yet determined. She desperately needed to touch her, away from everyone.

“Deels?” Patsy was usually the one who needed the sure hand of Delia to dictate how things were to go, and she needed it now more than ever. The only problem was that Delia wasn’t giving it to her. In fact, she barely gave her eye contact.

“Phyllis has requested to have a room to herself and I’ve agreed that is fair,” Delia said, coming to stand near her now-old doorway, eyes firmly anywhere but on Patsy. She felt herself start to crumble. The resolve to hold on to the pain waning as she surreptitiously glanced at Patsy, shoulders dropped, her hair beginning to fall in strands. Her coat had been discarded to show an ill-fitting and un-Patsy-like outfit. Delia could feel Patsy’s fear and desire. Yes, the desire, she knew Patsy wanted to feel her, to have a tangible sensation of their tether. The only problem for Delia at the moment was that she didn’t have the strength to act as though everything was alright. 

“Oh,” was all Patsy could say, after all what else could be said to that news? She had desperately hoped for the privacy Delia’s room provided tonight. Yet it seems as though Delia was now to share with the new nurse, the one she was very briefly introduced to outside. Valerie? Yes, that was her name. 

“She has been a true friend to me, I didn’t put up a fight.” It came out defensive, but Delia didn’t even try to pull her tone back. She was exhausted and frankly, as happy as her heart was that Patsy was here in front of her, her head wasn’t ready to forgive.

Patsy tilted her head sideways ever so quickly at Delia’s tone, but she ignored it for a moment.

“Well I guess it’s like old times; me and Trixie,” Patsy shrugged. How they would ever have time for themselves gnawed at Patsy. It was as if Delia was closing her out, ironically. If this is how it felt when she did it to Delia, well it simply felt awful.

Delia took a deep centring breath and decided that it wasn’t generous to keep Patsy worrying about everything, so she pulled briefly on her sleeve and said, “Patsy, you are in here,” opening the door to Nurse Crane’s old room. “Babs will be off with Tom, and whilst that would have afforded Phyllis with adequate space for herself, now you’re here it would have made sense for a straight swap.”

“So, I’m in here? With that new nurse, Valerie?” Patsy was resigned to her fate, it was of her own doing. She frowned when Delia shook her head but was too distanced by just how cold her hands were that she hadn’t yet caught up to what Delia was trying to tell her.

“This is your bed,” Delia pointed to the one furthest from the door. She knew Patsy would prefer that, and frankly, Delia didn’t mind either way. She saw that Patsy’s shoulders were slightly slumped and began to realise she hadn’t yet understood what was happening. Sitting on the other bed Delia smiled slightly and said, “This one Patsy, this one is mine.”

It took a moment. Patsy putting the pieces together.

“We are,” Patsy saw her suitcase on her new bed. “We are sharing a room?”

“We can, yes,” Delia said with slight hesitation. She had expected a different reaction from Patsy. One a little more euphoric.

“Because Nurse Crane, or Phyllis to you know, knows about us and is okay with our, our,” Patsy found she couldn’t complete her sentence. She did not want to start an argument, but she was struggling with a lot and being angry was always her go-to setting when she was upset or stressed. It was a deplorable personality trait, but she didn’t quite know how to put the brakes on the rolling dread that she was in fact, about to take everything out on sweet Delia once more.

“Our relationship?” Delia added, bracing for the reaction that she knew was about to come. Patsy was nothing if not predictable when she felt cornered or upset.

Patsy sunk onto the mattress. “And Trixie knows too. Good Lord Delia, is there anyone else you confided in while I was gone?” 

There it was, the eruption. Delia shook her head and stood up, wanting to put a little distance between them so she could say what she needed instead of rushing to quiet the fears in Patsy’s mind. 

“I had no idea what was happening until an obituary in the newspaper and you have the nerve to be upset? No, sorry Patience Mount, you don’t have any access to the high ground here.” Delia tried to remain calm.

“So, you decided to hand people with the tools to ruin us? Honestly Delia, I thought you had more sense than that.” Patsy knew she had gone too far, but the fear she felt was real and she couldn’t find a better way to express it. 

Delia took a deep centring breath. It was so hard to not take Patsy’s words personally.

“I was not aware Trixie knew until you told me and I did not ask how Phyllis came to know about us. She handed me some poems and I read them, thinking of you. I was always thinking of you Patience. I borrowed your pyjamas. Took the perfume you left behind into bed with me, so I could lay with your very scent. I lay in your bed and hope that the next day would be better than the last. I knew I had to be as brave as you were when I was hurt, how brave you were when you made the decision to go away to Hong Kong. I did everything I could to fit in here without you and you know what, Patience Mount? It was a relief that whilst we didn’t discuss it, it was nice to have Phyllis there with a sympathetic smile or kind word. Don’t you dare try to take that away from me.”

Patsy went to interrupt but was silenced by a look.

“You don’t get to return and say those things to me, not when I know that you are actually relieved that Trixie knows and still loves you. Not when I know you wouldn’t be so hateful that you had preferred I lived in sadness all those months, and that having Nurse Crane support me, support us, was actually a positive rather than a negative. I know you didn’t have that when I had my accident, Pats, but I will not be punished for that. I won’t accept that you return from Hong Kong with such distrust and disappointment in how I managed to continue on day after day without emotional support.” Delia was close to adding the support she should have received was from her partner, but she knew Patsy was thinking that as she spoke. 

Patsy desperately wanted to interject, tears rolling down her face and she absorbed all Delia’s hurt but once again she was silenced by a terse look.

“I’m sure that you are about to apologise, say you’re sorry for staying silent and for this conversation. I never known you to be deliberately cruel, but you have hurt me, and I won’t silently move on and make excuses for you,” Delia sat on the bed, signalling her end. She saw the tears but did not move to offer comfort. Not yet. Patsy needed to hear it and she needed to say it. She wouldn’t try and take it all back to placate Patsy. 

Patsy wiped her eyes and nodded, accepting Delia’s truth, and accepting that whilst she was truly sorry, she had not done enough and now she had to try and fix it.

“I do love you, Patience Mount” Delia said with a sigh. It would be unkind to prolong the torture, and truthfully, she needed to say it to her face, not to a photograph or a spirited memory.

Patsy closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She knew she had deeply hurt the one person she never wanted to let down, but she had let her down. Quite spectacularly. 

“And I adore you, Delia Busby. Truly. With all my heart.”

“I know cariad, I know,” and she did, she truly did know. It still was just a little raw, and Delia needed to make sure she heeded Nurse Crane’s advice.

“So, what now?” Patsy said with fear in her voice. There was no eye contact as she asked, as if she could potentially ignore the answer if it wasn’t to her pleasing.

“Well you can rest, or you can come join us for a light supper and bade farewell to Babs. As for the rest of it, it will have to sort itself out later,” Delia shrugged. It wasn’t out of flippancy, rather practicality. This wasn’t the night to try and fix things, this wasn’t their night no matter the drama.

“Can I kiss you?” Patsy hated that she had to ask, it reminded her too much of when she was still so frightened, and Delia was so brave when they began their relationship. In fact, that dynamic hadn’t changed much if tonight was any indication.

“Yes,” Delia whispered her reply into the room. They took a moment to adjust to each other again, as they did after Delia’s accident. But their bodies knew each other with such clarity that they didn’t need to wait long until their embrace was real. It was a brief kiss but felt nostalgic to them both. Delia moved away first, with a sad smile. Patsy nodded as though communicating that she understood this wasn’t yet fixed between them.

“I’ll be down in a moment,” Patsy said, ushering Delia to the door of their bedroom. 

“Okay,” Delia nodded, retracting her hand before it ran along Patsy’s face. She was so strikingly beautiful, this troubled, stubborn, loving, kind woman in front of her. Finally, in front of her, she added wistfully. 

*****

There was but a brief look in her direction as Delia descended the staircase and caught the eye of Nurse Crane. Phyllis seemed satisfied that she was alright, resuming her conversation with Timothy as though nothing had transpired.

Delia plastered on a smile, upset with herself that she couldn’t yet feel the genuine joy she had planned to feel upon Patsy’s return. Most likely due to the fact that she hadn’t ever truly been sure when Patsy was returning. A tiny part of her even feared Patsy would never return.

Sister Monica Joan was happily devouring a piece of what she assumed was the wedding cake, smiling in her direction. Delia moved over to stand near her, with a kind and genuine smile in return.

“The troubles of the mind often seem the lightest in the darkness,” Sister Monica Joan mumbled in-between bites of cake. “I sense, child, that you are troubled.”

Delia pursed her lips together and nodded.

“The return of ones’ truest wishes doesn’t always yield the most promising of outcomes, but I am assured that you are of strong mind and you shall be able to endure.”

Delia smiled at this dear Sister, an enigma. She truly cherished the time she spent with her, even if sometimes her meaning manifested itself hours after it was spoken. This time there was no doubt to what she was referring to, and Delia knew this was Sister Monica Joan’s way to say that she supported her, even if she did not truly understand the endeavour.

“Now, if you are not to eat cake, then I shall release you of the burden by offering to take another slice,” and with that, the Sister was gone, to a little chuckle from Delia.  
Delia smiled at Babs as she was surrounded by well-wishes. She was such a sweet girl and deserving of her happiness. 

“Shall we rescue her from Mrs. Patterson and her slightly overbearing son?” Trixie chuckled and tucked her hand into the crook of Delia’s elbow.

“I don’t know, she seems to be making eyes at us,” Delia chuckled.

“Like semaphores. Shall we do our part? I’ll take her son, what’s his name again?” Trixie shrugged, the name not coming to her. “Whatever his name is, I’ll take him for a little twirl on the makeshift dance floor and you go take a plate of cake to Mrs Patterson or something.”

“I think it’s Douglas?” Delia frowned as she tried to remember his name.

“Your memory is far superior,” Trixie laughed naturally, winking as she made her way over.

Delia could feel the relief in Barbara’s face as her friends come to her rescue.

“Mrs Patterson, would it be terribly intrusive if I offer to take Douglas for a brief twirl?” Trixie asked with a smile.

“Oh, that’d be grand, wouldn’t it love? He’s just gone on 19 and is as clumsy as he always has been. I’m always tellin’ him to get lessons so he can take that Woolly girl out, but he just ignores me. They always think they know what’s best. You’ll all find that out when you have the babies rather than helps us have them.”

Delia flinched at the casual way it was said, though thankfully no one noticed.

Trixie’s face fell for but a moment upon mention of Douglas and his two left feet which caused both Delia and Barbara to smile at each other.

“The cake is delicious Mrs. Patterson, what do you say to having a little break for a while?” Delia ushered her towards the table, chuckling as she saw Sister Monica Joan glare at those who tried to take a plate of cake away from the table.

“You two are absolute stars,” Barbara let out a relieving breath as she rubbed Delia’s hand in thanks. “If I have to answer one more question about having babies and finishing work I fear I might just hide away in my old room upstairs until everyone has cleared out home.”

“I fear Trixie might want a favour in the future, she looks positively wretched,” a familiar voice interrupted with a teasing tone.

Delia chastised her pounding heart. Patsy was so close to her, she could feel the heat of the other woman at her back, the smell of her perfume recognisable in seconds. Delia noticed that Patsy had changed into a more familiar dress.

“Patsy!!” Barbara flung herself at Patsy, almost knocking the taller nurse into the potted plant behind her.

“Steady on Babs. Don’t want your husband upset with me if you pull a muscle,” Patsy cheekily said, winking for added effect. She caught Delia’s eyes and softened her focus, smiling the infamous half smile at her beloved.

“Patsy!” Barbara hissed in abject embarrassment. 

“It’s so good to see you,” Patsy said genuinely. “And to see you so incredibly happy and so so beautiful.”

Delia swallowed a lump of incoming tears. She willed herself to maintain control of her emotions. 

“We missed you terribly,” Barbara said solemnly as though she was trying to tell Pasty off without offending her. 

“I missed you all too. More than I could have imagine,” Patsy returned the sentiment easily, but mainly because she didn’t look at Delia as she spoke. 

“And you have now missed the cake, for vultures have swooped and declared their slices,” Sister Monica Joan said, deflated. Her three slices simply had not been enough.

The three nurses chuckled as the Sister moved on sadly.

“Delia has been an absolute trooper in your absence,” Barbara said, pulling on Patsy’s wrist. “She kept me so terribly sane when everything began to take shape. She managed to ease my fears and she somehow managed to keep Trixie’s wedding planning to a reasonable level.”

Delia blushed at the praise. It was odd that whilst she had been an outsider, the time Patsy spent away had actually fortified her place in the small yet loyal friendship group. 

“She is truly amazing,” Trixie piped up, limping theatrically. “Of course, you already know that Pats, don’t you? We simply must thank you for bringing her to us.”

Delia wanted to hide away, especially now she was aware that Trixie knew of their true status.

“She is the best of us,” Patsy admitted freely. “I’ve never known someone so utterly charming, beautiful, kind and intelligent.”

Trixie smiled so wide she worried it automatically gave her lines around her mouth. She turned to see Delia’s reaction and saw that she was near tears. That simply wouldn’t do, not tonight. “Come along with me Delia, I need to sit down after that torture that was the lead feet of Douglas Patterson. Babs, you owe me big time!”

Barbara smiled, and watched as Trixie and Delia walked off arm in arm. Trixie’s limp miraculously gone, Babs noticed with a small laugh. She was missing them already, and whilst she knew it was time for the new chapter, she couldn’t help but feel as though she was being replaced.

“Trixie will always need you,” Patsy whispered, still trying to calm her pulse rate after her unabashed appraisal of Delia in front of her friends.

“Is it wrong that I hope you are right?” Barbara asked, almost ashamed.

“No. She is your dearest friend and friends don’t stop needing each other when new people enter their life. I hope you think upon us all like that too, Babs. We are a family, as mismatched as it may be perceived. Now we just have a few newer members. It’s how it should be,” Patsy said firmly, as though it brokered no argument.

“I am truly sorry about your father, Patsy, but I am truly pleased to see you,” Barbara said, pulling Patsy into a quick embrace.

“Thank you,” Patsy said as she wiped away a few traitorous tears.

“Weddings are such emotional events,” Barbara said with a smile, leaving Patsy to compose herself privately. She knew opening up as she had been was not typical to her, so she promised herself to cherish it deeply.

*****

“That was some heartfelt declaration,” Trixie said, heading straight into it, paying no mind to Delia’s state. “Patsy almost upstaged the whole wedding itself!”

Delia sat frozen at the table, nursing a tea. 

Trixie wished to pull her hand over the table and clasp the dear Welsh girls hand in hers, but she wasn’t sure how that would be received.

“Now I’m not going to waste time or insult our intelligence by pretending that what Patsy said was just wedding euphoria gone wild. I know you are both,” Trixie paused to make certain they were on their own before continuing, “I know about you both” was what she ended up saying, coming to sit closer to Delia.

“Trixie,” Delia felt the sobs that she had tried to hard to contain burst out. She sobbed in surprise as Trixie pushed away the chair she had been sat on and came over to her, pulling her up for a firm embrace.

“Sshh sweetie, oh darling Delia. Sshhh it’s okay.”

But to Delia it didn’t feel like it was alright. It felt like things were unravelling in a way that Delia couldn’t stop.

“I’m sorry I never told you that I knew, I feel horribly wretched that I let you go through that all alone,” Trixie said, eyes downcast. 

“It’s okay Trixie,” Delia smiled lightly, taking the offered handkerchief to clean herself up. “I don’t think I would have admitted it and that deceit would have been horrible for us both to live with,” Delia shrugged and patted Trixie’s hand.

“Weddings are the worst, aren’t they? Too much emotion!” 

Delia smiled gratefully at the subject change while she splashed water on her face in the kitchen sink.

“She really meant it, Delia,” Trixie tried again, but from a distance. “I’ve seen firm and forthright Patsy Mount many many times, and we both know she’s not one for wearing her heart on her sleeve. Don’t get me wrong, she’s an absolute delight to our mums, but she isn’t one for public declarations of love. Yet tonight it seems as though she’s almost leaking sentimentality!” 

Delia laughed along Trixie at her description.

“Look, I won’t go on about it, for you both have made it clear that this is an extremely private thing, but I will ask, are you alright sweetie?

Delia smiled sadly and nodded. She realised that Trixie was most likely looking for more, so she summoned up the courage to add, “there was no word Trixie, and now she’s making public declarations, kissing me on the street, but I just can’t forget the pain in my chest. I feel like I’m being pulled down by the undertow, and I don’t know how to let go of it.”

“Easy. You pull yourself up, Delia Busby. You don’t allow things to fester. Don’t stay too long in this feeling of despondence. It never benefits anyone to succumb completely to the darkness of one’s thoughts. You tell her what you feel, allow her to do the same and then come and tell me all about how you managed to convince our ever-stoic Patience Mount to kiss you that first time!”

Delia couldn’t help but laugh. It was cleansing.

“I love that you came to us, Nurse Delia Busby. You are family and I will protect both you and Patsy all my days, of that you have my solemn word.”

Delia swept Trixie up in a hug that almost had them both tearing up.

“Now, I am off. You will come to me if you ever need to, won’t you sweetie?” Trixie waited for a nod before she considered the matter closed.

Delia slumped, the noises of the celebrations drifting into the kitchen. It took Delia back to the old Nurse's Home, a time that was often tinged with immeasurable happiness and sadness.

*****

The Nurses Home was often a flurry of activity, and other times it was deathly quiet. At the moment, it was loud, and it was all Patsy's fault! 

“Come on Busby, I am parched.”

Delia giggled as she was heckled through the door of her room.

“Come in, Patsy, I won’t bite.”

Patsy wanted ever so much to retort with what she knew to be inappropriate, but instead knocked sharply and then opened the door.

“Did you just knock?” Delia mumbled as she searched for her other heel under her bed. She was about to make further fun of her friend when suddenly she had a complete failure of the spoken word. Patsy was dressed, ready for another dance, in a long black dress that fanned out from her waist ever so slightly. Delia assumed it was due to the pleating of the fabric, or the fact that the dress seemed tailored to fit her. Patsy had her hair down and curled – perfectly she might add – in long ringlets. The dress cut a jagged line around her neck, showing off beautiful drop earrings that came almost to rest upon her shoulders.

“Wow,” Delia wanted to hit herself in the head with the newly-found second shoe. “I mean, you look stunning Pats. I’m not sure too many women will want to stand near you tonight, but I know many of the men will seek your company.”

Patsy blushed before regaining her composure.

“Nonsense. This dress is merely one I’ve not worn here yet.”

“I know, I’d remember it if you have,” Delia said, again wishing she sounded less like a drooling junior doctor.

Patsy smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“What I clearly mean by that is I am no longer going to walk in with you to these dances. You are simply not good for my ego!”

“Is it too much?” Now Patsy began to panic. She had wanted to dress nicely for a night of chatting and a little gossiping with Delia. She wasn’t even sure why she pulled out this dress, as it did seem to garner attention and compliments when she splashed out on it. But for some reason, she wanted to impress her dearest friend tonight. Now she was worrying Delia was truly upset with her.

“No!” Delia almost shouted. “No, you look stunning, and you can’t help that,” Delia eased back into the teasing they often did together. It felt more comfortable. “Should I get dressed again?”

Patsy took in Delia’s dress. It was yellow, a pastel shade if Patsy was to be precise. Around the dropped hem was a line of black and purple flowers, stitched in with what must have been a delicate and precise hand. This dress was sleeveless, which suited Patsy just fine, though she wasn’t too sure why she was pleased to see the strong biceps and forearms on display. 

“You look beautiful Delia,” Patsy said solemnly. “I think when you let your hair out your face changes dramatically.”

“I agree,” Delia nodded, twirling a blonde curl for a mere second or so before backing away, “this hair out is more Patience than Nurse Mount. It’s nice to see her out and about sometime.”

Patsy smiled and bumped her shoulder against Delia gently.

“You are a beast.”

Delia smiled as she collected her coat.

“But you’re stuck with me I’m afraid Pats.”

Patsy smiled at the retreating nurse muttering, “I hope so.”

*****

“Drink?” Patsy offered after they stowed away their purses.

“Please Pats,” Delia went in search of a table. She bypassed a few of the more clicky nurses, knowing that if she couldn’t sit with them, Patsy would have no hope of holding her acerbic tongue. Trinny was on shift and Constance was busily chatting to a chap she had met a few dances back. 

“There you are.”

Delia sighed. Turning she came face-to-face with Thomas.

“Here I am, ” Delia said, trying to move away.

“Good. Look, we were interrupted that other occassion. I’d like the chance to let you make it up to me with a few dances.”

Delia tried not to physically blanche at the idea of being held by this man.

“I’ll have to decline,” Delia said as politely as she could, but Thomas wasn’t a man who was interested in her opinion. Grabbing her by the waist, he pulled her to his chest, and smiled what she assumed he believed was appealing.

“Please let me go,” Delia said, pushing him away with both hands.

“Okay, okay, you like courting? Gently as she goes?” Thomas nodded as though Delia had answered. 

“I am not interested. In the slightest,” Delia said as firmly as she could.

Thomas shrugged. 

“You’ll come to see I’m a suitable man to take home to your parents. I can give you children, and I won’t expect you to work any longer. It’ll be proper.”

Delia almost laughed at his pathetic idea of a proposal. Mere minutes before he had seen her, Thomas was cavorting with two nurses who had the reputation of using nursing solely as a way to gather up a husband doctor.

“Do you even know my name?” Delia asked knowing he had no inkling.

“Wanna tell me?” 

A laugh from behind her distracted them both. 

“Is that what men are like at the moment? Sickening and pathetic?”

“Pats,” Delia placed a warning hand on her friend.

“I think it’s time you move away, seek a softer target.”

Delia felt the tremor of anger that Patsy was trying to contain, and it sent a shiver through her. The shiver wasn’t unpleasant in nature.

“Why do I never see you with a man?” Thomas asked, not ready just yet to give up on.

“When they arrive be a dear and point them out,” Patsy said, steering Delia away by grabbing her elbow.

“Bitch,” Thomas muttered. Delia felt Patsy tense, so she grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the table she had found earlier. She worried Patsy would return over to the dance floor, but thankfully Thomas was trying his gig out on another nurse.

“Clearly he’s heartbroken,” Delia said in an attempt to ease the tension.

“Delia, I do apologise,” Patsy said contrite. “I was out of line there.”

“What’s this? Apologetic Pats? Why? You stood up for me. No one else was willing to do that, so sorry but I see you more as Heroic Pats right now.”

“I created a scene. It was inappropriate.”

Delia reached for Patsy’s hand to begin to ease her concerns, but Patsy flinched and moved her hands to her lap.

“It was entirely appropriate Pats. I won’t hear anything to the contrary okay cariad?” Delia spoke softly, hoping she was heard over the music. A small nod in return said she had been, so she took a sip of her drink and waited for Patsy to return to the present.

“Excuse me, may I ask your friend to dance?” A young man with blonde hair, wavy on the top of his head, stood ramrod straight, looking to Patsy for a response.

Delia blinked. 

Patsy looked up, as if assessing the sincerity of this man in front of her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Delia is well and truly able to answer without my interference. She belongs to no one.”

Delia swallowed at the intensity of Patsy’s words.

“My apologies to you both,” this young man didn’t seem too deterred. He held his hand out to Delia and asked, “may I please have a dance?”

Delia did enjoy the music that was currently being played, but she felt like she should sit with Patsy tonight. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t both danced before, but tonight felt different.

“It’s okay Deels, I won’t go anywhere,” Patsy said softly.

“One dance,” Delia said, telling Patsy more than her new dance partner.

“Hello, my name is James,” was the last thing Patsy heard before Delia was swept into the sea of dancers.

*****

It had turned into three consecutive dances, despite what Delia had promised. James was a delight, sweet and kind and genuinely interested in Delia’s opinions. It was charming to be respected like that, Delia mused. They had got caught up in conversations on patient care when Delia suddenly realised she couldn’t see Patsy at their table.

“Are you alright Delia?”

Delia smiled at James and how attentive he was to her shifting mood.

“My friend, I think she left.”

James looked over and nodded.

“Seems like that, do you need to find her?”

Delia nodded, breaking away from their dancing embrace.

“Thank you for making things easier. This is my first foray into these dances,” James said with a smile.

“It was nice to meet you James,” Delia smiled sincerely. She made her way to the table, then pushed her way to the bar in the hopes Patsy had just popped off to grab refills. When she wasn’t there, nor was she on the smoking deck area, Delia began to worry. Perhaps she had found suitable male attention? Delia suddenly hated that very notion so she decided to no longer ponder that avenue of possibility.

“Hey,” Patsy appeared, slightly embarrassed. “I was going to ditch you I’m afraid Busby, am I terribly horrible?”

Delia smiled in return.

“Well you didn’t so that’s redeemable I suppose,” she teased, pleased to see Patsy’s eyes flutter back up.

“I would like to leave, but I don’t want to distract you and your dancing partner,” Patsy admitted. “I’m afraid I’m simply not one for these sorts of things, and we seem to have them far too frequently.”

Delia chuckled, grabbing at Patsy’s arm.

“His name is James and he was very sweet, but I’d rather head back with you than go back alone. We can have a nightcap in my room, we would be well back before curfew.”

“Deal Busby.”

*****

“It’s such a shame you didn’t get proper use out of that dress Pats,” Delia slurred on her third cocktail. Thankfully they were both off the next day. 

“It’s just a dress,” Patsy swatted the notion away.

“If I had ‘just a dress’ like that Patsy, I’d leave it for a special occasion. But the trouble with you Patience, is that you are beautiful in everything.”

Patsy felt her heart beat faster, and closed her eyes to prevent her from seeking clarification on what her dear drunk friend meant. She simply couldn’t allow it to mean more than a friendly remark.

“It’s a first date dress,” Delia clearly wasn’t finish with the topic. “If you picked me up in that dress I’d be certain that you were genuine. Not that you look ordinary in other clothes mind you,” Delia commented almost wistfully. “I would hate you if I didn’t simply adore you.”

Patsy gulped, moving away from Delia’s so fast that her drink sloshed down her arm.

“Here,” Delia jumped up and grabbed her cardigan, patting the wet patch on Patsy’s dress, using the sleeve to wipe her arm.

“Delia, stop it,” Patsy giggled as Delia tried to coordinate her actions. “I can use toilet paper, don’t use your clothes.”

Delia’s lopsided smile took Patsy’s breath away. Her dear friend was quite beautiful. 

“I should go, get dressed and hang the dress up. Pass me your cardigan, I’ll get them both cleaned,” Patsy stood quickly, needing to escape all of a sudden. She pressed her lips to Delia’s cheek in an action that caused both women to jump apart.

“Sorry, I think I made these cocktails too strong. Free pouring is not always the best idea,” Patsy chuckled nervously. “Night Deels.” With that, Patsy was gone.

Delia sat on the bed for the room had taken on a spinning feature that she put down to the alcohol. The next morning, she continued to tell herself it was alcohol alone that had caused her accelerated heartbeat.

*****

A month passed before Delia realised she was being treated differently. Of course, she had seen Patsy. She hadn’t worked much with her on the ward, but she was still generous with her time if Delia wished to study. Those study notes were still appearing on her doorstep, and Patsy was always available if Delia wished to chat or put theory into action. But Patsy no longer seemed to seek her out in a room with the makings of being near her. Instead, Patsy seemed to scan a room for Delia and move in the opposite direction. She was certain Patsy didn’t know she was aware of it. Delia kept it that way out of concern for Patsy. She feared further retreating if she brought it up

Delia was missing her terribly. The jesting, the closeness was suddenly gone. Every so often she felt Patsy pull herself in and present a firm Nurse Mount front. There were no lingering touches or looks. There was no physical contact, and heaven forbid if they accidently brushed against each other. Every single time Patsy reacted like Delia was something akin to poison. 

Getting Patsy to come to her room was now impossible. Their conversations of the medical kind were conducted in public spaces and once ended, Patsy rebuffed any and all invitations of meals or walks. 

Delia was fed up. She was a kind-spirited woman, but she was being pushed to the point where she wanted answers. Unfortunately, Patsy wasn’t interested. She took additional shifts or took to odd tasks when Matron looked for volunteers. Delia even tried to volunteer with Patsy only for Pats to use her superior standing with Matron to reorganise things.

Delia needed her friend. She had seen Constance sobbing in the communal kitchen earlier today with news that Trinny was leaving, her family fed up with her pursuit of learning rather than husbandry. Delia was feeling wretched. She got along fairly with most of the nurses, but Trinny was one of those with whom she felt closer.

“Their threat has come to fruition Delia, its happening next week. She’s going.”

Delia wrapped a sympathetic arm around Constance.

“We should do something for her before she goes,” Constance suddenly said, jumping up. “Bring Patsy. We can take her out dancing.”

Delia sighed, she couldn’t very well explain what was happening with Patsy. In part due to the fact she also wasn’t sure what was happening with them. She nodded though, this wasn’t the time, and told Constance she’d ask her.

“They’ve found a man that works with Trinny’s father. They want that to happen. She’ll be miserable Delia, she’ll be truly miserable.”

Delia didn’t have the right thing to say so she simply made tea. 

*****

Delia finally managed to grab Patsy. Well grab was a generous word for trapped her in the kitchen one night after shift, but semantics weren’t the most important thing here.

“You’re avoiding me,” Delia wasn’t going to cower. It was the truth.

“Clearly not well enough if we still see each other, Busby,” Patsy weakly joked.

“Pats, what’s happening? I’m not above begging for answers, just not in uniform. I’m wretched with pantyhose as you well know.”

Patsy couldn’t help but smile, then put that wall right back up.

“I’m quite busy Nurse Busby if you don’t mind,” Patsy winced internally at the tone, but this was the best for them both, truly.

“We aren’t on shift, so there is no Nurse Busby here, Patience,” the Welsh accent heavily impacting Delia’s delivery. She was mad, and she wasn’t going to take this any longer. “What’s going on with you?”

“I’m not here to make long term friends, I’m here to for patient management. I took too much of my time with flights of fancy, and I simply have prioritised matters. Sadly, this mean our friendship of old must no longer be a priority. I’m sorry.”

Delia willed herself not to cry. No, not now. 

“I’m not an old stuffy book of memories that you no longer seek out. I’m here and I’m working alongside you, Pats. I deserve better than this cold indifference.”

Patsy wrapped her arms around her middle, and Delia knew this was her moment to break through. She moved closer, reaching out to gently touch the wrists of the fortified physical barrier. Patsy recoiled like Delia had burnt her, causing both women to stare at each other, shocked.

“Please respect my personal space and my request for space,” Patsy said firmly. No, thought Delia, this wasn’t Patsy. This was Nurse Mount. She hadn’t seen Patsy in weeks.

“You want to live locked up, go ahead. I just wanted to let you know that Trinny is leaving us and Constance and I are organising a trip into town to farewell her. I think you should make an appearance. Don’t worry Nurse Mount, I’ll stay well clear of you.”

With that, Delia left. She made it around the corner before collapsing in tears.


	3. Weight of Unravelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief and non-graphic mentions of POW camps included in this chapter.

Trinny looked simply marvellous, all dressed up and taking the whole thing well in her stride. Delia admired her ability to put everyone else at ease.

“It’s not the end. I’m hoping I can re-train after I marry. I won’t give everything up just yet, not if there is an opportunity of a silver lining. At least I’m not having to marry that Thomas chap,” Trinny laughed, enjoying the fact her friends laughed along with her. She had strictly told them there were to be no tears tonight. They even had a relaxed the curfew for them tonight.

“We will write, I promise,” Constance sad, speaking for them all in a manner that brokered no disagreement. A chorus of affirmatives echoed around the group. 

Delia hooked her arm with Trinny, enjoying the opportunity to head out. Her Mam would detest the notion of going out without a chaperone! “I’ll miss you Trin.”

“Me too kiddo, but this is what I have to do so best put the best face on it. Hey, where’s Patsy? You two have drifted a little, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Delia shrugged, but realised that Trinny didn’t see it.

“She’s taking a different path now, strictly working and training and every single odd job she can get her hands on. She made it clear that she has over-indulged,” Delia said, trying hard to leave the bitterness out of her voice.

“Except for tonight it would seem,” Trinny smiled, tapping Delia’s arm to grab her attention. “She’s already here!”

“Trinny,” Patsy nodded, fingers fidgeting on the tips not holding her cigarette. “Apologies old thing, I was held up so thought it best to meet you all here.”

“And Delia said you wouldn’t be tagging along! This is splendid,” Trinny smiled, heading into the social club.

Patsy waited for everyone to walk in, not realising that Delia was doing the same thing. Soon it was just the two of them to enter. Patsy moved aside to allow Delia in before her.

Delia couldn’t help but glance at Patsy’s dress for the evening. It was blue and pink floral in pattern, there was no collar, rather a high neckline that travelled along her collarbone. Her sleeves slotted just above her elbows and were adjourned with a smattering of sequins and her waist was cinched in with a very thin red belt. The length rested just below knees, perfectly accentuated calves on display with plain red heels. Her make-up was bold; her signature bright lipstick on lips she was so used to seeing a smile upon. 

“Another new dress?” Delia asked.

“Yes,” Patsy replied, too caught up in Delia’s sapphire blue cocktail dress. A minimal yet effective line of beading traced along the plunging v-neckline. Delia’s hair was up, as it usually was for work which allowed the shape of her neck and cleavage to be completely on show. As she allowed Delia in before her she gasped at the open back and zippered closure which sat in the middle of her back.

“Delia!” Patsy was torn between wanting to chase her fingertips over the expanse of back and shoulder blades on offer and demanding she put on a cardigan. It was irrational and in no way her business, mind you, and she had to bite back her words. She had to rid her thoughts of impurity, it was near on impossible to stop her mind falling into the trappings she had found them in over the past several months. She was becoming too close to Delia, and even now with the distance between them, she knew it would be impossible to forever remain strangers. 

“Good golly,” Trinny whistled as she saw Delia sans the cardigan she had worn on the walk. “Where have you been hiding all that,” she squealed.

Delia blushed, but stood proud. Her Mam had never instilled an appreciation of one’s own body, of one’s appearance other than to scold her when she got too dirty or wasn’t dolled up conservatively when they had ‘surprise’ gentlemen come around. Yet she was proud of her appearance, of her work. Her musculature wasn’t exactly the most feminine, nor was she the skinniest of the girls, but she was pleased enough.

She dared a glance at Patsy who was staring at her, though what she was thinking was a mystery.

“Let’s get a cocktail!” One of the nurses shouted.

*****

Patsy watched as the evening dragged on. She had several requests to dance and rebuffed them all. Her colleagues teased her high standards, but she begged off saying her new heels were simply hurting her feet too much to take on the challenging of finding a suitable dancer who wouldn’t stand on her toes constantly. In truth, she was watching Delia. Sweet Delia who was making sure all her friends were taken care of, and true to her word, giving Patsy a wide berth. 

She felt an overwhelming sense of happiness to see her pass over would-be offers of a dance, for it she saw one man with his hands on that expanse of skin on her back, Patsy wasn’t sure she would able to cope.

“Come on Patsy, come dance with me,” Trinny, the life of the party was a happy drunk. Patsy gave up saying no after the fifth request and was pulled towards her and the bar. 

“Listen Pat Pat, you need to make it up with our Busby,” Trinny requested in a sing-song voice. “She needs true friends and I don’t know how long Connie will last. She needs you.”

Patsy glanced over to the small ring of nurses sipping on their cocktails and giggling, no doubt about the men in the room. She caught Delia’s eye and held it, waiting for Delia to look away first. Delia remined holding the stare until she was bumped.

“Please pull your head out of your behind, Pat Pat,” Trinny ordered. Patsy allowed her the lee-way, knowing the hangover tomorrow would be punishment enough. “Go make up with her and do it proper.”

*****

It was a few hours in that several of the nurses decided it was time to head back. Those who had to work the next day had nursed one drink all evening and lacked the enthusiasm of those like Trinny who was emboldened by the copious amounts of alcohol in her system. Delia offered to walk them back, as was her kind way, Patsy mused. She downed her drink and found herself offering to come back with them too. Constance and a few other of the rowdier nurses promised to get Trinny back before curfew.

Patsy and Delia walked alongside each other, in silence until it was Delia who broke it.

“Pats, want to come in for a nightcap?”

It was a risk, but Delia needed to talk to her without an audience. If she was rebuffed, it wouldn’t be anything new in regards to the taller woman. So, she was shocked when Patsy accepted the invitation and even offered to make sure the nurses got back to their rooms while Delia poured the first drinks.

In truth, Patsy needed the extra time to calm herself. She had every intention of refusing, yet here she was, at the door of Delia’s room, unsure if she needed to knock or could just walk on like she used to do. She settled for knocking.

Delia accepted her request, her back to her as she poured two drinks out. It allowed Patsy to have a clear view of Delia’s back. Her beautiful, naked back. Patsy almost bolted out of the room. No, she couldn’t think like that, she was risking it all over an infatuation. An illicit one at that, one that would see them both out and even more worrying, left in the hands of the authorities. She couldn’t do that to her sweet Delia. She wouldn’t do that to her.

So, she accepted the drink, downed it and requested another. After that drink she was going to get up and leave and allow Delia to get on with her life.

“I miss you,” Delia whispered, her back turned. “I miss you so much Pats.”

Patsy gulped and willed for her walls to shutter her up for good. But then Delia started to cry. It was quiet, but Patsy had been very taken by those shoulders and could see them shaking ever so softly. She felt compelled to be closer to her, to offer comfort. So, she placed her drink down and moved to Delia, but stalled when Delia turned around. 

“Deels, I, I can’t do this,” Patsy stammered.

“Do what? Be my friend? Be the one thing I need almost more than I need to be a nurse? You want to discard me like I’m the dying flowers on a grave? Well I need to know what I did wrong Patience, because I don’t understand.” Delia’s eyes were pooled with tears that Patsy reached up to wipe away with her thumbs. Delia’s eyes closed at the gentle and unexpected touch. She had been so starved of Patsy’s small touches, she had realised when she had tried reaching for her days ago only to have Patsy violently move away from her.

“Deels, we need to let go. Marry or be a nurse. Make yourself proud, not your family. You are capable of such greatness, promise me you’ll never give up.” Patsy moved her hands away, but Delia grabbed a hold of them in her own hands.

“I don’t intend to give up,” Delia said smiling through her tears. “Which means you’re stuck being my friend forever. You are too important to me and I know you think the same.”

Patsy shook her head.

“Deels I’m not going to be the person you need, I can’t do it. My whole life has been the same. These isn’t much that I can change now, it’s set into stone.” 

“I believe that we can be products of our past, and most certainly of our family. What I won’t believe is that you are unworthy of love and of affection no matter the past. You are too important to me, Patience Mount. I can’t let you go.”

Patsy fell to her knees, pulling Delia with her. The wall had fallen, crashed down to be precise. Delia had seen to it with her care, with her grace and humour.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Delia kissed Patsy’s hair over and over, soothing words in English and Welsh on a loop.

Patsy’s sobs subsided, and she embarrassingly tried to extricate herself from Delia’s grasp. She was relieved when Delia didn’t resist her need for space.

“Okay, love?” Delia asked, knowing she wasn’t trying to minimise things, but was asking simply if she was okay enough for Delia to get up for a moment. She waited for a nod then got up off the floor with a chuckle.

“This has been a night and a half,” Patsy chuckled too, both women letting off steam. “I must look a fright.”

Delia shook her head, handing her friend a handkerchief.

“You look beautiful cariad, a few tears couldn’t change that fact.”

Patsy blushed despite the whole evening, and smiled before replying, “you have to say that, you’re my best friend.”

“I wore this dress tonight in the hopes you were going to be there,” Delia admitted softly, moving a few steps away from Patsy in case the older woman spooked. “I had hoped you would make it though never dared you’d change your mind.”

Patsy pulled at the handkerchief in her hands, refusing to look up at Delia. Their relationship was shifting, and Patsy was desperate to try and stop it, so she pretended like she hadn’t heard Delia’s half-drunk confession.

“I’d best go, don’t want to spoil the night with a dressing down,” Patsy said, studiously ignoring Delia’s pleading eyes. She was relived beyond measure when Delia made no move to stop her, simply whispering a good night as she made her way to the door.

“Brunch tomorrow?” Patsy said hopefully.

“I’d like that a lot,” Delia said with a wide smile.

*****

Delia worried every moment of the next morning, waiting for Patsy to renege on their planned meet-up, so she was pleasantly relived to see Patsy already seated at their favourite coffee shop, cigarette in hand.

“Hi,” Delia smiled shyly, giggling when Patsy raised a quizzical eyebrow at her timid greeting.

“Hi back,” Patsy teased, taking a sip of her tea to calm her nerves.

“How are you?” Delia cringed as she asked the question.

“We are terribly formal Busby, has it been that long?” 

Delia took the remark for what the attempt was, an apology and joke all in one.

“I missed you so much Pats,” Delia confessed almost breathlessly.

“It was quite a rubbish notion that I could ignore you forever wasn’t it old thing?” Patsy’s heartrate raced along at Delia’s admission. Her attempts to reply casually was forced but she was thankful that Delia said nothing, merely reaching to her hand that sat on the table close to Delia’s elbow. She ever-so-briefly touched Patsy’s hand, withdrawing out of caution. 

Patsy decided that she had missed the sensation of her dear friends touch too much, reaching for the retreating fingers. Clasping hands for a moment brought such a wide smile from her Welsh friend, Patsy couldn’t help but smile shyly in her direction. A quick squeeze of the fingers before letting go, Patsy busied her hands by clasping them on her cold tea.

By the time they left the coffee shop, both women felt as though the fractures that had appeared were close to mended. They would both be unsure just what they discussed, but they would collectively recall the tone and gentle teasing.

Delia had to, regrettably, refuse Patsy’s invitation of furthering their catch-up in her room, but promised to meet her for breakfast the next morning. Delia had recently begun work with St John’s and they were meeting up, so everyone could get familiar with each other. 

Patsy was upset but understood, and with a parting smile that made Delia feel positively warm, she wished her well and promised to meet her in the morning before her shift started.

*****

Patsy had had a day and a half. She was working in paediatrics and it was bedlam. Children were often so unpredictable, and when you compounded it with being sick and injured, it took an emotional toll even if you tried hard to detach. Peeling off her uniform was such a relief, she simply had to lie on the bed for a moment to centre herself.

All shift Patsy had been thinking of Delia. Her sweet friend who never seemed to allow her to get away with her poor behaviour. Delia was slowly restoring her idea of having true friendship, something she never reached for, for she had lived the fragility of life more than many, and at such a young age. Patsy had kept the details of her time in the Japanese prisoner of war camp to herself. Not even her father knew the details of her experiences. 

A shadow of melancholy covered her, so she rose from the bed and began tidying things up. It wasn’t an arduous task, she prided herself in maintain a positively clean and tidy room. She took tremendous pride in her appearance and her belongings. 

“Pats?”

Patsy was straightening out her uniform as it hung. She couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across her face at the surprise interruption. 

“Come in Deels.”

Delia was in her St John’s uniform. She had been spending time with them in the spaces left when Patsy retreated, and she was enjoying herself so much she volunteered to take on some extra shifts with them this month. 

“Looking spiffy Deels,” Patsy said, fixing Delia’s collar.

“Thanks Pats. I just wanted to say hi and then bye. I feel bad that we can’t hang out much at the moment especially given the time we lost.”

There was no accusation in Delia’s voice, which of course there wasn’t. Delia was the kindest person she had ever met. It didn’t stop the twinge of regret that settled in her stomach though. 

“Well Busby, you must be off and rescue all those drunkards and cats in trees,” Patsy teased.

“I think you’ll find feline rescue is not in our repertoire” Delia parried back, enjoying the sense that they had returned to their friendship. 

“Deels, if there was a cat in need of rescuing, I’m sure you’d take it on with supreme gusto,” Patsy said with an inordinate amount of softness.

Delia smiled and swatted at Patsy’s arm.

“I have to go; will you be up later tonight?”

Patsy sighed before answering, “Fraid not old thing, I’m on early to scrub in for theatre.”

“Okay, well how about we meet up in the evening? I’m working tomorrow day but can be free around 7?”

“Delightful, yes,” Patsy smiled at her dear friend.

“I’ll set something up. Dress warm,” Delia said with a quick grin. She stood on her tip toes and placed a quick peck on Patsy’s cheek. “Sleep well Pats.”

With that, she was gone. Patsy was relived she didn’t stay too long after that for fear she’d see just how red her cheeks were now a gentle kiss sat upon one of them.

*****

True to her promise, Delia did set something up, only Patsy was not the best company. The young girl had passed after her operation and the screams of her mother sent a wave of sadness throughout the whole ward. Children who overheard it had been too frightened to allow nurses to do their job, and the parents were now beginning to understand the severity of their own situation. She tried desperately to shut it out and listen to Delia who was trying her hardest to keep things going, but it was an uphill battle.

“Do you want to go back, cariad?” Delia’s only concern was the vacant look on her dear friend’s face, she needed to look after her. When Patsy seemed to be too introspective she took matters into her own hands. Literally. Grabbing Patsy’s hand, she pulled her along to the bus. She sat her down in the bus, and grasped her hand once more, placing it in her lap.

Patsy spoke very little but was aware of the care her friend was taking with her. 

“Come on Pats, let’s get you in your room.”

Patsy hadn’t even realised she was in her room until Delia said it, and it seemed to snap her out of her daze.

“I owe you an apology,” Patsy began, and she gratefully took the glass of water Delia handed her. “I had a bad shift and I’ve allowed it to bring up memories of old.”

Delia knelt on the floor in front of Patsy with a sad smile.

“Love, it’s okay. Whatever it is you are struggling with, I am here if you need me.”

“I never told you. I never tell anyone.”

“And you don’t have to Pats, though I hope you know you can trust me if you ever want to say something.”

Patsy took a deep breath and laid her glass on the bedside table. Delia seemed to sense that she needed some space, so she pulled the small chair over and sat, waiting.

“I spent time in a Japanese POW camp. Me, my mother and sister, Elisabeth.”

Delia blinked in surprise but simply nodded when Patsy dared to look up, encouraging her to continue.

“Men and boys over 15 were separated from their families. My father was gone, we had no idea where. It was just us three. The Japanese called where we were going civilian assembly areas, their idea of a joke no doubt. They were concentration camps. There was a systematic slow extermination of the older and sadly, the younger girls. Starvation was their method of choice. Diseases requiring antibiotics thinned the numbers too, and sadly my mother and sister were two of the many. They passed after contracting typhoid.”

Delia desperately wanted to hold Patsy and dry her tears but knew she wasn’t yet ready, so she sat silently, her own tears falling and splashing onto her arms.

“We were all so sick Delia. Many so terribly emaciated that even when help came, it was too late for them. We had to fight and barter for things, many women had to degrade themselves to get food or fresh water for their children. We started with cramped quarters in homes that would probably have held a family of four or five.” Patsy stood, reaching for a cigarette.

“As poor sanitation became more and more of an issue, the numbers began to decrease. We had dysentery, lice, scabies. Mother would secretly teach Elisabeth and I, for education was banned by our captors.”

Delia sat still so as not to cause distraction and possible shut down and listened as Patsy continued.

“They put us all to work. Me and Elisabeth too. I was only nine when were first taken to the camp. Mother worked as a furniture lady at first, hauling heavy furniture on her person. They didn’t provide mules, they loved to laugh as the woman fell, and whipped them when they stopped to help each other. Everything was demeaning and meant to break us. We were their playthings. We were nothing to them, expendable.” 

Patsy shook her head as she looked at Delia for a moment. “I still to this day cannot stand the heat for too long for it reminds me of roll call. Did you know they would make us stand for hours in the blazing sun? Even the children. We were physically dying in front of them and they took incredible pride in how we arrived frightened but proud but left either in a coffin or meek and conformist.”

Delia gasped quietly, and Patsy looked up again, holding her hand out. Delia was by her side in seconds.

“Sorry isn’t enough cariad, but I am oh so incredible proud of the woman you have become. So incredibly proud to know you.”

“Woman and children were disappearing every day without a word. We just began to see their death jealously, as though they had been the fortunate ones. We stripped them of their clothes and used the fabric around the camp. There was no dignity in their passing, and for that I will always feel awful about.”

“You were but a child Pats, that can’t rest upon your shoulders.”

“I began to find purpose in our makeshift hospital ward. It wasn’t equipped with resources, but we tried our best every day. At first, they tried to punish us for caring. It was as though they wanted us to hate each other like we hated them, but after a while they saw it as a way to keep more of us alive but too weak to fight back. They sometimes gave us rusted, broken tools. It was here that I found that I could honour my mother and sister, yet every day I wondered why I was spared when they weren’t.”

Delia pulled Patsy up and into a firm embrace. She let her cry and felt her hands clutch at her clothing. She simply allowed it to happen, whatever Patsy needed she would give her tenfold. Delia sensed that was all Patsy could talk about now, so she didn’t ask questions, simply followed her brave friends lead.

It was several moments later when Patsy took a deep settling breath and moved out of her friends embrace. She laughed cynically as she noticed they were both an absolute wreck. 

“I’m afraid we are all snot and salt Busby.”

Delia wiped away her own tears and began wiping Pasty’s face with a clean handkerchief. She sighed as Patsy moved away, but realised she needed a moment to detach.

“You are the sweetest,” Patsy said, understanding that Delia was simply trying to help.

“You need to lie down, try and rest,” Delia said kindly. She knew Patsy needed time on her own now. “Want some help to get ready?”

Patsy shook her head and began to undress. Delia turned and busied herself with a glass of water while Patsy put on her pyjamas. She almost yelped when she felt two very strong arms wrap around her shoulders. Patsy nestled her face into Delia’s neck and took a centring breath before moving away with a soft “thank you” whispered in her ear.

“You are strong enough to cope with anything, but please do reach for me if you need to, okay love?” Delia pressed Patsy on this lightly, knowing she was on the precipice of just how much Patsy would take. Or give.

“I can’t promise I won’t retreat, but I will try to come back from it. With your help I think I can do that a bit better now,” Patsy tried to smile but it was half-hearted. “I need a few days, okay Deels. I will be okay, but this is the first time I’ve spoken about it and I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. Can you give me that?”

Delia knew it was going to happen, and she was so proud that her dear friend realised her own limitations and voiced them. It would be hard not to want to check in, but she knew she had to respect Patsy.

“When you’re ready you know I’ll be waiting,” Delia said with as much conviction as she could muster.

“You truly are an angel,” Patsy sighed happily, pulling Delia in for a quick hug.

“Night cariad,” Delia didn’t want to go but she knew she had to do it tonight.

“Night old thing.”

*****

Delia had almost fallen asleep on the table in the kitchen. She had been so deeply in her memories of Patsy and her opening up of the experiences in the POW camp that she lost track of time. She looked up to see Sister Monica Joan was using the stove. That propelled her into action, she’d been told and witnessed herself the trappings of allowing her anywhere near it!

“Would you like some help, Sister?”

Sister Monica Joan moved aside wordlessly, taking up a seat at the table.

“I hear whispers of the past so often. Tonight, Sister Evangelina calls out to me, whispers of happiness for the union.”

Delia smiled sadly. 

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,” Sister Monica Joan prayed earnestly. “I feel her spirt intersect with the spirit of this occasion and I know she sends her love.”

Delia smiled as poured the Sister a cup.

“I agree,” was all she said, grasping the Sisters hand in condolence.

“You have the kindest of hearts,” Sister Monica Joan said. “But you are needed elsewhere, not tending to me and my addled mind in my melancholy. Be gone with you for now, my dear.”

Delia chuckled as she was ordered out of the kitchen. The celebrations were winding down, many people had already departed. She overheard Fred bemoan the task of the carousel’s removal and Nurse Crane’s insistence of a clear path should her car been required. Trixie was sat with Patsy in what looked like a serious discussion while the Sisters were their usual hospitable selves, wishing everyone well as they departed. Delia had nothing much to do so she began to busy herself by assisting with the clean-up. Val smiled in her direction, coming over to help.

“Blimey what an event! Is this usual fair for you lot?”

Delia laughed politely, too tired to really engage but not rude. “Not in the time I’ve been here, no. It never seems to be a dull day here though, the stories I used to hear from Patsy can attest to that.”

“She seems to have a terrible weight on her mind the old girl.”

Delia nodded but didn’t engage. She was so used to protecting Patsy and herself that she often came across as gruff or rude, but Val didn’t seem to take offence.

“Hey, you two, why are we the only ones getting our hands dirty hey?” Val teased good naturedly. 

“You seem to be able to sweep up all that mess with such ease I feel terrible inadequate,” quipped Trixie. 

“Practice makes perfect,” Val shrugged.

Trixie smiled at Patsy and pulled her up with a dramatic sigh.

“I suppose we can’t loaf around now we’ve been called out,” Trixie said with mischief in her eye. “I’ll help Val.”

Patsy bit the inside of her mouth to prevent a smirk at the obvious push towards Delia but went along with it for appearance sake.

“Okay Deels, put me to work,” Patsy said loudly, as though the volume would prevent her from being terrified of Delia’s response.

“I’ll put your height to good use I promise,” Delia teased.

Patsy couldn’t help but smile lovingly at her darling Deels. She must have been stood there a while for a gentle throat clearing from Trixie broke the spell.

“I’m all yours,” Patsy said, ignoring the eye roll from Trixie solely focusing on Delia’s little gulp and faint blush.

*****

“I’m exhausted. I have no idea how you feel Deels, but I could sleep for days,” Patsy was desperate to fill the eerily quiet as she and Delia retired to their room.

“I’m just going to go change,” Delia pointed towards the door, obviously intending to change in the bathroom. 

“Wait.” Patsy rose for her bed in a flash, preventing Delia from progressing out the room. “Please,” she said after, her hands out in a placating manner. “Don’t leave me right now. I just want to be near you, to see you.”

Delia dropped her gaze, trying to decide.

“I’ll be back soon,” she decided, she simply couldn’t be in the room right now, undressing and chatting as though life was perfect. She knew it hurt Patsy, and she was sure Patsy had assumed she’d be taken by the genuine plea.

Patsy nodded, and Delia knew when she returned Patsy would most likely be dressed, in bed with her back turned.

It was a surprise to them both when Patsy was not lying in bed with her back turned. She had changed into a pyjama top, those glorious legs on display, but she was awake, and the lights were still on.

“I’m sorry,” Patsy started. “I can’t change these last nine months. I wish I had been different. I know I let you down miserably. If you’ll have me back I will try my very hardest to fix the damage I caused. I sat on the boat staring at the broken clock on the wall and I had to have a chuckle at the metaphor. When my father was dying in front of me all I could think about was you but time seemed so stuck. All I could think about was that I should have asked you to come but then I knew that was unbearably selfish of me. You have your family, your studies, your life here. I didn’t exhibit much of that bravery you said I had when I made the decision to go, Delia. In fact, I only seem to be brave when I’m around you.”

“You are brave Patience. You are. Look at what your life has burdened you with, and yet here you are, a brilliant midwife with so much respect in the community. You are vital and important to others and I won’t have you saying otherwise, no matter my current state of upset,” Delia said firmly.

“But the cost of this bravery has affected the very best thing in my entire life, the very best thing that ever happened to me if I’m being honest. I love you with so much of my being, Delia Busby. We have suffered through so much so far, please don’t let my cowardice be the reason we end. Not now. Please.”

“Is that what you think, Patsy? That we are finished? That the thread we have always tried hard to hold onto is forever severed?”

Patsy knelt at the feet of Delia and clasped her hands with fierce determination. 

“I never severed the thread you have to believe me, Delia. Please say you believe me.”

Delia pulled Patsy to her, her head coming to rest on her torso as she stood. She recognised the fear in Patsy’s voice, had heard it before, but she needed a moment to compose herself before answering.

“I know we have always had to be different, you and I together. Stolen moments, gazes rather than kisses. We have never been able to love in the open and it tears me up every day. I feel like I have to explain even the friendliest of touches, and sometimes the person I have to explain it to is you, “Delia sighed. “But I have known this even before our first kiss. I wouldn’t change you for any man in the world, Patience Mount. It’s simply not possible to love someone else more than I love you. The thread is not broke cariad. It just needs a bit of time and some care.”

Delia pulled Patsy up and kissed her passionately. She always needed this woman with such a passion that she barely knew how to contain it. Patsy responded with just as much force and need. They moved until they were against the wall, Delia pulling Patsy’s face closer as she was pressed into the wallpapered wall. Hands began to pull at clothes, but no mind was taken. Patsy had lost a button and Delia’s pyjama pants had begun to fall due to a now broken drawstring.

“Wait,” Delia pushed Patsy back slightly, grabbing for her pants.

“Please Deels,” Patsy requested, undoing the rest of her buttons to open her pyjama top. “I need you.”

“Patsy, no. We can’t.” Delia tried to shake herself of the arousal and the longing of months and months with not even an innocent touch from her beloved. “We need to mend, and we can’t tonight even if we both were ready. We can’t risk it.”

“People know now,” Patsy tried to reason, but she did up her top and sought to find the missing button on the floor. 

“I fear Phyllis knowing versus Phyllis seeing us half naked in bed together tomorrow morning are two very different things.” 

“Okay.” Patsy nodded. She moved back from Delia and changed her top with no concerns for privacy. She wanted Delia to see her, and she knew Delia was watching. “Will you at least lie with me?”

Delia removed her pyjama pants, lest they fall away and smiled when Patsy gasped knowing she was completely naked underneath. 

“You vixen,” Patsy teased.

“I hadn’t expected the elastic to be broken tonight and I like the feeling of your pyjamas against my skin.”

Patsy groaned as Delia put on some underwear and climbed into bed with her, pulling the older woman to her body.

“You are my life Deels, I want to be with you every day of the rest of my life.”

Delia felt her tears fall and wiped them before Patsy felt them drop onto her head. 

“All I want you be is yourself, Pats. We’ll fix us, we just need time.”


	4. They Will Keep on Speaking Your Name.

Delia had kept to her promise in those few days after Patsy opened up her time in the POW camp. She had avoided ‘accidentally’ bumping into her, had left her alone when she saw the glow of light in her room when she returned from shift. But she knew Patsy was working, and that she was eating so for now she was satisfied Patsy wasn’t self-destructing.

Four days after the revelations Patsy came up to her with flowers and a very apologetic smile. It was, Delia believed, more endearing than apologetic but Patsy had blushed when Delia told her that, so she took the flowers with thanks and invited her into her room.

“I simply adore fresh flowers, thank you Pats.”

“How have you been?” Patsy asked, sitting on Delia’s bed and crossing her legs in a very rigid pose.

“Busy and worried about you. Are you feeling better?” Delia knew better to ask if she was feeling okay on a whole, for those experiences would never leave her dear friends mind. She wasn’t interested in patronising her by saying time would heal, for she just knew Patsy would never appreciate the dishonesty no matter how well-intentioned.

“I am, thank you. I can’t never truly explain just how tremendous you were old thing. I don’t think I can ever return the sense of warmth and safety you give me, Delia.”

Delia shrugged as though to diminish her role, but Patsy wouldn’t have it. She grabbed for her hand and made sure Delia was looking at her before continuing. “Delia Busby, if I was inclined to believe the teachings I was force fed at my Catholic boarding school I’d wager you were an angel sent from heaven. You are truly the most magnificent person I have ever met besides my own mother and sister and I feel as though I’ve been handed what is akin to a second chance of life all for simply knowing you.”

Delia stood stunned. Patsy was terribly generous compliments at times, but the sincerity and passion she spoke with rocked her deeply. 

“I’ve rendered you speechless? What a task!” Patsy teased, moving away from Delia to compose herself. She hadn’t meant to be so forthcoming but as was often the case with Delia, she was almost powerless to be anything less that completely truthful and sincere.

It was terrifying.

“You’d best believe I’ll remember all that the next time you get cross at me for something,” Delia joked. “Thank you,” she added.

“Right, enough of this, we need to go out! I have an immense craving for some fish and chips.”

Delia chuckled and swept up her coat, closing the door as she followed her dearest friend.

*****

“This is perfect don’t you think?” Delia commented as she sat alongside Patsy on the bench.

“It is Busby. All because of the company.”

“You’re certainly turning on the charm, aren’t you?” Delia teased, feeling Patsy tense up next to her. She knew she didn’t imagine the slight shuffle Patsy took away from her too but said nothing.

“You know, I haven’t asked how you’re going on orthopaedics, and you’ve been there a while,” Patsy asked in a clear attempt to keep the conversation light.

“It’s fine, but I still feel as though I’m not yet where I should be, does that make sense?”

Patsy nodded as she stole a chip from Delia.

“It’s like”, Delia continued, “it feels like I should be doing more. Like I can be more. Yet I am having a dreadfully hard time trying to figure out just what it all can mean!”

Patsy chuckled as she replied, “I feel the same. There is a hole that I’m trying to gap, and I am enjoying paediatric-themed work, it’s just not the right avenue for me. I hear Constance is adamant she wants to do male surgical. I’m dreading heading back there to be honest.”

“Few of the other nurses are interested in training midwifery. I can see you doing that you know Pats. All those mothers needing someone to take charge with confidence, all those babies to wrap up and hold.”

Patsy studied Delia for any sign of teasing. When she saw none, she sat and thought upon it for a bit. Delia made a great deal of sense, so it was something to think on later.

“Sadly, old thing, I need to start heading back. I’m finding it hard to get by on minimal sleep when having to deal with children the next day. I tell you, I don’t know how mothers do it day in and out!”

Delia smiled and stood up, waiting for Patsy to rise too. Tucking her hand into the crook of her taller friend’s elbow they walked together back to their respective beds. It hadn’t been as long as should would have liked, but Delis was simply relieved that Patsy took the time she needed to come back to her. She’d take whatever time she was given. 

*****

It had happened so fast that Patsy couldn’t recall the lead-up. All she could recall was the white-hot fear that snaked around her heart when she heard about Delia’s altercation with a patient on her St John’s rotation. 

When she heard the nurses first discussing it in an abstract manner she of course, felt sorry for the nurse and hoped they were alright. She didn’t mill around engaging in gossip, so it was a good hour or so after hearing about the altercation that she ended up finding out it was Delia. It came in the shape of a distressed St John’s volunteer that Patsy had met a few times through Delia, running down the corridor – until being chastised by Matron Carnes – looking for her.

“Nurse Mount, I found you.”

Patsy was so engrossed in her work and finishing up her notes for hand-over that she failed to piece it together until she heard, “Delia’s been hurt.”

It was then that all the gossip, all the speculation crashed over Patsy. She held onto the door frame to steady herself, her arm wrapping around her stomach as though to contain the sob she wanted to rip out of her lungs. It took a few moments of some controlled breathing, but she managed to affix the Nurse Mount persona in place. 

“Write down where she is, and I’ll check upon her during visiting hours.”

The poor woman who had been tasked to tell her stood rigid at the tone, and the dismissive nature but did as she was told.

“I have to go back because I need to write a report,” the young woman mentioned. “Will I say something to her from you?”

Patsy nodded, pocketing the information. “Please send her my regards,” Patsy said in a detached voice that made her cringe inwardly. “I will endeavour to see her when permitted.”

The young woman seemed to understand she was dismissed and left with one final frown in   
Patsy’s direction. 

Patsy walked into the nearest quiet area and slumped against the wall clutching her chest. She wouldn’t cry, no she couldn’t. But she took a moment of panic and fear before composing herself. She realised, after the girl had left, that she didn’t even know what was medically wrong with Delia. 

*****

Patsy’s shift ended an hour and a half later, but it was no longer visiting hours. She knew she could try and see Delia under the guise of nursing but didn’t want to face her and whatever her ailments were whilst in uniform. She hated that she had no idea as to Delia’s condition.

“Oh Pats, did you hear?” Constance, blessedly, was waiting for her outside her room, tear track stains on her face.

“I heard she was hurt,” Patsy said as calmly as she could. If Constance was upset, then it must be bad. “Is she, alive?”

Constance nodded, and Patsy let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“She was asking for you, did they find you?”

“Yes,” Patsy said with a clipped tone. “But I couldn’t drop it all to be there, Delia would understand that, I had patients.” Patsy knew she was saying that aloud as her own excuse for not doing that exact thing, as much as she had wanted to do it.

“Patsy she looked so small.”

“She is small,” Patsy said, trying to make a joke. It was weakly laughed at by Constance who wiped away fresh tears.

“Will you go to see her?”

“Of course,” Patsy replied hotly. “What’s the extent of her injuries?”

“Pretty bad bruising but no breaks,” Constance replied.

“Bruising?”

“Patsy, she was kicked. Several times. They worried that she had a few broken ribs she was in so much pain. She has a sprained wrist which has also been cleared of any breaks. Few grazes on her knees too, and she was dreadfully upset that she had ruined another pair of pantyhose,” Constance said with a smile. “But Patsy she was courageous, so strong. She gave the police a statement, and a wonderfully detailed report of what he looked and smelt like. She told us not to bother you, but just to let you know she was okay so you didn’t worry if you heard it on the grapevine.” 

Patsy almost lost her composure but managed to control herself. It would only be a matter of time before she fell into a heap, but Patsy knew it would help no one if she did it in the hallway. So, she simply detached from it all.

“They are relaxing the rules tonight if you wanted to see her briefly. Apparently, she was very steadfast that her parents not be informed so they allowed me to go in briefly. I know they’ll allow you a little bit of time too.”

Patsy nodded, and opened up her door, signalling that the conversation was over. All she wanted to do was rush to Delia’s side, to chastise her and hug her. She wanted to fall into Delia’s safe and warm arms, but she was not going to show any of that to Constance. She wasn’t going to show that to anyone except Delia. 

“Go see her Patsy, I think underneath it all she was quite frightened, and I know she’d love to see you,” with that Constance bade her goodnight.

Patsy closed the door and rested her forehead for a moment. She then turned, determined, dressing so quickly that her usually pristine room was left untidy. Patsy paid it no mind, it was not as important as being by her dear friend’s side.

*****

“Nurse Mount, what can I do for you?” 

Patsy winced as she saw one of the senior gossipers on any staff rotation, Nurse Steely, as she tried to sneak in to see Delia on the ward.

“I heard Nurse Busby got herself in to some trouble tonight,” Patsy tried for casual and hoped it was convincing. “Just wanted to see if she was alright. The other nurses will be so relieved to get solid information on her rather than gossip.”

Nurse Steely nodded solemnly as though she wasn’t a driving force in all the hearsay around the hospital.

“Of course, well I can let you go in, as a professional courtesy. For five minutes okay? No longer. Pull the curtain too, just in case.”

“Thank you Nurse Steely, that’s very generous,” Patsy said in her best Nurse Mount tone.

“Just down the hall and second left.”

Patsy put her hands in her coat to stop fidgeting. Her palms were sweaty as she quietly walked closer to Delia’s location. She finally made it. Delia was sharing with one of patient, and they were fast asleep. 

“Pats?”

Patsy would have fallen to the ground in sheer relief had she not still have her Nurse Mount persona holding her up.

“Oh Deels, were you rescuing a cat?” Patsy tried joking, rushing over as Delia grimaced in pain.

“If you make me laugh and I move this pillow from my side I’ll be in big trouble. I’ve already been told off a few times for, and I quote, ‘trying to self-diagnose’. How are you Pats?”

Patsy made a peculiar noise in the back of her throat. She suddenly realised she was crying when her tears dropped onto the bedsheets.

“Oh Pats, whatever is wrong?”

Patsy laughed hollowly. 

“What’s wrong with me? Delia Busby! You are in hospital as a patient and you have been worrying us all terribly. You’re not to do it again you hear?”

“I’m sorry for worrying you. It wasn’t like I planned to be chucked about like a child’s toy.”

Patsy instantly sobered up and began checking her dear friend for anything the doctors might have missed.

“Will you stop fussing? I’m okay,” Delia said calmly, though she found Patsy’s protective nature quite endearing.

“You are not okay, stop saying that!” Patsy hissed. “You could have been killed. Please don’t make light of this Delia. I cannot lose you.”

“You haven’t lost me, okay? No matter what happens I’ll always be here, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that promise Busby.”

“So, are you going to interrogate me any further?” Delia said with a smile.

“Is there any point? Constance told me you impressed the police officer with your brilliant description.”

“I really thought you’d be angry at me,” Delia admitted, wincing as she moved.

“Why ever for?”

“I hated that you might think I’d leave you too,” Delia said no more but the implications were there. Patsy knew she was referring to her mother and sister and her heart pounded with so much affection for this Welsh woman. “That’s why I told Kelly to let you know I was alright.”

“Well she didn’t do a good job of that but it’s okay, not her fault. I’ve seen you now. I’m far more worried about how it all happened but I’ll grill you later. For now, I have to go, but I’ll try to come back soon, okay?” Patsy bent down to lay a kiss on Delia’s forehead. “You try and get some sleep, and please don’t be too heroic, if you need pain medication please ask okay?”

Delia smiled and nodded, squeezing Patsy’s hand farewell.

“Bye sweetheart,” with that Delia fell asleep.

*****

“I can manage,” Delia said frustrated.

“You cannot manage, which is why I am here to help you,” a nurse that reminded Delia of Patsy wasn’t standing down, no matter how often Delia tried to convince her her own nursing skills would help her get dress without help. It had been four days since Delia’s injuries and she was recovering very well. She had managed to convince the young doctor that she would be best suited to rest in her room, surrounded by nurses should she need assistance. But this nurse, Nurse Esma was a no-nonsense nurse with decades of expertise and she wasn’t letting Delia fool her.

“Ah Nurse Mount. Perfect timing, you can chastise your friend while I deal with less difficult patients.”

Patsy giggled as Delia laid a glare at the retreating back of Nurse Esma.

“Oh, come on, I don’t need help getting dressed anymore, I’m an adult, and I’d like all my bits to be concealed from not just the cold air but from strangers prying eyes,” Delia huffed.

“Deels, she’s seen so many bits and pieces over her years it’s so mundane and clinical. Will I also remind you of your injuries? I know you managed to con that young doctor to discharge you, but you mustn’t take too many risks.”

Delia smiled sweetly.

“Will you help me do up the rest of my buttons?” 

Patsy paused. She felt the heat rise and was certain even her neck was scarlet.

“Or I can leave with my chest exposed,” Delia winked.

“Come here,” Patsy helped fasten the last few buttons and lifted the small bag with a few belonging and gifts from other nurses. “Are you ready? We will go as slow as you need.”

Delia nodded and gritted her teeth as she took Patsy’s arm on her sore side.

“Okay, logistics first. You grab me on the right, I’ll just readjust and then we’ll start okay? We can rest as many times as you need.”

They walked in companionable silence, broken with well-wishes from other nurses and even a few doctors. Word spread fast about Delia’s heroics. Of course, there was a lot of embellishment as the gossiping went along the wards, but the general theme remained. Delia was a hero and there was nothing that would stop that narrative from being discussed.

They finally made it to Delia’s room and she was never so relied to be on the ground floor for the very notion of stairs were enough to make them both shudder.

“Okay now these pills are to be taken am I clear?” 

“Yes, Nurse Mount.”

“Good. Mock me all you want Delia, I will not skirt from the rules, I would not be doing my duty if I gave you special privileges just because you are my friend.”

“So, asking for a Johnny Walker is out of the question?” Delia joked.

“I do hope you are going to take your recovery seriously Delia,” Patsy said as she organised things Delia would need whilst she had to go work. 

“It’s not like I can do too much is it Pats?”

“Constance will be over later, and she will help you wash okay?”

“No Pats, I can do that myself, I’m not allowing my friends to bathe me like a patient, I will never live down the indignity.”

Patsy smiled as the fiery Welsh tone but schooled her features to lecture her friend.

“It’s happening. Either it’s me or it’s Constance.”

“Fine. Constance will do. Will you sit with me a while now?”

Patsy carefully organised the chair, so she and others could utilise it.

“Will you tell me why you thought it was acceptable to take on a man double your size Deels? He could have killed you and I would have heard through gossiping nurses.”

“He was railing on a young boy, I couldn’t stand there like the cowards that were watching and doing nothing.”

Patsy ran her fingers up and down Delia’s arm, careful to avoid a few of the grazes on her arm and hand.

“I know, and I don’t want to stop you from being that protector, but I do sincerely wish sometimes that you’d think about the consequences.”

“I was Pats. I was thinking about the boy being killed. To be honest, I truly expected someone else to step in, Pats, but everyone kept to their business. I just knew I had to help that boy. Even when he pushed me down and kicked me, I kept thinking that at the very least, the boy could get some help now. I didn’t even realise he was dragging me towards the road until I felt the burn of the ground on my skin.”

Patsy closed her eyes and stilled her movements at the calm and almost detached manner Delia described her attack.

“It was then that people began to help and that’s how I hurt my wrist. I was lifted up by two men, but they dropped me when one of them was hit in the jaw by the guy who attacked me and the boy. All I could think about then was getting up and getting to the hospital.”

“You stood up on your own?” Patsy was flabbergasted.

“Adrenalin,” Delia shrugged then winced when her ribs protested.

“Can I?” Patsy asked, having not yet seen the damage to her side.

“This is where I’m supposed to say looks worse than it feels but that’s not an accurate representation of the pain levels,” Delia joked as she lifted her shirt to reveal a large cluster of bruising.

“Oh Deels” Patsy cried with relief that it wasn’t worse. She longed to touch the affected are and take the pain away for her but knew she couldn’t, so she grabbed Delia’s uninjured hand and placed several kisses on it.

“All I thought about as I was transported to the hospital was that I hoped the boy was okay and that you wouldn’t be too upset with me. I was so scared you would find out and be cross with me. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“No, no Deels, you must never apologise for standing up for someone, and please never ever worry that I’ll be angry with you, that probability is zero.”

“Okay. Good.”

Patsy couldn’t help but smile as Delia began to drop off to sleep. She stayed until she was certain Delia was sound asleep, propping her up with the additional pillows and making sure water and her medication was on the non-injured side. 

The next morning when Delia woke (and momentarily forgot about her injuries) she couldn’t help but smile when she saw just how well-organised her bedside table was; pills, water, and her book. 

“Sweet Pats.” Delia opened her book and began to soak up the quiet until Matron was scheduled to visit to discuss work with her.

*****

The visit from Matron left Delia terribly deflated, even though she knew it was bound to happen. She was not to return to work for another week, and then would have to undergo assessments of her mobility to gauge what the next stage would be. There was a suggestion Delia would be off the ward for three weeks. She tried so very hard not to show her disappointment and impatience, but of course she failed. It led to a stern dressing down, and whilst she knew Matron meant well, she couldn’t help but feel utterly useless.

“We will convene a week from today. If ward work is not acceptable, perhaps there are other areas of hospital work that you can do whilst you wait for the all-clear?”

Delia happily accepted that, with no notion of what the ‘hospital work’ would entail. Just to be back and useful would make Delia happy.

She managed to avoid the utter and complete shame of requiring Matron’s hand to walk to use the bathroom, thankfully. Constance had arrived and over-lapped with Matron who took her leave immediately.

“Connie, can you help me?” Delia felt embarrassed, but it was better to ask for help to get up out of bed and walk to the bathroom than require a change of bedsheets.

*****

The trouble with being stuck in one’s room was that the mind began to wander to places that usually remained locked away. Between shifts, studying and St Johns work, Delia didn’t allow her thoughts on Patsy to stray too far from feelings of deep friendship. She wasn’t courageous enough, that was the truth of it. To give it voice would not only make it impossible to recover from but would push Patsy away for good. She often wondered if she was muddled in the head, there must be no other reason for the raw need she had to kiss her beautifully frustrating friend. She tried to cover it with blaming the endorphins of alcohol, or the fact that she simply hasn’t focused her attention on men enough to really give them the chance to excite her with a look like Patsy. 

To broach the subject with Patsy would be the absolute definition of madness, right? Patsy moved away from her touch, she often felt her body go rigid if they were too close. That pointed to a genuine distaste for her, it had to be the case. Yet, yet on other occasions, Delia was touched with such care and reverence by Pats she felt as though she was fine china. Her words could cut and then soothe with such contrition that Delia never took it too heart for long. 

Patsy had been hurt beyond all imagining, was she willing to pile on another layer of pain and turmoil by seeking answers to her feelings? Delia wasn’t sure if that was fair on either of them, but the trouble with caring what Patsy would feel or say meant she was failing to take care of herself too.

“Twmffat” Delia muttered to herself. She was an idiot alright, she’d opened the box that she desperately wanted to keep closed and now all she wanted to do was talking it out with Patsy.

In the hopes she’d be adequality distracted, she read over her latest letter home. She felt a momentary stab of guilt that she didn’t alert her parents to her little hospital visit, but she knew that her Mam would take this as a reason to leave London. Every letter from home mentioned the potential suitors, her mam’s memories of Delia when she was younger, and without fail a fatalistic anecdote from London that she seemed pleased to recount in fine detail, as if by reading about a homicide would pack Delia’s bags faster. As it were, Delia made sure she made her letters light and happy. 

No, it was best that her parents remain in the dark about her little mishap lest they try and put their foot down and remove her from London. 

Delia checked her watch. Patsy would be over shortly, and that very notion filled her with happiness. 

****

Patsy was still asleep in their shared room at Nonnatus House when Delia woke, clearly exhausted from her trip from Hong Kong, and the emotional evening. She smiled as she felt a feeling of peace wash over her. Having Patsy here, real and not in her dreams was wonderful.

As she made her way to the kitchen, Delia couldn’t help but be caught up in the nostalgia of the early times with Patsy. The thrill when she saw Patsy never diminished, she was still so taken by the effortless beauty her love presented. She still felt her smile widen whenever she came in the room, especially when Patsy gifted her with her little crooked smile and a bashful diverted gaze.

She knew Patsy was struggling, and she had refused to even touch the subject of her time in Hong Kong. She worried that Patsy would consume herself with trying to rework the past that she’d neglect the present. And their future.

“Good morning Nurse Busby.” Nurse Crane smiled her greeting as she passed her by to answer the phone. “Your old room is the most divine little nook, I must admit I am already quite settled. Excuse me,” with that she was attending to an expectant mother.

Delia smiled as Trixie raised an eyebrow.

“You two are certainly chummy. You seem to have a way with those possessing a gruff exterior shell,” she teased.

“Trixie,” Delia smiled, blushing as she reached for a cup. 

“I have to admit to some degree of jealously, for I always knew Patsy preferred your company to mine.”

Delia was prepared to shrug it off, but she knew, underneath the tease, Trixie was genuinely sad. With Patsy, with Barbara.

“She cares for you quite deeply,” Delia said, hoping it didn’t sound patronising. “You know she’s not good with expressing it the way we might always like.”

“Delia?” Trixie put out her cigarette and leant over the table. “Are you two going to be alright sweetie?”

“We will,” Delia nodded firmly. “I’m hurt, but I’m not one to provoke a response by lingering on it. Thank you though,” Delia said, placing her hand on Trixie’s briefly.

“Right, okay. I’ll not probe further. I’m off to the clinic. See you at dinner.”

“Bye Trix,” Delia said with a small wave. She wasn’t going to be present for dinner, but she knew Patsy would, and maybe the two former roommates could take some time to talk tonight.

“Delia?”

Delia turned to the sound of her love, smiling widely. She pushed her cup away and rose to make a tea for Patsy with some fresh fruit already cut up on the plate in anticipation of her arrival.

“You are too good to me, Deels,” Patsy said, looking around.

“We can’t,” Delia said regrettably.

Patsy nodded, but pulled Delia into a hug and whispered, “I love you” before moving away.

Delia tried hard not to recall the last time an embrace like that occurred, it rose in her, but she tempered it by remaining in the present with her beloved. She was back, and she had promised she wouldn’t go anywhere Delia was not with her. That would be the premise of their rebuild.

“What are you doing today?” Delia asked casually as she cut up an apple.

“I’m to discuss things with Nurse Crane. I’d be happy to do anything to be frank, Deels. I’m just so relieved I’ve been allowed to return here and continue midwifery.”

“Did you doubt that?”

“No doubt, no. I believe it was more a concern about how I left things and how things transpired during my absence.”

“You are always most welcome here,” Sister Winifred interrupted with an apologetic smile. “I am sorry to interrupt, but I just can’t contain the joy in which we all feel to have God return you to us.”

“Thank you, Sister,” Patsy said kindly.

“And if you are looking for something to do, I have to take all our old bedding and donated children’s clothing to the clinic today.”

“That sounds perfect, I can do that and when Nurse Crane returns I can discuss matters with her,” Patsy nodded her thanks.

“I’m heading over there in an hour, is that sufficient time to be ready?”

“It’s fine Sister, I will be ready.”

Delia smiled as Sister Winifred left the kitchen.

“There you go, you have a task,” Delia teased, knowing Patsy detested lacking direction and purpose.

“I’m a little upset to be honest. I had hoped to walk with you to work.”

“Patsy, I don’t need you to try too hard to impress me,” Delia teased, though there was some truth to it as well.

“Right, yes of course. Excuse me Deels, I need to wash my clothes, they have seen better days,” Patsy pushed her chair away and left the kitchen.

Delia sighed in frustration and closed her eyes for a moment to regain her composure before gathering up the plates and mugs. There had been a time where Delia wanted Patsy to be this forthcoming, but right now it just felt wrong. They were in desperate need of some time just for the two of them, and soon.


	5. If I Should Fall Behind, Wait for Me.

Patsy had left with Sister Winifred, Fred offering to drive them lest they be made to take several trips. Patsy had waved and smiled as she left, though didn’t look back. She wasn’t mad with Delia, no she never could be with her beloved, but she was frustrated. At least, she mused, she was tasked with helping this morning, for she feared the silence of her thoughts.

She had known with every passing day in Hong Kong that she was deliberately creating an emotional distance on top of the physical one with Delia. Truthfully, she hadn’t expected she would be there for as long as she was once she laid eyes on her father. He was so poorly that he failed to recognise her at first. She had to stand in front of him as his paralysis prevented sideways movement. The doctor she first spoke with upon her arrival was certain he was suffering from motor neurone disease. He told Patsy that it first presented with muscle stiffness that didn’t subside and twitches in muscles of the calves that couldn’t be explained away as over-use as her father was not a labourer, he was a businessman. Of course, he had failed to completely recover the muscle loss from his years as a POW, but it was still unusual. He further explained that as it became worse he stressed he hire round the clock nurses and stressed her father begin to get his affairs in order. One of those left outstanding was the letter from his nurse, explaining that he was losing the battle.

She stood in front of him, trying ever so hard to smile and not let her fear of his appearance to override her features. He had since lost the ability to walk and was now being fed soups and other water-based meals that did not require any chewing. He looked trapped in the most unimaginable prison, she saw the fear in his eyes even though they’d both deny it. 

It broke her heart to see him even weaker than when they first reunited briefly after their liberation from the camps. They spent mere days together before she was shipped to boarding school with the notion that time spent away from the family home would benefit her mentally, where all Patsy had craved was to remain with the only living survivor of their family.

“Hello father,” Patsy said with a small bow. He was aware of her, his eyes sitting on her heavily. She smoothed out her dress and waited, though what for she had no idea.

“Miss Mount, I’m Nurse Paul, one of your father’s nurses. I believe it was Nurse Lockhurst who wrote to you?”

“Yes, it was, good afternoon, Nurse Paul. I have just spoken with my father’s doctor and he has apprised me of his illness.”

“That’s good, yes indeed. We are just about to change him; would you prefer to leave the room?”

Patsy grabbed at her hands, wringing them tightly together. 

“I will unpack my belongings, if you can reach me after you are done I would appreciate it.’

With that, she left the room desperately wishing she could be sneaking into her dear Delia’s room for the comfort she desperately craved. 

She had known then and there that the best way, the most efficient way, was to knuckle down and get on with it, and soon she would be back with Delia. Unfortunately, she had internalised her fears, her sadness and even her anger at her father and the days went on without Patsy doing the only thing she so desperately wanted to do above all else.

However, would Delia forgive her cowardice when her dearest love was always so incredibly brave?

*****

Delia adored how organised Patsy was, usually. But at the moment all Delia wanted was for Patsy to sit alongside her and fill her boredom with gossip, or anything work-related at The London. She had asked Pats to sit three times now, but still she refused to relax. She had made sure she took Delia to the bathroom and waited respectfully outside as she finished up. She made sure her medication was ready, and that new flowers were decorating her room. Patsy had also read all the cards of well-wishes and redressed her bandage. She was worried Patsy would even try to make her bed with her still in it!

“Please Pats there really is nothing else that you can do,” Delia laughed as Pasty fidgeted with her flowers for the second time. “I’m always quite adept at wrapping my own wrist you know. Bandages are pretty standard learning with St Johns,” she teased.

“Truthfully Deels I can’t stop. I can’t sit here and imagine the pain you felt, the pain you still no doubt feel but are hiding from me. It churns up my stomach and then I feel like an absolutely selfish person for worrying about how I feel. I’d prefer to be useful.”

“You are most useful as my friend, not as my nurse or my maid. Please Pats, tell me all the goss.”

“Delia Busby! I am not one for gossiping as you well know. However, I can tell you about any and all factual news regarding the new nurse, Hynes and her intense dislike of bodily fluids.”

Delia laughed and patted the side of her bed.

“Ohhh, do tell.”

Patsy laughed along with her and began to fill her in on as much as she could.

*****

A week had slowly passed, and Delia was ready to meet with Matron. She knew it was a ploy on the other woman’s behalf to schedule the appointment in her office rather than in Delia’s room, but she felt up for task. Patsy and Constance were both working, so she traversed the hallway and beyond on her own, often coming to rest for a moment when she took too much on.

She made it with mere minutes to spare to collect herself.

“Nurse Busby, I see you made it. Water?”

Delia smiled gratefully and took the offered glass gladly.

“It’s been recommended that you spend another week off the ward,” Matron put a hand up to stop Delia’s planned interruption, “so from tomorrow I’ll ask that you assist me with duties around the ward. That way when you receive the all-clear upon a full check-up, you can slot back into work without too much disruption. I won’t expect more than you can give, so it is up to you to be honest about your limitations as I will expect you to be on time and I will expect you to attend all your shifts. Am I clear?”

“Yes Matron, very clear.”

“Okay, so tomorrow at 0930 I will expect you here, in your uniform.”

With that, Delia was dismissed. Great, she thought, now she had to get back to her room.

“Nurse Busby!” 

Delia flinched as she turned towards the male voice. It was her dancing partner, James.

“It’s me. From the dance a while back?”

“Yes James, I remember. Or should I say, Doctor …?”

“Oh right yes, Doctor Smithson. Early days.”

“Well Doctor Smithson, welcome to The London,” Delia said was a pained smile.

“Are you okay?”

“A little bit of bruising, it isn’t a big thing, but this is my first big adventure outside the confines of the nurses’ home.”

“Can I assist you?”

“You are kind James, but I need to do this on my own if I am to expect clearance to get back to work.”

“Uh, okay,” James was clearly unsure if he should allow her to go on her own.

“I appreciate the offer,” Delia said with a smile.

“Okay. Well please, take care.”

“I will. It was nice to see you James. Sorry, Doctor Smithson.”

Delia turned the corner in what she hoped was a confident manner before leaning against the wall, exhausted.

*****

It took far longer to reach her room such was the expenditure of energy, but she was delighted to see Patsy was already on her chair near Delia’s bed, waiting for her. She had been so terrified that Patsy was close to completely detaching herself at times, so worried she was about her little mishap, but she continued to spend any and all available time with her. 

“Goodness me Delia, you look wrecked,” Patsy, as Delia had expected, saw through the bravado immediately. Steering her to the mattress she gently took Delia’s weight and helped her into a seated position.

“Thanks Pats,” Delia said with a relived smile.

“I’m of the mind to be terribly cross with you old thing, why didn’t you ask me to help you after your appointment?”

“Because then Matron would confine me to this room for longer and Pats I can’t sit here anymore, I’m trapped.”

“Tad on the dramatic side there Deels, but I do understand. Promise me no heroics when you go back to work. You are going back right?”

“Tomorrow I am to shadow Matron around, for a week then I go to the doctor for a check of my capabilities, so I might need you to help me with my uniform tomorrow if that’s okay?”

“Of course, it is, Deels. Does it require ironing? I can get it now and have it ready for you, and I’ll have to buy you some new pantyhose too.”

“Not right now though okay Pats? Now I want to talk with you and I’m not sure you’ll like it,” Delia said, sitting up as straight as she could.

“Should I be scared by the tone Busby?” Patsy laughed nervously.

“Um. No. I don’t think so,” Delia’s gusto began to wane at sight of Patsy’s body language. “Will you promise me one thing? Don’t run away until I say what I need to say?”

Patsy frowned, not knowing what Delia wanted to tell her, but she felt that Delia needed her to acquiesce, so she did. 

“Okay Deels, I’m here. You aren’t sick are you Deels? Nothing worse than what’s already happened? Did Matron say something?” Patsy asked desperately. Honestly, she wouldn’t have any idea of how she could cope if this was bad news. Was she heading to Wales? “I need you to tell me Deels, I can handle it.”

“No Pats. This is not bad, or at least I don’t see it as a bad thing. Will you sit next to me?”

“I think on the seat is best Deels,” Patsy said with a tight smile, her fingers wrapped around her own wrist, tightly pressing them into her skin. The pain of nails in her sensitive skin kept her centred.

“Okay.” Delia took several deep breaths and found she was already stuck. She needed to make sure Patsy didn’t feel frightened or trapped, yet her dear friend was always a moment or two away from shutting down completely, so she closed her eyes and exhaled.

“I’m just going to say it, not point trying to hide it in plain sight. Plus, selfishly, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ve been looking for a way to be honest, when I look in your eyes it’s as though you know too. Then it goes, it goes from your eyes and I don’t voice it.” Delia looked down at her own hands pulling and pressing into the bedsheet.

“Don’t you think you should rest now?” Patsy asked as she rose from her seat as casually as she could. “Leave the talking for later?”

“Stop Pats. No. That’s not fair, you know I can’t get up quickly. Please don’t hide from me. We’ve got to talk about it, even if we shouldn’t think about it. Let me get it out first sweetheart, please?”

“I don’t think we do,” Patsy felt the blood drain, her stomach dropped, her palms were sweaty. All those and more, her mind a swirl of dread and fear. She had a dreadful feeling she knew what Delia wanted to say.

“Please don’t insult my intelligence Patience. Or yours for that matter.”

“Delia, please,” Patsy pleaded, her eyes filling with tears. She knew, and worse, Delia saw it in her face.

“I can’t Pats. I always allow you to dictate our path, the way we never talk about it. I have stopped myself a few times now because you tense up, move away or put up that wall. I need you to let me take control.”

Patsy took in a deep breath, the thudding of her heart felt like it would rip open her chest, but she whispered, “I always do Deels, don’t you see that?”

“Then come sit near me, please?”

Pasty sat back on the chair, gripping her fingers into her forearms so hard it caused a brief spark of pain.

“Do you feel it, Pats? Do you feel it? There’s no turning back. I can’t go back pretending what we say doesn’t hold a second meaning. I can’t go back to pretending I spent money on that cocktail dress when we took Trinny out to impress the male gaze. The only person I wanted to impress was you. The only person I want to spend my time with is you. Please don’t make me walk this journey alone, please don’t pretend you don’t feel something.”

“Maybe we can talk when you’re better, this added stress will do you no favours tomorrow with Matron,” Patsy interrupted desperately looking for an avenue out. She wasn’t good at being put on the spot. She always needed time, and yet Delia wasn’t stopping, she wasn’t allowing Patsy to take a breath.

“I have soft tissue damage, not neurological. I’m perfectly capable of engaging in conversation,” Delia said with the Welsh fire that would never fail to stir Patsy’s insides like crazy. “Please Patience, don’t make me feel like this is one-sided, I couldn’t cope.”

“We can’t, Delia. No. We can’t. No dark secrets, remember? This constitutes as one, don’t you think?” It amazed Patsy how they were still both skirting around it yet saying so much at once. 

It was remarkable how they always seemed to communicate, yet at the moment their ability to be so in tuned to each other was going to be the thing that broke them, irrevocably. She had to stop Delia now, try and salvage things. She couldn’t let Delia walk through this fire of damnation and secrecy, she meant far too much to her to forever be looked upon with contempt.

“Pats, do you really think we haven’t been courting in a manner of speaking for months now anyway?” There Delia was, Patsy thought sarcastically, being the brave one. It was out now. It was never going to be abstract now her sweet brave Delia had spoken the truth. 

“It’s a sin. Illegal.” Patsy whispered. “I’m not like you Delia, I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I’ll never be comfortable to express myself. I’ll never make you happy, not in that way.”

“But you feel it? This between us?” Delia pleaded with Patsy, it was earnest and truly, Patsy wanted to give it all to her so desperately, with her whole heart. Even if to confirm it. Then she would leave The London. Delia would be forced to let her go and move on, and whilst it would break her heart to say goodbye to her sweet Delia, it would be for the very best. 

“I feel it,” Patsy whispered, her eyes fixated on Delia’s hands. She needed Delia to now let go of this, and she would make her escape tonight. 

Delia burst into tears, then clenched her good hand into a fist as the pain of her wounds increased. Patsy ached to reach out, one final touch before they never saw each other again, but she was frozen. Delia cried for a while, until all of a sudden, she stopped, wiped her face and smiled sadly.

“Okay, that’s all I need Pats, that’s all I need for now. Thank you.”

Patsy looked up, shocked. Delia was effectively dismissing her, but why? She had expected Delia to want to talk and talk and talk about it as was her way, yet she had composed herself with such steel it made her Nurse Mount façade look flimsy.

“Uh, um. Okay? Uh, I need to get ready for shift will you be alright?” Patsy stood once more, terribly in need of a cigarette and some time to ruminate over the conversation.

“I know you Patience Mount and I’m saying now, don’t retreat too far. Don’t try and pass this off when we next see each other. I understand you can’t process this, but please don’t hate me or shut me out for too long.”

Patsy couldn’t ignore the fear and the pain in her dear friend’s voice and turned to kneel by her side.

“I will never find any place in my heart to hate you, not when it’s already full of such affection. You have shocked me beyond all comparison, allow me some time to gather myself, please?” Patsy noticed the plea in her own voice also, and knew that Delia would be kind to her, as she always had been in the past. When she received a nod and a weak smile in return, she got up and left.

*****

Delia suffered through the indignity of having her friend dress her for a third day with minimal complaints. Constance was such a trooper, she once again talked Delia’s ear off about a gentleman she was interested in, promising to introduce them once Delia was improving. She really enjoyed her company, and she found Connie was the perfect antidote to stop her from fretting about Patsy. She would have loved to blame the drugs, or the come down of the adrenaline that still seemed to course through her veins at times, but she couldn’t. She found that she didn’t really want to do so either. Delia had been sitting on her emotions for a while now, scared to admit what she was feeling – once she realised what they were – lest she frighten Patsy away for good.

“Okay sweetie, I’m going to have to do the hard part now, I have to be a bit forceful as I do you up. I know this is the worst part, but we’ll do it together okay? Want me to re-wrap your wrist?” Constance asked as she did Delia’s buttons.

“No, I’d rather have it out for a bit, I don’t like the restriction. Matron insists I wear it, but I’ll get one of the nurses there to do it for me just before I start work, thank you Connie, I truly don’t know how I would have coped so far without the help. Now I know you are running late so go, I’ll be alright. Patsy said she’d drop by to walk with me to work today so I’ll just wait for her.” 

Delia hoped her voice didn’t sound too hopeful that Patsy would be coming. Constance has told her she was stopped by Patsy yesterday and today for updates and that she had told her she was scheduled to visit the Welsh patient after her shift. As expected, Patsy had locked Delia out, but was still quite attentive from a distance. She set up a schedule for the other nurses who had offered to help to make sure Delia was taken care of all hours. Whilst she was able to do a lot on her own now, it was nice to know Patsy was still thinking of her.

“Shouldn’t she be here now? Her shift would have ended an hour ago.”

Delia was thankful she wasn’t wearing her watch at the moment, so she couldn’t clock watch. Now she knew the time she began to worry.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon. You go enjoy yourself with your chap, Connie. And thank you, you’re a true friend.”

Constance waved her thanks off.

“Nonsense, it’s no different than the time you and Trinny had to dress and wash me after I decided port on an empty stomach was a good idea! Love you Delia, you take care okay?”

Delia cringed as she heard the affirmation of love, knowing that Patsy would never speak so carefree aloud for fear of people overhearing. She was beginning to understand that if they ever did embark on a relationship, even moments like that would be stifled in case someone got the right idea about them.

It was now two hours since Delia expected to see Patsy and it was nearing the time she was due on the ward. She was growing frustrated at herself for opening up to Patsy when she knew, she knew that Patsy would never want to be with her in that way.

“I am so incredibly sorry old thing, I was dreadfully detained by Matron and try as I might to escape she had me in a vice. At one stage she outright asked me if I had a chap waiting as I was fidgeting like crazy. Here, these are for you,” Patsy thrust a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Delia’s lap and went searching the vase.

“Hi Pats,” Delia said after Patsy took a breath. “You can put them in the vase with the other ones. The flowers are beautiful.”

“As are you, Delia.”

Delia blushed and looked down as Patsy spun around, vase in hand.

“Are you blushing old thing?”

“You know I am, do you need to tease me so about it?” Delia muttered.

“Sorry,” Patsy shook her head, no longer sure of what was appropriate.

“No, it wasn’t a critique Pats, I was embarrassed by my reaction to the compliment. Patience, come sit for a moment.”

Patsy did as she was asked and smiled her half a smile in Delia’s direction, which caused her heart rate to accelerate. 

“I apologise for hiding from you, Delia. I haven’t been processing things terribly well and I’ve been a frightful nightmare for everyone around me I’m afraid! I know you want me to say that it is all okay and that our conversation felt normal and easy. But I can’t. In fact, I was completely prepared to leave The London and take up work elsewhere, such was the fear I had, Deels. But I promise you that whilst I might run away for a moment, snap at you, or move away when you offer comfort, I will always come back to you. I know that’s a lousy premise,” Patsy smiled nervously.

“Patience Mount, I want you for you. On that, I’d like to take you out for dinner when I’ve been given the all-clear.”

“Like a date?” Patsy whispered, her heartbeat pounding in secret excitement at the idea. “Deels, we talked about this, we can't be like other people,” the practical Nurse Mount appeared in order to shut her flights of fancy down.

“Pats, like I said before, we’ve been treating each other like dates for a while now, wouldn’t you agree?”

“If we did that, it’d be real,” Patsy admitted, “and we can’t even go on a date together, we can’t. We can never hold hands and kiss. I can't show you off or take you into my arms at the dances! These notions are ridiculous.”

“We do as we have been, and no one will be the wiser, Pats. The other nurses have helped my bathe, helped me dress. They have seen more of me than any man and they never think it’s more than what it is, I've also have had them stay in my room with me past curfew when first got out of hospital. No one has ever suggested we are courting or involved in an illicit affair. Even Connie, she tells me and other nurses that she loves them, no one bats an eye at it.” Delia tried to plead her case but saw Patsy was biting on her lip nervously. 

“But if you can’t or don't want to, then okay, but please just say so instead of finding excuses,” Delia said firmly.

“Deels,” Patsy stood to move far away from Delia as if that would create a gap in the real world. How did she explain to her dear friend that it would be different simply because they were always going to be different? 

“You can keep running Patience, but someday you’ll have to stop, someday you’ll realise that we can’t be like the other nurses with our boyfriends or husbands. Not while we feel like this for each other.”

“But Delia, we can, we can be. You can be, and I know that’d make your parents happy. I know that you could try to be happy at those functions with all the married couples discussing china patterns and wall paint colourings, all the woman complaining about their husbands in a kind of support group. You can have that life, and no one would whisper about you, no one would remark that you had a lady friend who was very close to you. You could have children, set up a legacy. You could be normal.”

“Normal? Is what we feel abnormal, truly? I’m not talking of the law, of the whispers. I’m talking about us. When I see you Pats, my heart can’t stop but beat faster. When you smile that crooked smile and call me Busby in that teasing lilt I feel it down to my toes. I long for a look from you, and when you’re close and we touch I feel the very same thing all those other women feel when they talk of their male suitors. This isn’t wrong, not to me, and I won’t be told that it is,” Delia said passionately.

“Yet outside these walls you won’t talk like that, so what does that say about it, Delia?” Patsy challenged.

“That they need to catch up.”

Patsy laughed sarcastically.

“Good luck with that Deels.”

“Stop thinking of me as an innocent flower just because I haven’t lived like you, like some of the other nurses. Yes, I know I was sheltered. Trapped more like. I know I might not always be as sophisticated as others, but I’ve always known my own mind, and I’ve done things I’ve wanted.”

“Oh Deels, you know I don’t think that, don’t you? You know I don’t see you like that?”

“Sometimes I’m not too sure. We both feel this and yet when I talk of it you act as though I should know better, like a scolded child.”

“No Delia, never. Never like that. I’ve just seen the worst a person can be, the way people can treat each other and I’m not just talking about the camp. I’m talking about the boarding school. I’m talking about chaps I’ve seen arrested simply under suspicion of homosexual acts. I’m talking of the fact that we have no married rights. The life we would lead would forever be a painful one.”

“Painful is not being able to express what I truly feel for you. Painful is knowing that you feel the same but instead of trusting me you hide behind your Nurse Mount façade.”

“Why would I want to enter into something that would make you miserable in the long run, Delia?”

Delia laughed, as if ignoring the feelings they both have would benefit them. She knew Patsy believed that, and that whilst she was protecting herself, she was genuinely concerned about Delia. 

“It’s funny that your willingness to protect me is actually making you more attractive, Pats, and whilst I do simply adore you for worrying about my reputation, I think we are worth taking a risk on.”

Patsy cast her eyes to Delia’s side, and bit at her lip.

“This,” she waved a hand towards Delia’s injuries. “This is a perfect example of the challenges we would face. I’m not your next of kin, I never will be. Your parents would be the ones the hospital or the police would contact if something happened and you weren’t conscious to relay a different set of instructions. And even if you did tell them, the rules would still prevent me from accessing information or even perhaps visiting. Deels, you could have died a week ago and I wouldn’t have been told until much later, and if I didn’t work at The London, I might have never known. Don’t you see, the whole world is against us.”

“Pats, there has to be a way we can change that. Maybe not now, but in the future, we don’t know what it holds. We can’t pass up what could be a lifetime of us together for the what-ifs. I’m not naïve, I know we would always find challenges that a husband and wife wouldn’t face, but if I’m facing it with you, I know I’ll be okay.”

Patsy wiped her tears away and found she was exhausted. She so desperately wanted to rid herself of the chains that she felt wrap around her. She couldn’t deny that things had forever changed between them.

“I know you want to retreat again, love. Stay with me, please,” Delia pleaded.

“I’m mad about you, Delia Busby. You see through me with such clarity, I’d be a cad to deny it,” Patsy said, gripping Delia’s hand. “I’m not good with words, but I can admit that, sweetheart.”

Delia sighed and blinked fiercely as the tears dropped, smiling when Patsy wiped them away with the gentlest affection.

“I don’t know how to do any of this,” Patsy admitted. 

“I want you as you are Patsy. I don’t want the put together Nurse Mount, though I do admit sometimes I find it attractive when you are all bossy. There is an aura to Nurse Mount that grabbed my attention before I was even privileged to know Patience Mount” Delia choked on her cry, then winced at the pain that lingered from her injured torso. “It’s you I care for, sweetheart.”

Patsy smiled a bright, wide smile in the direction of Delia who returned it freely.

“So, will you go on a date with me, Patience Mount?” Delia asked with a grin. She’d be a fool to think this was going to be plain sailing, or that Patsy would be as open as she was right now. But, for now, she was just happy enough that Patsy was willing to stay and not flee. To possibly take a chance, the biggest of chances on something that others wouldn’t truly understand.

“Yes, yes please,” Patsy whispered. “Yes.”


	6. Weak, Starving for Mercy.

Delia woke with a start as the rays of sunshine entered the window in the room she shared with Patsy at Nonnatus House. She had snuck in after her shift, before forgetting there was now no need to do so anymore. It caused her to smile, at least they didn’t have to pretend in the small hours of the morning. Patsy didn’t even move when she wrapped herself around her, the smell of cigarette heavy on her pyjamas an indication Patsy had either spent the night with Trixie, or Patsy had been chain smoking in worry. 

As she began to shake off the sleep that still fogged her mind, she heard a noise in the room and saw Patsy sitting on the unused mattress with her legs crossed and a cigarette in her hand.

“Do you recall our first date?” Patsy asked with a light smile. She stubbed out her cigarette with one look of disapproval from Delia who always seemed to dislike her smoking her room.

“Which one?” Delia asked, stretching as she sat up.

Patsy laughed gently, pouring herself a water as she put away her cigarettes for now.

“Our first real date.”

“Of course, I do, Pats.” Patsy offered her a water which she declined and continued to speak. “After my bike accident near our flat and I was back in Wales I had flashes of a black dress that at first made no sense to me at all. In fact, a lot of our memories came back to me with flashes of colours, and smells. Mam wasn’t interested in fostering the memories that weren’t of home, always finding excuses to try and get me to enquire further.”

“Oh Deels,” Patsy interrupted with a sad look upon her face.

“She would say, it was too late in the day, I was too tired, I shouldn’t be pushing things, the memories that were important had already resurfaced; any and all of those excuses. It was truly horrible to constantly be so close to a memory only for it to seemingly vanish. It was almost as though it wasn’t real. Not for the first month or so. I think sometimes that her refusal to help me rediscover things that actually meant something to me made it harder to capture the meaning behind the glimpses.” 

“I remember being so terrified. I wore that black dress you told me was suited for a first date. I didn’t know if I should wear it, I changed so many times but always came back to it. I recall the look on your face and the way you seemed to need to touch me all the time, so I ended up making the right decision.” Patsy smiled at the memory.

“I wish you had kept a lot of those dresses,” Delia said sadly. “I wish I still had a few dresses too, but Mam gave them away, especially if she deemed them inappropriate. She liked me to dress all buttoned-up, nothing showing below the neck, dresses of suitable length.”

“After your bike accident Deels I found I could barely look at those dresses without collapsing to the floor. They went to goodwill, all but that black dress. Trixie keeps wanting me to wear it, but I can’t. As for your dresses and your top button, you know I simply cannot help the shiver on anticipation that comes when you undo those first few buttons, Deels. Look, we can buy new dresses now though, right? For new memories together?”

“Of course, cariad. I know your worst fears came true with that accident,” Delia nodded in understanding a conversation of years past returned to her. A conversation as she was laid up with bruised ribs, she had shrugged off as improbable, sadly came very true after the car robbed her of her memories. To this day Delia can only imagine the initial feelings for Patsy when her family did indeed steal her away. Patsy was always quite abstract about the way she felt, citing it being too painful to rehash. In fact, she had said that a lot, so much that Delia never pushed. 

“By the grace of God, I knew about it. My scarf.” Patsy closed her eyes, that very moment returning to her immediately.

“And Sister Winifred,” Delia added. 

“A small burst of circumstances,” Patsy said sadly. “Otherwise I would have been the last to know.”

“But you weren’t,” Delia said softly.

“No,” Patsy said with a small sad smile.

“Now come on, let’s go have some breakfast. I have an exam later this afternoon,” Delia said with authority.

“Deels,” Patsy clasped at her glass of water, looking anywhere but at Delia.

“We can walk in together, we share a room now.”

“I’m not worried about that, I just don’t know if I can face everyone. I keep feeling their sympathetic eyes on me. Trixie and Nurse Crane know about us and it makes me quite uncomfortable, like they are both watching for a moment where you or I show what we mean to each other. It’s becoming terribly exhausting to pretend upon the pretending we were already doing. I was hoping to wait until everyone went to work and then begin my restocking work.” Patsy and Nurse Crane were still trying to organise the best manner in which Patsy could be useful before her talk with Sister Julienne so she was tasked with meneal tasks such as stocktaking and cleaning, but that suited her fine. 

“Well you have to at some stage, might as well be now,” Delia said kindly. “The longer you take the more uncomfortable it will feel.”

“I miss how we were when we first began to date. I know I was always scared, but there was a carefree and almost naïve way in which we interacted,” Patsy lamented.

Delia smiled, not knowing what to say that would change things.

“Come on, let’s get dressed and go down.”

Patsy sighed, gathered up her clothes and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. Delia ended up going down to breakfast on her own, with Patsy deliberately taking too long in the bathroom.

*****

Delia was distracted, and she knew it was only moments before Phyllis said something. She was being tremendously kind by not saying anything as she helped her study, but her lips were pressed in a very thin line.

“I’m sorry Nurse Crane. I know I haven’t been focusing but would it be okay if we stop for tea? Just so I can regain myself?”

“Splendid idea, yes let’s do that, and then get back to it. I am certainly sympathetic to your distractions, but this is a perfect lesson in keeping those things to side when working. I’m not going to lecture you, but I do recommend you try and leave it outside as it were.”

Delia nodded sadly and made herself a tea. Phyllis declined with a wave of the hand.

“Seeming we can count this as a break, I will enquire as to your distraction if you don’t mind the intrusion? Are things improving?”

Delia stirred her tea before answering.

“I don’t know how to move on properly. I know that we want to, but without so much as a word the whole time she was gone? I don’t know yet how to forgive it and I know Patsy is too scared to talk about anything for fear of the outcome.”

“Oh love, it’s not ideal is it? I fear that whilst I know you both, I cannot completely understand the added stresses placed upon your relationship due to its nature. I can only see distress and sadness and comment on that, and Delia, you are miserable. I hope you don’t mind the honest appraisal or what I see.”

“I prefer honesty and, you’re right Phyllis, I am miserable. Yet so happy to have her home.”

“Understandable conflicting emotions Delia. The thing you now need to do is determine a way to move past it in a way that is fair to you both. I have every confidence that you with both weather this storm, I have not seen a love like yours much in my time, if you don’t mind me saying. I care nought on the circumstances, and I know you don’t always have that luxury, so take the chance provided and fight through it. Now come along, we must get back to it.”

Delia tipped the remainder of her tea out and followed Phyllis feeling a little lighter.

*****

“I’m exhausted,” Patsy said with a dramatic flop onto Trixie’s bed. 

“Oh please, Patsy, all you did all day was clean our instruments,” Trixie teased, encouraged by Val’s snicker.

“I did more than that,” Patsy grumbled. It was true, she had cleaned, answered the phone for Nurse Crane while she helped Delia study and even went shopping for Sister Monica Joan in the afternoon.

“I know Pats, and even if all you did today was wash up a plate I would be grateful. I missed you terribly and I hate that you’ve made me say that,” Trixie said with a watery laugh.

“You’re a hard name to follow,” Val said in awe.

“Nonsense, I’m one of the many midwifes who have come and gone here,” Patsy scoffed, bumping her shoulder with Val. 

“Well all I can say is that I’m glad you are here, everyone seems far happier! Though I am dreadfully sorry about the way you have to leave and the reason you’ve returned, love. I know you don’t know me too well, but I am truly sorry.”

Pats smiled and nodded, lighting up another cigarette.

“Music!” Trixie jumped up, saving Patsy from falling into sadness.

“Is there room for one more?” A knock at the door was met with squeals from Trixie.

“Deels, come in, come in!”

“How’d your exam go?” Patsy asked, smiling shyly.

“Hopefully well, though when Matron afterwards called me into her office I did feel a sense of apprehension. As it turns out, I’ve been given time off, so I can, I quote, ‘stop for a moment’. All those extra shifts I didn’t think she knew about? She found out and was furious with me.”

“I did tell you she wouldn’t be fooled,” Trixie teased.

Patsy sat on Trixie’s bed and raised an eyebrow at the news. Delia hadn’t told her she had been taking extra shifts. 

“I’m going to take a bath while I can,” Val said, sensing the three friends needed some time to talk.

“You are more than welcome to use my new bubble bath, it’s simply luxurious,” Trixie sad by way of thanks.

“I’d need a box load for it to seep through this rough skin, but I’ll give it a shot,” Val said, leaving to a few chuckles.

“Now Pats, I know what you’re going to say to Delia and it won’t work. I already told her she was working too hard. Delia is a big girl.”

“That’s what I told her,” Delia said with a smirk directed to Trixie.

“Sass!” Trixie giggled as she lit another cigarette.

Patsy simply sat and watched the by-play. She had worried she’d be jealous that Delia had moved on whilst she was gone but sitting here she felt nothing but pride and love for both of these women. 

“Well I won’t say it then, not if has been noted already,” Patsy said, moving so Delia could sit next to her. Their fingertips grazed each other as they adjusted to fit which caused Trixie to smile to herself as she turned her back to put on a new record.

As she turned, she caught a glimpse of Patsy taking Delia’s fingers into her own and placing a gentle but fleeting kiss on her knuckles.

*****

“So, if you are free, can we do something tomorrow evening?” Patsy asked shyly as if unsure what Delia would say.

“Of course, we can Pats,” Delia smiled as she readily for bed.

“Okay, well that’s great.”

Delia smiled at how uncomfortable Pasty was acting and took pity on her, kissing her gently. Patsy smiled as she tried to move away, grabbing Delia’s top and pulling her down for another kiss.

“I know I’ve said it and I can’t think of another way to say it, but I hope you look at me and know that every word is true; I am forever sorry for shutting you out Delia.”

“I know Pats, I know you are.”

“But?”

“I know you’re sorry. I know it is eating away at you, I can tell you haven’t been sleeping well. You lost weight when you were gone, hiding behind baggy clothes doesn’t fool me Patsy, I know you better than anyone. I know the curves of your body, the shape of your neck. I know you feel truly wretched, and I want to remove that pain that is no doubt settled in your chest.”

“Again, I sense there is a but coming?”

“No. Not really. I know all that and all you struggle to say. I said as much in my letter that you took with you; I knew you’d take it all on with little regard for anything else because when things are hard, you find a singular task and you execute it thoroughly.”

“You make me sound quite the callous person Deels,” Patsy said sadly.

“I never think you callous or cowardly. I never think you cruel or spiteful. You are my beloved and I love everything about you. You shut me out because you knew it was best for you, but in your assumptions, you neglected me. I’ve never felt such pain as the daily pain I felt when you didn’t write. I knew you’d not call, for that was far too personal. But I did think you would write at least a little. Every day was like marking off a calendar to an unknown event.”

“I read your letter often, Delia. I read it so often the creases on the paper have now begun to rub away at the text.”

“And yet you didn’t write. Your suitcase didn’t contain one single draft or folded up letter to me. I am not selfish or jealous by nature, but there was a part of me that began to wither. You know me better than anyone ever could, and without you here it was like a limb was missing. I was so alone here,” Delia had promised herself she’d speak up, and not cry, but when she saw the distress in Patsy’s face, she began to sob.

“Remember when I told you wherever I go next you’d be with me?” Patsy interrupted.

“When we brazenly kissed in the street?” I’m hardly ever going to forget that,” Delia said with a giggle as she wiped her eyes.

“I thought of you so much Delia. From when we first met to how stoic you were when I left for Hong Kong. Even through our trials I never lost complete hope even if it felt like I did, for I believed what you told me once; we will overcome it all, together. I failed to be brave and I think I always knew I would, as soon as I received the letter from my father’s nurse. I cannot change that now, but I can be better at letting you in. I want you with me in everything, Delia. I didn’t ask you to come to Hong Kong for fear you’d say yes.”

“Can you see how hard it is to reconcile you thinking of me yet also discarding me?”

“I do,” Patsy grabbed for Delia’s hands and blew out a relieved breath when Delia wrapped her fingers around her own hands.

“Okay.”

“You’ve always manage to restore my faith in myself, even when it’s hard for you to put aside how you feel. Piece by piece I will restore your faith in me,” Patsy breathed out with complete sincerity.

“Cariad, I love you.”

Patsy placed what felt like hundreds of kisses on their joint hands and cried freely, feeling Delia wrap herself around her.

“You found me when I needed someone, through my heartache and pain, Delia. I was never sure I could face my time in the POW camp, face my estranged father, yet you helped me face all of it. I never knew love could coil its way around my cold heart and send a burst of light. I feel your love, I hope you can feel mine.”

Delia cried into Patsy’s neck, showing more of herself than she ever had with Patsy. She always felt like she had to hold back. Sure, she got angry and frustrated. Sometimes despondent and scared. But she never cried so openly with Patsy, never shared her concerns with her in the way she was doing now because there was always that fear that Patsy would shut herself off to the point of no return. 

So, Delia always held it in, she waited for the look upon her face those night Patsy came to her. She always came to her, always came to the safety Delia offered. Now Delia needed the same. She needed to be the one who was a little more fragile and unsure. She was a few steps behind now, and she needed Patsy to wait for her to catch up.

She knew Patsy would give it to her. Their relationship may have seemed uneven, Patsy even joked about it sometimes that she was the unstable one, with Delia the counter-weight. But when Delia needed her after she was hit by the car, Patsy was there. Stern, unflinching, funny and warm. Patsy was there when she decided to study midwifery, giving her the confidence, she needed. Patsy had been there when she was attacked on her St Johns shift those years ago. Things were going to be alright, of that she was beginning to believe.

*****

Matron had finally allowed Delia back on the ward at The London after an arduous week of paper shuffling (or at least that’s what she was calling it), after receiving the all-clear from the doctor. She was still tender but had been given full responsibilities upon her first day back. She was surprised that she was moved to the male surgical ward again and was especially surprised when she bumped into Patsy on the ward. Literally.

“Busby, you okay?” Patsy smirked as Delia blushed.

“Why are you here?”

“Why are you here?” Patsy asked with another little smirk.

“Matron put me here.”

“I have help out today, something about, well I wasn’t listening to Nurse Hill, has her voice always been so high-pitched?”

Delis giggled and slapped at Patsy’s bicep.

“That’s horrible.”

“That’s what I said about her voice!”

“Now stop it, Patience, I can’t get into trouble for loitering on my first day back.”

Patsy leant in and whispered, “what about if I loiter with you?”

Delia felt goose bumps raise all over her arms as Patsy’s breath tickled behind her ear.

“I’ll see you,” Patsy winked as she walked up the hallway.

Delia held onto the wall to regain the breath she felt Patsy had physically sucked out of her with her subtle flirting. It was flirting, Delia was convinced it was, Patsy was flirting with her deliberately, not accidentally. What a shift. Delia wasn’t sure what had got into her darling blonde friend, but she was enjoying it! 

“Goodness,” Delia straightened herself up and entered the ward.

*****

Whilst she was working on the same ward as Pasty, she seldom saw her unless it was in passing. It was okay though, Delia was so pleased to be back that she took upon anything and everything asked of her without complaint. Matron had come by a few times to check on her, even though she had been cleared to work, but in her way, Delia assumed this was more out of concern for her than uncertainly on her job performance.

It was finally shifts end when she felt the wariness seep through her body. A nice relaxing bath felt heavenly.

“Deels,” Patsy stood, propped against the nurse’s lockers, elegant in red and grey plaid slacks and a red blouse. She looked positively stunning.

“Um hi,” Delia rolled her eyes are her meek greeting, so taken in by Patsy’s effortless beauty.

“Come on, if you hurry you can manage an extra twenty minutes in the bathroom. I may or may not have booked a space before your bath, so you can have a proper soak.”

Patsy looked shy as she admitted her kind thought, and more certainly blushed when Delia smiled at her.

“Will anyone ever know the full extent of just how sweet you can be, Patience?”

“I hope not,” Patsy scoffed good naturedly.

“I am honoured to see it,” Delia bowed.

“Delia Busby, are you auditioning for the theatre? Stop bowing, you’re hurt yourself.”

“Come on, I want to have a nice relaxing soak and your teasing is taking up too much of my time,” Delia smiled as she hooked her arm into Patsy’s elbow. A slight tensing was the only indication that Patsy felt uneasy, so Delia removed her hand with an apologetic smile.

“No one will think different of us unless we change how we act,” Delia said not unkindly.

Patsy smiled but made no attempt to reach for Delia’s hand. She felt awful, but to her it felt as though physical contact was more of a telegraph than their gentle teasing.

*****

Delia had thoroughly enjoyed her extended time in the bath, and whilst she felt a little tight when she got out of the bath, her muscles a little tender, she felt wonderfully relaxed. Patsy had promised to come see her before curfew so she made her way back to her room as quickly as her tired body would allow.

Patsy knocked and entered without waiting got Delia to welcome her in, which made Delia smile, loving how comfortable it felt for Patsy to see her room as an extension of her own.

“Can’t stay long Busby, but just wanted to say good night and I’m sorry for pulling away.”

“We have an hour before curfew, are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?”

“Delia, things have changed, I can’t stay in your room with the door closed, not when all I can think about is how lovely you look with your hair down,” Patsy said quietly, as though she worried people would hear her through the door. She reached up and gently took several strands of Delia’s hair, still drying from the bath, into her hand.

“Pats,” Delia closed her eyes as she felt Patsy trace her ear with gentle fingertips, down past her jaw.

“I have wanted to reach out like that for a very long time, Delia and I’m terrified by that fact.”

“Why?” Delia managed to squeeze that one word out as Patsy lowered her hand.

“It’s real now Delia. We spoke it aloud. When I didn’t have to be honest with you, with myself, I could excuse my little touches as affection between dear friends. Now it has to recognised for what it is, and I am not brave enough to be that person for you. I used to love how comfortable we were to grab hands, to hook arms together. I could brush away strands of hair from your lip gloss or fix your collar. But I can’t do those things now because I know what they really mean for us. More pressing, I know what it would mean for us if someone thought we were together.”

“Pats, how about we just take the days are they are, let’s not move from who we have always been to each other, girls are affectionate with each other no one thinks the Nurses Home is a den of homosexuality.”

“Because the women in here are man crazy are aren’t afraid to tell everyone,” Patsy muttered.

“Are you regretting it?” 

Patsy sighed before answering.

“No. I don’t think I can ever lie to myself like that, Deels. I certainly can’t lie to you. I just need to go slow and sometimes, I need you to wait so I can catch up again.”

“I can do that Pats, just don’t retreat too far into yourself that even I can’t get to, okay? If you need time, please ask rather than just take it and shut me out.”

“I’ll try,” Pasty said, knowing she couldn’t promise more than that to Delia.

“Okay, that’s all I need,” Delia said firmly. “In the spirit of honesty, you are stunning. When I saw you leaning on the lockers all I could think about was that you looked like a film star.”

Patsy laughed loudly.

“You are a flirt Busby! Golly, a film star?”

Delia laughed along with her, committing this moment to memory, of Patsy throwing her blonde hair back in genuine joy.

*****

“Nurse Busby, a moment if you will?”

Delia looked over to Trixie as they relaxed on the couches, simply enjoying each other’s company when Sister Julienne called to her.

“Of course, Sister,” Delia felt like a child about to be scolded as she made her way behind the Sister to her office. The door closing sounded so loud to her ears.

“Please, take a seat Nurse Busby. I know this is unusual, as we don’t often seem to talk in here together. This is a belated attempt on my part to enquire as to your time here.”

“Are you not happy with me being here?” Delia aske, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

“On the contrary Nurse Busby, I am relieved that I offered Nonnatus to you to lodge. You brought a light and a genuine care and empath for your fellow lodgers. I feel a sense of sadness in the house, and I am unsure how to return the joy that we seem to always find even in the darkest times. I have sought counsel, but the answers have not come in the manner I have expected.”

Delia tried not to fidget.

“I believe the discontent arose for several reasons. One I am not privy to mention as it was spoken to me in confidence. I am not blind to the moods of my nurses, at times I grasp to offer the most adequate of assistance for I am no longer young and the fact I am a Sister does impact my ability to sit with you ladies and delve deeper into the problems.”

“Sister?”

“I digress from the main point. I know that Nurse Mount’s departure was heavily felt, I don’t believe I am incorrect to assume that you and Nurse Franklin were greatest impacted. I feel as though I let down the women by not offering spiritual guidance before today. I hope you can forgive me. I prayed that the strength you needed would be received, and I had hoped it came in the form of Nurse Crane for you, and I do understand Nurse Franklin is romantically happy and enjoying her fitness classes. I do sincerely hope that you see that God spoke not through me but through a manner that were better suited to you both.”

“Sister, if I may?” Delia continued when Sister Julienne nodded. “I am not as religious as my Mam would like, but I’ve been known to pray so I do understand that indeed God works in mysterious ways. You are correct that Nurse Crane was a comfort for me not just with Nurse Mount’s departure, but with my studies. I believe also that Sister Monica Joan was a vessel of your prayers, for she and I spend a lot of time together. Your prayers are very much welcome, and I have not once believed you indifferent or ineffective. You held yourself with such grace when Sister Ursula was here that I took strength in you at times too. I know that might be embarrassing to you, sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” Delia knew she was talking too much, but she was so nervous!

“That is incredible kind of you to admit Nurse Busby. I leave this conversation feeling better than I did when I began, thank you.” Sister Julienne answered with a genuine smile.

“Thank you, Sister,” Delia rose form her chair and left, slowly closing the door behind her.

Trixie was nearby, smoking a cigarette. 

“Sweetie, all okay?”

“She just wanted to see how I was settling in,” Delia said.

“Goodness your face was almost as funny as the time Pats was called in when she first came here. But I’m glad all is okay. So, come on, I want to show you a new dress I bought, and you can tell me how spectacular I look in it!”

Delia laughed softly and followed dutifully.

*****

“Delia, can I be terribly forward and ask you to tell me a little of your courtship with Patsy?” Trixie asked as she lit up a cigarette to distract herself as Delia thought upon her question.

“I’m not sure I should, Trixie. Pats might not see it as the way its intended.”

“Fair enough, I would hate it if Patsy thought I was prying. Can I then ask, from your point of reference, did it ever feel strange to feel that way?”

Delia bristled, though she knew Trixie meant no harm.

“Assuming these feelings were wrong?” Delia asked sharply.

Trixie smiled and shook her head, knowing she was wording it incorrectly.

“I certainly don’t mean that Delia, I hope you know that,” Trixie paused as she saw Delia take a breath, smile and nod. “I suppose what I truly mean is how did you summon the courage to be who you are, your true self, even when you know people would judge you?

“It hasn’t been easy,” Delia admitted. “At first, I was so excited to be with Patsy, to have her smile at me in the way that she saved just for me. Our little adventures felt almost naughty for we had to conceal their real meanings. Yet when Patsy left The London and came here, I felt so lost. We had gone from near-daily interactions where we both knew where we would be and what we would do, to having to juggle my time table and her work here. It suddenly became so incredibly difficult. I started to feel the pressure, of that I cannot deny.”

“You two have such courage,” Trixie said with a sad smile. “I feel as though my own courage wanes too frequently of late. I am happy, of course, but I feel sometimes like life moves too fast and I’m forced to sit on my own and watch it, forced to be happy about it.”

Delia crossed her legs on the bed, knowing this type of opening up was unlike Trixie. She needed to give Trixie her complete attention.

“Are you still going to your Alcohol Anonymous meetings?”

“I am sweetie, and they are tremendous source of comfort at the time, but alone in the darkness it is very different. That’s why I asked, for if anyone knows of adversity and courage it’s you and Patsy.”

“I think to compare situations does a disservice to you Trixie, for you are doing a lot of this on your own. Please don’t do it all on your own anymore. I know Patsy would support you in any way you need, and I hope you know you can count on me too.”

“I think it’s just, well I’ve been here a long time. I’ve seen so many leave, and with Babs now gone it’s been challenging to paint on the smile.”

“Then don’t paint it on,” Delia said not unkindly. “Patsy said we are all family here, and Sister Julienne said the same in our conversation earlier. I don’t believe for a moment that we stop being family if we are no longer altogether at Nonnatus, do you?”

“I’m not sure, Delia. I believe that people move on, and sometimes we are left behind. I just hope I’m not left here on my own.”

“I can at least promise you that Patsy and I are not rushing off to marry,” Delia said with a laugh, that turned into a small sigh.

“If any two people deserved to be loved up in a flat together, it’s the two of you. Maybe you should look into that one day? Sharing a flat.”

Delia didn’t know she was crying until Trixie was at her side with a handkerchief.

“I’ve said the wrong thing?”

“No Trix, it’s just that obviously Patsy never told you that we actually had planned to live together, we found the flat and put a deposit down. The day of my accident Patsy was off to get a key set cut for me, so we’d have our own.”

“Golly, she’s a dark horse!”

Delia appreciated the attempt at humour.

“Please don’t say anything to her, she’d be mortified I was the one who told you,” Delia said in a rush.

“You are my friend as I am hers, think of me as the confessional, only with far better threads and an appetite for fun!”

Delia smiled, relaxing as Trixie spun her new dress around the room.

“Trixie, you know that I admire you, right? I mean to say is, I admire you and I want you to know that,” Delia said, nervously.

“Whatever for sweetie? Other than my fabulous sense of style.”

“You are strong, so strong. I don’t know much about your past and I’d never ask Pats or you to tell me anything, but I can sense you’ve not had it easy and yet you are so warm, loving and so incredible at your job. It’s no wonder Patsy gravitates towards you, you two are tremendously brave.”

Trixie sat near Delia putting out her cigarette, so she could clasp both the shorter woman’s hands.

“I think, sweetie, that you are truly one of the most wonderful people I’ve come to know here. Truly. I’ve seen mothers in terribly distress. Fathers do tend to be the worst mind you. I’ve seen death, I’ve seen what I assume Sister Julienne would mark as miracles in childbirth. I’ve held more hands than I ever could with a boyfriend, fiancé or husband. I’ve felt loneliness and I’ve felt happiness. Yet I’ve never had to hide my whole self from people, even those I care about. You have to do that every single day. I’m not just talking about you-know-who, but there is more. There is an unsettled part of you that I believe you hide even from Patsy. I don’t think it’s done out of malice, rather out of protection.”

“Trix, I,” Delia found she couldn’t speak further.

“I think that you are able to still get on with things, that you are able to exude some genuine warmth and dare I say, cheekiness, is truly the most remarkable thing I’ve ever encountered. You survived an incredible ordeal Delia and you are here with us, all intact. You had to learn to be you again.”

“It wasn’t easy, Trixie,” Delia smiled embarrassed.

“I should say not. I cannot fathom those days where nothing came to you. I longed for that when I drank, that the world would swallow me whole and only darkness would look back at me. Yet you had something like that, if Sister Julienne and Doctor Turner’s conversations on your amnesia were any indication. You had it and you didn’t want to be in the dark.”

“Trixie, are you alright, truly? If you can’t talk to me, can you talk with Patsy?”

“I’m surprising good, Delia, but I do ever so appreciate the kindness.”

“Okay. I know pushing won’t work, so I’ll drop it for now, but I will be checking in on my friend from time to time, okay?”

Trixie smiled widely and lit up another cigarette.

“I would really love that, Delia.”

With that, the conversation was complete, but Delia felt a stirring inside that she hadn’t felt in a while. Trixie was right. There was something she was holding back, something that frightened her more than anything else and it was about time she told Patsy.


	7. Change this Lonely Life.

Delia was loving being back at work on the ward. The London was so well-renowned, often nurses and doctors were sent here to learn the practices instilled at the hospital. Today, Delia had offered to allow three nurses to shadow her, which filled Delia with a sense of pride. Whilst she still had no clear path with regards to her calling in nursing, she thoroughly enjoyed the idea of helping others.

“Nurse Busby, can you explain why patients are not always seen by the doctors upon their surgery?” Nurse Sorden asked, standing near her with a notepad on hand should she require to make notes.

“The doctors tend to stick to their usual routine of rounds whilst we administer care when they wake. It can be quite disorientating when coming around, so we find it best they see the face of a smiling nurse rather than several junior doctors gawping at them.”

“Do you find this post-op difference is a positive or a negative? It’s just that where I am from, the doctors are incredible hands-on.”

“I think it works here, and whilst these things are often reviewed, it seems as though this method is best.”

“Do you find it hard when you have to, you know, look at their penis,” a very young and painfully shy Nurse Bobbins asked, blushing when the other two nurses snickered. Delia paid them no mind.

“I don’t, no. They are often more embarrassed than I am.”

“Unless you get the ones who are exhibitionists.”

Delia couldn’t help the smile as she turned to Patsy who had suddenly appeared behind her.

“Nurse Busby, a moment?” Patsy said in her best Nurse Mount voice.

Delia excused herself and followed Patsy around the corner.

“Everyone okay, Pats?”

“I just uh,” Patsy froze, rubbing her fingertips together nervously. “I wanted to ask you to come with me, tomorrow.”

“Come where?” Delia wanted to still the fidgeting fingers but knew she couldn’t.

“Out, for lunch.”

“Okay, sure. I’m off until the evening so that’s fine. Where will we go? Fish and chips?” Delia smiled at her dear friend but failed to see why this simple request was causing such consternation.

“Like what we talked about,” Patsy whispered, her face a full blush.

“Oh,” Delia said, finally catching up. Patsy was asking her out. On a date. Her beautifully professional friend who once chastised her for being too informal on shift was interrupting her to ask her on a date. Delia so wanted to wrap her arms around Patsy and place a kiss upon her cheek. 

She didn’t of course, but she hoped her eyes told Patsy just how much she wanted to show such open affection.

“Oh, stop it Busby, those eyes will get you in trouble one day,” she teased in order to cover up her feelings of embarrassment.

“I would very happily come with you for lunch tomorrow Patsy.”

“Okay. Great. I’ll uh, see you later?” 

Delia waited until Patsy left in a rush before she giggled affectionally. Turning back around the corner she saw Nurse Bobbin’s being chatted to by one of the doctors. She looked decidedly uncomfortable and her colleagues were of no help.

“Nurse Bobbins, would you like to come with me?” Delia said in a tone she hoped sounded more Nurse Mount than Nurse Busby. She was relieved when the young nurse almost ran over to her. With one last glare at the doctor she shifted her attention to the Nurse. “They can be quite charming when they want, just don’t be fooled by it, especially on shift. It isn’t tolerated to fraternise with them, yet they flirt shamelessly without consequence.”

“Thank you, Nurse Busby.”

“Delia is fine. Come on, I’ll show you the wonderment that is the laundry.”

*****

Delia was so thankful when the three nurses were told they would be looking at the practices of theatre and post-operational practices for the rest of the week, for one shift was enough for her. She felt terrible for the youngest, Nurse Bobbins. The poor things was wide-eyed, she knew if she wasn’t taken under the wing of a kind nurse wherever she ended up, she was in for a rough time of it. Her colleagues were truly wretched to her, which was hard to watch. 

Delia had always felt relieved that she avoided the majority of those clicks, finding genuine friends in Patsy, Trinny and Constance amongst a few others. She wasn’t sure if it was a case of a lot of the pettiness seemed to centre around a gentleman and she, clearly, wasn’t active in those circles, or that she was just too interested in her work and her life that she missed a lot of the snarkiest that other nurses seem to complain about frequently.

As her shift came to an end, she began to feel a high level of apprehension. At first, she was unsure why, until she surmised that it was all down to Patsy’s visit tonight. She hated herself for it, but she held a little bit of fear that Patsy would find a way to cancel their impending day out. She felt truly wretched for thinking it, but this was now extremely new territory for them. Pasty in particular. Her almost-brazen moment earlier in the corridor was incredibly unlike her dear friend, and whilst it filled her with a giddiness that’d make Patsy laugh if she told her, she did worry that Patsy would now retreat.

She hadn’t need to wait long to see if Patsy would indeed find a way to downplay their outing tomorrow, as she was stood outside her door with a sheepish smile on her face.

“Deels, hi.”

Delia took instant pity on her friend, opening her door and ushering her in.

“I shouldn’t have done that today, I’m sorry,” Patsy said in a rush of words. “It was terribly unprofessional of me to mix us with work and I won’t let it happen again.”

Delia handed Patsy a gin and tonic and motioned to the bed. 

“Please sit, relax.”

“I don’t know what came over me, Delia, I acted like one of those horribly arrogant doctors , chatting up a nurse where anyone could see.”

“Before you have an aneurysm, let me just tell you what I thought of it, okay?” Delia said with a kind smile.

“Okay,” Pats took a deep gulp of her drink, wincing at the taste.

“I felt like a giddy school girl. Akin, no doubt, to those nurses we make fun of from time to time. I desperately wanted to hug you and lay a kiss upon your cheek. I felt such an overwhelming sense of pride that you would indeed break with your steadfast demeanour to not only look for me on shift, but confidently interrupt like we were discussing patient care with that beautiful smile you keep just for me. I fell even harder for you today, Patience Mount. I, quite frankly, find you simply adorable.”

“Adorable? Take that back this instant Busby,” Patsy said, mortified at the description.

“Sorry, your Nurse Mount persona has not worked on me in the way you would hope since the second time we engaged each other.”

“Oh, is that right?” Patsy said with a chuckle. “Only on the second time?”

“That’s the time you were kind to me, told me to call you Patsy, do you remember?”

“I do, Busby. I remember seeing you before we even spoke. You looked so assured of yourself, even if a few times you seemed terribly angry at your sleeves.”

“My sleeves never seemed to sit right until you ironed them,” Delia said defensively.

“I saw you weeks before and so wanted to know more about you even if at the time I didn’t really know that, not really. I gravitated towards you at work, just to hear your gorgeous accent and watch upon the care you took with your patients. Especially when they were dying. That’s why I called for your help, remember with that rich mans family? I can’t recall their family name right now, can you?”

“Mrs Temple. Michael was the young boy.”

“Even that. You remember their names. Delia you are truly remarkable. I think it was quite inevitable that we became friends old thing. You balance me perfectly.”

“Oh Pats,” Delia said, crying a few happy tears that she desperately tried to wipe away. 

“Now, I don’t want tears. Happy or sad. I want to talk about tomorrow before I have to head to my room.”

“You do?” Delia cringed at how surprised she sounded.

“I know you most likely expected me to not follow through, and I know that’s because I’ve not given you reason to truly believe I want to try to be more than your friend. I know. I can’t showcase my feelings and I’m woeful at talking about them! I also know that you asked me out on a date and I suppose that means its customary for you to organise something.”

“Pats,” Delia tried to interrupt but Patsy rose and handed Delia a tissue to wipe her eyes.

“If you are agreeable Delia Busby, I would like to take you out tomorrow. I have a day planned that I know you will enjoy and it won’t look too suspicious that we are on our own without a male partner. I’m sorry it has to be like that. Anyway, if I may be even more bold, can I ask that you wear that stunning cocktail dress?”

Delia couldn’t help but grin at Patsy’s shyness.

“You mean the one I saw you look at the entire time we were out with Trinny and the other nurses? Your Nurse Mount eyes glaring down any would-be male dancing partners?”

Patsy opened her mouth to respond but found she was speechless.

“It’s a little too fancy for a day out don’t you think?”

“Maybe. But I would love to be able to see you in it the way it was clearly intended.”

“Oh yes, and how is that, Patience?” Delia teased.

“On a proper, genuine date with me.”

Delia was now the one rendered speechless. Patsy’s voice dropped low, seductive. Her eyes which always said so much more than she probably knew at times were laser focused on Delia, there was no hiding, no nervousness. Patsy was clearly signalling her intention.

“I’ll wear it,” Delia gulped, the sudden urge to kiss Patsy felt through her entire body.

“Thank you. I’ll come pick you up at 0900,” Patsy said, laying a gentle kiss upon Delia’s cheek. “Good night Deels.”

Delia watched her dear friend leave the room and not look back. She felt as though the thick air had dissipated a little, as though the tension left with her beautiful blonde sweetheart. 

“Galar da,” Delia muttered, holding her hand to her chest.

Once she steadied her nerves with a quick shot of Johnny Walker, she went right to her closet and removed her dress. She hung it on the knob and readied herself for bed. Tomorrow was too far away.

*****

Patsy was running late. She blamed it on the fact that she was plying far too much pressure on the date. She had changed dresses far too many times before coming back to the one she had decided was the one last night before bed. This was Delia, she wouldn’t be focusing on her dress in a negative manner. Delia wasn’t unkind or rude. She quickly chastised herself and finished up her hair, having put it up last night to allow it today to drop in long curls.

Taking one last look at her make-up she decided enough was enough, it was time to go.

When she knocked on Delia’s door, she waited what seemed an hour before Delia welcomed her in. In actual fact, it was more likely mere seconds passing, but Patsy was nervous! 

As she opened the door, closing it softly, she heard a gasp, quickly swallowed.

“You wore it,” Delia whispered.

“My first date dress? Of course.” Patsy also whispered her response as though a higher octave would shatter the moment.

“Wow, uh I mean, you look incredibly beautiful. Stunning. Lovely.”

“That’s a lot,” Patsy laughed, relived when Delia laughed along with her. It was an excellent tension breaker.

“I can’t believe you remembered,” Delia said with a wide smile on her face.

“When it comes to you Delia Busby, I can’t see myself ever forgetting you.”

“I’m the same,” Delia said, as she took Patsy in properly. The dress, the beautiful black dress with the jiggered lines, the fanning out from the waist. She remembered. Delia couldn’t stop smiling. Patsy looked truly magnificent, even more so this time. She assumed it was because Patsy was smiling at her in the way she seemed to reserve just for her.

“Deels,” Patsy blushed as she was appraised so openly. 

“Patsy, you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, give me a minute to be able to look upon you without fear for a moment.”

“Only I you allow me the same. Delia, this dress is even more stunning than the first time you wore it. This,” Patsy reached out as Delia came closer to her, taking her in her arms so she could wrap her arms around the bare expanse on her back. “This drove me crazy when I saw you remove your cardigan that night.”

Delia shivered as she felt Pasty’s fingers run slowly across her back. She placed her hands on Patsy’s hips an allowed the touch.

“Can you turn around?” Patsy asked shyly. Delia blushed but turned and felt Patsy’s fingertips trace the outline of her dress from her shoulders down. Patsy gasped as she reached the zipper, sucking in a deep breath as she turned Delia around to face her.

“My goodness Patsy, I’m trembling.”

“You are so beautiful, I feel like my heart has settled in my stomach,” Patsy said, taking Delia’s hands in her, kissing her knuckles gently. 

“If we don’t leave this room now, I might kiss you,” Delia admitted.

“Delia Busby!” Patsy exclaimed with genuine surprise, though the idea of kissing Delia stirred a sense of arousal in her that she never felt before.

“Come on, take me out cariad.”

*****

“Okay Pats, so I see a bookshop. Is this where we are going?” Delia had been on her best behaviour, only asking a handful of times where Patsy was taking her. She had felt a wonderful sense of awe in how affectionate Patsy was being with her. Little touches on skin, grabbing for her hand to help her off the bus and holding onto it longer than was needed. Delia wasn’t much better and keeping her hands to herself. She so desperately wanted to place little kisses on Patsy’s skin, to lean in her and have Patsy’s long beautiful arm wrap around her but she knew that wasn’t possible. She pressed herself into Patsy only as the bus took a corner, a smirk and raised eyebrow from Patsy indicating she knew what she was doing.

“Deels, I know you always complain about not having nice new books to read, that you’re always having to borrow because your Mam won’t mail you ones you want to read. So, I thought I’d take you here. It’s London’s oldest bookstore so you’d be guaranteed to find something in here. My treat.”

“Pats,” Delia was again struck by her dear friends kindness and the way she always seemed to recall even the smallest thing Delia had mentioned to her, or to others in her company. “You truly are the loveliest person I’ve ever met.”

“Oh Deels, it’s not hard to want you to smile, your smile can get me through an entire day until I see you again.” Patsy said with a brief touch upon Delia’s arm. “Come on, let’s go in.”

*****

Today, Patsy and Delia entered together for breakfast, Delia feeling her talk with Trixie the night before sitting heavily with her all night. She was so unsettled that she ended up leaving Patsy’s bed to lie in hers, awake. When Patsy woke in the morning her eyes drifted to the unmade bed but said nothing, getting dressed in the room while Delia waited for her, finishing up her book. Delia knew Patsy wanted to ask why she slept in her own bed, as they had not slept apart since Patsy returned from Hong Kong, but she stopped herself a few times and Delia didn’t address it at all.

Delia made a plate for Patsy, and fixed her a tea, as she often did. Patsy smiled up at her, grabbing for Delia’s fingers for a moment. Delia smiled at Patsy’s attempts to comfort her even when she wasn’t too sure why she was so unsettled. She took her seat next to Patsy and they began to engage in small talk with those who came and went before getting ready for their day together, separately. Delia was ready first, downstairs talking with Sister Winifred about driving when Patsy came down the stairs.

“Ready old thing?” Patsy tried to act as casual as possible, but her heart was pounding like crazy. She waved bye to Sister Winifred and closed the door after them.

“Is it strange that I’m nervous?” Delia asked, always the braver of the two, in Patsy’s opinion, to voice things.

“I’m so relieved,” Patsy said, explaining herself more after Delia frowned. “I was thinking that as I walked down the stairs.”

The both shared a smile.

“You look lovely,” Patsy said quietly. Delia was wearing a powder blue dress, with small red flower motif and a skinny red belt, a blue coat on her arm to protect her from the wind. Her hair was down with a red ribbon tying up a little braid-like style. 

“Trix did my hair, says it’s all the rage,” Delia smiled, risking Patsy’s reaction by hooking her arm into Patsy, who, surprisingly, grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to her, Delia’s hand brushing against Patsy’s chest as it settled in the crook of her arm.

“You have always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, Busby.”

“Pats,” Delia sighed at the affection clearly in Patsy’s voice.

“I thought we could go grab a drink first, then go to the enclosed dome in the park? I’ve had Fred promise he’d come past the coffee shop with the basket I packed while you were getting ready. A picnic where we can talk freely, I may have booked out the space for us.”

Delia nodded, smiling when Patsy looked at her for confirmation that her idea was okay.

“Okay, coffee and a smoke, cause I’m a nervous wreck right now. All I can think of is taking you in my arms and kissing you, Delia.”

*****

“You look so beautiful,” Delia whispered across the table. Patsy was in a green blouse that was undone enough to show alabaster skin with some delightful freckling. Her sleeves rolled to sit just below her elbows, showcasing strong forearms. She loved the feel of those arms around her and couldn’t stop finding excuses to touch them. Patsy had decided to wear slacks today, maroon in colour, sitting above her ankles. “I feel like you are better dressed for a picnic,” she laughed.

“I’ll get a chance to see your legs on the picnic blanket, so I feel as though I have the better deal here Busby.”

“Pats!” Delia looked around, but everyone was far too engrossed in their own things that no one looked over in horror or disgust at the blatant flirting.

“There was a time where you’d be trying to push the boundaries,” Pats said with a sad shake of her head.

“I’m not disapproving, I’m just stunned,” Delia said in a rush, not wanting Patsy to retreat into her shell.

“Nice to know I can still surprise you after all this time,” Patsy said with a smile, leaning back in her seat.

“I’m having a lovely time Pats, thank you.”

“Thank you for being who you always have been to me, Deels. Always strong, always forgiving, always loving.”

“Always,” Delia promised.

“Want to share a slice of cake?” Patsy asked with a teasing lilt in her voice. It was enough to break the tension with both women making eye contact and laughing.

“I will have cake if it is you doing the offering,” Delia teased, tracing her pinkie along the inside of Patsy’s forearm. Patsy shivered at the intimate touch but did not move away.

*****

Fred was only ten minutes behind schedule, going on about something with the carrot and a stray dog that Sister Monica Joan had taken to calling Éclair as he unloaded the picnic basket. Patsy thanked him in her best Nurse Mount voice in order to stop him from continuing his story, so they wouldn’t miss the bus. Delia waved her thanks and flagged down the bus, carrying a little plaid blanket.

“Trixie calls that the Patsy Blanket on account of the plaid pattern,” Patsy said, glad to get a smile from Delia as she spoke. She knew something was a little off, other than the obvious issue they were going to have to talk of, of course. She hoped whatever it was Delia would soon feel comfortable to discuss it with her.

“Snow has stopped which is good.”

“Yes, there was a bit when I came back, wasn’t there?” Patsy winced at their stilted conversation.

She was beyond relieved when their stop was the next one so she could be alone with Delia.

Whilst it was still cold, the chill of the last several weeks was gone, the wind not an issue today. The sun was out, though its warmth not recognisable. Delia pushed her hands into her coat, slinging the blanket onto her shoulder with the leather strap. If they were in her pockets it meant she couldn’t fidget with them.

She waited as Patsy organised everything with the caretaker and followed them to the small dome. Unlocking it with the keys the caretaker took in their basket and offered to carry it for Patsy who declined politely.

“I’ll come back in two hours to close up,” he said with a nod of his head.

“This is stunning Pats,” Delia took in the garden, running her fingers along the plants and smelled a few of the flowers. Craning her neck, she noticed vines snaking around the frames. She felt Patsy looking at her and smiled.

“I love how you take things in,” Patsy admitted, reaching out to take Delia’s hand.

“This is lovely, and so warm too!”

“See, my idea of a picnic wasn’t a ridiculous notion after all,” Patsy said, hugging Delia. 

“I never said it was,” Delia teased, snuggling into the embrace, her arms underneath Patsy’s jacket.

“Can I kiss you, Deels? I would really love to kiss you right now,” Patsy asked gently.

“I really wish you would,” Delia replied, moving her hands to grip her face. She felt one of Patsy’s hands in her hair, the other on her hip pulling her in tight. They kissed like the way they felt; relieved and sad. Relieved they could be together, but sad at the time they had spent away from each other. Frist Delia’s accident and memory loss, then Patsy’s time in Hong Kong. It was Pasty who moved away first, wiping the tears that were falling from Delia’s eyes.

“Oh sweetheart, am I really that out of practice it makes you cry?” Patsy joked softly, pulling Delia to her chest.

“I love you. I have been in love with you for longer than I even knew what I felt had a word,” Delia said, smiling as Patsy kissed her forehead. 

“Come sit with me and we can talk,” Patsy said, not letting go of Delia’s hand as they moved over to the blanket.

“I need to talk to you about something, Pats. Please.”

“Of course, Deels, whatever it is, we can fix it,” Patsy said with false bravado.

“Trixie and I were talking last night, and she astutely brought it up. There is something I’ve been too frightened to talk to you about. If I’m being completely honest I was afraid for myself too, and what it might mean if I spoke it aloud.”

“Are you, okay Deels?” 

“I am, but there are some things I need to tell you. When I was hurt, I was told that what I had was similar to post-trauma amnesia. The recovery time depended on the hours I was unconscious. From the time of impact to an ambulance being summoned no one can seem to calculate properly. There was a delay as there was a car accident blocking the road. People wanted to move me, or so I was told, but I lost consciousness and so they left me on the road.”

“Oh Deels,” Patsy gasped, thinking of her darling lying on the road with no one who cared for her to be near. 

“The doctors told my parents that my amnesia would hopefully be temporary, given I seemed to recall rote activities like going to the bathroom and using utensils for eating. I also didn’t seem to suffer from a speech or language delay so they were hopeful. It was more my memory and motor skills that needed time.”

“I never knew any of that Deels, I feared I lost you forever.”

“My Mam clearly took it upon herself to filter out anything that was heavily associated with my years in London. That included not telling you the truth in the letters she wrote to you early on,” Delia said bitterly.

“She wasn’t enthusiastic about me staying in touch,” Patsy said unable to withhold the anger at how hopeless she felt, sitting in that seat next to Delia’s mother, begging to still be in Delia’s life. “I remember sitting with Trixie and Babs, and I had your Christmas card all written out. Very vague, wishing you well and all that generic nonsense. Took all of me not to visibly collapse on the bed when Trixie mentioned how you were, and I quote, ‘in quite a bad way’ before leaving for Wales. I was desperately close to taking back the card and writing something more personal, something that I would hope you would see as a sign that I was still here, still loving you. Instead I looked away and got on with it. I didn’t know how to plead with you mother to write with regularity, without looking desperate. But that’s I was Delia, so desperate. Looking at your photographs, wishing that our Christmas was in our little home.” 

“Pats, I know you were terribly letdown, and I know you’ll never see eye to eye with my mother’s ways. That she never sent the letters I wrote to you will forever be unforgivable. Also not telling me that you had been told not to write often so I thought maybe you didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I am sorry. When I saw you on that bus, the way you looked at me, it erased any doubt you had decided I was no longer worth it. I think it was fate that we saw each other, you on the bus in your uniform, a uniform you know I always found quite desirable on you.”

“I always hoped you’d come back to me, Delia. Always. I also remember the first time I put my Cub’s uniform on, I was with you before the first meet and greet. I was terrified, and all you did was run your hands along the uniform like some someone possessed!”

Delia laughed, taking a bit from the small sandwich.

“Possessed? You mean attracted to my strong, authoritative sweetheart with the heart of gold?”

“Oh, do stop it Deels, I’m forever so embarrassed that I got all the Cub’s names wrong for the first four meetings. I do think some of them were having me on though, little scamps.”

“It was all I could do when they called out ‘dog warden’ to contain the laughter, Pats. It felt like we were a proper couple, doing extra-curricular activities together, sharing a private joke. I looked up at you in that uniform and I desperately wanted to be alone with you. To unclip your hair and kiss you.”

“Who’d have thought the Cubs uniform was an aphrodisiac,” Patsy teased, her blushed face betraying her feelings. 

“I think it’s more the woman wearing it. I must admit, seeing Phyllis in it did not stir the same emotions of desire,” Delia said with a straight face.

“I should hope not, Busby!”

They both shared a chuckle, Patsy pouring a glass of champagne even after Delia protested on the price of such a luxury item.

“Come on old thing, best spit out whatever else it is you need to say, I’m desperately ready to kiss you again,” Patsy said with a forced smile.

“Kiss me first,” Delia ordered softly. Patsy leant across the blanket, knocking over a few items in the process. This kiss was frantic, causing Delia to fall backwards, Patsy catching her by the neck, cushioning her collapse. Patsy continued the kiss, pulling Delia’s hands from her face and wrapping them around her. Patsy’s hands began to travel down, brushing breasts, coming to rest on her waist. Their champagne was spilt, creating a trail of bubbled mess but neither woman cared. 

“Pats, stop, we have to stop,” Delia pulled away, flushed. 

Patsy nodded, knowing that whilst they were left alone, the door was not locked.

“We haven’t been that carried away for a very long time,” Delia said, sitting up and fixing her clothes. Patsy decided to leave her hair out, unclipping and shaking it out.

“I know we always have had a restrained way of demonstrating our love Delia, I know a lot of that is my own issues with intimacy and showing love, but I do desire you. Always. I desire to lay with you, to touch and kiss you. I am terribly rotten at a lot, as you well know, but I will never fear the deepness of my love for you.”

“Oh Patience, I know that. You know a lot of what you tell me is through those beautiful, sometimes sorrowful eyes. I know when you desire to have more than what we can have privately, and I know that what you feel for me is how I too feel for you.”

Patsy smiled and began to tidy up, using several paper tissues to dab at the spilt champagne.

“Shame you didn’t bring your cardigan, the one that tried to mop up my drink all those years ago now,” Patsy teased as she batted away Delia’s helping hands. “You continue telling me what you need to okay Deels? I’ll be listening.”

Delia smiled at Patsy’s ability to know when she needed a distraction and having Patsy clean as she spoke would probably make it easier to get this all out.

“Okay Pats. So, the doctor told me that post-traumatic amnesia, doesn’t always come with long-term issues, but given we had been unsure of the time I lay in the street unconscious things were uncertain about long-term problems. That my memories returned was seen as a positive outcome for the future. The seizures concerned them more than my amnesia for they were confident in time things would come back to me.” Delia took the offered water and took a sip before she could continue. 

“The seizures stopped after about a month, though Mam acted as though a rouge blink was another “turn” as she liked to say. There is a small risk that I could relapse if I have another injury to my head or if a seizure were to occur as a result, especially in the first five years after my initial health diagnosis. That’s why the first person I had to see was Mister Hendry to talk over how I need to rest well, to make sure I take any persistent headaches seriously and all that, the usual.” 

“You never told me. Why, Delia?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you worrying or fussing over me like my Mam. I felt suffocated when I was taken back home, and I don’t want that happening again. I don’t want my parents taking responsibility for my health. I don’t want anyone but you to take charge of me if I fall ill again. I appointed you a guardian when you were gone, which is the best I can do, legally, but because I am unmarried, the next of kin will always be recorded as my parents. But if I fall unwell or something happens, and they are not easily contactable, I can ask for you.”

“Delia, are you sure? I don’t know if I’d be the best option to make decisions should that fall to me. I’m know I wouldn’t cope if you were taken away from me again, I just know it.”

“Then wherever you go, I go,” Delia said with a shrug.

“Wherever, Deels, for always.”


	8. Bring What I Am Able.

Delia was having a truly wonderful time of it, and she couldn’t stop looking over to Patsy with a wide smile. Sure, they were both overdressed for a jaunt to a bookstore, but the architecture with it wood accents and a moss green carpet and finishing seemed to welcome them in warmly.

“Are we late?” Delia asked quietly, noticing Patsy had looked at her watch several times.

“Late?”

“Or am I boring you?” Delia teased.

“That is never going to occur, but now you’ve seen me glance at my timepiece, there is another portion of the day that we need to attend shortly. We can return to the books after it though. They will hold anything you have your eye on until we have longer for you to peruse old thing.”

“Will they?” Delia asked gleefully, her arms currently holding three books.

“Here, hand these ones over, and come meet me at the second service counter,” Patsy smiled at her dear friend, overcome with affection and thanks that this woman entered her life. She allowed herself a moment to hold the Delia’s fingers at the first knuckle for a moment before moving to a more respectable distance.

“I just want to have a look at their classics section, I promise I won’t be more than five more minutes,” Delia said with a wink that made Patsy roll her eyes.

“Cheeky.”

Delia chuckled, earning a sharp look from an elderly man in a three-piece suit who was currently lounged in a leather chair, several books in a pile on the side table.

*****

Patsy tried to hold in a laugh when she saw Delia descend the five small stairs with an elderly man in tow, clearly explaining something of the upmost importance given the look of seriousness upon his face.

“Patience, this is Mister Rosen. Mister Rosen may I please present to you, Nurse Patience Mount.”

“Good morning Mister Rosen,” Patsy said with a small but genuine smile.

“Mister Rosen was a little cross with me when we first met, but we’ve since become solid friends,” Delia said, holding several well-worn books in her arms. 

“I do sincerely make apologies,” Mister Rosen said with a slight bow. 

“Now Mister Rosen, you don’t need to apologise, it was me who interrupted you,” Delia said affectionally. “And looks Pats, he’s offered me these books. We have some Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and a few others I’ve not heard of but can’t wait to borrow.”

Patsy couldn’t help but find awe in Delia’s ability to make friends with whomever she comes across so effortlessly. 

“That is truly kind Sir, I’m sure Delia will be suitably impressed with anything you have to offer her,” Patsy said kindly.

“I do hope you bring Miss Delia back soon, I come here a lot since my Ruthie passed, it comforts me while I wait for the day she and the Lord call on me. Until then, I try to look for a reason that I am left here without her. I believe it was today that it came to me, or she came to me.”

“Mister Rosen, you are terribly kind,” Delia began, but she sensed Mister Rosen wanted to say more.

“You Miss Delia, I believe Ruthie is telling me to start talking to people and not shut myself away and wait for the day I leave here and return to her arms. I know this is terribly maudlin on a day where you two lovely ladies are clearly all dressed up to do something. I will leave you for now, but please Nurse Patience, please return with Miss Delia soon.”

“You have my solemn promise Mister Rosen, we shall return together soon.” Patsy said with a firm nod.

“Then I will hold you to that and see you both again. Miss Delia, your light is truly lovely, I do think my Ruthie speaks through you, in a way.”

Delia grasped his hand in a firm shake and bade him farewell, the books he offered now in a little bag, so she could carry them with her.

“Mister Rosen was an old flirt,” Patsy joked as she led Delia through large doors adorned with stained glass and moss green frames.

“He was so lovely.”

“He was, and in a way, I understand how he feels, for if I lost you Delia I would simply fail to function properly.”

Delia didn’t care if anyone was watching, she grasped Patsy’s hand tight and pulled at her to look at her and not away in embarrassment.

“Now who is the flirt?” Delia joked, but the look in her eyes told Patsy that her heartfelt admission was heard and that she felt the same.

“Okay here we are,” Patsy announced, moving her hand away from Delia’s as the turned the corner and saw a large room filled with small tables. Along the back wall were several longer tables adorned with trays of food.

“Excuse me Miss, do you have a booking?”

Delia jumped, startled.

“Two under Miss Patience Mount.”

“Please wait here while I locate your table.”

“Pats, where are we? This is beautiful,” Delia said in awe. All the tables had beautiful white tablecloths with shiny cutlery, and what looked like fine bone china cups. Each table seemingly had a different pattern on the cups. As she looked further she saw the teapots that were being offered to those already seated matched the pattern on their cups. 

“This is a fancy afternoon tea Delia. Now, it’s more like lunch time, but they have additional earlier times on Monday’s, so I luckily booked a time that will allow you time to be shift ready without having to rush.”

“You are truly wonderful” Delia said, wrapping her arm around Pat’s elbow. 

“If you’ll both follow me,” their server turned on his heel and showed them to their table. Patsy pulled her own seat out and smiled as Delia tried to do the same, but the server placed his hands on her seat, pulling it out for her.

“Thank you,” Delia smiled as he moved to the side of the table.

“You are most welcome to attend the services table as often as you would like for the next hour. Tea and coffee is provided upon request. My name is Leon if you should require assistance please ask for me and I endeavour to be of immediate service.”

Patsy held a smile behind her hand as Leon smiled at Delia.

“What’s with all the extra attention?” Patsy said with a teasing smile.

“What extra attention?”

“You are quite the belle of the ball Deels.”

“Your eyes on me at the only ones I need or notice Patience. I know that sounded less saccharine in my head,” Delia blushed.

“I think it sounded positively wonderful, Delia Busby, so if you meant it please don’t try to take it back.” Patsy said, reaching over the table for Delia’s hand, which she freely gave. Patsy used their contact to lift Delia up from her chair. “Now come on, I’m famished.”

*****

They had left their fancy afternoon tea in just under their hour, with Leon almost chasing after Delia to ask them – her – it everything was satisfactory. Patsy escorted Delia out with a hand on the small of her back, not caring what the action looked like to others in the room.

“Pats, I know I’ve told you, but I’ll say it again, today has been absolutely wonderful. I have adored the effort you put into this day, and the care you’ve taken to make sure I am enjoying everything, but Pats, have you enjoyed yourself?”

“Deels, I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. Not only seeing your smile, feeling your appreciation as you lay light touches on my skin, and watching as people gravitate towards you has guaranteed I will never ever forget this day. That you allowed me to take the day over without doubt or worry, that you trusted me to know what makes you happy is truly a gift I will never take advantage of. Ever, Delia. I know I’ll have moments where I pull away out of fear, but I know that I will never want to be too far away from you.”

“Pats, my sweet cariad. We need to get on this bus. I need to wrap myself up in you.”

Patsy almost tripped up the lip of the road at the tone in Delia’s voice. 

“I was right Pats,” Delia said as she rested her wrist in Patsy’s elbow. “This dress did mean you were serious about the date.”

Patsy blushed and tried to hush Delia so those around them couldn’t hear but Delia’s smile silenced her. They would have to start taking more care, but today felt like the world was accepting them as they were.

*****

Both women walked back to the Nurses Home with slight trepidation in their steps. Patsy wanted to talk to fill the silence of contemplation, but instead shifted the bag of books from arm to arm to keep herself occupied. Delia was also nervous, worried what the end of the date would mean for them. She knew they could never be as relaxed and flirtatious as they were today. It was their one day that she knew she’d look upon with warmth. She just hoped it wouldn’t later be a memory that was tinged with sadness as they navigate a world not yet ready for them.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Delia asked, startling Patsy. “I know you have a double shift, but can I see you when you have your hour break?”

“I can’t Deels, I’m on the surgery rotation so I have very little idea on when my break will come, and I know you have afternoon shifts this week.”

“Okay,” Delia sighed, knowing Patsy was right. “Will you come in for a bit? Before I have to get ready?”

“I’d like that,” Patsy said with a shy smile.

Delia felt her body tingle with anticipation, opening her door and allowing Patsy to close it as they entered. Suddenly the room felt quite small, like they had to stand close simply because the space provided was so small. They gravitated towards each other in a way it felt almost choreographed.

“I can’t say thank you enough for today, Pats. The whole day was quite easily my favorite day ever. It was magical, honestly.”

“I’ll forever remember you in this dress, smiling at me and making everyone around you at immediate ease. I don’t possess that, in fact I’m sure that I rile people up upon first engagement, don’t try to deny it Busby, I am abrasive. I know it to be true and I’ve needed it you see, to survive. With you, I simply feel as though I always knew you’d never hurt me.”

“I never will, Patience. I will forever be on your side, for however long we know each other,” Delia said with a smile, pulling Patsy to her. She rested her hands on Patsy’s hips, loving the height difference. “I would really like it if you’d kiss me now Patience.”

Patsy smiled down at her dear friend. She took a moment to feel at peace, Delia’s hands gripping onto her hips, the smile upon her face. She wasn’t sure where to put her hands, they trembled with anticipation and a little uncertainly. One hand went into Delia’s hair, a place Patsy often longed to lay her hand. She sighed with contentment as her other hand came to rest upon the small of Delia’s back, travelling slightly to feel her skin. Every touch saw Delia close her eyes, fingers tightening the softer Patsy’s touch became. She longed to take control of the kiss, to pull Patsy into her, but she knew that Patsy needed this moment not only to savour, and probably tease, but to reassure herself that this was right. That they were right together.

When Pasty’s lips finally connected, it was the very lightest of touches, like both were unsure of the others reaction.

“Oh Deels,” Patsy whispered, pulling back.

“Patience Mount,” Delia said with a smile, pulling her closer by the hips. She ran her hands along her dress, across the forearms that always made her shiver to rest on her face. “Oh Pats, you are so beautiful, and brave.”

“I’m a lot of things Delia, brave is not one of them.”

“I don’t really have time to argue with you, Patience Mount, you’ll just have to agree with me, because I need to kiss you again,” Delia said with a small smile. “So, Pats, I’m about to kiss you, if you don’t mind?”

Patsy smiled and moved closer to Delia, arms wrapped her tight, and leant down to meet Delia’s lips. This kiss was more assured, both women now confident this was right for them, that there was no regret. Delia couldn’t stop feeling her heartbeat pounding a deep, loud rhythm as Patsy reached out tentatively with her tongue. They were literally feeling their way through the kiss, arms and hands at times uncomfortable or unsure, but at all times telegraphing intent.

When they broke from their ardent kissing, Pats laid a few kisses on Delia’s face, neck and shoulders before moving away slightly to catch her breath.

“You need to get ready for work Busby,” Patsy said apologetically.

“I need to call in sick, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding,” Delia said with a chuckle.

“Mine too,” Patsy said, grabbing Delia’s hand to place upon her chest. “And now with your hand there, it seems to have increased.”

“You flirt,” Delia said with a kind smile.

“It’s nothing compared to when I first saw you, when I came to your room. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to string a few intelligible lines your way Deels. I was so captivated not only by your beauty but in the way you looked at me. Like you hadn’t made a mistake, that I am who you wanted.”

“Want, Pats. I want you. Present tense.”

“Deels,” Patsy’s breath hitched as Delia kissed her gently.

“Now, you’re going to make me late. Go on, get on with your afternoon, and I’ll try not to have to explain to Matron the reason behind my tardiness.”

Patsy looked frightened but for a few seconds, then calmed herself knowing Delia was only teasing, but Delia caught the look of fear. She decided to ignore it for now, for now was about their date and those kisses, not about the real world. Not just yet.

“I’ll be thinking of you,” Patsy said shyly, waving before she left the room.

On the sound of the door closing, Delia closed her eyes, took a deep breath and centred herself. Now that she’d kissed Patsy, that they weren’t only dreams and what ifs, Delia knew that they needed time to themselves more than ever, especially if it meant Patsy would kiss her as she did just mere moments ago.

“Come on Busby, focus.” Delia nodded at her reflection and began to undress in preparation for her shift.


	9. There's Nothing I Wouldn't Do.

Both Delia and Patsy waved farewell to the garden’s caretaker as they left, full of food, champagne and smiles. 

“I still aren’t too sure about your decision, Deels,” Patsy admitted.

“It’s what we have always talked about, always worried about,” Delia replied with a frown. Whilst she knew her beloved needed time to process such decisions, she had expected that Patsy would be more positive about the idea.

“We have, but this kind of decision makes our situation a little more obvious don’t you think?” Patsy hated being afraid even after everything they’d been through over the years, but she simply wouldn’t allow Delia to ever be scorned or worse, should the wrong people find out about them.

“I can remove, Patience, if you aren’t sure,” Delia said with a kind smile. Whilst she’d be disappointed, she wouldn’t push Patsy into something that she wasn’t comfortable with, no matter the issue.

“I should really be terribly cross with you from withholding your medical chats, Deels, but I can see why you didn’t say anything. I would stand here quite hypocritical if I was, don’t you think?”

“So, you can also see why I need to add your name as a guardian? Why we need this little bit of protection.”

“No, not really old thing. I’m sorry, but that will take some time for my head to catch up.”

“Is it because you think by accepting it that I will suddenly fall ill, that I didn’t ask you first or that you worry people will find out we’re together?”

“Can’t it be all of the above?” Patsy asked with a smile.

“It can be, yes,” Delia smiled in return.

“Okay. Come on old thing, let’s get the bus.”

Patsy allowed Delia to snuggle into her side for the trip home, her mind going crazy with all Delia had told her, and she worried that she wasn’t ready to be the person in that kind of situation that Delia would need. It was something she needed to really think upon before she spoke of it any further with Delia.

For now, for now she would enjoy the unfetted affection her love gave to her, even if it just looked like two dear friends exhausted after a long day.

*****

Delia was at the hospital, Sister Winifred and Sister Julienne out on a birth of twins and on their way back while Trixie was on a date, but scheduled to be back soon to start work. It left Patsy with a little too much silence, which normally wouldn’t bother her, but she needed a distraction.

“Ah Nurse Mount,” Nurse Crane smiled as Patsy entered the room, magazine borrowed from Trixie tucked under her arm. She plopped herself quite ungracefully on the couch.

“Phyllis, how are you?”

“Trying to organise the rota for the next few weeks. I assume in a week’s time you’ll be re-joining us?”

“That is the hope. I’m to talk with Sister Julienne soon, hopefully after that meeting I will be better able to enlighten you in that regard.”

“That’s good. Jolly good. It will be a great relief to have you back out there, ready to take on any adversity with poise and professionalism. I must say I have always admired your ability at such a young age to be able to have a singular focus.”

“I suppose my upbringing of a stiff upper lip has been put to good use,” Patsy said sadly.

“I think it’s more along the lines of closing oneself off to the horrors,” Nurse Crane smiled in return.

“When one spends some of their young life in a POW camp, sees and does things no child should ever have to endure it makes one somewhat reserved. But that was what it was and dwelling on it does no good.”

Nurse Crane paused her needlework and laid kind eyes upon Patsy who was flipping disinterested through the magazine.

“I believe that you are a very strong woman Patsy, and I do think that there is a certain person who has been a sense of great comfort in those darker and uncertain moments, no?”

Patsy wasn’t going to be as comfortable discussing her relationship with Nurse Crane as Delia was, but she did appreciate the kindness.

“I never thought I’d be capable of feeling the way I do,” Patsy admitted. “I am ever so relieved for their persistence, kindness and at times, firmness.”

“I agree, Patsy, of that I agree. You once offered kindness to me without making too much of it, in fact if we are to be precise, you offered it on two occasions. I hope that you will allow me a moment to a repeat the sentiment with this one observation. You were missed by all, and we know one who missed you above all. I do sincerely hope that you are able to find some time to reconnect as the truest of loves must always be cherished.”

Patsy nodded, her magazine forgotten.

“You will receive no argument from me on that, Phyllis, and thank you. For everything.”

Nurse Crane smiled and nodded, returning to her needlework.

Patsy tried to focus on her magazine, but all her mind was occupied with thoughts of Delia.

*****

“Oh, it was truly horrible,” Trixie was seated at the table with Sister Winifred, both nursing a tea, Trixie on her third cigarette, talking with Nurse Crane upon their return.

“What was truly horrible?” Patsy heard the voices and more importantly, heard the distress Trixie was trying to conceal.

“We had a rough one,” Trixie said, her eyes saying more than anything.

“Let’s fix you a bath, Nurse Franklin. A nice warm soak will help,” Nurse Crane suggested.

“I’m going to leave you for now, I need to have some time of contemplation,” Sister Winifred said with a polite smile.

“I’ll bring you another nice warm tea in an hour if you would like?” Nurse Crane offered.

“Thank you, Nurse Crane, that would be lovely.”

“Come on old thing, let’s try to wash away the night yes? Go fill up a bath with your fancy French stuff that you rave about and I’ll fix us a little snack,” Patsy said, taking over from Phyllis.

“Oh, it was positively wretched,” Trixie said as she and Patsy walked up the stairs together. “I’m not up for talking about it, but if I do, will you be around?”

Patsy smiled and patted Trixie’s hand, knowing it would have taken a lot for Trixie to ask such a thing a year ago.

“Of course, sweetheart, whatever you need.”

Patsy went about fixing Trixie’s bath, and left her to it, returning down the stairs to gather as much information from Nurse Crane as she could, in case Trixie needed her help later.

“It was a stillbirth. The father didn’t cope with the news and trashed the place, inadvertently injuring his wife so severely she will require additional time in the hospital,” Nurse Crane said immediately.

“Oh heavens.”

“He threw several large items including a pot in their direction, Trixie managed to pull Sister Winifred away and it hit her somewhere on her back. She was vague when it came to the injury. He blamed them for the stillbirth and made threats upon their lives. Now neither of them took it seriously, but I have asked they both write a report and we will attend the police station tomorrow.”

“If you require me to attend, I am happy to come. If not, I will man the phones and do any other duties in your absence,” Patsy said, not knowing what else she could offer. She felt helpless.

“I am scheduled to assist Nurse Busby with her studying tomorrow, in preparation for one of her final exams before she is permitted to attend births and work in the clinic. If you could possibly assist her, I would be most appreciative.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Nurse Mount. Its time like these I feel most at wits end, knowing I can’t fix it for them.”

“I’ll take care of Trixie tonight. Val is out visiting her cousin, she’ll be back tomorrow, so she can help when you all go, but for tonight, Phyllis, I’ve got Trixie.”

“I have never doubted that, Patsy. You fix her something to nibble on, and let’s try to keep her on the straight and narrow, yes?”

Patsy knew what she was referring to and nodded her promise to keep Trixie away from alcohol tonight.

*****

Patsy was waiting for Trixie as she finished her bath. She smiled sympathetically when Trixie came in in her gown. 

“Old thing, you’ve had a night and a half.”

“That is an understatement sweetie,” Trixie smiled in return.

“I didn’t think,” Patsy said suddenly. “I’m sorry Trix.”

“Whatever for?”

“I’ll leave to let you change.”

“Oh Pats, I’m already in my unmentionables, I just need to take off my brassiere, you don’t have to leave for that, we’ve done this so often when we were rooming together.”

“But, it’s changed now, hasn’t it? Now you know.”

“That you …?” Trixie left the rest of that sentence silent lest anyone be listening. “Oh Patsy, you are a sweet old thing but that is completely unnecessary. I’ve had an inkling for quite some time now and not once did I think twice about things. Not once. Okay?”

Patsy smiled and wiped a traitorous tear from the corner of her eye.

“Okay.”

“Good. Now, tell me about your day.”

“I’ve been made guardian. Delia believes this will help us if she is ever ill or injured again.”

Trixie put on her silk pyjama bottoms on and then removed her gown. Patsy respectfully averted her eyes but looked up when she heard Trixie’s gasp of pain.

“Trixie Franklin, you need that looked at,” Patsy echoed the gasp as she saw the large bruising already forming around a very red mark on Trixie’s side, travelling down to, Patsy assumed, her buttocks. “I’m calling Doctor Turner.”

“Oh Pats, do leave it be for tonight, please. I couldn’t stand all the poking, prodding and lecturing. I’m simply too exhausted to deal with questions.”

“But Trix, it’s bad.”

“I’ll be okay, I’m not the one who ended up in the hospital.”

“I’d be inclined to suggest that you should be,” Patsy muttered as Trixie did up the buttons of her top.

“Duly noted. Now, I want all the goss, come on Pats, I have never been able to gossip about you and your beloved, so we need to make up for lost time.”

Patsy smiled, recognising the subject change.

“At least let me first get some ice for the bruising.”

“Okay. But don’t think this will get you off the hook,” Trixie teased, lying on her front.

“Deal.”

By the time Patsy returned, with a quick note jotted for Nurse Crane to allow Trixie a lie in, her dear friend was asleep. She hesitated, not really knowing if it was appropriate to lift her top and place some ice on it, so she shook Trixie awake, with a regrettable wince.

“Sorry old thing, but you really do need some ice on that.’

Trixie smiled sleepily, and lifted her top, allowing Patsy to put the small towel on her back. She placed another larger towel over it, trailing in on the bed slightly to prevent the melted ice to drip onto the mattress. 

“I’ll have to remove it later, you rest. I’ll stay in here with you tonight.”

“No sweetie, Delia will want to know where you are, I’m okay. Honest.”

“No arguing with your Nurse. I’ll go get dressed and leave Delia a note. She’s back late as it is, so she wont mind, honest. Now, you go to sleep, and I’ll come back soon.”

Trixie was in no mood to argue, even if as she fell asleep she realised Patsy did indeed get away with telling her all the goss.

*****

Delia returned after her shift looking forward to wrapping herself around Patsy. Whilst it hadn’t been a terribly emotional shift, it was an arduous one. When she entered the room, she felt the change automatically. There was no sense of warmth in the room, a warmth she came to associate with Patsy. When she made it in closer she recognised Patsy’s bed was made. She began to worry. Had Patsy had a moment like she used to do? Had she decided that physical space was needed? Taking a deep breath, she scanned the room. There was a folded piece of white paper on the pillow of Patsy’s bed. Delia nervously opened it up. It was very short, which was Patsy’s way with a lot of their notes. Patsy used to tell her it was so Delia could keep them and not attract suspicion.

“Deels, in with Trixie. Bad delivery. See you at breakfast if you are up? Pats,” Delia read aloud, her heart instantly feeling for Trixie. She couldn’t help but smile at the kindness her dearest showed and was certain that if she told her that she’d deflect it. She wasn’t sure if she could wake for breakfast on her own, not with it being so late now, but she hoped Patsy would come and wake her.

“Deels?”

Delia was changing into some borrowed pyjamas when she heard Patsy at the door. She opened it rather than talking through the door so late. Patsy came in sheepishly, not sure if Delia would be upset with her.

“How’s Trixie?” 

“Oh Delia, sweetheart,” Patsy caught her up in an embrace, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

“I can’t stay long, Trixie’s had a very unsettled evening, but I did hope I was awake when you returned so I could say goodnight to you.”

“You really are a treasure,” Delia said, moving away so she could continue to change into Patsy’s pyjamas.

“You are stunning. Truly.” Patsy ran her fingers along the expanse of skin. Breasts, torso, hips.

“Patience, what are you doing?”

“Worshiping you,” Patsy said, pulling Delia to her with the open pyjama top, shrugging it off Delia’s shoulders, hands now roaming freely. As her nipples were brushed by urgent needy hands, Delia pulled back, placing her hand on Patsy’s chest.

“Cariad, stop. Please.”

Patsy stopped immediately. Lowering her hands and moving back.

“I’m sorry Delia. I’m sorry.”

“Oh Patience. I don’t ever want you to be sorry for wanting to be with me, how could I ever want you to feel that? I know you must feel such frustration, that we haven’t had the chance to share ourselves that way since before Hong Kong, and I know we don’t share a bed like that as often as married couples are allowed. But this is a reaction to all the conflict in your life at the moment, and I do know we would both enjoy ourselves my love, but I don’t think we’re prepared for it, emotionally.”

“I desire to be with you, Delia. I need your touch upon my skin,” Patsy pleaded with her love to understand.

“And I you, Pats. So much so, so much that it often feels like I have an ache that I don’t understand until a look or a touch from you and I know it’s an ache to be with you. But tonight, just be the friend Trixie so desperately needs.”

“I need you,” Patsy said desperately.

“I can see it, even in this darkened room, I can see it in your eyes,” Delia smiled gently.

“I want us to go away for a few days before I have to return to midwifery. I want to take you to proper bed where we can be alone and wrap myself around you.”

“Patience Mount,” Delia breathed out her name, kissing her fiercely.

Patsy knew Delia was right, so she kissed Delia on more time before leaving, “I better go, but I want you to know I love you, okay? I love you Delia Busby.”

“Oh, and I love you cariad, with my whole heart. Wake me for breakfast okay?”

“I will, goodnight. I will miss being able to be in your arms tonight, terribly so, Deels.”

“I know, in this short time we’ve shared this room I’ve become quite accustomed to being with you all night. Goodnight my love, take care of Trixie.”

*****

Patsy finally fell off to sleep, feeling a little odd sleeping in her old bed, and missing Delia. Trixie had finally fallen into a sleep that seemed to settle her, so that was her cue to also try and get some sleep. It was Trixie who woke first, lighting up a cigarette, wincing as she tried to sit up carefully.

There was a soft knock at the door, which woke Patsy. She smiled groggily and opened it, to save Trixie from unnecessary movements.

“Ah, Nurse Mount. I was just coming to look in on Nurse Franklin but do not wish to disturb her if she is still sleeping,” Sister Julienne said with a small smile.

“I’m up, Sister, though not exactly mobile,” Trixie said with another grimace. “Please come in.”

Patsy moved, motioning to Trixie she was going to leave her for a moment, hoping Trixie would know where she as going.

“I am terribly sorry that I was not able to see you before you fell asleep last night, I was with Sister Winifred in chapel and then she was so exhausted she fell asleep on me. After I and Sister Monica Joan had put her to bed, Nurse Crane informed me you had already retired for the evening. She also informed me you sustained an injury, is that correct?”

“I did, bruising. Nurse Crane is taking me to the hospital today.”

“Would you like me to accompany you?”

“It’s quite alright Sister, Patsy said she would come along. I do appreciate that you came to see how I am, I do understand that it was quite the traumatic experience. But truly, I am alright despite being a little banged up and no doubt out of action for a while. This House provides such wonderful support that I feel as though I am well-equipped to seek a friendly ear should I require. I am not naïve enough to say this experience didn’t shake me, but for the moment, I am okay,” Trixie said with a smile.

“Okay, if you feel sure I won’t trouble you any further for now,” Sister Julienne said with a small nod. “Please do take the time you need though, we can find things that will keep you occupied in a safe manner.”

“I will do as I am told, Sister Julienne, there will be no heroics from me,” Trixie said with a smile. “May I ask, before you go, how is Sister Winifred?”

“She is seeking her solace in prayer. She speaks so very highly of how you reacted and handle the situation. I believe she is still quite troubled.”

“She was truly brave herself, I only hope she is not too troubled.”

“With God looking after her, and you, she will be okay. Time is the healer. Now, I must insist that you are assisted down the stairs. I trust Nurse Mount will be taking care of you?”

“She’d better!” Trixie teased.

*****

Delia was still fast asleep as Patsy snuck in, her body curled up in Patsy’s bed. It looked so cosy, and she felt a twinge of longing that crept up and settled in her heart.

“Sweetie, wake up,” Patsy gently shook Delia in the way she had done so many times in the past, when she snuck into the Nurses Home or in her bed at Nonnatus. Delia woke right away, as she always did. She was groggy, but ready to offer whatever support Patsy needed.

“Pats? Is it breakfast?”

“It is old thing. I didn’t want to wake you but then my own selfishness had me shaking you awake.”

“Oh Pats, you really are a sweetheart, is the door closed?” Delis said, sitting up on the bed.

“Of course.”

“Good, come here,” Delia pulled Patsy close, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

“Deels, the moment I met you changed so much for me, and all of it good.”

Delia raised an eyebrow, “all of it?”

“Truthfully there have been moments I’d not want a repeat of, but everything leads me back to you, even when I don’t always think it will.”

“How’s Trix?”

“Stoic.”

“Something you know a lot about,” Delia teased.

“Sadly, in many ways, we are very similar. But at the moment I think that is allowing Trixie to accept my help. Deels I cannot help but look at Trixie and see her injuries and not think of you that night you were attacked. I’m afraid I’m having some difficulty in separating the two incidents in my mind.”

“The outcome of both those events has a wonderful nurse protecting us, and I have to say from personal experience, there is no one better. I know you’ll look after Trixie with the amount of care she needs, even when she doesn’t believe it herself. Now, come on, I’ll get dressed and meet you both downstairs,” Delia kissed Patsy on the cheek and ushered her out of the room.


	10. All of My Beautiful Scars.

“Okay, everyone, stop gawping. I am okay,” Trixie put on her jovial tone that she knew people wouldn’t be convinced by but all allowed her to dictate how she wanted to be treated.

“In my moment of craft-creating, I have placed old seat padding that I procured from the second-hand closet onto your chair. It is in hope that it will act as a buffer between pain and comfort. It smells dreadfully old and is a putrid colour, but I am inclined to believe it will serve you perfectly. You are our heroine of the hour, think upon it as your thrown,” Sister Monica Joan said with a smile. Trixie touched her arm by way of thanks and couldn’t help but smile in her direction when she noticed she had also left two biscuits on her saucer.

“I have organised shifts, so we are good to take both you and Sister Winifred to the relevant authorities. In fact, Nurse Mount has offered her services for any emergency callouts, of which we are most grateful,” Nurse Crane said with a nod.

“We have postponed all non-essential visits,” Sister Julienne added.

“And Nurse Busby will man the phone,” Nurse Crane added.

“Goodness, it’s all organised! Now, less worrying about me, let’s eat!” Trixie said with an embarrassed laugh.

*****

Delia was filthy as she ended her shift at The London. She stripped her uniform off and prepared it for washing. She had her allotted bath time in half an hour so before that she gave herself a quick sponge bath. All she thought about all shift was when she would next see Patsy. She had hoped Patsy would surprise her, but it was a flight of fancy brought on mainly by the need she felt to be in her blonde friend’s company. 

After kissing her, she felt the whisper of those lips against her at the oddest of moments and longed for more. It was peculiar, to feel such a need for another. Delia had never felt it, never had the urge before she met Patsy. At first it felt just like a need to be physically close just by way to demonstrate a friendship. She never really thought too much about it until she began to compare her feelings, her wishes, to the way the other nurses spoke about their gentlemen and crushes. 

Now she felt an ache to be touched by Patsy and to touch Patsy in return and had no one she could talk to. She felt such a level of despondency that they wold most likely not have people they could confide in like others. That they would have to be dear friends to the world. For a moment she dwelled on this unfairness, as though she was personally angry at those who deemed how she feels for Patsy to be wrong. She felt the anger rise in her, but shook it off, realising that the anger would only serve to vindicate those who hated who she was, so she decided that for the most part, she would always look upon their journey with a sense of positivity.

Of course, Delia knew that whilst she was naïve in many ways, she was also aware of the world around her. She also understood that at times the person she’d been fighting against would be Patsy. Patsy had been through so much already; her natural instinct was to retreat and shut off. But so long as she made a safe place for her to come back, to be welcomed back with love, then she could hopefully ease Patsy’s concerns.

What she really wanted right now was to be in the presence of her beautiful sweetheart, she felt a strong craving for the older woman’s arms around her. Her lips on hers. It wasn’t possible to be so completely desperately needy for someone who had shared but a few kisses, surely?

“Come on Busby, stop acting like a silly schoolgirl. Bath time.”

As she was leaving, she saw Connie strolling past, arm in arm with one of the new nurses. She hadn’t seen much of Constance in a few weeks, with conflicting schedules, Connie’s new gentleman chap and Delia’s time with Patsy. She felt bad that she was neglecting her friendships but at the same time, wouldn’t change the time she had spent with Pats.

“Stranger!” Connie shrieked as she dropped the arm of her companion and ran over to Delia, hugging her close. “sorry to tell you sweetie, but you smell a little on the uh …”

Delia laughed, “I am off to bathe thanks.”

“Okay, so I won’t keep you, but we need to go out. Somewhere local? I need you to meet my chap! We’re going to be engaged soon, and I want you to meet him before its official.”

“Oh, wow, marriage!” Delia hoped she sounded happy, because all she felt was sadness. 

“I know, don’t worry I’m not in the family way or anything, I just don’t see why we need to waste time if it’s true love. So, I’m knocking on your door in an hour’s time. Ohh I’m so excited,” Connie said with a little jump up and down.

Delia waved them off, hoping by the time Constance was at her door she had painted on a better expression.

*****

It was hard. So very hard. Delia was sat alongside some man she didn’t know, listening to another man she didn’t know talk about himself. 

Constance had failed to mention there was a built-in date for Delia at this supposed impromptu meet up. So, she sat, nursing her coffee and eating a stale slice of cake with her shoulder pressed against the wall so she could have as much distance from her ‘date’ as was possible.

“Connie here tells me you’re a pretty swell nurse, around those sick chaps a lot, any of them try to get a little handy or propose to you when on deaths door?” 

Delia tried and failed to recall his name, so upset with the ambush that she was busy thinking of excises to leave, all evening. He was polite enough, offering to buy her cake and coffee, keeping his hands to himself. But Delia was uncomfortable and sadly, she didn’t rate Connie’s chap at all. He was smug and talked down to Connie who giggled along to the insults. Constance was a smart lady and deserved much better.

“I know you nurses are always after a handsome doctor, so I must be terribly boring to you, which is why I’m assuming you’ve barely made eye contact with me all evening,” the chap said with a smile.

“I didn’t know this was a double-date, I’m afraid I’m not looking for a boyfriend.”

“Delia is it? Look, I get it. I’m an average-looking chap.”

“That’s not it,” Delia said, with a smile. “Truly. I am one of those anomalies I’m afraid, a woman who doesn’t feel that marriage is what I was born to achieve. I feel that being a nurse is a priority for me, and I won’t deviate from it.”

“Well, a passionate lady!” 

Delia winced as Connie’s boyfriend tried to flirt with her. In front his date. Delia felt repulsed.

“Connie, I have to go,” Delia said, refusing to make eye contact with Leonard, Connie’s boyfriend. She smiled apologetically at her ‘date’ as she stood up.

“She’s a bore,” Leonard said with a laugh that made Delia feel extremely uncomfortable. “You dodged a bullet there Trevor. Can you imagine? I doubt she’d even let you kiss her on the cheek, she seems very frigid.”

Delia took a breath, her Welsh fire ready to unleash. She looked over to Connie who was failing to make eye contact clearly embarrassed by her boyfriend’s behaviour, yet not defending her at all. Even Trevor – finally she knew his name – was silent.

“Goodnight Connie.”

With that, she left. She was too angry to return to the Nurses Home, so she took a walk around Whitechapel, wishing Patsy was with her. Slowly she made her way back, startled to see her door was open just slightly. With no locks on the doors, Delia always worried about her security when she first started staying here, but after meeting Patsy she did enjoy the idea her friend was able to come into her room when she wanted.

“Good golly! Delia you almost saw me gave a heart attack!”

“Me? You’re the one lurking in my room, with the door opened,” Delia said, closing the door and almost running over to hug Patsy tightly

“I came to see you on my break, and you weren’t here so I was leaving you a note. I’m sorry old thing.”

“I don’t care at all, well except for the heart attack thing, don’t want you having one of those. I’m just so happy to see you.”

“I’m due back soon though, I’m sorry. I ate a sandwich far too quickly then told the Matron I was changing my stockings, so I was able to come say hi. So, hi, Delia. I’ve missed you something rotten, is that terribly sappy?”

“I’ve missed you since you left after those kisses Pats. It’s all I can think about at times.”

Patsy smiled at her dear blushing friend and felt compelled to kiss her. It was a particularly strange that she was now able to kiss Delia. It still didn’t feel real.

“Pats, are you going to kiss me?” Delia teased, tracing her hand along Patsy’s face. 

“I keep feeling as though you’ll say no. It’s not real to me yet, Deels.”

“Sweetheart, it’s real. We are real, and we deserve this, okay?”

Patsy nodded, a tear trickling down her face. Delia gently cupped her face and closed her eyes, allowing Patsy the moment. As she opened her eyes she felt Patsy’s gentle lips upon her own. The fierceness of her embrace demonstrated to Delia that Patsy felt the fire that she did and couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

“Deels, I feel, I’m not sure how to explain it accurately old thing. It’s a need? No, it’s more than that I think. Like I was meant to be kissing you, that we are supposed to be here together. My heart feels like it’s exploding into a million bursts of light whenever I think of you, see you unexpectedly. My anticipation of a smile, of your kindness always feels to shrink in comparison to the moment itself.”

“You are quite the sweet talker,” Delia said with a smile.

“I simply cannot understand why you want to be with me like this, Delia Busby, but I do know that I am so incredibly thankful for the chance to be here. I know I’m rubbish at emotions and I hide more than I stay and sort things out, but so far you haven’t seemed to close off yourself to me. I feel utterly mortified that you seem to be always waiting on me, and I cannot offer the same.”

“Hush, I like my Patience Mount the way she is, and I won’t have anyone telling me she isn’t worth it or she’s not worth my time. You and I have had something from the first time we met, I know it sounds like those trashy romance novels, but I believe we sought each other out organically, like our souls knew we would be good for each other. At the time, I believed it was in friendship, and now I know that even from early on, it’s been about much more, it’s been about us finding ourselves here.”

“What are we though, Deels?”

“We are everything they give names to in heterosexual relationships. We are courting, and we are going steady as the young ones say. I am attached to you as you are me.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is that not what we both want?” Delia asked gently.

“I think it is,” Patsy said with an unsure nod. “I can’t get there as fast as you, Deels, I can’t see how others freely give their affection and drone on about their partners attributes without feeling a sense of anger that that will never be us. I know that I want to be with you, that I literally tingle when I am near you, or think of you. Buy beyond that, Delia we are kidding ourselves that who we are to each other will ever be anything like a chap and his woman. That will only lead to heartache.”

Delia smiled sadly but kissed Patsy gently on the lips before sitting on her bed.

“Patience Mount, if you think I’ll be happy to just be on the precipice of a relationship with you forever, you need to stop thinking that now. I want it all with you; I won’t settle for anything that others deem acceptable. I know it won’t be easy, but we have each other and who knows in time, we will have others who support us. But can you really look at me and say you want to stop trying because others made the rules for us. We didn’t get a say, Pats, we weren’t asked, we took our own chance and look at us. We both long to be with each other.”

“But I can never ask you to marry me. I can never offer children to you. I am a failure in terms of building a strong sense of security for you should anything happen to me. I can’t even see you in hospital legally, I won’t ever be involved in the decisions. I will always be on the outside, a dear friend of Delia, nothing more.”

Delia jumped up in a hurry, pulling Patsy’s hands to her chest firmly.

“You will always be more than just a friend of mine. Always. We will find ways Patience. We will hit walls and we will feel disappointed by others opinions. But we will have each other. Things might change in the future, we have already seen so much change in our lifetimes. I don’t need you to be certain one hundred percent of the time, but I do need you to trust that together we can find the strength that we need to be together.”

“I can try, it’s all I can give you Deels. I can promise that I will always try my very best, and that when I fail, I promise to come back to you, even if I takes a while.”

Delia knew how hard it was for Patsy to be vulnerable. She knew that other people entering into a relationship would not find Patsy’s pledge terribly comforting. Delia on the other hand, always looked for what Patsy couldn’t say, and she saw hope, fear and a genuine warmth in Patsy’s eyes, in the way she gently caressed her as she spoke to her. She saw it in her smile, in the little gestures.

“Pats, my sweet Pats, we are only just beginning, let’s not worry excessively about the future. But I will tell you know, who you are is always going to be enough for me.” Delia promised with a quick kiss.

*****

Patsy came back from the hospital with Trixie and Nurse Crane. Sister Winifred had been driven home earlier, on Nurse Crane’s request. She could see she was still struggling, even after her statement and knew that she was seeking spiritual guidance that she simply was not equipped to provide.

“Never be afraid to admit ones’ limitations girls,” Nurse Crane said with a smile as she called for Fred. 

Trixie had been cleared of serious injury, some bruising and nothing much more physically at least. Patsy had nodded her thanks towards Nurse Crane for request Doctor Turner be the one to look in on Trixie. She really did admire the senior nurses outlook on many things, as though she could see her future self in her.

Trixie had been categorically forbidden by both Doctor Turner and Nurse Crane to do much more than clerical duties for the next week. Patsy had expected Trixie to protest but she seemed resigned to the fact that she was not fit enough to engage in her duties. 

Patsy managed to snag a few magazines and some sweets that she put together in a little care package with her beloved cigarettes and placed it on her bed when she returned. Trixie was taking over the phone from Delia just to, in her words, “take my mind off things”, with Nurse Crane’s permission.

Patsy would have clapped her hands with glee if she was that way inclined when Delia gave her a look that said she wanted her to follow. They had an hour before Delia’s scheduled study and exam time and Nurse Crane was taking the first shift for emergencies.

Back in their room, Patsy pulled Delia to her and kissed her fiercely. Delia moaned and wrapped herself around her beloved tight.

“I know I have hurt you, my love,” Patsy said sadly as they broke their embrace. “And I know I have always been the one letting us down. But since Hong Kong I’ve felt a sense like the weight is lifting. It’s a truly horrible thing to admit that my father dying was a lightning rod for clarity and closure, but it is the truth.”

“Pats,” Delia tried to interrupt.

“No, I need to talk about it now because I need you to know. I have oftentimes been a truly horrible partner. I won’t let you interrupt and rescue me. I knew, even as we sat on that bench and said we’d write, that I wasn’t going to be able to keep that unspoken promise. It felt like I was leaving for good.”

“Patience.”

“Please Delia. I can’t have you letting me off the hook old thing, because you know I’m likely to take it.”

“Okay.”

“Deels, I feel like after the first incident we had, those years back with Constance, that I never truly recovered.”

“Pats, we never knew she was going to be like that,” Delia said trying to calm the situation.

“Delia Busby,” Patsy chided good naturedly. “Now, let me continue. You have always been my rock. You have always been the one who allowed me to be soft, to show vulnerability,” Patsy smiled, knowing that Delia had always managed to know when Patsy needed her.

“The only reason, Delia that I always find a way to get back to you, to us, is because you allow me the space, even when maybe you didn’t want me to retreat, you allow it. I never truly feel like I deserve you. Yet when I see how you look at me, how you love me, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Given the life I led, I never really felt that I deserved to be happy, when so many died, or never recovered completely. Sentiment and emotion was never useful or worth my time until you, Delia.”

Patsy moved away from Delia to continue for she desperately wanted to lay her head in her beloved’s lap and let Delia comfort her. Not yet, not when she knew that Delia needed her to be open and honest.

“I love you Delia. I know I never said those three words to you until I left for Hong Kong,” Patsy smiled with an apology, recalling her face after she whispered in into their embrace. She knew it was truly horrible timing and saw it on Delia’s face as though she was asking her why that day of all days was the first time she’d said it. Over the years Patsy had tried to say it, over the years she knew Delia was hoping she’d say it but never pushed. 

“You have always been so patient with me. I said everything around it, always around it. I know it isn’t good enough, that the first time you hear those words they are said in my escape and that to you they may have seemed like goodbye. But I truly love you in a way that I never ever thought I could or even want. I ache for you. Not just the physical, although I certainly do desire you. I cannot stop but to think of you whenever I am away from you. It’s always been this way. From the moment I heard your accent and it captivated me though I had still yet to meet you, to your endearing first attempt at talking to me, it was seemingly inevitable that you be in my life. Now I know that there is no one else that matters to me like you do, and I don’t just mean that because my family has now gone. You are my life and I cannot and will not let you down again. I promise you that I am yours.”

Patsy sat, on the other bed, emotionally spent. She didn’t dare look at Delia. She had never opened up like that, never said so much without needing to hide or have Delia change the subject. She hoped it wasn’t too late.

“Patience Mount,” Delia whispered, wiping her tears. 

“I can’t say that I’m sorry, for I am not sorry that I am being honest with you. I can apologise for taking this long.”

“It’s not that long if we have a lifetime together,” Delia said, pulling Patsy to her. They clashed heads and giggled, until Delia silenced them with a kiss that left no room for interpretation. This was desire and relief mixed together and had they been alone, it would have led to them spending hours making love. As it were, they kissed with passion that they often feared would lead them to being discovered. 

“I love you so much that I feel so much fuller when I am near you. I feel like when we hide I die a little and then you say something sweet or smile that Pats smile at me and those pieces recover. We knew this would be challenging and yet here we still are, Pats. Here we still are.”

“Here we will always be, Delia. Together.”

*****

Delia was missing Patsy terribly. She had been on conflicting schedules at The London with her for two weeks now, St Johns also taking up what she liked to label as valuable Pats time. They had managed a few kisses here and there, but they were like ships passing in the night. The only thing that sustained her were the little notes tucked into books, magazines and study notes that Patsy was sending her. The content wasn’t scandalous in nature, but the sentiment was unmistakably warm if one understood Patsy’s meaning. Delia began keeping a little book of them, writing the dates on the back. If anyone were to find them they’d might think she was sappy but wouldn’t suspect anything else. Delia kept other letters, put into the book here and there, not stuck in like Patsy’s ones, but enough that she’d just look like a nostalgic old thing. It pained her to have to be so calculated, but if she wanted to be with Patsy then she’d have to be careful.

Delia noticed three new letters for her when she returned from her shift. Two from her family, the other from Trinny. She opened Trinny’s first and was surprised to see it was an embossed wedding invitation. She had known that her family was pushing her to marry and had begun to organise something, but this felt sudden. She hoped Trinny hadn’t been cornered into this through an unexpected pregnancy.

The invitation was nice, she had to admit. Understated but fancy. Enclosed was a brief letter, unlike Trinny who usually sent there to four pages. It sent wishes that she was doing well and that she’d love it if her old nursing friends would come along a day before the wedding, shifts permitting, to meet her for lunch. 

Delia knew she wouldn’t be able to make the lunch unless she swapped a shift and wasn’t too sure if she wanted to do that, not after the whole double date incident with Constance. Connie hadn’t even apologised since it, but was still gushing about her horrible beau, Leonard at every chance. Delia wasn’t sure if Connie was feeling family pressures or if she was blinded by her infatuation for him, but it was a struggle for Delia to sit there and listen when all she wanted to do was give her friend a shake and tell her he was not good enough for her.

She put it to the side for now, opening the first of the two letters from home. As she read through the local gossip and the match-making news, she began to feel a horrible sense of sadness wash over her. She longed to be able to write of her new courtship, of the small things Patsy did for her to show she cared. Patsy was not comfortable with speaking of her feelings the way Delia was, so little notes, fresh flowers, that Patsy smile she flashed from a distance then bashfully looking down, all these things she so wanted to tell her family.

She knew it was dangerous to begin to play this game, of wishing for what she couldn’t have, lest she begin to really fall into the darkness. She was happy, and whilst she couldn’t tell her Mam she at least took solace in the fact that no one would treat her with as much kindness, or challenge her with their intelligence and determination, as Patience Mount. In fact, one of Patsy was easily worth a hundred men. 

So she penned her generic letter, talking of her work, telling her of London and leaving off all ideas of male suitors. 

*****

Trinny had not taken too well to Delia’s letter saying she would be unavailable for lunch. She had obviously spoken about it in her call with Constance for as she was leaving for an afternoon at the book store Patsy had taken them on their first date, Connie startled her in the hallway.

“Deelssssss,” Connie whined, “you can’t leave me with Trinny’s new engaged and married friends while I am neither of those. At least you are completely unattached, I can sit near you and we can be scorned upon together.”

Delia had noticed of late that Constance was changing. She was no longer interested in studying or learning new techniques. She did her job, but she often seemed disinterested. It was a long way from the young woman who was always asking questions, challenging the doctors as well as gossiping a little. At first Delia had put that down to missing Trinny. Now it seemed as though her personality was changing, and she worried it was due to Leonard.

“I have to work,” Delia said with a shrug.

“Talk to Matron, she’ll change your shift,” Connie pleaded.

“No, I can’t, not for that,” Delis shook her head, this luncheon was nowhere near important enough to ask for a favour.

“You know Delia, I’m starting to worry about you.”

“Why is that,” Delia asked, starting to get very impatient.

“No chap, no interest in a chap even when one is picked for you,” Connie shrugged. “It’s weird.”

“There is nothing weird about wanting to be here in a professional capacity to learn skills to be a better nurse,” Delia said firmly. “Now I really do have to go Connie. If I can make the lunch, I’ll be there. If not, I’ll maybe try to meet you afterwards?” Delia tried to negotiate.

“Whatever,” Connie said, sighing. “Come, don’t come,” and with that, she walked off.

Delia shook her head at her friend’s behavioural changes of late. She didn’t dwell on it any longer, needing to focus on the time, she was getting close to being late for her bus.

*****

It was another week of stolen moments and letter passing when finally, Patsy and Delia were able to spend more than half an hour or so together. Patsy’s additional shifts had seen her treated favourable by Matron who had allowed her to select a day off in the week. Patsy wasted no time in picking today, knowing Delia was also off, but not expecting her to be free.

She had hated the last three weeks. They had shared kisses and laughs fleetingly, with her only true consistent method of communication made through notes and flowers. It was hard to be away from Delia for such large periods of time, and their relationship shift made her feel very unsure at times. They had usually just had an unspoken agreement that when Pats wanted to, she could come into Delia’s room. No matter the time. But now Patsy hesitated every single time she went to walk in, often getting to the door and turning away. Given their opportunities for conversation were limited (and often filled with kissing), she hadn’t really asked Delia what the ground rules were now.

So here she was stood at Delia’s door with another bouquet of fresh flowers, knocking like a suitor.

Delia opened the door distracted, looking up to see the most beautiful sight in front of her.

“Pats, come in,” Delia said warmly, closing the door quickly so she could bring her in for a kiss.

“I brought flowers,” Patsy said as they squashed between their bodies.

“Bed,” Delia growled, kissing her fiercely.

“Me or the flowers?” Patsy joked.

Delia pulled away from Patsy, stunned and, frankly, aroused.

“Your choice,” Delia replied.

“Uh,” Patsy’s initial courage now depleted.

Delia smiled kindly, taking the flowers from Patsy and placing them in the second vase she had on the small table.

“How long do you have?” Delia asked.

“All day.”

“What?” Delia smiled so wide she felt her cheeks hurt. “But you’re on the day shift for another two weeks.”

“I have today off. Matron said I needed a full 24 hours given all the extra shifts and asked me yesterday which day I wanted. I picked today.”

“Patience Mount you are a sneak!”

“Will I be forgiven if I tell you I’ve missed you incredibly so? It seems utterly ridiculous that I be missing someone I’ve seen regularly even if but for a few moments here and there, but well, I have,” Patsy shrugged, embarrassed.

“I have missed you too. Missed being able to be in your arms and not be looking at my watch. Miss being able to talk to you properly.”

“What are we like?” Patsy laughed. “Like giddy school girls with a crush.”

“Kiss me Pats, please kiss me.”

Patsy did, happily, and frequently.

*****

Both women snuggled on Delia’s bed, chatting away, every so often placing a chaste kiss and giggling when they bumped heads or teeth. Patsy had never felt so relaxed as she did right now, safely wrapped up in her Welsh beauty’s arms.

“I wish I had planned something, I’m not sure when we’ll get another chance to have this time together,” Patsy said sadly,

“Hush love, let’s just be happy we are both here, I don’t need much more than this. Except for some food a bit later, I didn’t each much for breakfast.”

“We can go for some lunch if you’d like. I need a few more moments in here just the two us though,” Patsy said with a smile.

“Something wrong?” Delia asked cautiously.

“Wrong, no. I don’t think it is at least.”

“Okay, spill Pats,” Delia said, kissing Patsy’s head.

“I was invited to Trinny’s wedding and I wanted to know if you were going.”

“The wedding yes, the luncheon no. Connie was not happy that I wouldn’t try to get the day off.”

“Me too, she was frightfully angry about it too, which was unusual.”

“Her chap is having quite the bad influence on her unfortunately. But I will make the wedding, I’ve already check the rota. Why Pats?”

“I know we can’t go together in that way, but I wanted to know if you’d sit with me.”

“Pats, if you hadn’t asked me, I was going to ask you,” Delia said with a smile and a chaste kiss.

Patsy smiled, glad at least that they would be together.

“As for Connie, Deels, if she sets you up on any more of those blind dates I might have to have words to her.”

Delia pulled Patsy to her and kissed her gently.

“Your jealously is actually quite sweet. It’s not possessive, for I know you are jealous more of their opportunity be so open than of marking me as property. You are sweet to care about me and of course you know that I am truly yours, and have no designs on anyone else,” Delia said sincerely. She worried it was too much, but she mentally shrugged, there was no point denying she was completely and utterly smitten with her beautiful blonde-haired nurse. 

“Deels,” Patsy pulled Delia tighter, rolling herself on top of her Welsh beauty. Her kisses became more and more frantic, both beginning to feel the shift from comforting and sweet kisses to sensual and desperate. 

Patsy was so caught up in expressing herself that she at first failed to notice her hands were touching Delia in places she had not before traversed. Over the thighs, onto naked knees and back up, occasionally brushing thigh. Up further, past hips onto breasts. Delia moaned and jerked her hips up, pushing Patsy down onto her tighter and tighter.

Patsy was spurred on by Delia’s reaction. She broke away from the kiss and began placing small kisses on her cheeks, jaw and neck. All the while her hands sought Delia’s breasts, light touches turned into small gropes of flesh.

When Delia’s hands began to settle on her lower back, Patsy felt her body warm considerably, and begin to rock into the woman beneath her. 

“Oh gosh,” Patsy muttered, moving her hands from Delia, and climbing off her friend in such a rush she almost fell to the floor. She ran a hand through hair that was dishevelled and tried to catch her breath. 

She looked at Delia and had to swallow a moan. Her dear friend was lying on the bed, legs slightly open, her dress screwed up at the bottom where Patsy had been touching her. On her chest were what she was convinced were material-shaped fingerprint marks from where she had been groping at her like a sweaty teenage boy. Her lips looked swollen and as Delia turned her neck she was convinced she saw small saliva trails from her jaw down to the start of her dress.

“I am so sorry,” Patsy closed her eyes, hating that she was committing the dishevelled Delia to her mind, looking so completely ravished even though they had not done much. 

“Don’t, don’t do that,” Delia managed to get her wits about her and trusted her jelly legs would in fact carry her safely to her panicking friend.

“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t uh,” Patsy waved her hand around as it that would explain it.

“Patience, look at me. Cariad, please.”

“Should I go? Do you want me to go?”

“Go? I’d ask you to come back to the bed, so we could continue what we were doing only I know you can’t now,” Delia said with a tinge of sadness.

“I was wholly inappropriate, and I express my sincerest apologies. I promise that will not happen again,” Patsy said, clashing her hands in the front.

“Now that’s disappointing,” Delia said with a smile as she slowly walked towards Patsy. She sighed when she noticed Patsy was taking very small steps away from her to maintain their current distance.

“I know I’ve let you down,” Patsy said shaking her head. 

“Patience, please stop moving away from me,” Delia had had enough. She wasn’t going to allow her to retreat. Patsy stopped but wrapped her arms around herself. “Pats, did I act like it was unwanted? Did my body not respond to you?”

“Involuntary,” Patsy shook her head.

“I ache for your Patience Mount. I’m not even sure how my body knows that it wants you so much as you are the first person I’ve ever felt this deep attraction towards,” Delia said with a nervous smile. “Pats, when you laid your hand on my breast, it was all I could to not to want you to take me out of my dress, so you could touch me properly. That felt so right and whilst I’ve never had that experience before, I know that its real and I know that it’s not dirty or inappropriate.”

“Deels, stop please.”

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but I do want you to stop feeling bad, or guilty. I consented to the touch, I welcomed it and I don’t think what we were doing was wrong. I don’t think you’re wrong or dirty. I look at you and my body reacts. I know enough about sexual desire to know that’s what I feel for you, and it’s something I want to discover with you, only you. One day. When you are ready. If you never are, then I respect that and will never try to instigate anything inappropriate. But I do need you to hear me, Patsy. I want you. I won’t ever find what you want to do to me to be anything but an expression of your desire and interest in me.”

Patsy nodded, not really ready to believe that, but so thankful that Delia was open and honest about her feelings.

“I feel it too, the sexual desire. It feels not wrong but different, but Deels, I do feel it. I don’t know what to do with it, but I don’t think we are wrong to feel this way. I am not sure that I am truly ready to think about doing that, or more, even if I sometimes make jokes about it. In theory it makes my whole body feel like a burst of electricity. I am so thankful that you allow me to take the time to feel comfortable and don’t judge me for it.”

“Never, Pats. Never. I won’t ever feel good about what we are doing if it is making you uncomfortable. Just trust me okay? Trust me enough to tell me what’s too much, or what you want more of, never do something or say something because you think I want it. I mean one look from you sometimes and it bubbles inside me, Pats, but I will never hate you, or shun you, tease you, if you are not interested in anything beyond kissing. Cause I love kissing you,” Delia smiled warmly. “Please promise you’ll never do something or say something that makes you uncomfortable just because you think I want it. We can always check in with each other, always ask for more, or for less. So long as we both respect each other we won’t ever have a problem. Just for you though Pats, I want you to know that you are desirable, no matter your scars; mental and physical. I will stand by you always with pride and adoration because you are worth it.”

“You are incredible,” Patsy said in awe. “I didn’t hate what we were doing, the opposite is true, but I just don’t think I’m ready. Mentally speaking. My body certainly was ready,” Patsy smiled when Delia chuckled. “So maybe we can go a little slower?”

“As I said Pats, whatever we are both comfortable with is best. We won’t ever truly enjoy ourselves if the other person isn’t ready. And in the interest of honesty, my body is certainly ready too, Pats.”

“Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been had I not met you, had you not managed to break through to me, and I don’t like how it looks.”

“Remember Pats, there is no shame in wanting me, or being wanted. What we need to work on is how we communicate. So, I need you to always be honest. It will never make me sad or angry to stop. I promise you.”

Patsy nodded, placing her hand on Delia’s cheek.

“Kissing, I need kissing,” Patsy whispered. The rest could wait.


	11. Love Keeps Calling Me Home.

“Now that you have been called into replace Nurse Franklin, Nurse Mount, I’m afraid any conversation we were scheduled to have is null and void, is it not?” Sister Julienne said as she welcomed Patsy back, in full uniform.

“I suppose so, Sister, though there are things still requiring conversation, but work-wise, I’d say me being here in uniform concludes that portion for now,” Patsy said with a smile.

“I’ve not seen a happier sight,” Trixie pipped up as she slowly made her way into the kitchen.

“We are often blinded by the exuberance of the moment, only to be deceived by the glare. It is not the case here, we joyfully rejoice the return of our red bird, whilst we also try out best to take care of those who cannot yet partake in the days macerations.” Sister Monica Joan remarked aloud as she passed by with two biscuits in hand.

Patsy grinned, gathering a plate up for Trixie who complained about people treating her like an invalid.

“You’ll hush and you’ll accept the help,” Delia said as she came in, laughing as Trixie stuck her tongue out.

“When did you get so feisty?” Trixie grumbled in a teasing tone.

Patsy smirked yet said nothing, but did notice a blush that rose when Delia caught her looking her way.

Trixie followed their non-verbal conversation and felt her heart clench for how careful they always had to be in the company of others.

“Right come along, we are still waiting on Nurse Dyer to return and have much to be before that, so let’s not dilly dally.” Nurse Crane came into the kitchen, then left as fast as she arrived.

“That’s my cue,” Patsy said with a smile at both her dear friends. She longed to bend down and place a kiss on Delia’s lips, but settled for brushing her hand along her shoulders as she passed, knowing that with only Trixie in the room there was no reason to pass that touch off as anything but affection.

“I’ll try to keep your first day back as light as possible!” Trixie shouted to the retreating nurse.

*****

Patsy’s first day back was anything but light, but you’d not hear her complain. She felt so wonderfully at home as a midwife, it was as though getting back into it was really helping her settle a little of the uneasiness she’d been consumed with since returning from Hong Kong. Val took over on Sister Julienne’s instruction late in the evening, which was fine, as she was happy to get back to Delia.

In a way, as she rode her bicycle back to Nonnatus, it felt as if she was returning home to her wife, knowing Delia would be up and waiting for her. Most likely in the kitchen, with a light snack prepared to disguise the reason why she was up. 

Sure enough, as she put her instruments away to clean, her coat up on the hook, there Delia was, sitting at the table in the kitchen, her head in a text book.

“Delia?”

“Cariad, how was your first day?”

“It was tiring yet a tremendous hit of adrenalin,” Patsy said, looking around. Delia smiled, and she knew they were alone. “I missed you though and loved the idea of coming home to you.”

“You flirt,” Delia teased, craning her head for a kiss that was quick but welcomed.

“I know that now, with me attending to Trixie’s mothers, that we have to postpone the time away. I am sorry, Deels.” 

“I checked with Nurse Crane today, and I have a week off after my final exam, and when Trixie returns, you’ll have three days off before being reactivated to full service.”

“Oh, you just happened to check that?” Patsy teased.

“I thought you’d appreciate me taking that initiative,” Delia pulled Patsy into her lap. “I wish you were in your pyjamas, so I could put my hands on your skin. This uniform shows me the curves, the shape of you, but I do certainly love to feel what’s underneath with my hands.”

“Delia Busby,” Patsy got up off Delia’s lap and closed her eyes for a moment. “Come to bed,” she whispered. “Please.”

Delia tipped her tea in the sink and washed the mug. Patsy reached out then winced.

“I need to clean my instruments,” Patsy said apologetically.

“I’ll get dressed and be waiting.”

Patsy took to her task with the usual diligence though it killed her. She bolted up the stairs and burst into the bedroom. Patsy had begun to undo her Kirby grips, as she had taken to the stairs, and by the time she was in the bedroom, she was undressing with purpose.

“Delia,” Patsy paused for a moment when she saw what awaited her.

Delia was standing in the middle of the room, the covers turned over in preparation. She was wearing one of the many pyjama tops she had ‘borrowed’ from Patsy. Just that. And it was undone save from the last three buttons.

“Deels, please don’t be teasing me, I don’t think I could take it,” Patsy begged as she stood stuck, not sure if this was an invitation or she had simply caught Delia getting ready for bed.

“No teasing,” Delia said softly. 

“Oh.”

Patsy was a stickler for organisation. She knew how to make a good impression, to be fastidious with her work. But when it came to Delia she was often discombobulated. Her uniform was taken off without the usual care. It was thrown onto Delia’s bed, with no concern for how it landed. Shoes were scattered and not put away and polished. She stood in her undergarments, and felt a few tears drop to her chest.

“Cariad,” Delia moved to Patsy, knowing her dearest was suddenly unsure. “I want you to touch me.”

Patsy smiled and wiped away the tears. She ran her finger from Delia’s throat down through the valley of her breasts to the buttons that were still done up. Delia trembled at not only the touch but the look of intensity in Patsy’s eyes.

“I don’t know where to start,” Patsy’s voice trembled.

“Anywhere you’d like,” Delia replied as she began to undress Patsy. Soon, both women were working at the garters, the hooks in the bra, and unrolling the stockings in an almost comical manner. It helped to break the tension that had settled.

“You are by far the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, Patsy.”

“Would it be terribly mood breaking to mention I’m the only woman you’ve seen in this manner?” Patsy teased, feeling Delia laugh against her neck.

“You lived through such heartache, tremendous pain and suffering, and yet you found a way to open up yourself to be loved, you are remarkable.” Delia whispered against Patsy’s skin, hands still on Patsy’s hips.

“Bed,” Patsy grunted as Delia gently traced her tongue around her nipple.

Delia walked Patsy backwards, pushing her gently to sit on the bed. She stood away from her and took off the pyjama top, throwing it on the other bed with the flick of her wrist.

“Oh Delia,” Patsy reached out for Delia, who didn’t hesitate to sit on her lap and take her in a fiery kiss. Patsy’s hands were everywhere Delia hoped her mouth would later travel. When she brushed her fingers further and felt a wetness that never failed to astonish her, Patsy knew that she’d never tire of being with Delia this way.

“I need to lie down,” Delia trembled. “I need you on top of me.”

Patsy loved how Delia was able to let her know what she wanted without fear. It had taken Patsy a very long time to verbalise her wants, at times because she wasn’t sure what she wanted. 

“Oh darling, you are exquisite,” Patsy began to let her lips and her hands do her talking. Delia held in her moans which was such a shame, but she understood it. It was impossible to be so open in places like this, with some many people around, but she felt how Delia responded to her and that was enough.

Delia felt her skin was on fire, like a fever yet to break. Patsy’s touch thorough, as always. She never allowed Delia to be left unsatisfied, it wasn’t clinical, it was thoughtful and loving. As Patsy’s tongue gently paid attention to her breasts, her hands were touching her thighs and stomach where she was quite sensitive, working her into a frenzy.

“I love you,” Patsy whispered into skin. This was the first time together like this that she had said those words aloud, always on the precipice but too afraid to voice them. She never lacked feeling a sense of happiness and awe that Delia was so open and honest with her, it seemed to surround them all the time, no more so than when they managed to make love. 

“Pats, please.”

“I’m here, I’m touching you,” Patsy whispered, gently touching Delia where she needed. She gasped as Delia took her wrist and thrust her hand hard. “Delia!”

“I need it Patience, please.”

Patsy nodded and added power behind her thrusts, hoping the extra exertion wouldn’t alert their neighbours. She kissed the moans into her mouth, and it felt powerful like she was consuming Delia in a way that felt whole-bodied. 

Delia pulled at Patsy, grabbing her by the hips as she rode out her wave. She felt her body tense then relax and couldn’t help but giggle as Patsy laid on her, kissing her way up her body.

“What’s so funny, Deels?”

“Nothing really, I think it’s just tension releasing.”

“Good, would hate for you to think my technique was amusing after all this time,” Patsy teased, kissing Delia on the lips hard.

“You never disappoint, my love, never. My goodness you are amazing. Up above me, panting with me, sexy and oh so commanding.”

“Deels,” Patsy groaned as Delia’s hands began massaging her very sensitive breasts. “I need more tonight, and quickly.”

Delia loved a lot of things about Patsy. One of them was how confident she had become at addressing what she wanted, so with a grin, and a quick kiss, Delia moved further down, kissing a trail as she reached where Patsy needed, where she asked. She closed her eyes for but a moment, to just take the time to settle Patsy who she knew often needed it before Delia began. This was an intensely personal moment, and it was one she always double-checked with Patsy before she laid her mouth on her. Patsy nodded, smiling.

“Good grief,” Patsy whispered into the room on the first touch of Delia’s tongue. When she felt the added pressure of fingers she almost forgot that she had to keep quiet. She bit into her hand to stem the sound that she knew would fall out under the stunning ministrations of Delia.

She had been accurate, it was quick. It was explosive and fantastically arousing, but it was quick. She was almost sad that she hadn’t been able to last longer, but given the build-up, she wasn’t going to be that upset. Not when Delia was looking at her with such wonderment and love.

“You know, your body has seen trauma, as has mine. Your scars are beyond the flesh, and I know you always try to hide them, but through our traumas we found each other. It’s not always perfect,” Delia smiled when Patsy’s raised her eyebrow. “But we are here. You’re here. This body is stunning, of that I tell you often, but its’ your heart that shines the brightest. You are captivating.”

“And you are in the afterglow so everything would be amazing,” Patsy teased.

“You can’t just take a compliment, can you?” Delia smiled as she laid kisses on Patsy’s stomach.

“I’m sorry that we can’t lie here like this all night,” Patsy said as she began to close her eyes, so spent. “I want to wake to you, naked alongside me, and touch you without fear of being interrupted.”

“I know Cariad, but we have this, so let’s take it. You stay here, I’ll get us something to wear and I’ll hang up your uniform.”

“No Deels, I can do it,” Patsy said, pulling the sheet over her body, chilled in the absence of Delia.

“Hush, Patience. Let me do this, let me live with the moment that we are in our own house, in our own bedroom and I’m being domestic,” Delia said as she put on a pair of pyjamas and found a pair for Pats.

Patsy smiled, happy to take the moments they could. 

*****

The next morning, they awoke with a smile and a quick kiss. Both women made a pact with themselves not to ruin the evening before with verbal confirmation that it hurt to now return to being friends as soon as they left their room. Instead, they helped each other dress, laying kisses where possible.

“I won’t be back until the evening, you?” Patsy asked as they left the room, a quick brush of the hands was all Patsy could do.

“The same. Then Nurse Crane has me learning the phone for two hours.”

“The same phone you used perfectly to deliver a baby?” Patsy asked with a surprised eyebrow.

“One in the same.”

“Golly, she’s really taking this mentoring thing extremely.”

“I’ll learn whatever I need Pats, if it means one day I can be out there with you, delivering babies,” Delia said with a shy smile.

“I have time for a tea and that’s about it, but would it be terribly rude to ask you to see me off this morning? I just can’t seem to want to be too far away from you until it’s absolutely required,” Patsy said shyly.

“Of course, Pats. I know how you feel afterwards. I’ll wave you off at the door, just let me get an apple.” Delia smiled as Pats made a tea, took a few sips then bade those up for the breakfast a farewell. Delia packed a small brown paper bag with two apples and a jam sandwich hastily fashioned together and made her way to the front door.

Patsy was grabbing her bicycle and chatting to Fred who was fixing a bike chain. He saw Delia and smiled as he was mumbling to himself about a search for a tool, which allowed Delia the chance to make sure she put the food into Patsy’s bag and sneak a little touch on Patsy’s arm and wrist.

“You truly are a saint Delia Busby. Taking such good care of me all the time,” Patsy said with a smile.

“Make sure you eat okay Pats? You’ll be tired today,” Delia said kindly.

“Is that a joke about last night?” Patsy whispered, enjoying the blush on Delia’s face.

“No! It was in regard to your shift!” Delia laughed. “You are terribly incorrigible sometimes Nurse Mount.”

“Only with you Deels, only with you. How I long to kiss you goodbye right now,” Patsy said with a shrug. “But I will settle for the look on your face, and how cute you look with your hair down and a little unkept.”

Delia smiled, once more running her hand down Patsy’s forearm, covered by her coat. “Please stay warm and watch the roads with the snow, okay? I’ll see you tonight cariad.”

With that, Patsy nodded and went into Nurse Mount mode, pushing off the side of the pavement with one foot, stabilising herself on the bike. Delia waved as Patsy looked back with a grin and stood there in the cold until Patsy had turned the corner.

“Nurse Busby, can I help you with something?” Fred asked kindly. He rubbed his hands together to keep warm.

“Just making sure Nurse Mount had something to eat, you know how these midwifes get when on home visits,” Delia joked.

“Well soon you’ll be one of them,” Fred said with a smile. “And I know that, well, these bikes might bring back some uh, past issues, but Nurse Mount is a pretty good proficiency teacher if you need one. Or I can help you with the mechanics of it, if it helps too.”

“Thank you, that’s terribly kind,” Delia said with a smile.

“We can talk upon it later, but now you best be inside, won’t have Nurse Crane coming here to lecture me on taking up your time and keeping you out in the snow without proper attire!"

Delia laughed and took her leave.

“Whatever were you doing out in the snow without a jacket?” Was the first thing she heard when she opened to door to Nonnatus. Trixie standing, leant against the bannister with an almost-identical pose to a Nurse Mount one.

“It wasn’t snowing, just cold,” Delia replied.

“Goodness Delia, did Patsy see you be so reckless?” Trixie asked harshly.

Delia opened her mouth to reply but stopped when Trixie shook her head and put her hand up.

“I do apologise Delia, that was unkind and unnecessary.”

“Trixie, I need a tea, I can make one for you?” Delia smiled, letting Trixie know there was no harm done.

“I’d love that. I have half an hour until I’m to report to Nurse Crane.”

“Come along,” Delia said, offering her arm, which Trixie refused to take initially, but as she took a few steps, Delia felt a warm hand grab her elbow.

“I truly am sorry about snapping at you,” Trixie said as she nursed her tea.

“Trix, I’ve spent years with Pats, I know that it comes from something else, I don’t take it personally. Honest. I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Are you an angel? You are incredibly forgiving,” Trixie said, reaching across the table for Delia’s hand.

“No, but I’ve learnt sometimes the harshness is a wall put up to protect and it’s not up to me to dictate how someone should react to trauma. Patsy and you are alike in that way, very strong women with the capacity to love so fiercely that you hide so you don’t get hurt. Sometimes you lash out because you think that’s the best way to stave off the concern of others.”

“Gracious, do you have a brother who thinks the same as you? I may very well be in love with him through you already if you do!” Trixie laughed.

“Trixie, I know I’m not Pats, or Barbara, but I do care about you and I am here if you want to say something. I hope you know that if you spoke with me, I wouldn’t even broach it with Pats unless you gave permission, you can trust I’ll maintain your confidentiality. Just please, talk with someone, don’t do it alone and don’t retreat into habits of old. Now, I have to get ready, but come find me if you need to, sweetheart?” Delia squeezed their joined hands and kissed Trixie in the forehead, moving away to give Trixie the privacy to think it over.

*****

It was the day of Trinny’s wedding. Delia had been required (it was more like begging) to go to the Church to help Trinny so she hadn’t yet seen Patsy since a few nights before. It was several months into their courtship now and Delia still wasn’t sure what they were calling each other. Girlfriends? It seemed so mundane, when all Delia wanted to call her was her beloved. Patsy seemed incredibly disinterested in labelling it, so she hadn’t pushed.

“Oh my, upstaging the bride is not allowed,” Trinny teased as she saw Delia’s dress. “You look beautiful Deels. I look like a meringue.”

Delia laughed, taking in Trinny’s dress. It was, for want of a better word, puffy.

“It’s not my choice. It is a family heirloom or something and I couldn’t say no.”

“I think whatever you’ll wear will be enough for your fiancé,” Delia said kindly.

“So, you hate it too then?” Trinny said with a smile. “No matter, I’m resigned to it now.”

“Where are your bridesmaids?” 

“Don’t have any. Connie is furious! This whole thing has been planned by my fiancé’s family. They are paying for it, they get the say.”

“Can I at least meet him before the wedding?”

“He’s in the room down the hall, my sister can take you. He’s nice Delia, he’s kind. Not my type, and there is zero chemistry on my end, but he’ll at least take care of me well.”

Delia nodded, desperately trying not to compare Trinny’s circumstance with hers and Pats.

She was ushered down the hall by a very chatty sister. Delia wasn’t listening, too focused on imaging if she and Pats were ever able to marry, knowing it was a foolish daydream.

“Here, I’ll just knock,” Helen said, knocking loudly. “I’ll be by the door, leave it open okay?”

“Come in, come in,” a jovial man looked over his shoulder at Delia, smiling and taking in her dress. Delia felt uncomfortable with the gaze, wishing she had bought her cardigan with her.

“I’m Delia, Trinny’s friend from the Nurses Home.”

“Splendid! I’m Trevor, nice to meet you, Delia” Trevor shook Delia’s hand softly, letting go and focusing on his tie.

“It’s a little odd to meet on the wedding day, but hi,” Delia said, with a small smile.

“I know you’ll want to quiz me on Trinny and tell me to treat her right, but I can assure you my father’s money will keep us both well-off and someday if she wanted, after a few children, she can get back into nursing.”

“I just hope you treat her as an equal,” Delia said, smiling as he nodded.

“Of course. Well sometimes I’ll be the boss on matters, but she won’t be treated poorly.”

Delia had already had enough of this conversation and made to excuse herself. Trevor stopped her, asking for help.

“It’s just my tie, it’s not sitting. Can you help me?”

Delia nodded and began to redo Trevor’s tie. He stood very still, hands to his side, waiting.

“Trevor, I’m just coming in for a,” Connie paused at the door, watching Delia readjust his tie. “Well that looked cosy” she snarked. 

“Hi Connie,” the warmth that Delia was greeted with was missing from Trevor’s tone when he spoke to Constance. 

“What’s going on here? One last hurrah before married life?”

“Delia was doing my tie,” Trevor frowned.

“Sure she was. Single woman in the room with a soon-to-be married man?”

“Honestly Connie, what’s gotten into you?” Delia asked, angrily. She was too angry to point out that they exact thing she was accusing Delia of she had sought to do mere seconds before.

“Leonard said there was something about you, something that was odd.”

“Right, a man who met me once,” Delia rolled her eyes.

“You are having an affair with Trevor, aren’t you? You get secret notes, I know you do, and all those fresh flowers? And the new dresses, skipping off to god knows were. If you had a chap you were proud of, you wouldn’t be so secretive.”

Delia flashed a momentarily bit of panic knowing that Connie had been going through her things but would deal with that later.

“I met her right now,” Trevor said with a puzzled look on his face.

“And that’s what you’d be expecting to say!” Constance shouted.

“What’s going on?” Trinny’s sister showed up, face full of thunder.

“She’s on with Trevor!” Constance shouted.

Helen looked at Trevor who looked completely bewildered, and Delia who looked just as puzzled with an underlying look of anger and began to laugh.

“I’d hardly think Trinny would find this funny,” Constance said, shocked that her accusation wasn’t taken seriously.

“Get out,” Helen squared at Constance. 

Connie wanted to challenge it, but decided against it, flouncing out of the room.

“Helen,” Trevor began.

“It’s okay, I know it isn’t true. Don’t worry.”

“Her chap is a right so-and-so, seems it’s rubbed off onto Connie” Delia muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Trevor said, turning to Delia. “If only I knew how to do my own tie, I hope she won’t be too much of an issue for you,” he said with genuine concern. Delia smiled, seeing what Trinny meant about him.

“It’s really fine. I can handle her,” Delia said with bravado she didn’t really feel.

“Come on, your friend is here, said you were meeting her here?” Helen said, with an apologetic smile.

Delia couldn’t help but smile wide, Pats was here, things would feel much better now.

“Hey Delia, just before you go in there, be careful with Constance. She has a real bee in her bonnet with you, it was all she would talk about at the lunch,” Helen said, before opening the door to laughter.

“Hey old thing,” Pats smiled, her eyes betraying just what she was really thinking. “Like the dress.”

Delia wanted to send Trinny and Helen out of the room and kiss Patsy. She was in a navy blue dress that sat below her knees. The upper bodice overlapped a form-shaped neckline. The kimono sleeves accentuated her upper arms and those blessed forearms while the midriff bodice was wrapped around Pasty’s waist in a criss-cross pattern with a small white belt that was more ornamental that useful. Patsy wore a gold bracelet that Delia had never seen before and her white heels that made her even taller but so wonderfully showed off her calves. 

“Thanks. I uh, like yours too,” Delia said when she realised she still hasn’t spoken.

“Forgive her, she’s had a run in with Connie,” Helen said, unknowingly rescuing Delia’s momentary lapse in concentration.

Whilst Helen helped Trinny out with something, Pats came over and smiled her little Delia smile.

“You in this dress, Deels,” Patsy said shaking her head. Delia was wearing a burgundy coloured dress with a generous scoop neck, resting just above her cleavage. She had cap sleeves, lace and loose. Patsy saw the biceps she so loved flex involuntary as Patsy drew near. The below-the-knee length dress was scalloped lace over an underlay of almost-nude coloured lining. The waist was impacted with a grey sash belt. Delia’s red heels were short, but they matched the dress fabric colour perfectly. Delia had forgone a watch, instead wearing a pearl-like bracelet wrapped around twice. Delia’s hair was out, with a light curl to the bottom, something Patsy hadn’t seen much before, except for after Delia had washed her hair. “You look absolutely stunning.”

Delia smiled and moved away, the need to touch Patsy a little too much for their current environment.

“Can we get a moment?” Patsy asked nervously.

“Soon,” Delia promised.

******

Patsy was avoiding her. It made sense. As Delia went to get something for Trinny, Helen had filled Patsy in on the commotion earlier, no doubt elaborating it as she went along. So now, as she tried to catch Patsy’s eye in the Church, Patsy was looking at anything but her. She sat next to her but was extremely careful there were no accidental touches.

“Pats, please.” Delia had allowed her some time, but now she was starting to get a little annoyed.

“You should have told me.”

“When Pats? We had no time to ourselves before I saw you in the room with Trinny. And now we’ve missed a chance to have a moment before the wedding starts because you’re upset with me.”

“Come with me,” Patsy ordered, getting out of the pew and making her way out a side door.

Delia sat for a while, chatted and smiled with those around her, then got up and left in the same direction. Patsy was smoking as she waited.

“I’m going to have words with her,” Patsy said without preamble.

“No Pats, that’s not wise. Helen said she’s got it in for me, let’s not attract her attention more than it has been,” Delia said calmly.

“She is trying to ruin your reputation and I won’t allow it, Delia. I simply won’t.”

Delia smiled at the ferocity of Patsy’s assertion. She looked around and found a small door that she assumed was for women who were not welcome in the Church proper but were still looking to maintain their faith, it was small and cramped and smelt of cigarette, but it had only one small window, so she simply walked inside and waited for Patsy.

Patsy came in, taking in the sight of the unkept room with disgust.

“Hey, come here,” Delia whispered, holding out her hand.

Patsy took it, kissing Delia with a passion and fire Delia was surprised by. Usually Patsy when she wanted to express herself like this she’d slowly work up to it and then apologise. Today Pats wasn’t apologetic nor was she slowing down. Delia loved the feel of her beloved like this, so unafraid to express herself.

“That dress is doing things to me Delia, you are truly ravishing.”

“You look like a pin-up,” Delia said, running her hands along the lines of Patsy’s dress.

“Should we be more careful?” Patsy laughed as she looked at their current risky rendezvous.

“No, I think she’s just angry that I didn’t adore her boyfriend, she wouldn’t suspect us because she thought I was kicking off with Trevor.”

“Still Deels, we need to be careful, this is a bit of a wake-up call. We’ve been in this little bubble for a while, but things will change.”

“Okay Pats,” Delia nodded, knowing today had scared Patsy.

“You are so beautiful,” Patsy said into Delia’s hair as she embraced her firmly. “I am so glad you are here with me, as my unofficial date.”

“Unofficial? Sorry Pats, I expect to be wined, dined and kissed upon my doorstep like a proper official date,” Delia said with a smile.

Patsy laughed and kissed Delia once more, so glad Delia wasn’t wearing lipstick, just a light lip gloss.

They heard a few people talking and Delia felt Patsy instantly tense.

“Hush, I’ll go, and you stay in here for a bit, have a cigarette or something and then come back to me, I don’t like being stood up on my dates Miss Mount,” Delia kissed Patsy’s cheek then left.

Twenty minutes later, Patsy appeared, sitting so close to Delia she could feel her accelerated heartbeat. 

*****

“Wooza! That’s a dress.”

Delia turned, wincing as she recognised Leonard’s voice behind her.

“Good eyesight,” Patsy muttered sarcastically.

“Who is this? Hello, I’m Leonard.”

Patsy looked at his outstretched hand with disdain.

“We’re not interested,” Delia said, trying to move on, but the amount of people in the crowd near the bar made it hard to escape in a hurry.

“Listen, I heard about before. With Trevor. You know, I can always use some help with my tie,” Leonard winked as though his horrible attempt at sexual innuendo wasn’t bad enough, thought Delia.

“Move away before I drop an anonymous complaint about you to Daddy,” Patsy said, stepping in, towering over the man.

“Like he’d take any notice,” Leonard was drunk enough to have an additional boost of bravado.

“Oh, I think Leonard Sims II would be very interested in what I have to say, I know him very well,” Patsy threated in her Nurse Mount tone. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s irrelevant that you believe me, what matters is that he believes the content of my letter. Now good evening.”

With that, Patsy steered Delia away with a hand on the small of her back.

“That was incredibly hot,” Delia muttered.

“You are a terribly influence,” Patsy said with a smile.

******

The wedding reception was tiresome, all the questions of whether Patsy or Delia would be next, and when Trinny would be pregnant. Delia was sick of the angry glances from Constance. She was saddened that their friendship was now in tatters due to her obnoxious boyfriend.

Patsy had said her goodbyes to Trinny and Trevor, citing a shift she had the next evening. Trinny was of course sympathetic, even though she no longer worked as a nurse. Delia said her farewells, embracing Trinny and shaking Trevor’s hand. Patsy collected their coats, using it as an excuse to touch Delia as they left. The rain that had held out all day started to drop, a concierge at the hotel reception area offering a complimentary umbrella.

“One will do, we can share,” Delia said, smirking as Patsy raised her eyebrow. 

“I’m on to you, Busby,” Patsy said, hooking Delia’s hand into her arm, putting up the umbrella.

“Good, I’d hate to be unable to telegraph that I want to be near you.”

Patsy laughed softly as she flagged the bus down. Helping Delia on first, she shook the umbrella and hoped on herself. They sat down the bottom, snuggled in together for warmth.

“Have a sleep Busby, I’ll wake you when we get close.”

Delia smiled tiredly and laid her head on Patsy’s shoulder. Within minutes she was asleep.

******

Delia was so exhausted she almost considered sleeping in her dress. Patsy had walked her to her door and made sure she had a glass of water near her bed before looking for her pyjamas. As she turned, Delia was lying face down on the bed, eyes closed.

“Come on Deels, time for bed,” Patsy whispered.

“Okay, I’m up,” Delia said slowing standing. “I’m so tired,” she added with a giggle.

“Now you need to take this dress off,” Patsy said, holding the pyjamas in one hand, and looking for Delia’s zip with the other.

“You are so pretty, I’m so plain,” Delia mumbled, turning so Patsy could access the zipper better.

“Hush, just let me help you,” Patsy said, moving Delia’s hair so she could start to unzip the dress. She hadn’t really thought too much about what would happen after that though, as the dress became lose and began to fall off Delia who sleepily caught it. It took quite an amazing feat of willpower not to stroke that beautifully powerful back, but with Delia near-sleep, it felt inappropriate to indulge in such a touch. Instead, she placed the pyjama top on her and turned her back to Delia could do the rest with privacy.

“Pats,” Delia whispered as she moved closer. “Pats.”

Patsy turned, her eyes falling to Delia in her undergarments, a pyjama top resting on her shoulders that now fell to the ground with a roll of Delia’s shoulders.

“Deels, you’re tired, come on, sleep.” She couldn’t help but track Delia in nude-coloured brassiere and garters. She couldn’t help but want to reach out, but stopped herself just as Delia closed her eyes, anticipating the touch.

“Goodnight Deels,” Patsy dropped a kiss on her cheek and quickly left the room, her heart racing.

Delia stood there, suddenly cold and very much awake. She hated herself for putting Patsy in a position she wasn’t comfortable, but she was torn between that and wanting to be close to the beautiful blonde.

Getting dressed, Delia crawled into bed and was asleep in minutes.

******

Patsy was at Delia’s door at 0730, flowers in hand. She often felt she was single-handedly keeping the little hospital florist in business. He never asked questions, only offered suggestions and took her ideas on board when she wanted to make her own bouquet.

Delia woke to the knocking, wondering who was at her door so early, ready to give them a piece of her mind.

“Oh, I woke you,” Patsy said with a frown.

“You did,” Delia said, but welcomed her into the room.

“Sorry old thing, thought you’d be awake.”

“It’s fine Pats, morning. Nice flowers.” Delia took them, placing them in the vase and filling it with water from her jug.

“I had wanted to take you off for a coffee but that was when I thought you’d already be up,” Patsy said nervously.

“I can’t today, sorry Pats.”

Patsy nodded but said nothing. Delia wasn’t making eye contact with her and that was extremely unusual.

“Okay, I’ll see you before our shifts then, in the canteen?”

“That’s fine,” Delia said looking up with a small smile. “Thanks for the flowers.”

“Okay then, uh, bye?”

“Bye,” Delia said opening the door, leaving no room for ambiguity.

As Patsy left, Delia sighed sadly. She knew her friend would stew, it wasn’t fair what she did, and yet she couldn’t stop it. She was mortified with her behaviour last night and instead of apologising, she made Patsy feel as though she had done something wrong.

She needed to wake up properly and go apologise.

******

Patsy was not in her room when she went to apologise, in fact, no one had seen her. Given she was kind of hard to miss, in Delia’s opinion, it meant that Patsy had gone for a walk, so Delia would have to wait until they met before shift to talk.

“Are you going to gawp at the door or go in, old thing?”

“Pats!” Delia turned with a big smile.

“Come on, let’s not linger in the hall,” Patsy said with a smile.

As Patsy closed the door, Delia dared to wrap her arms around her waist and hug tight.

“Steady on Deels, let me gain my bearings,” Patsy chuckled as she moved away from Delia to put down her shopping bags.

“I am so sorry Patience. For last night and this morning. I was out of line last night and very poorly behaved this morning.”

“Oh Deels, I think you’ve got a long way before you need to start apologising to me, after all I’ve done,” Patsy said smiling kindly. “But apology accepted.”

“I was tired last night, and my usual self-restraint was not present. I am sorry that I put you in that position.”

“Delia, I mean it, it’s okay. I know you wanted to be close and I wanted so much to touch you, ever so much old thing. But I won’t take advantage of you, you were mentally and physically exhausted Deels, and in no real way to give consent.”

“I need to kiss you Pats, can I kiss you?”

Patsy smiled and bit her lip, nodding. She pulled Delia to her, she always enjoyed the surprised squeak that seemed to come from Delia’s mouth when she did that. 

As they broke apart, lips wet, and eyes glazed over, Patsy began to laugh.

“What is it cariad?”

“I was just thinking, if people knew that I passed up touching your beautiful body last night that’d have me sectioned. Then they’ve had me sectioned again for homosexual acts.”

“Oh, stop Pats,” Delia smiled.

“You truly are a work of art, as corny as that sounds.”

“I think the same of you all the time Pats. That you are so beautiful, and I’m nothing like that, people look past me but they stare in awe and lust at you.”

“And yet you are the only one who truly sees me, Delia Busby.”

Delia kissed Patsy softly, sighing contently when Patsy wrapped her arms around her securely.

“I don’t want to hear that you aren’t beautiful, that I’m somehow better than you, okay Deels? For when I look at you, my heart cannot stop but chase after you through my chest. You mesmerise me. Your beauty, your accent and more importantly, your kindness and joy. At work, in the streets with St Johns and strangers you meet along the way, here with me. I can’t help but find your kindness dreadfully attractive Busby.”

“I’m sorry Pats, I try so hard to be positive all the time, but my body image negativity is something I work on a lot. From a young age my Mam would tell me I wasn’t going to get a man with my looks. She made me cook, made me take up knitting and needlework. Then when I began to climb tress with the boys, enjoy working with my neighbours to lift and carry the machine parts because they were always good kind people who never judged me, I began to look “unappealing” in my Mam’s eyes. She is plump but married so she’s not held to the same standard as us unmarried women. I had to look a certain way, and I never did. Mam would always chastise Tad if he told me I looked nice. She’d always say, ‘nice? Nice? What good is nice?’ And when I started to build a little muscle, she was furious.”

“I adore these muscles. Your biceps, the shape of your back. But more importantly I love this little scar, on your elbow. I love the little scar on your palm and wrist. I love these for they show me a story, a story of you not giving up who you really were.”

“Mam was not as impressed as you are now, the scar on my elbow was one of my first big falls. The one on my palm and wrist was from the barbed wire on my neighbours fencing. That bled a while, the wound so deep there was talk of requiring stitches.”

Patsy kissed them both, smiling, “So if you ever feel like you aren’t beautiful, remember me, kissing these scars, kissing your lips, being ever so blessed that you were brave enough to be honest with me.”

“Cariad,” Delia whispered, tears falling down her face. 

“Now come on, let’s go get that coffee,” Patsy said, wiping away Delia’s tears with a paper tissue.


	12. Voices Trapped in Yearning.

Delia was exhausted. Nurse Crane had put her through her paces today. Phone, roster, cleaning (she laughed when she had a flash of Patsy seeing her with bleach, scrubbing the floor), even putting on a uniform at speed. It was like a marathon of tasks all with a time limit on them. It was okay though, she knew that Phyllis was trying to get her in the best shape for when she started, for she was to hit the ground running after her training at The London was completed.

Trixie had made both Phyllis and Delia lunch, mainly out of boredom than anything, but it was graciously accepted. Sister Monica Joan was in bed with what she was calling “an overwhelming need to accept fate” which Trixie explained was her way of saying she was suffering from a stomach ache after eating four slices of cake.

They ate in relative silence, a word or two passed when they weren’t eating. Delia felt herself fitting in more and more every day, no longer feeling like an imposter. 

“Right, you start rotation with Doctor Hercules tonight,” Trixie said, scrapping her chair along the floor to sit near Delia. Phyllis rolled her eyes and excused herself, she was due to drop off a few maternity packs and wanted to get a good go of it before the projected snow in a few hour’s time.

“Doctor Hercules?” Delia frowned, sure the Doctor she was shadowing this week was Doctor Sutherland.

“That’s what he’s called behind his back. Lush looking gentleman, with thick dark hair. Muscles that ripple with the slightest movement, wears the fanciest suits even on the ward.”

“Okay,” Delia smiled.

“He’ll be positively wasted on you,” Trixie moaned dramatically.

“I can still appreciate a handsome gentleman,” Delia said teasing, “I just don’t need to fawn over him.”

“I want all the goss sweetie, what he sounds like, and what he smells like. A nice smelling chap is simply wonderful. My Christopher always smells so fantastic.”

“I’ll provide a full report,” Delia said with a nod and a smile. 

“I should hope so, you must provide me with something that’ll sustain me while I am couped up in here.”

“I don’t suppose Pats ever told you, but I once had to be laid up for weeks on end. When I was at the Nurses Home. I was attacked when on a St John’s shift. Sprained wrist, banged up ribs. The sitting – or lying down – was the worst. Everyone else was off doing things, and I was stuck. I had people come visit, do little rotations, but it wasn’t the same as having the freedom to do it myself. Even needed help in the bath.”

“Oh Delia, I didn’t know.”

“I assumed so, Pats isn’t used to being able to talk and be vulnerable when it comes to us. I don’t know if she ever will.”

“Did Pats take good care of you?”

“She did. And when she couldn’t, she set up a roster and made sure the nurses stuck to it. It was that time when I came clean about my feelings for her,” Delia said with a smile.

“Ohhh, really?” Trixie giggled.

“Patsy being Patsy tried to tell me it was just a by-product of being injured, but she found a way to open up. It took a while, but the wait was worth it. I don’t think I could have coped had she not reciprocated,” Delia said almost sadly.

“But she did, and look at you two now,” Trixie said gently.

“Every single day we have to worry about other people’s opinions on us, when all I see around us sometimes is sadness. Women treated like criminals if they have a child out of wedlock while the chap gets off scot free. Divorce that sees woman looked at with scorn or pity because her husband is gone. I see such disfunction in the lives of heterosexual couplings and yet the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had is deemed wrong and sinful?”

“I know sweetie, it’s high time we allow people to love who they love. Consensual adult relationships are hard at the best of times, why make it harder for those who look a little different? I’m always in your corner Delia. Yours and Patsy’s.”

“I know Trixie, and we both love you for it. Patsy in particular though I’m sure she’ll never admit it! It’s a tremendous comfort to know she can go to you if she needs it.”

“I hope she knows that,” Trixie said.

“She knows Trixie, I promise she knows.”

“Okay so you need to get ready and I need to clean up here. Remember Delia, I want details!”

******

Patsy and Delia became like ships in the night for the next week. Coming and going, with a brief moment here or there but no real time together. Trixie had been doing her very best to keep Patsy’s spirits up, as her tall redheaded friend was clearly struggling. 

“Now, I’ve been told Patsy Mount, that I am now recovered sufficiently to take a short walk around Poplar and I designated you my walking companion.”

“The snow fall is treacherous,” Patsy warned.

“And that is why you are to hold on tight and make sure I don’t suffer any additional injuries,” Trixie ordered, throwing Patsy her coat which she effortlessly caught in one hand.

“A brief stroll,” Patsy warned, smiling as Trixie clenched her fist in victory.

“I promise.” Tucking her arm into Patsy’s she smiled her thanks.

“Now, I do believe Patsy, you owe me some goss.”

Patsy sighed, trapped.

“You are a sly one, Beatrix,” Patsy teased kindly.

“Oh! Never call me that name again, it’s ghastly!”

They both chuckled as they left Nonnatus House, smiling to those who greeted them with a wave or a nod.

“Your sweetie is truly lovely Patsy. I know you hate talking about it, but please hear me out. I cannot say that I understand the pain of secrecy in the way you two deal, I of course understand pain and secrets, but not like yours. Yet you both manage to stay together through some exceptionally trying times, all done without confiding in others.”

“I happen to think, even with it all the way it’s been, that it’s been worth it,” Patsy said, smiling at Trixie as she spoke. “She’s worth it,” she said with a lower voice. 

“She sure is, but Patsy, so are you my sweetie. So are you.” 

“Our first kiss was years ago now, yet my knees still shake when she kisses me. I still feel the butterflies when she smiles at me or reaches for me. Our first kiss was after our first date, a date I organised.”

“Patsy Mount, I would never have guessed that!”

“I know. I’m sure no one would if they were privy to our relationship. But she allowed me the chance even though she asked me out first, it’s always been her way, to understand what I need before I do. I took her to a bookstore and we had a delightful afternoon tea buffet. We were so free, so wide-eyed. So naïve to it all I think.”

“But Pats, you are still in love, still together.”

“We are, and I hope we will be until the very end, for I don’t think I can go another day now without seeing her, without hearing her Welsh accent nearby, without a kiss or a touch to tell me she loves me. I’m a sappy old fool when it comes to her,” Patsy said with an embarrassed laugh.

“Sappy perhaps, but you are no fool. You have a true genuine love that has beaten adversity many times. That’s strength and that’s terribly romantic,” Trixie giggled as Patsy rolled her eyes playfully.

“Hush, you’ll ruin the moment,” Patsy joked, pulling her dear friend closer to her as they rounded a slippery corner.

“Nothing could ruin this,” Trixie said seriously, knowing the difficulties they both had with opening up truly. 

“You’re right,” Patsy agreed, patting Trixie’s hand with genuine affection.

“What do you say we stop in for a coffee? I think the combination of balancing on the icy road and the emotional chat has me terribly exhausted.”

Patsy smiled and opened the door, allowing Trixie in first. 

“Thank you, dear friend,” Trixie said, though she meant more than simply Patsy opening the door for her.

“Thank you,” Patsy said in return. It had felt nice to be able to talk in that fashion. To have someone she trusted in the same way she trusted Delia. 

******

There was excitement throughout Nonnatus House the next morning when a letter from Barbara came. Trixie was every bit the giddy school girl when she waited on Sister Julienne to open it.

“Nurse Franklin, would you do us the honours?”

“I certainly will!”

Barbara spoke of her time in Liverpool with such warmth and joy, and the news of her sister’s baby made all the midwives smile. She ended the letter by saying that they were returning by weeks end.

“That’s wonderful news,” Sister Julienne said with a wide smile.

“I’m ever-so pleased she seems to be enjoying herself, but I am beyond pleased she’s returning to Poplar,” Trixie said smiling at Phyllis who echoed the sentiment.

Delia too was pleased for she found Barbara to be a truly kind woman who really seemed to leave joy and optimism in her wake. But for a moment she felt the twinge of what she had not yet managed to forget. This type of excitement of a letter from a loved one should have been felt when Patsy was in Hong Kong, they should have been gathering around a Nurse Mount letter, with another one just for Delia in the mail too.

“Delia?” Trixie was becoming very adept at knowing when her friend was conflicted.

“It’s wonderful news,” Delia said smiling. “Excuse me, I have only a few chapters left of my book and I cannot wait to finish it.”

Trixie watched as Delia went up the staircase, wiping away a tear.

“Let’s put this in the kitchen so we can have those who have not read it take a moment,” Trixie suggested.

She waited several moments, then knocked on Delia’s door.

“It’s only me sweetie,” Trixie said gently. She entered when she didn’t hear a negative response.

Trixie saw Delia on the mattress, book in hand, unopened. 

“I can’t shake it, Trixie. I can’t shake how it felt.”

“Oh sweetheart, I am sorry I wasn’t a good friend to you.”

“No, you don’t need to apologise. I felt so cold, so alone. I told someone that it was best people didn’t know who I was, that only one person truly did, but that person vanished and because of it, I disappeared. I couldn’t reach her Trixie, I couldn’t reach her.”

“Delia, you are the bravest woman I have ever met.”

“Hardly,” Delia wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and smiled as Trixie placed a kiss upon her head.

“Now, I’m going to go, and you’re going to take your woman out tonight. I will be buying you both tickets to the flicks and I won’t hear any arguing. Let’s pick a dress.” Trixie knew to wallow was going to do Delia no good, and her two dear friends needed some time together. 

Delia laughed, tucking her handkerchief into her sleeve for now. Trixie was on a roll, pulling out all manner of combinations. 

“Patsy won’t know what hit her when she meets you at the cinema,” Trixie boasted.

******

Patsy received the very same treatment when she returned from her last delivery of the day. Trixie had put out her dress, shoes and coat with the address of the cinema and a note that simply read, ‘your fairly godmother.’

Pats smiled as she imagined the eye rolling Delia would have had to stifle as Trixie dressed her, but she did as she was told and began to get ready to meet her darling at the cinema, as ordered!

When Patsy got there, she couldn’t help but allow her smile to fill her whole face. Delia was stood, her back to her, engaging in what looked to be a spritely conversation with a child no more than ten. They were gesticulating wildly, their mother looking down endearingly as he chatted to Delia.

She hated to interrupt, but it was as though Delia knew she was there, turning to see her approach.

“Hi Pats. Patsy Mount, this is Master David John Dunn. He is a mad keen footballer, who is waiting for his father who is also a mad keen footballer.”

“Please to meet you Master Dunn,” Patsy said, shaking the young chaps hand.

“You’re very tall. And very pretty.”

His mother blushed at his forwardness.

“Miss Busby here was telling us you are a midwife? What a splendid vocation. I’m this chatterbox’s mum, Joan Dunn.”

“Nice to meet you, yes I’m a midwife, as will Delia be soon too,” Patsy said proudly.

“Splendid. Well this young woman here has been ever-so kind to my Davey, indulging his facts and stats regarding the Football League, but I’m sure you two are now off to see a film? I won’t keep you both.”

“Better him than me,” Patsy said with a laugh. “I know neither head nor tail of the league, no matter how many times she tries to explain it.”

All the adults laughed, while David seemed content to hold Delia’s hand and look up at them.

“Come along, Davey, we best let these lovely ladies enjoy their evening together.”

Patsy smiled and waved bye to the boy, who was rather insistent that Delia give him a hug, which she did after seeking permission from his mother. She placed her hand to the small of Delia’s back then froze, realising this was a tender, affectionate gesture. Delia looked at her, sadly, but smiled and waved again to the family she had just met. The mother who caught the action by Patsy simply smiled and patted her arm.

“Dear, she’s a real treasure and I’ve only just met her.” With that, she lowered her eye contact and began talking to son. She would never tell these two strangers, but her sister was a queer, and had taken her own life when discovered, unable to take the shame and finger pointing. She had seen it in the eyes of Miss Busby when she saw Miss Mount, the look lovers give, and knew she had a moment to pay tribute to the sister she had never known well enough to help, and when she tried, it was too late.

Patsy turned to catch up to Delia, grabbing her hand for a quick squeeze, which surprised Delia. 

“Come on old thing, want some popcorn?”

Delia followed, desperately wanting to know what Mrs Dunn had said to her but distracted by the smell of popcorn.

They took their seat towards the back on the left hand side of the screen. Patsy draped her coat on the seat next to her, and tucked Delia’s at her side. Delia looked over, puzzled by the little fort she was creating until she felt Pasty’s hand reach her thigh.

“No one can see unless they are seated behind us,” Patsy whispered in Delia’s ear, kissing her neck quickly before sitting back, ramrod straight and looking at the screen as though nothing was happening.

Delia felt her palms get sweaty, the brazen touch and kiss making her excited. She began tracing patterns on Patsy’s hand, enjoying how it would clench on her thigh whenever it tickled.

“We might not make it through the film old thing, if you keep doing that,” Patsy said in a conversational tone.

“What’s gotten into you?” Delia whispered.

Patsy said nothing, just focused on the screen as the film began. Her hand stayed with Delia all film, halfway in Delia clasped it tight and they sat, holding hands and sharing popcorn like any other couple in a darkened cinema. As the lights started to come back on, they reluctantly let go, but made an effort to continue the little touches as they helped each other put their coats back on.

“This outfit Deels, it’s driving me to distraction.” Patsy said, taking in Delia’s high ponytail, white blouse and red skirt, a skirt she had never seen before. 

“Trixie said it accentuates all the right places,” Delia giggled.

“It sure does Busby,” Patsy said, biting her lip. 

“Behave,” Delia said with a grin.

“I’m feeling whimsical this evening Busby,” Patsy said as Delia laughed.

“Let’s go get a coffee,” Delia suggested, enjoying this carefree Pats immensely.

******

“I love you,” Patsy said as they walked along the street of Poplar, sharing a cake between them as they edged closer to Nonnatus House.

“What’s brought all this on, Patience?”

“I just feel as though things are finally falling into place. I’m here, you’re here and I feel freer than I ever have in my life. Like that night I promised we wouldn’t live as we had, that we’d find a way to be together? I feel it’s finally happening.”

“Is it though?” Delia hated to be the one who added caution to their hope, but things hadn’t really changed in the world around them.

“You don’t feel it?” Patsy stopped, throwing the bag of crumbs into the bin.

“I feel safe when I’m with you, and in Nonnatus House, but Pats, we aren’t free. We can’t live as a couple freely.”

“If I can kiss you in the street and there be no repercussions, is there not a shift?”

“No Patience, there isn’t. You kissed me because I was angry, and you were frightened. You kissed me and then we had to separate. Things have not improved simply because you wish them to, I’m sorry, but that isn’t real.”

Patsy nodded, the anger in Delia’s tone surprising her. She never knew what to say in the rare moments Delia felt frustrated or angry at her, at their situation. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” Patsy said, as they got to the door, shrugging off her coat as she got inside. She turned to help Delia only to find Delia had gone straight upstairs without a word.

When she followed, the lamp was still on but Delia was in her own bed, still dressed in her outfit from the evenings date.

“Deels?”

It was the crying that spurred Patsy into action, throwing open the blanket and sheet to crawl into bed with her darling.

“I’m sorry Pats,” Delia said as she welcomed Patsy’s embrace. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“I haven’t been honest, not completely.”

Patsy didn’t feel the dread she expected at those words, knowing Delia as well as she did now, she knew they could work it out, whatever it was that was affecting her. Patsy had the chance here to offer the support, to be stronger than Delia in this moment.

“Tell me what you need to say, I’ll be here,” Patsy said softy, placing soft kisses on Delia’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to keep bringing up the past, not in a way that it feels as though I’m forever punishing you.” 

“Hong Kong,” Patsy said, sadly. She knew they hadn’t finished this discussion and she knew it was because whatever Delia had left to say was going to be hard.

“Barbara’s letter today triggered it I guess. The hurt and anger, the fear you’d forgotten me. All of it came back.”

“Okay,” Patsy said, waiting.

“I just couldn’t help but imagine if letters like that had arrived from you, how excited we’d all be to hear from you, how I know you’d have a separate letter just for me that would probably say so much between the lines. Maybe would reference my letter to you. But we never got that chance,” Delia said, pausing to wipe her eyes. “We never got that chance because you didn’t give it to us. To me.”

“Oh sweetheart.”

“I went to our bar and I began talking to someone, I. don’t even remember if I asked her her name. Telling her I was lost, invisible. Even in a room filled with people like me. I was drowning in wedding excitement, in my training and exams and a potential end of the world fear, sitting like a lonely child as the mail came and went with no word. I couldn’t even find myself belonging with other queer women.”

Patsy’s first reaction was tapered quickly, the jealous spike at the mention of another woman, no matter how innocent.

“I’m not sure how much of the Cuban crisis you heard, or had time to really worry about it, but so much of it was that we might not survive. We tried not to let it get to us. I was trying to help Sister Winifred learn to drive which was a hoot,” Delia smiled as she recalled it. “Fred was all about protection, prevention and all that, a little over the top at times. But when everyone came to think of their loved ones, to want to be near them, all I had was a photograph. Sitting in the kitchen alone, wondering if you were thinking of me.”

“Deels.” 

“And I also remember sitting on the bed with all the girls, Phyllis too, looking through wedding dress patterns and magazines. I found a pattern with a train, it looked so beautiful though I know Babs wouldn’t like it, but I selected it as an idea. An idea that I wanted for myself, Patsy. A wedding dress with a train, with intricate beading and lace. I wanted to be sat with you in the room rolling your eyes at their antics but secretly loving it.” Delia paused to sit up, her back to Patsy.

Patsy sat still, knowing she had to hear this even though she desperate wanted it to all stop.

“I imagined I’d be sitting with Trixie, looking at suits for you, or a dress, whatever you wanted. But we weren’t looking for me, and we never will and that hurts but I understand it. What really made it hard that you weren’t there to sympathise, to offer ideas to Barbara too that I know you were really offering to me. You weren’t there to steer the ship and organise things. And I missed you. I missed you like an ache that got worse, not better. All I wanted to do was to write to you, but you had taken all the envelopes sent by the nurse, and had no number to call, so I had no way to reach you.”

“Oh Delia.”

“I was so mad Patience. So mad. It was like you had shut me away you do all the things you can’t face. Me.”

“I had had practice with that, when you had your bike accident. I shut things out, got on with things because I had to, and when you didn’t write, I had to teach myself to move on. I saw you in that hospital room. Do you know that we all matched? Your mother, my outfit, the awful walls and the flowers? All the same green spectrum, I would have been impressed with our organisation had I not been so incredibly low,” Patsy said with a dry laugh.

“I had amnesia and my Mam didn’t send the letters I wrote. Pats, you stopped writing. You gave into your fears and stopped writing. You stopped again the moment you decided to go to Hong Kong. You made up your mind and told me after Sister Ursula knew. You stopped because the feelings for me were inconvenient, they were preventing you from being Nurse Patience Mount. I needed my Patsy. I needed my cariad. But you were no longer Pats. You were no longer mine.”

“No!” Patsy raised her voice, then paused, as Delia turned sharply. “No Delia, I have always been your Pats. Always. My feelings have never stopped, they have been constant even when it hurt, tell me you believe that. I couldn’t even look out the window at you as the taxi left, for I knew if I did, I’d jump out and run to your arms.”

“I believe you never stop loving me, I don’t doubt that, but you did stop thinking that we could be together. You did stop trying, and that’s something that I have to accept. Something you have to accept.”

“I don’t accept it,” Patsy said, her voice again raised.

“You forgot me when you needed because to keep going.”

“No. No Delia. I always have you in here,” Patsy thumped on her chest, tears cascading down her face.

“But I was here, Patience, here with nothing. When I lost my memory and you came back to me, I wrote to you and told you I remembered. I know my Mam prevented those letters reaching you, but you stopped writing, you stopped asking how I was, you stopped. I got your Christmas card, but it was one you send a distant relative; cold and businesslike. I read that, and my heart fractured. Then I saw you on the bus and my heart began to beat again.”

“Because your mother made it perfectly clear that it was no longer my business. And let’s not forget Delia, you gave up too. You were ready to leave Poplar for good, leave me behind and go to Wales. You were so meek in front of your mother, in a way I’ve never seen.”

“My Mam had me on what was akin to imprisonment. She refused me to write, to make calls down at the post office, she had people everywhere making sure I wasn’t trying to maintain a connection to London.”

“Oh Deels, I didn’t know.”

“I love my Mam, I do, but she was also very authoritative, and I was still recovering. That’s why I loved it when you were able to speak up for me. I felt safe to accept Sister Julienne’s offer of board because you sat there next to me in that beautiful dress, hopeful and supportive. I knew I could stand up to her if I had you there. I had headaches all the time, my eyes would hurt, and I’d stumble over words a lot, forget things and Mam loved to remind me that I was frail in her eyes. And all I wanted was you. To be in our little flat and living as we should.”

“Oh sweetheart.”

“And I know, I do Patience, I know that you have to shut off a part of you when it hurts or when it’s too hard, but please don’t let that part ever be me, please. We need to make better lasting promises, that we’ll never let others dictate things for us, that’ll we’ll be there for each other no matter the cost. I need you to tell me that I’m yours, that’ll I’ll forever be yours.”

“Oh Delia, you have that, you always have. I swear to you my darling, you have it. My whole heart. I never want you to feel as though I don’t need you or won’t protect you from others. I am forever yours.”

“I love you with such ferocity. I think sometimes it’s too much, because when it hurts, it burns,” Delia admitted.

“I’ll make it all up to you Delia.”

“No Pats, I don’t want contrition, I don’t want you to always feel indebted to me. I just need you to know it all, how I felt and to tell you that if something like that happened again I don’t think we’d survive it.”

“Don’t say that, Delia. Please.”

“It’s true. You are everything to me. I know that I have my family, my friends, my work. But I don’t find joy in any of that unless I have you, even if we are not together for some reason, I need to know that we have each other.”

“My love, you have me. I promise I will never leave you again, remember, you’re coming with me? I mean it. I wish I could make you feel like I’m dedicated to you by marrying you. It tears at me that we can’t be that way together. We aren’t as we were, but we are better now, I am talking things out much more,” Patsy smiled as Delia smirked. “I’m listening to you Delia, I’m truly listening. I love you more than anything and I won’t ever leave you voluntarily. I’ve married you in my heart years ago my darling.”

“I love you too cariad.”

“Can we lie together? Please? I know you’re upset but can I hold you tonight?”

Delia washed her face with a small cloth, dipping it in a glass of water to clean herself up, and did the same for Patsy’s face, the gentle cleaning making Pats smile.

“I do need you tonight, Pats. I need your strength tonight, I just don’t have the energy to be strong tonight.”

“Then let’s get dressed and I’ll hold you, I’ll take care of you.” Patsy said softly, helping Delia undress.

“I want to lie with you, without our pyjamas tonight.” Delia said, looking at Patsy.

“Okay my darling, okay. I’ll set an early alarm, so we can get dressed before anyone could think to come in.”

They both placed their tops on the end of the bed should they need them in a rush, and climbed into bed, Delia first. She sighed as she felt Patsy’s strong arms around her. It wasn’t often that they slept like this, usually Patsy liked to be held, but Delia needed the assurances that only Patsy’s arms could give tonight.

“I had a lovely date, cariad. We should do more of those.”

“I loved it too darling, you sleep now, I’ll watch over you.”


	13. It Was Calm, It Was Savage.

Constance had been a thorn in Delia’s side for near-on five months now. After her spectacle at the wedding she hadn’t let up at all. Snide remarks, following Delia’s daily patterns at meal times, watching her as she entered her room, it was positively disconcerting.

Patsy had threatened numerous times to sit her down and give her the what-for, but Delia worried that would only make things worse, so she rode it out, hoping Connie would either give up, or move out and live with her chap.

The only problem was that Leonard was dragging his heels with the engagement. Delia had heard from some of the other nurses that she was furious that he was always finding reasons to put off buying a ring and proposing. She didn’t want to talk to Connie when she was like this, for she feared what she’d say and how she’d react. It was terribly sad to see Connie as a mad, desperate woman trying to hold onto a man who didn’t deserve her.

“Well if it isn’t the teacher’s pet,” Connie remarked with a sneer.

“Connie, I just want to get back to my room,” Delia said as conciliatory as possible.

“I’ve been trying to piece together your strange comings and goings. You don’t attend the dances anymore, you seem happy all the time and you never date.”

“It seems you’re very interested in my life, which now includes rifling through my things,” Delia said, the Welsh accent thickening as she became angrier.

“You act like you’re so much better than us, when it’s you who should be treating us girls with respect. You swan in, act like you know it all. You think because you’ve hooked your claws into Patsy that you’re somehow what, respected like she is round here? She’s probably just feeling sorry for you, that’s why she’s got no man, she’s too busy taking care of you all the time.”

A few of the other nurses looked down embarrassed, while a few other snickered, always looking for some fresh new gossip to share.

“You can say as you like, the fact is your boyfriend is a sleazy daddy’s boy who will most likely never marry you,” Delia spat out, shocked at her own venom.

The slap across her face was fierce, almost pushing her sideways.

“I’ll figure out what you’re hiding and then I’ll ruin you.”

Delia stood shocked. Connie had been a dear friend, someone who she could trust. What had happened?

“Here,” a nurse Delia didn’t recognise handed her a towel filled with ice. “Put it on, it’ll smart later.”

“It smarts now,” Delia admitted with a grimace. “Thank you.”

“I’m new here so I hope this isn’t some kind of weird initiation,” the nurse said with a smile.

“I should hope not, or I’ll be slapping a lot of new faces this week. My name is Delia Busby.”

“Jackie Raymond.”

“Nice to meet you Jackie.”

“Here you come sit, I’ll take a look.”

Delia flopped into a chair, noticing that everyone had scattered like the wind once she was slapped.

“Ooh, it’s red. She got ya good.”

“Believe it or not, she used to be one of my dear friends,” Delia said with a sad shake of her head.

“Over a boy was it?”

“Gosh no! I have zero designs on her boyfriend or any boy,” Delia said with a smile. “He’s an obnoxious womaniser, and for some reason she’d infatuated with him.”

“Alright then. So I’d best stick to you and not her,” Jackie said. “Now I know who is in the right.”

“I was horrible to her, I shouldn’t have said those things to her, not in that way, and not in public.”

“I think she might have had course to deserve them.”

“Maybe, but it wasn’t right.”

“You really are one of those good ones aren’t you, Delia? She slapped you across the face and you feel sorry for her?”

“I do, Jackie, I really do.”

“Well you’ve got to let me make you a tea, and you can tell me all about this place now I’ve administered first aid. It’s like a rule or something.”

Delia smiled, then regretted it as her cheek hurt. 

“I’d love a tea, thanks.”

“Great.”

******

Delia and Jackie sat at the table in the communal kitchen for some time before Patsy rushed in, slowing down when she realised Delia had company. Delia was sat with a nurse Patsy didn’t know, chatting and laughing. She didn’t look injured like she had heard on the ward, but she knew gossip often blew out the issue to a ridiculous height. She needed to check Delia herself.

“Hi there,” Patsy tried for casual, coming in and heading for the mugs.

“Hey Pats,” Delia smiled up at her as she passed, knowing this wasn’t a simple tea break.

“Gracious Delia, your face!”

Delia shrugged, the sting no longer as bad.

“Was it Constance?” Patsy asked, her Nurse Mount edge hard and determined. 

“Walloped her good she did, in front of several of us nurses,” Jackie replied for Delia.

Patsy looked at her and returned her attention to Delia.

“Let me look,” she threw the now wet cloth in the sink, the ice having melted. She tilted Delia’s face to the light and saw a light bruise settling on her cheek.

“I applied ice, checked for fractures, cause that slap was more like a punch,” Jackie said with a low whistle. “Makes me a bit afraid to work a shift with her.”

Patsy was feeling extremely irritated that this woman she didn’t know, who was speaking for Delia, hadn’t yet left the kitchen. But, her good manners instilled in her made her pause before telling her to leave.

“Jackie was very helpful, Pats,” Delia interrupted, seeing Patsy’s jaw clenching. “She was the only one to stay around after it, which was a little disappointing.”

Patsy nodded, taking another moment to check Delia before turning to the other nurse.

“Nurse Mount,” Patsy introduced herself, seeing Delia’s smile in the corner of her eye.

“Nurse Jackie Raymond.”

“I’m going to take Delia back to her room, are you okay to go back on your own?”

Delia bit the inside of her mouth at Patsy’s firm voice. Sometimes that tone did things to her at the most inappropriate of times. This classed as one, Delia mused.

“I’m on the same floor as Delia here as luck would have it. I’ll walk with you a while.”

Delia felt the hand helping her up clench and again, tried not to laugh. She feigned a small faint, which distracted Patsy enough to stop burning holes of anger into her new friend.

“Deels, are you okay?” Patsy grasped Delia by the biceps and waited for her to look her in the eyes.

“Just got a bit dizzy for a moment.”

Jackie came around in order to help stabilize Delia, but Patsy took over quickly.

“I have Nurse Busby, thank you Nurse Raymond.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow in surprise, but let it be. She wasn’t going to rock the boat so early into her time here, and this Nurse Mount was looking like quite the formidable woman around here.

How Patsy managed to bite her tongue the entire time Jackie was talking along the way was a miracle. Or maybe more down to the fact that Delia was calming her with sweet looks and tiny caresses.

“This’ll be me. Night Delia. Nurse Mount.”

“Night Jackie, thank you again,” Delia said kindly.

“Goodnight Nurse Raymond,” Patsy said, well as nicely as she could, Delia chuckled.

“You treated her like she was the one who hurt me,” Delia said as they entered her room a short time later.

“Show me again,” Patsy ordered, looking at Delia’s cheek with care, a care she couldn’t have demonstrated in the kitchen. “Oh Deels,” Patsy gently kissed the red mark, one, two times. “I’m going to Matron Deels, this can’t go on.”

“No Pats, no. She’s not herself, and I did say some horrible things to her.”

“No words deserve assault,” Patsy said firmly.

“No, but she seems so lost, I don’t want a decision to be made for her in this way, I fear she won’t recover.”

“She hurt you,” Patsy said, an anger boiling in her that she didn’t quite know what to do with, so she folded her arms across her chest.

“And as you can see cariad, I’m okay. Little sore, but okay.”

Patsy ran gentle fingers across the red mark.

“I’ll never forgive her for hurting you.”

“And I’ll never get over how rhywiol you are when you are a little jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous. And I don’t know what that word means.”

“It means sexy, because that was it was cariad. You coming in, pretending to be casual, then take over and give Jackie barely a second glance? I’d think it rude if I didn’t see you clenching your jaw I the way I see when you really want to fuss over me, kiss me, but you can’t.”

“Will I point out, Delia, that she was flirting with you?”

Delia laughed.

“Patsy, you didn’t even know when I was flirting with you. She was just being kind, trying to make new friends.”

“I wasn’t jealous. I was upset and angry and I wanted to kiss you so desperately. I so wanted to take you in my arms, to make you better.”

“Then what’s stopping you now?”

Patsy smiled shyly, gently placing a kiss on Delia’s sore cheek, then her lips. She pulled Delia close to her, needing the solid sensation of her body pressed into her. Delia moaned, oh how Patsy loved to hear that sound, and deepened the kiss.

“For two women who hadn’t gone around kissing before, we sure are good at it,” Delia joked.

“I’m sorry if I was rude to your new friend, Deels.”

“I don’t think she took it personally, Pats. And I can understand why you shut down into Nurse Mount mode. You saw me injured and you wanted to fix it.”

“I want to barge into Matron’s office right now and get Constance fired, but I respect you wanting to do things your way. Please be careful though Deels, she’s getting worse. More dangerous.”

“I promise, if it gets too much for me, I’ll put in a complaint myself.”

“Okay, I can live with that,” Patsy nodded.

******

As it turned out, word had reached Matron the next day without Delia or Patsy saying anything. Delia was due to have the day off until she received a knock at the door and a summons to her office. As she was arriving, Constance was leaving, her face stormy.

“You! You did this!”

“Woah, steady on,” a flash of a body stepped in front of Delia, blocking an advancing Constance in her tracks.

“Get off me,” Constance shouted, still trapped in the solid hold of Jackie.

“I’ve got her, you go in,” Jackie said, smiling. “Good luck.”

Constance stopped fighting and looked at Jackie.

“Who do you think you are to grab me like that?”

“Just helping you before you do something that’ll see you in more trouble.”

Delia could hear the shouting as she entered Matrons office.

“Sit down Nurse Busby.”

“Matron.”

“Now I have a few things that have come across to me this morning. Firstly, the injury to your cheek. I see a small bruise. Second, there have been some allegations of a very disturbing kind. I’ll start with the injury. Can you confirm for me that this injury is the result of a slap?”

“Yes Matron, but I don’t want Connie to get into more trouble, she’d having a few personal issues and I consider the matter closed.”

“That’s an admirable position to take, but not one that you have any say over I’m afraid. She has admitted to slapping you, and I have several witnesses who also attest to the incident. She will be punished over this with a suspension and it will go on her file.”

“Yes Matron.”

“Now onto some news that I also heard this morning. There has been a complaint made about your behaviour Nurse Busby, and before I go ahead, I will just say that you can have someone with you in the room as a witness if you so wish.”

Delia frowned.

“No Matron, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Now, this has come to me and only me, there is no one else who I have involved. I’ll cut to the chase. You are being accused of having improper relations.”

“What?” Delia looked shocked. “I don’t know what Connie has said, but I am not dating her chap, Matron.”

“I’m afraid it’s more severe.”

“Oh. This isn’t the gossip of me and Trinny’s husband is it? Because that is not true either.”

“Improper homosexual relations, Nurse Busby.”

“Oh,” Delia channelled her best Nurse Mount façade even though her heart was racing.

“Yes, I did say it was quite severe.”

“You did indeed,” Delia said with a painted-on smile.

“Unfortunately, it came to me in confidence, so I cannot disclose the carrier of the accusation.”

“I’m going to assume it was Constance,” Delia muttered.

“Are you denying its truth?”

“Yes Matron, I am.” Delia sat up straight and looked her in the eyes.

“An accusation like this doesn’t always need proof for it to be harmful, Nurse Busby. You know how rumours run through The London.”

“I’m aware, yes.”

“I am closing this case with no record of this meeting, do you understand?”

“Matron?”

“I am inclined to think the person who came to me is riding out a vendetta, Nurse Busby. I won’t allow it to take one of my better nurses. I have told the author of this accusation that if one word is released regarding it, they will be summarily fired and blacklisted. They will also be forced to pay their whole course fee.”

“Okay Matron, thank you.”

“One thing before you go. It’s not customary for me to become involved in the personal lives of my nurses. I’ve seen you all come and go over the years and I have no interest in being your friend or your confessional. What I will say, is that at times, our appearance to others is what damages us more than the truth. It’s about trusting the right people, do you understand?”

Delia had no idea, but she nodded anyway.

“Thank you, Matron.”

“You can go Nurse Busby.”

*****

Delia left as calmly as she could. Patsy was going to freak out when she told her. She was freaking out herself to be honest.

“Hey, all sorted?” Jackie said with a smile.

“Huh? Oh yeah, all fine. She just needed me to confirm it happened, she had enough already to suspend her, sadly.”

“You did the right thing Delia.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Delia said sadly. “I’m heading off, I’ll see you later Jackie.”

Delia wondered if she should immediately go to Patsy’s room, looking out for anyone spying on her, waiting in hiding. 

She shook her head of those silly thoughts and knocked on Patsy’s door then entered.

Patsy was lying on the bed reading a book and smiled as Delia closed the door.

“Hey Busby.”

“Pats, I need to tell you something. It’s not brilliant.”

“Okay, tell me,” Patsy said sitting up immediately.

“Connie’s been suspended for the slap. She tried to have another go at me in the hallway when I had to see Matron.”

“Is she still here?” Patsy said, angrily. 

“Cariad sit down please.”

“Sorry, go on Busby.”

“Matron also wanted to tell me there had been a formal complaint against me regarding my uh, improper relationship.”

“Not with her chap, surely?”

“No Pats. Someone accused me of homosexual activity.”

Delia dared to look at Patsy, and the sight broke her heart. Patsy was panicking.

“She has decided that the complaint came from a place of vindictiveness and has not breathed a word to anyone Pats. Honest. Matron was very kind.”

“I’ll ruin her,” Patsy said, slamming the book down on the bed so hard it bounced off.

“Patience Mount, sit down,” Delia ordered.

Patsy sat down on the bed immediately.

“Now listen. Matron wasn’t concerned, it’s being torn up and you were not mentioned. It’s just Connie trying to find something that’s a fireable offence for me while she serves out her suspension. It just so happens that it’s true and she’s managed to find truth in her lies as it were, only for the Matron to prevent anything or anyone from ever knowing. In a way, she’s provided us with a buffer, for if it were to come up again we can always trace it back to Constance.”

“We haven’t been careful. We’re too affectionate. We might need to stop seeing each other as much.”

“No Pats, no, I won’t allow Connie to ruin us. She doesn’t know, or she’d name you too. She just got lucky and it backfired. I’m not looking to stop being with you, do you really want that?”

“No Deels, no. I want to be with you. But I don’t want it to cost you your reputation and your job.”

“It’s not going to Pats, I promise. Now, come on, I need a hug.”

“Oh Delia. I’m truly frightened.”

“I know, it scared me too, but I’m not willing to let this go, Patience, I’m not ready to give up on us.”

“As always, I seem to get my strength from you.”

“You are a smooth talker” Delia teased, reaching up to kiss Patsy hard.

They pulled apart when they heard a knock at the door. Patsy stared at Delia, panicked.

Delia pushed Patsy on the bed and picked up her book, whilst she grabbed some of Patsy’s study notes and sat cross legged on the floor.

“Nurse Mount?”

“Come in,” Patsy said, taking a deep breath.

“Nurse Mount, Matron would like to see you.”

“Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I am properly attired. Thank you.”

Delia looked into panicked eyes.

“It’s okay Pats, it’s okay. If it were about us, she would have mentioned you. It’s just a coincidence.” Delia spoke calmly over and over, until Nurse Patience Mount appeared.

“Will you meet me at our coffee shop in an hour?” Patsy asked.

“Of course.”

******

As it had turned out, it was mere coincidence. Matron had been tasked with finding additional nurses for male surgical. She had requested Patsy and a few other nurses, some who declined. There was a shortage at the moment with nurses leaving for marriage, burning out or on leave. Patsy accepted the move though she detested the years she’d spent there so far, because that’s what was expected of her. Matron spoke of a nurse coming from Nonnatus House who had worked male surgical previously, as well as a few newer nurses who would be learning the ropes a lot faster than first expected. 

“I’m counting on you to keep the ship steady Nurse Mount.”

“Of course, Matron.”

“I will look upon this as a personal favour Nurse Mount. Anything you are looking to specialise in, I’ll make sure you are considered. I would hate to lose you, of course, but if that’s what is required, then I will make it happen.”

“Thanks most kind, Matron. I won’t let you down.”

“Of that I am sure,” Matron said, dismissing Patsy.

*****

Nurse Jenny Lee was a quiet sort, but very assured of herself. Patsy admired that quality, though worried about her ability to switch off her emotions. Still, a capable nurse was much appreciated, with the chips down.

She was a kind girl, and that might have been good for midwifery, she was certainly creating a few waves on the ward. Patsy called her aside after an altercation with the Doctor Tracey, even though on the face of it all, she agreed with her.

“The thing is here sweetie, is that the doctors are the top of the tier and don’t much care for opinions. Just agreement. I tend to say nothing when required, for I have often have an opinion that they simply do not want to hear!”

Jenny smiled, lowering her gaze.

“I do tend to have a better relationship with Doctor Turner back with midwifery, so I suppose in a way, I’ve forgotten the obnoxious manner of the doctors here. It’s been years, but in many ways, it seems to be a lifetime ago.”

“And that chap, the patient? You have a relationship with him? I need not know the details sweetie, I tend not to engage in another’s personal issues. I’m far too busy with hearing the complaints of these grown men and their wives or mistresses sobbing and carrying on.”

“I uh, yeah we know each other,” Jenny said with a sad smile.

“Come on Nurse Lee, what do you say we go for a coffee? I’m to meet with another nurse who is delightful and has her own horror stories regarding Male Surgical, we can chat without having those men chattering away with their lofty opinions, are you up for it?”

“I might as well get it all out of my system before I have to head back there,” Jenny said with a smile.

“Splendid! I’ll give you the address and meet you there.”

*****

Patsy was having a truly awful time back on Male Surgical, but she persevered knowing that this opportunity to make decisions for her future. But for now, she was going to forget the first few days back and go meet up with Delia. They had been careful, no room visits, no touching, and certainly no kissing, while the scare of the accusations sat heavily over them. They were meeting in public places for now, which meant Patsy had not had the opportunity to be close to Delia, and how she craved to be in her arms. 

When she got to the coffee shop, Delia was already there, her head in a book. The ring above the door made Delia look up, her smile always catching Patsy’s breath when it was like this; wide and welcoming with a little bit of mischief. She stood and welcomed Patsy to the table, her hand gripping her wrist as she turned her cheek for Patsy to place a very quick peck that would draw no suspicion. Delia’s fingers tracing across her pulse point was another matter, but no one paid them any attention and Patsy needed her touch to steady her, to prevent her from paying no mind to their environment and kissing her firmly on the mouth.

“Hey,” Delia breathed out her welcome, clearly as affected as Patsy. She smiled and looked down, looking back up to see the want of more reflected in Patsy’s eyes.

“Busby, how was your day off?”

“Spent the better part of the morning working out my next month’s shifts with St. Johns, we had a little food and tea, it was nice.”

“I won’t even begin with my utter distaste for male surgical, but I at least made a new chum, she’ll be here soon.”

“Oh?” Delia smiled as Patsy ordered her another tea.

“Nurse Lee. Jenny. She’s a sweet girl, knowledgeable but frightfully unsure of herself. I can tell she wishes to speak up more but has obviously been read the riot act by Matron.”

“Not everyone can be Nurse Mount,” Delia teased, smiling when Patsy raised her eyebrow in reply.

“Well anyway, she has some kind of history with a chap who was discharged, I can only imagine she’s having a hard time of it, so thought some other nurses with male surgical stories could commiserate with her. And, I’m interested in looking into any information she has regarding midwifery. I’m considering it, Deels. I know you mentioned in a while ago now, as an option for me, and being on this ward again has made it easier. Honestly Deels how you manage day in and out astounds me.”

“I guess I haven’t yet found my path, Pats, and if I can help where I am, then that’s enough for me at the moment.”

“Nurse Mount?” A shy, unsure woman with brown hair stood near the table.

“It’s Patsy, come on sweetie, pull up a chair. Delia Busby, this is Nurse Lee.” 

“Jenny,” Nurse Lee said with an outstretched hand.

“Come sit,” Delia said kindly, moving her chair closer to Patsy.

“I am sorry, you two looked like you were discussing something before I arrived.”

“It’s quite alright. Nothing of importance,” Delia said. “Would you like a drink?”

“Oh, thank you, I might go to the counter and get something to eat,” Jenny said, smiling as she left.

“Was this a ruse to get me to sit closer, Patience?” Delia teased, risking a moment of flirtation, her pinkie brushing against Pasty’s trousers before returning to her mug.

“I hate this as much as you do Delia,” Patsy said sadly.

“I know cariad,” Delia replied, standing up, her hand resting on Patsy’s shoulder as she navigated the seating arrangements. “I’m going to go see if Jenny needs help.”  
Patsy watched as Delia smiled her way towards the counter, not taking her eyes off her as she stood with Jenny, offered help and chatted to the woman at the counter. It wasn’t often that she freely admired Delia in a setting such as this, always worried her intentions would be written on her face somehow. 

But the shop was busy, and people were keeping to themselves. So Patsy watched. She watched as Delia smiled kindly, as her yellow skirt fanned out, her green top tight against her chest. She watched as Delia treated Jenny as though they’d know each other longer than ten minutes, making her smile and feel comfortable. She had long ago come to the conclusion that Delia was simply the best person she’d ever met, and she longed to be able to tell people that Delia had chosen her above any chap. She so desperately wanted to hold Delia’s hand in the shop and chat to Jenny, freely. 

“I’ve decided that it’s not best practice,” Jenny said as she returned to the table, at the end of a conversation with Delia.

Delia smiled at Patsy as she stood to allow Delia through, though it wasn’t necessary. She pressed herself into Delia as she passed, feeling the hitch in her breath as their bodies connected. It was risky, and very unlike Patsy, but she so needed something.

“Jenny was telling me about midwifery,” Delia said as she sat, trying to keep the blush from her face.

“If it’s something you are truly interested in,” Jenny started, but Patsy cut her off.

“I have options is all,” Patsy said, lighting up a cigarette and closing the subject. 

Jenny looked to Delia who smiled sadly. She took her cues from the Welsh nurse, sensing an undercurrent of something between them, like this topic was a contentious one. Not one for intruding, she returned the conversation to The London.

*****

Delia and Patsy bade farewell to Jenny, with Patsy promising to stick as close as possible to her on her secondment.

“We nurses must stick together,” Patsy said with a smile, and Jenny was comforted by the assured manner in which she spoke.

“She’s right, you take care Jenny okay? And if Pats says she’ll be there for you, it’s a guarantee. I’ll be about the place too, but I’m nowhere near as intimidating as this one here,” Delia said, bumping Patsy gently.

“Oh? Weren’t you the one telling Doctor Mason a few weeks back that he was diagnosing the wrong patient?” Patsy teased.

“Well he was,” Delia said with a shrug.

“The trick with Deels here is that her accent is terribly distracting and for a while they don’t quite know what to do, then they threaten to tell Matron and huff off. It’s quite the sight,” Patsy said to Jenny with a smile. Her smile to Delia was kinder and wider, making Jenny feel a little left out. She wasn’t upset by it, she simply wished to be back at Nonnatus House.

“Here’s your bus, Jenny. I’ll see you again for another day of biting ones tongue tomorrow,” Pasty waved.

As the bus disappeared, Patsy wrapped her arm around Delia’s shoulders and pulled her in for a brief side embrace. 

“Come along Busby, we’re going out.”

*****

“Honestly Deels, I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I am not going to cope with this stint in male surgical. I’ve even been thinking of a change of scenery.”

“Pats I know you positively disliked your time those years before, but this is temporary, Matron assured you.”

“She did, but she also has the prerogative to rescind that if we can’t start filling these shifts. I am losing the will to nurse with every day I’m there.”

“I’m there too, at least you can see me, however fleeting.”

“It’s the only perk, but I am losing interest in this and I can’t, Deels, I can’t. I’m supposed to be a nurse, it’s been my calling since the Camp. This is my path and it’s being errored. It’s not for me, and I cannot summon the will to put on the façade.”

“This seems sudden, it was only earlier you wanted to press Jenny for information on midwifery.”

“Does it? It seems like it’s been slowly strangling me for years, I just kind of forgot because I haven’t been back here a while. If I’m forced to stay here, I will lose it, Deels.”

“Pats, is this because of Constance and the accusation?”

“No Delia, it’s about my career,” Patsy stood up angrily, her haddock and chips falling in a heap on ground.

“Okay, Patience,” Delia said calmly, batting away Patsy’s hands as she tried to pick up the spilt food. “Leave it for the birds, you can share mine.”

Patsy sat back on the bench, silently taking a few chips from Delia. Delia let her have the silence, though she felt a heaviness at Patsy’s admission. She never truly thought about the notion that one day Patsy might want to go somewhere else. The London was so well-respected, and Patsy deserved to be in a hospital that had the prestige like this one.

“There’s a job at a florist in Chelsea, I could go see what that is about,” Patsy said quietly.

“Are you being serious, Pats?”

“Why can’t I see what else is out there, Delia?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just wondering where your head is at.”

“It’s at breaking point, that’s where it’s at. I think it’s time to go back, I feel a terrible headache coming on and I need a lie down.”

Delia looked forlorn as she followed Patsy. She knew there was more to it that a simple dislike for male surgical and recognised the signs of her dear friend shutting down. At the moment as things were, whatever comfort Delia would offer would be shut down immediately. She just had to hope that Patsy got this out of her system soon, and if that meant an interview at a florist, then that was that for now.

Patsy bade farewell to Delia at the door of the Nurses Home, knowing she was being unkind, but she didn’t want to snap again at Delia. She tried to smile, but it wasn’t sincere, and Delia saw right through it of course, but simply dropped her shoulders and allowed Patsy to have her time to herself.

“I’ll talk to you later. Good luck with your interview, Patience.”

Patsy held her stomach as Delia, sweet Delia let her go, no argument, no pleads. She once again was struck with how she did not deserve this beautifully kind woman.

Delia returned to her room, trying desperately to allow Patsy to have her little freak out. She couldn’t imagine Patsy in a florist, though she did select the most beautiful of bouquets for her room. It was something Patsy needed to work through herself, sadly. It wasn’t about her, nor should it be. She couldn’t tell Pats that selfishly she didn’t want her moving away, working in Chelsea, that whilst is wasn’t like she was moving to another country, the more physical distance between them, the more worried she was that Patsy would begin to forget her. No, she couldn’t bring these concerns to her, it would be unfair to stop Patsy from searching for something she needed. So, she’d simply have to wait.

******

Delia was trying to find something in her handbag as she left The London when she almost fell over Jenny who was sat on the stone steps, her head in her hands.

“Oh sweetheart, what’s the matter?”

“Oh, hi Delia,” Jenny looked up wiping her face as best she could.

“Come on, I’ll take you to my room okay, can you walk? It can give you some privacy. Come on.”

Delia finally made it with a very sad nurse in her arms. She opened the door and immediately sat Jenny on her bed, offering her a glass of water.

“I have stronger if required,” Delia said with a smile.

“Water will be fine, thank you Delia. I’m not up much for talking about it if that’s alright.”

“That’s fine, honest.”

“Can I sit here a moment?” 

“You can, Jenny. For as long as you need.”

Delia picked up her book and read in the silence, allowing Jenny to cry for as long as she needed.

“Today was my last day here,” Jenny said. After her talk with Matron she was feeling so confused, but pleased she’d done the right thing. “You and Patsy have been so kind to me, and you didn’t need to be.”

“It can be hard, coming in and filling a role for a moment, but it was lovely to meet you.”

“Delia can I say something? I saw Patsy this morning and she was talking about a florist job she interviewed for? In Chelsea? I wasn’t sure if she was joking, but she seemed so fed up. Could you tell her that I do think she’d be an amazing midwife?”

“I’ll tell her,” Delia nodded.

“I better go. Sister Julienne is expecting me back this evening. Thank you for making this secondment relatively easier.”

Delia waved at the door, closing it with a sigh. She hadn’t seen Patsy since she left her at the door of the Nurses Home, she had no idea what time she was off to Chelsea, nor the outcome. 

She knew she had to wait for Patsy to come to her.

******

Patsy came to her the next day when she was taking lunch outside, eyes downward, expecting an argument or lecture, or maybe simply embarrassed by her own avoidance, Delia wasn’t too sure. But, like always, she sat and waited until she was ready.

“Can I see you tonight? In your room?”

“You are always welcome in my room, Patience, it has been you who has avoided it.”

“I know.”

“I’m off at 1700,” Delia said kindly.

“I finish at 1900.”

“I’ll see you at 2000 then?”

“Okay, Delia. Thank you.” Patsy tried to catch Delia’s eyes, but Delia wasn’t looking at her, focusing on the sandwich she had barely eaten. “I always seem to be apologising,” Patsy said biting her lip. “And you always forgive me even when you probably want to shout at me.”

“I never want to shout at you, Pats.”

“But you are upset?” 

Delia nodded, pulling at the crust of her sandwich.

“You push me away when it gets hard.” Delia said with a little bite in her tone.

“I do. It’s how I’ve always been Delia. Push away the hard stuff, push away the people who I care about so I don’t get hurt.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“No, you don’t. I am sorry.”

“I’m sure you are Pats, I’ll see you tonight okay? I’ve not much of an appetite so I’ll just go make a tea instead.”

“Okay,” Patsy nodded sadly, willing herself not to make a scene with tears and pleas.

“Bye Pats,” Delia said, softly running her hand across Patsy’s’ firmly clasped fist. Patsy looked up, encouraged by the kind smile on her beloved’s face. “Take care.”

Delia left, her sandwich tossed in the bin. She could dwell on matters between them later. She had a shift to finish.

*****

Patsy had come by at exactly 2000 on the dot, unsurprisingly. She brought with her no flowers, but a large binder which Patsy loudly announced at the door were her surgical notes that Delia requested. Delia rolled her eyes, and welcomed Patsy in.

“Wouldn’t that attract more attention, given you usually just come in?” Delia teased.

“Hi Deels,” Patsy said, dropping the folder on the bed, opening it up with a shy smile.

“So, how was the interview?”

“Ghastly.”

Delia tried not to be glad and felt horrible when she couldn’t stop smiling.

“Okay old thing, no need to look so chuffed. I admit it was a fool’s errand, surely that can be the end of it?”

“I’m sorry Patience, I am. But I am relieved that you are not about to pop off to Chelsea and leave me behind.”

“I don’t want to leave you behind,” Patsy admitted bashfully, dropping her eyes to her fingers.

“You would, if things became too much, but I know that, and I have to try and accept it,” Delia said matter of fact. 

“If you believe I’ll give up on us then why bother in the first place?” Patsy said, anger rising in her voice.

“Because Pats, you happen to be worth it,” Delia said softy, placing her hand on Patsy’s cheek, lifting her to look up at her.

“Doesn’t sound like a terribly convincing relationship pitch Busby,” Patsy muttered.

“Honesty, remember? Even when it’s unpleasant. We can get through a lot if we come back to each other with honesty.”

“We sound proper grown up, I’m not sure I like it,” Patsy teased, coming to rest her hands on Delia’s waist.

“I learnt from the best. Now, are you going to give me a kiss Patience Mount?”

Patsy smiled her half smile and bent down to kiss Delia, revelling in the way Delia leant into her.

“I think I want to do midwifery Deels,” Patsy said as she pulled away, Delia’s head coming to rest on her chest.

“Okay Pats,” Delia said, wrapping her arms around her tighter.

“It might mean I leave The London,” Patsy said softly.

“We’ll work it out Pats,” Delia said determined.

“Okay. I’ll let Matron know tomorrow.”

“Stay with me a bit longer? I don’t want you to go just yet,” Delia said, lifting her head from Patsy’s chest.

“I’ll stay,” Patsy nodded, kissing Delia gently. “I’ll stay.”


	14. Stand Just A Little Too Close, Stare Just A Little Too Long.

Patsy was enjoying her midwifery training, even if she had to listen to men explain the female body to her like it was completely foreign. She felt like this was her purpose. In a way, she felt like she was honouring her sister and mother in a manner they’d approve, and that notion fuelled her desire to be the best midwife she could be.

Delia was so supportive, not that Patsy was surprised. There was no doubt the new shifts were separating them for longer periods of time, which affected them both. Delia was upset, she said as much, but she always accepted that this was important to Patsy and promised to make it work.

Which was why today was so important.

It’s was Patsy’s turn to have two full days off in over a month and they were going to go away for the night. Delia had planned it all. She was incredibly nervous, but she knew Delia had worked on this for weeks and was determined to be excited.

******

The train station at Brighton was busy. The noise was a mix of shouting, crying and laughing. Patsy detested large crowds, but she followed Delia through it all without complaint. They finally managed to be free of the station and Delia spotted Divalls, a recommendation from a nursing chum. 

“There it is, Pats,” Delia said excitedly.

Patsy took it in. There was signage everywhere, directing to places of interest. A small barber shop was nearby calling out the names of famous male actors, promising young and old men alike that they would come out with the style of whomever was the most famous at the time. There was a tobacconist, Elthenton’s grocery store, S Wickens Quality Footwear and Distinctive Repairs … Patsy saw a lot of signs and to be honest, a few hours later she had forgotten them all, so heavens help if someone asked her for directions!

“Let’s go drop our bags off at the hotel Deels,” Patsy suggested, desperate to get in a room where it was quiet, clean and less congested.

Delia was happily looking around, her head turning every which way, like a child on their first big day out, but she accepted that they did indeed need to be on their way to the hotel.

They got there, and Delia took it all in with awe. The hotel was a grand looking thing near the beach, boats lined up either for fishermen or, Patsy assumed, for those interested in leisure on the water. Wooden benched lined the sand with clear views of the ocean in front of them.

“Come on Pats,” Delia hadn’t been able to stop smiling since the train station.

Checking in was a breeze. Patsy held back, terrified people would connect the dots and know they were more than two friends on a break from nursing, but Delia’s exuberance and her willingness to tell the concierge all about their work as nurses seemed to stop any strange looks or questions.

“Come on Pats,” Delia wasn’t going let Patsy’s uncertainty ruin their time away, so if she had to hold the line with the enthusiasm and positivity she would! 

The red brick and terracotta building added to the feel that this Hotel held a lot of history. Patsy followed dutifully, at a reasonable distance from Delia as they were shown to their room.

“Wow,” Delia couldn’t help but be impressed. Once the door was closed and it was just the two of them, Patsy began to relax.

“This is lovely Deels, truly,” Patsy said as she placed their suitcases on the bed and began unpacking.

“That can wait, Pats, come sit with me.”

“I will once I’ve packed things away,” Patsy said, making sure she was focused on this before anything else.

Delia sighed. Patsy has been uncomfortable the whole trip. In fact, she had tried to cancel the trip several times, even after knowing how much effort Delia had taken to not only organise the trip but swap her own shifts around. So Delia looked around the room herself. The room was decorated quite nicely with a touch to the Hotel’s history and its location. In the en suite there was a large bath with taps that offered both fresh and sea water options, which Delia found odd, as she wasn’t sure who would like to wash themselves in sea water, but she liked that she was staying in a place that had that option. The curtains of the room were soft and wispy, a beautiful emerald colour. There were two large chairs, a small cosy table for meals and two single beds that had been pushed almost together, only a small gap between them. 

Whilst they didn’t have a view of the beach from their room, Delia loved it. Even the thick blue and red patterned carpet was fascinating to her.

“It’s nice, Deels,” Patsy said, noticing that the beds seemed to be closer together, and made note to move them to a respectable distance once she finished unpacking.

“Nice?” Delia tried not to sigh, she tried to be happy, positive. This was their first ever trip away and she wanted Patsy to relax and enjoy it.

“Should we take a walk after I finish? Get something to eat?”

“Sure Pats,” Delia surrendered, sitting in one of the chairs watching as Patsy meticulously unpacked her suitcase. She had offered to do Delia’s too, but Delia got up and unpacked a few items, hoping that the faster it was done, the more time they had to enjoy their freedom. 

“Great.”

“Yeah, great,” Delia echoed.

******

Patsy knew she was letting Delia down. She had been doing a lot of that recently and it was taking a toll. Delia was still excited about everything, a genuine tourist, enjoying the sights, sounds and smells. She smiled at people and stopped to watch the water as the waves hit rocks or the sand bank. But she was walking in front of Patsy and engaging infrequently with her. There was no Delia smile her way, not like the one Patsy loved to see. Patsy tried to get out of her funk, mentioning things as they passed them. The birds, the sound of the waves, the children enjoying the sand, collecting shells, but it was just making the atmosphere more and more uncomfortable.

This was supposed be time for them to be together. Just the two of them, away from people they knew, from their jobs. A tiny moment of time where they could be two terribly good friends who might like to link arms and laugh, who might share a bench closely together, or a meal for two. They had a sliver of freedom and Patsy was squandering it.

Knowing it was happening failed to assist Patsy’s need to stop it, though. She was lost.

******

Delia had stopped trying to force Patsy to go along with the day with her, so she decided to sit on the bench near the beach and just enjoy the sights and sounds of the beach. She smiled as two young boys ran around with sticks, making marks in the sand, whilst nearby what looked like their older sister was chastising them for knocking over her sand tower.

She took her shoes off and jumped on the sand, sitting in her dress on the sand, to the protests of Patsy who wasn’t pleased she was sitting on something to protect her dress. She dug her toes into the sand and closed her eyes.

“Honestly Delia, lord knows what’s in the sand, and here you are, sat in it with no thought of the consequences.”

“It’s called enjoying the moment,” Delia said not unkindly, but certainly not teasing. 

Patsy hated that tone. She held it so very seldom, and it was usually when Delia had been hanging on so hard that she simply had no more strength to hold on.

“Do you hate it here that much, Patsy? Or is it just being here with me?”

Patsy was stunned. She had expected Delia to call her on her less-than-spirited manner, but not like this, where she was questioning whether she wanted to be on a holiday with her.

“How could I ever hate spending time with you, Delia?”

Delia shrugged, as though she wasn’t too sure why she asked the question but interested in Patsy’s reply. She turned to see Patsy was grabbing at her torso as she often did when trying to protect herself. 

“We aren’t spending much of it together recently, not like we used to do. I know a few of those nights where you could have come to me you spent going out with the other midwives, and I know I have no right to demand you spend all your time with me and. I never will. Never,” Delia promised, and was relieved when she saw Patsy nod slightly that she knew that. “I think it’s about time people at The London get to see Patience Mount, not just the Nurse. But you cancel plans, and worse, you refuse to make any solid plans at all. I could think it was down to the need to impress, but you have stood me up the last three times we had plans.”

Delia sighed. This wasn’t where she wanted to have this conversation, but it was out now, so it seemed it was time.

“The first time I can understand. The second I let it go because you looked so exhausted I though maybe you just forgot. But the third? The third time I got dressed up for a date, a date you planned. And I get a note from a nurse I’ve never even met, who chased me out of the Nurses Home and all the way to the bus, a note saying you were terribly sorry, but something came up. No other explanation, so I took myself to the coffee shop. Next day you come to me with apologies, yet you forgot about our date, Patsy. It wasn’t just a coffee and chat. What you don’t know though it just before you came to say sorry I heard you talking with one of the other midwives about the film you saw the night before.”

Patsy gasped. It was unlike Delia to sit on something like that, she didn’t stew on matters, preferring to get it out and discussed.

“Delia.”

“No, it’s okay Patsy. I don’t want to ruin my holiday. It’s as we’ve said before, you push people away. You’re pushing me away because you might not stay at The London, so you’re trying to make it easier for you later. But in it all, I never thought you’d hurt me,” Delia sighed. “I’m heading back to the room, I think the trip here has finally caught up with me.”

Patsy watched as she got up, smoothed out her dress and put her heels back on. Without looking back, Delia walked away.

******

Patsy arrived back to the room not too long after Delia. She felt such shame and disgust that she truly didn’t know what she was going to do to fix things. Usually Delia helped, but it was clear she wasn’t going to that this time. No, it was up to Patsy. 

Delia was sitting on the bed, a pillow behind her and she sat up reading a book. She didn’t look up, which Patsy deserved. Taking a large breath Patsy sat on the bed opposite and clasped her hands together tightly.

“Delia.”

Patsy paused. Delia was looking at her, but suddenly she had nothing.

“You’re sorry, you didn’t mean it, you are trying to fit in with a new batch of girls,” Delia rattled off a few excuses, her tone sarcastic and very unlike her.

“No. Yes.” Patsy paused, unsure how to talk to Delia when she was this hurt and angry. It wasn’t like Delia to display such anger directed towards her, and it frightened her. Was this the moment Delia decided what she had known all along? That Patsy wasn’t worth it, that she wasn’t worth all the drama and upset?   
“Delia, I forgot, I forgot it was our date night. I forgot that I was supposed to take you out for dinner, and the cinema was suggested, and I said yes. I had had a bad shift, we lost a mother. Baby was okay, but it was tough, and they suggested going out and I said yes. Then I remembered I was meeting you, but we’ve been rescheduling things a bit, so I didn’t think you’d mind, that I could make it up to you. I had planned to come to your room after it, because I was miserable, and it didn’t help, going out with them. I wanted only you, I knew you’d know what to say, what to do. But it was late and I couldn’t risk curfew.” 

“Deels, I was looking at my diary the next day and I recognised our date code for the night before. And I felt sick. I came to you at work, do you remember? I bought a book for you as an apology. I put new flowers in your room. But you said it was okay, you told me that you had been tired and glad we were rescheduling. You didn’t say anything.”

“What would I have said at work, Patience? That I went to your room to demand an explanation after I had the coffee, was still in my fancy date dress and you weren’t in your room? That I waited for an hour sitting on your bed before I had to leave to make it back to mine in time for curfew?”

Patsy paused. She knew that Delia was feeling the pressure of their uncertain future just as much as she was, and that this conversation was borne from a lack of proper communication. 

“Oh Delia, I’m truly wretched.”

“You are,” Delia said with a small smile. “We both are at times,” she added.

“I never want you to feel like that Delia. I have been pushing away a little. I have taken you for granted old thing, and I didn’t really know how much until today. I did not deliberately stand you up for date night, please tell me you believe that?”

“I do. But it still hurt.”

“I am sorry Delia. I am so sorry sweetheart.”

“Are you here with me Pats?”

“I’m here with you,” Patsy stood in the small gap between the beds, her hands outstretched.

Delia smiled, though it still didn’t shine.

“I can’t do this on my own Patsy. When you put that gap between us, I can’t always close it by myself.”

Patsy traced Delia’s face, her beautiful cheekbones, jaw, lips. She closed her eyes as Delia exhaled.

“I feel like I’m losing too much control. Midwifery is opening up new choices, new opportunities. I see things changing around me and I can’t stop the spinning. I feel myself reach for you, but we aren’t moving in the same direction,” Patsy admitted.

“It’s okay to be moving in different directions, so long as we still communicate. We don’t have to do the very same thing to still be important to each other. I love your drive, and the look you get when you get some new bit of information and dissect it. I don’t care if you make new friends, I don’t care at all, but don’t lose me in the process of trying to assimilate into a new world. I can only take so much before I need my Patience Mount to be near me, okay? Don’t forget me, Pats.”

“Never.”

“I am not an innocent player in this mind you. I’m sorry too. I know that I should have brought it up earlier, Pats, but I was just so unsure. Unsure if I was maybe holding you back. Maybe we need to designate some time just for us? A routine of sorts that allows us both to change it if required but also make a genuine effort to be together. I don’t need fancy dates Patience, you know I’m happy if we spend time in my room together. I just miss us.”

“We are bound to change old thing, what happens if I leave The London? What if you do? We don’t know what life has planned, I’m terribly scared all the time of planning ahead, in the Camp one never planned much further than the next minute, and I suppose I just have always worried about looking too far ahead.”

“We don’t have to know what we are doing in five years times Pats, I just need to know that we can work on things together.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I think we always find a way to get back to each other, don’t you?” Delia said with a smile.

“We do, we do Deels.”

“Okay, so come on, let’s enjoy our holiday Pats. Can we go back down to the beach? I want to have some fish and chips and sit together, all tucked in on our picnic rug.”

“I should say so old thing, I won’t be putting my dress on the sand. I know we’re on holidays, but I can only be so reckless before I combust,” Patsy said with her half smile.

“Oh, hush you.”

******

“So, when I was purchasing these I was reliably informed that there is a delightful little place further down the road that has a nice little restaurant and a large jukebox, and they take bookings on the day for the evening session. Said it used to be frequented by celebrities and the like, is a little funky apparently. The shopkeepers word, not mine. As I was waiting for a while I took the liberty of calling and making a booking for 1930. The lady I spoke to was positively delightful and did not bat an eye at two ladies looking for a nice meal together,” Patsy said in a rush, taking a breath only after she stopped talking. She was biting her lip, Delia noticed, her whole bottom lip trapped by her teeth.

“Sounds lovely,” Delia simply said with a smile. Patsy could have kissed Delia then and there, recognising that her Patsy-only smile was back.

“Okay. Great, Deels. Great.”

Delia laughed.

“Great indeed Patience.”

They sat together, bodies touching as much as they could whilst still being able to eat. Patsy laughed, truly laughed, as Delia tried to argue with a pesky bird, intent on staring at them as they ate. She crossed her leg over Delia’s as they stretched out after eating, hands on top of each other as they lay between their bodies. The waves crashing, the fishermen organising their boats, the tourists and locals alike going about their days. No one stared at them, no one sneered or whispered. There was no fear of a patient seeing them, no fellow nurses who knew them, it was as though they were just two people out on a little date.

“You are stunning, sitting here in your green dress, with your hair out and in the wind,” Delia said, moving a few strands to behind Patsy’s ear. “And to hear you laughing is truly wonderful Pats. I love it when you let go like that, that you trust us so much that you can relax.”

“This time away has been what we needed Deels. What I needed.”

“I can sit here, touch your hair, hold hands on the beach. It’s perfect.”

The bird that demanded food squawked at them, causing them to laugh and give in to it, tossing a few uneaten chips its way.

“Let’s go have a little nap before our date,” Patsy said, getting up and holding her hand out for Delia. She pulled her up and brushed the sand off them both before reaching down for the blanket, shaking it vigorously. Delia stood at looked out at the ocean, imagining the world that welcomed their love. For now, she had to be content with what they had, and enjoy the view of her beloved fighting a losing battle with the hair that was coming out of her pony tail.

She loved this woman. It hadn’t yet been vocalised, but it was no less true. She loved her with everything she had, and, upon recollection of the little moments over the last two years and a bit, had probably loved her longer than first thought. She had seen this as a longshot, but she took the chance, Patsy took the chance and now they were away on a romantic few days on the beach.

“Deels?”

“I’m so happy we’re here cariad. So happy.”

“Me too,” Patsy said, holding out her arm for Delia to tuck into as they walked back to the hotel.

*****

After their nap, where they laid in each other’s arms, they dressed in relative silence, Delia in the large ensuite, Patsy in the bedroom. Pats had finished, just needing the mirror to do her makeup and hair.

“Deels?” Patsy knocked on the door lightly, hearing what she assumed were curses in Welsh. It made her smile, not used to hearing Delia so frustrated.

“Come in Pats.” Delia’s back was turned when Patsy entered. When she turned she felt her mouth dry instantly. Patsy was wearing tailored pants, grey in colour, a pleated line travelling from her belt to the thick cuff that rested just above her ankles. Patsy wore black stilettoes with a thin but high heel. She was wearing a long-sleeved silk blouse, a thick black satin clasped at the wrist. The blouse had large V-neck lapels, and no buttons until the fabric met just about Patsy’s cleavage. There was so much skin on show. Patsy had a grey and black silk scarf that was undone, sitting as a tie would do, covering up some of the skin that Delia couldn’t seem to take her eyes off.

Patsy smiled and bit her lower lip.

“Should I wear a dress Deels? I don’t wear slacks on our dates usually, so I can change?” 

“No!” Shouted Delia. She blushed at Patsy’s raised eyebrow. “No cariad, you look perfect. Stunning.”

“I haven’t even don’t my make-up or hair yet Deels, I look unkept,” Patsy said with a shake of her head.

Delia pulled the scarf off and pulled Patsy in for a kiss. Patsy sighed as Delia’s hand grabbed at her waist. She loved it when Delia pulled her in closer. 

“Cariad,” Delia whispered, running her hands in Patsy’s hair. “My goodness.”

“You look beautiful Deels.”

Delia had gone for a poodle skirt, one that worked well with her height. It was pleated rather than flared and turquoise in colour. The waist was thin, covered by a burnt orange-coloured sash that dropped on the left-hand side. Delia wore a skin tight grey top with sleeves settled just below the elbow. Her hair was out, straight and falling around her face. She wore shoes with a small heel, white in colour.

“Stunning,” Patsy added as she kissed her again, revelling in the uninterrupted time they were afforded. 

“I’ll let you use the bathroom,” Delia blushed as she tried to leave.

“Can you stay? Keep me company?” Patsy asked shyly.

“Of course, Pats.”

It was captivating, watching Patsy get ready. It felt very intimate, to be able to sit here, watch as Patsy did her make-up. Once she was finished she turned and winked at Delia who was incredibly worked up, but desperate to reign it in. 

“I’m sad that you now have your lipstick on,” Delia said as she wrapped herself around Patsy. “I need to kiss you.”

“I can reapply,” Patsy replied, her voice husky with unexpected want.

“Good.”

They crashed into each other, smiling as they clashed heads, both feeling as desperate as each other. It had taken all her concentration skills when getting ready, feeling Delia’s eyes on her. It was incredibly sensual to be in a bathroom together, talking small talk and sneaking glances at each other without a time limit or fear of discovery.

“Patience,” Delia moaned as Patsy’s hand pulled at her hair, making her head tilt back, allowing Patsy to kiss her deeply. “Cariad,” she whispered as she broke away, needing to pause for a moment. She rested her head on the beautiful freckled chest of her beloved. She kissed at the skin there, feeling Patsy’s heart pounding, hearing the little gasps of breath from above. She fit in here perfectly, even more so with Patsy’s heels.

“Deels, stop, stop,” Patsy moved away, her breath irregular, her face flushed. “We have reservations, we should stop.”

Delia smiled and nodded her acceptance.

“You are breathtaking Patience Mount, but you’re right, we need to go.” Delia took a deep settling breath and watched as Patsy reapplied her lipstick. She washed her own face and then held her hand out, which Patsy took immediately.

“Let’s go on our date sweetheart,” Delia said with a beautiful smile.


	15. A Feeling of Belonging to Your Dreams.

At Nonnatus House, the conversations about Christmas had begun. Trixie was talking of time off and heading skiing with Christopher. She sat with her diary, trying to organise her diary with his own workload. No one begrudged Trixie the time off, and happily offered to cover shifts if required in order to get her the time she needed.

Valerie was quite about her plans, not really in the mood to think of Christmas. Delia wondered if Christmas triggered something unpleasant, or if she had no one to celebrate the season with and made it one of her tasks to try and find out what she could.

Barbara and Tom had been delayed by a week much to Trixie’s dismay, but Delia suggested they get their place ready for them with food, and a bit of spring cleaning and it perked Trixie right up. She had a task, something to pass the time.

Patsy still had quite the combative relationship with Christmas. She would play her part, act excited when needed, but Delia knew she hated the fuss. Christmas held a new meaning now, for it reminded them both of the year Delia returned to London, yet still, Patsy asked Delia not to make a large show of it, and Delia respected it. They traded a gift each, but there was no fanfare. Delia worried that this year would be even worse, Patsy now mourning her father, and was determined to go at Patsy’s pace. Her Mam was furious that she was not coming back home for Christmas, but there was nothing that would change Delia’s mind about remaining at Nonnatus, her Mam had to travel to her this time. This felt like family for her now, and it felt right to stay here, with her beloved. 

Patsy couldn’t help but sit at the dinner table proudly as Delia organised the welcome-back spring clean, with Sister Winifred also happy to get involved. She looked on lovingly as Sister Julienne spoke fondly of Delia’s compassion and thoughtfulness and Sister Monica Joan grasped her hand and smiled at her. She admired how Delia had taken to Sister Monica Joan, and vice-versa. They were very close, both with the same twinkle in the eye at times, the same grand notions of the world – astrology in particular – mixed with a dose of cynicism. Patsy tried not to sigh, knowing a lot of Delia’s cynicism was down to their hidden relationship.

Phyllis sat and said very little, allowing the others to take control of the conversation. She observed Delia’s growing confidence with pride, so pleased that she was finding her place in the house independently of Patsy. She wondered if she needed to caution Patsy’s open admiration, or if her awareness of the meanings behind the look was only heightened due to her knowledge of their true relationship.

“I think it’s a splendid way to welcome back our newlyweds, I’m happy to offer my assistance with my car if it is required Delia,” Phyllis finally joined in, smiling warmly at her Welsh friend.

“This talk is creating a need for celebratory cake!” Sister Monica Joan announced, making all at the table smile.

The little look shared between Delia and Patsy went unnoticed by most at the table. 

******

“I take it you two are closer than ever to being able to move on from the past?” Trixie grabbed Delia after breakfast, and before Delia’s final shift at The London before her final round of exams.

“We are. We talked. It was hard, but we were honest.”

“Marvellous. Now, I won’t keep you sweetie, but I want you both in my room tonight. We need to celebrate you getting ever-so closer to being one of us officially!”

Delia laughed, and accepted the invitation happily. She ran up to her room and saw Patsy was holding her uniform, smoothing down invisible creases.

“Oh Deels, I’m so excited for you. I remember when it was my final day, and you brought me breakfast, remember?”

“I do cariad. And you wouldn’t let me kiss you you were so focused.”

“I was petrified that someone was going to come up to me and tell me this was all wrong, that a mistake had been made. I didn’t truly realise until that final day on the ward how much I truly needed it.”

“If there are any kisses today, I’m happy to take a few before I leave,” Delia said with a smile.

Patsy smiled and hung up Delia’s uniform before opening her arms and welcoming her Welh love with light kisses.

“Deels, I’m proud of you.”

******

To Delia, it was as though nothing could go wrong today. She had been heavily involved in conversation at breakfast, managed a few minutes alone with Patsy and was feeling as though they had reaffirmed their relationship. So when Mrs. Partern decided to vomit over her, she was still insistent on enjoying the last day. When Doctor Hercules as Trixie coined him chastised her closest friend on the rotation for a minor error and she stood up for her, she was still feeling pretty good. Nothing was going to stop the smile.

Until halfway through her shift. 

It happened relatively fast. There had been an accident; a bus had lost control and hit into passengers on the footpath. Causalities were coming in, and nurses were being called to assist. The House Surgeon had taken control of the intake, and ordered beds be made available. One of the first locations that had to surrender their beds were pregnant women. Some were sent home. Two women were already in labour and were to remain where they were, with only two midwives present. 

Due to Delia’s work with St Johns, she was moved to early trauma assessment. Nurses were being called in who had been off-shift, or about to finish, and junior doctors were looking lost and unprepared without their senior doctor’s guidance. 

“Nurse, here,” Delia turned to see a woman most likely mid-twenties, with serious leg injuries. She was eerily quiet, the shock no doubt had set in. She stared vacantly, clutching her handbag with a steel-like grip. Delia assessed, and moved her on. There was no time to be sympathetic or ask her name. 

Five nurses had to excuse themselves in the first hour, some of them not having seen injuries like the ones coming in. Matron had set them up to make the identifications, either of the deceased or those in surgery if they carried any information on them. Two of the nurses in Delia’s training group were tasked with cleaning up blood and other fluids in order to attempt a sterile environment, a battle they were losing.

“Nurse Busby!”

Delia turned to see Matron at the desk, charts in hand.

“Yes Matron?”

“You are at Nonnatus are you not?”

“Yes Matron.”

“We need a senior midwife. One of our upstairs mothers is in distress. Call them, now. Tell them to take a cab.”

Delia nodded, taking the offered phone. She didn’t ask why Matron wasn’t the one calling, she was running around everywhere taking care of doctors and nurses alike. She knew the number by heart, so she was happy to be useful.

“Nonnatus House, mid –”

Delia didn’t wait, she interrupted in a rush of words.

“Pats, it’s me. There’s been a serious accident and we need a midwife. We’ve all be taken off our last shift and put to use elsewhere. One of the two mothers who was already in labour has taken a turn and Matron needs a midwife.”

“We are setting up an emergency clinic for the mothers, Shelagh told us a little not too long ago. I can come Deels, I’ll get Fred to take me, he’s here already.”

“Okay Pats. Please be careful on the roads cariad.”

“I will. Will pass on the information to Phyllis and be there fast as I can.” With that, Patsy hung up, in full Nurse Mount mode.

“Nurse Mount will attend,” Delia told Matron as she passed her. Matron nodded and resumed her task.

Delia also went back to work, trying to remain detached. 

******

Delia had been so busy she hadn’t realised it was now the next morning. She was sitting with a few nurses, but no one was really say much. A few tired smiles and a “are you okay” here and there, but there was no joviality. Some of the nurses hadn’t been involved in trauma-based incidents since their early training days so it was important to make sure they were being taken care of. Delia had come in for a tea and a biscuit or two. Patsy had delivered the baby and the mother was recovering after an initial scare though she was still in some danger, or so Delia was told. She hadn’t seen Patsy, nor had the time or energy to look for her.

Matron had ordered everyone who had worked over fourteen hours straight in the trauma area to take a full day off, some of the nurses protested, wanting to help, whilst others took the offer immediately.

Delia was off anyway, and as a result, had offered to help, but Matron had declined, telling her, “you worked harder than many Nurse Busby, you are on strict instructions to go home.” As Delia was leaving Matron’s office she was stopped, “You would have been a very good asset to The London, it’s with great personal regret that you are leaving us, but it is a great vocation you are taking up, and I wish you the best. Dismissed.”

Delia nodded, too exhausted to respond but overwhelmed by the unexpected compliment.

“Hi old thing.”

Delia looked up, and saw Patsy leaning against the wall as only she could do without looking arrogant. She was holding one of Delia’s coats, draped over her arm, an outfit hooked onto fingers that rested on her shoulder. She looked a vision.

“I bought you a change of clothes for after you wash up.”

“Pats,” Delia fell into Patsy’s chest, Patsy only able to hug her with the arm that carried her coat, but they made it work. No one looked twice, and if anyone had been, it wouldn’t have seemed out of the ordinary for this kind of comfort to be sought between friends, not on a shift like this one.

“Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up and I’ll take you home,” Patsy said with a smile, nodding at Matron who had exited her office. It had been Matron who had rung and asked for Patsy, telling her she needed to come and assist Delia who was close to breaking down completely. Patsy had been too concerned about Delia to pause and wonder if Matron knew about them, but on the way over she did worry about the reception she’d receive. She hadn’t worried, for Matron said nothing, simply made sure Delia was going home.

Patsy helped Delia undress, throwing her uniform and everything else into a bag. She turned on the bath, and helped her beloved in, washing her quickly, as she was nearly asleep. 

“Come on Deels, you need to wake so we can get you out of the bath and dressed.”

“I love you,” Delia whispered tiredly.

“And I you, come on, I’ll dry you and we’ll get dressed. Phyllis is on her way to pick us up. Then, you can sleep, I promise.”

They made it out and down the stairs of The London, a few families no doubt connected to the accident arriving and departing as they waited for Phyllis. Delia was mumbling nonsense, a lot of it in Welsh, with a firm grip around Patsy’s waist. Phyllis arrived, parked respectfully out of the way of the ambulances and waved them over.

“Oh lass, you’ve done us all proud, in you pop. Nurse Mount, would you sit with her, I fear she’ll fall if she not had something sturdy to rest upon. The lass looks positively out of her skin.”

“She worked the equivalent to two full shifts in the most gruelling of conditions,” Patsy said, her voice filled with awe and concern.

“Well let’s get her home.”

*****

Delia slept through the night and late into the next day after her trauma shift. Sister Julienne attended The London after breakfast with Patsy to check on the patient that Patsy attended to, with Sister Julienne mentioning to Patsy that she also wanted to look in the Matron and see if she and the Sisters could provide support with the deceased victims.

Patsy was quite reluctant to leave Delia, but Trixie and Phyllis promised they would check on her, and when she woke she wouldn’t be left alone. It still felt quite foreign to Patsy to be able to express her concerns in the manner that she wanted, and that those listening would provide support and compassion. Trixie was having a check-up with Doctor Turner later in the day and promised that if Delia was around, she’d get her to come with her.

“After all Pats, who else can be so sweet and innocent looking yet hold such a viciously wicked tongue? I won’t be able to return from the appointment with anything but the truth of my progression,” Trixie had joked.

Patsy left Delia a note before she left, put on her Nurse Mount façade, and went about her work.

******

It was near 1000 when Delia woke. She knew it was late, not only was Patsy not in the room, but the light that came into the room looked like it had settled. She saw the note and smiled as she read it. Patsy really was quite sweet, no matter what others saw. She tucked it away in her collection and got dressed.

“The morning has been stolen, what is left is the time before lunch,” Sister Monica Joan said as Delia greeted her on the stairs. “I have heard of the turmoil and prayed for the souls lost, hurt and affected by the deeds of others. I have saved a prayer for you. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, no the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

“Thank you, Sister,” Delia said smiling. “What do you say I duck out later and get us a spot of cake?”

Sister Monica Joan smiled and clasped Delia’s hands.

“Not a better piece of news has arrived since I was blessed with another waking day.”

“Oh, look here, what time do you call this?” Trixie teased with a smile. “Come along, sit on the couch with me, I’m trying to organise a list of food that Babs likes we can have it all cooked and ready for her.”

“Did Pats go a while ago?”

“She was up and gone after breakfast sweetie, but she gave us all instructions to look after you, if you need it.”

“I think I’m okay Trix, I mean it was not pleasant, and it was challenging to help assess who we can help and who might not make it. But I think I’m okay. Sister Monica Joan has already lined up a Psalm for me,” Delia smiled kindly in memory.

“Well I am terribly upset that we had to postpone our little celebratory gathering, but I think an even better gift would be me getting the go-ahead from Doctor Turner. If I go back, I hear you and a certain bossy and stoic nurse will be taking a little holiday together?”

“She told you?” Delia was surprised.

“I’m afraid I found out from Nurse Crane.”

“I didn’t think she’d tell you, she hates to plan these things for fear it won’t turn out.”

“Given her upbringing I am inclined to understand the constant pull to uncertainty,” Trixie said sadly.

“We’ll go to Brighton. It’s become our little spot, we’ve been there a few times. Good memories,” Delia said with a blush.

“Delia!” Trixie said shocked, “are you talking good as in, good?” Trixie whispered.

Thankfully Delia was saved by the return of Patsy and Sister Julienne. Patsy smiled softly but stood beside Sister Julienne for the moment.

“Nurse Busby, how are you feeling?” Sister Julienne’s kind and unobtrusive manner made Delia relax instantly.

“Sister Julienne, I am alright. I’m well-rested.”

“That’s wonderful news, and I also have news from Matron who has assured me that none of your group will have to engage in any additional training as the conduct you all demonstrated was exemplary. This means you only have your two final examinations remaining. I hope Nonnatus House is still the place that fits you best?”

“Yes, Sister Julienne, it is. I feel quite at home here.”

“Then I think it’s settled for now. If you will all excuse me,” Sister Julienne smiled at the nurses in the room and took her leave.

“Are you alright Deels?” Patsy asked, unsure. She saw that she was still quite tired, the drop of her shoulders, her hair out but a little unkept. She wasn’t sure what type of comfort to offer, so she stood near her, but not touching. 

“I am fine,” Delia said with a small smile.

“I’m going to go see Doctor Turner,” Trixie announced. “Give your sweetie a hug, Patsy,” she said as she passed her former roommate.

“I won’t keep asking, but I need you to tell me Deels, are you alright?”

“I’m okay Pats.”

“Okay.” Patsy said, sitting on the couch, knowing she’d have to get up soon and get back to work, but wanting a few moments with Delia before that happened. “Can you come sit with me?”

Delia smiled at the timid question, and came over, sitting next to Patsy as close as she could get without touching.

“How was the mother from last night?” Delia asked, moving her hand closer to Patsy’s propped up legs.

“She’s doing better, but is still very unwell,” Patsy said sadly. “But that we got to her means she has a chance.”

“How long do you have before you have to go back out?”

“Ten minutes old thing.”

Delia began to massage Patsy’s calves, smiling to herself as Patsy bit her lower lip.

“Deels.”

“It’s okay Pats, no one will think much of it.”

“They might surely get an indication of what your touch does to me if I keep moaning,” Patsy blushed.

“You know how to keep quiet,” Delia teased.

“I feel like I should be massaging you, taking care of you,” Patsy said guiltily.

“I’m okay. Besides, I’m keeping busy by planning our trip away Pats.”

“Deels, should we be doing that?”

“Christmas is coming, I want to go away before I have to see my Mam. She said she’d be willing to visit a week before Christmas only if I was working and if we pick up some of Trixie’s shifts then at least I won’t be deceiving her. You know she’ll ask, Pats.”

“Okay Deels, okay. But if I have be anywhere near your family at dinner, I need assurances that our holiday will be relaxing.”

Delia got off the couch and pulled Patsy up, whispering in her ear, “It’ll be so relaxing we might not even need to leave the bed.”

Patsy sucked in a shaky breath.

“Busby!”

Delia snuck a quick kiss on Patsy’s cheek and waved her beloved off with a mischievous laugh.

******

Delia spent the remainder of her day fixing things for Barbara and Tom. Fred had offered to do some “tinkering” as he put it. The kitchen was stocked with all but fresh bread, milk and butter, Trixie tasked with gathering that up for the morning of their return. It was nice, Delia thought as she cleaned and folded sheets and other items, to be spending time with Valerie who offered to come over during lunch.

She didn’t know much about Val, and she suspected that was by design, not a laziness on her part.

“I tell ya Delia, this is quite the thing. My cousin once wanted to marry a man of the cloth until she realised it meant she was being encouraged to stop drinking the lads under the table at her local,” Val laughed as she recalled the look of horror on her face when it was discussed.

“The poor thing,” Delia laughed along with Val.

“Have you ever felt like this kind of life is something you want?”

“Married to a curator?”

“Married,” Val said with a small smile.

“Not really. Abstract, yes, I suppose. But I don’t think marriage is on the cards for me. What about you?”

“Never say never! But at the moment, I have to be honest with you, Delia, I don’t want it.”

“Fair. We don’t need to decide right now, do we?”

“Society says yes,” Val said with a huff. “Society says a lot of things though.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“I’ve never been the bloke on the arm and having my opinions told to me rather than speaking them myself was never appealing.”

Delia laughed.

“That does sound terribly unappealing,” Delia agreed.

“I’ve never found myself terribly interested in dates and courtship myself. Romance is often too messy for me.”

“I guess if you have the right person all the mess turns out to be worth it,” Delia said softly.

“You dark horse,” Val threw a small washer at Delia who deftly caught it. “That was way to soppy to be a simple observational remark.”

“Sorry Val, there’s nothing to tell,” Delia said with a shrug.

“Alright,” Val put her arms up in surrender, “we aren’t that close, I get it, not my business.”

“No Val it’s not that,” Delia said, feeling bad. She always felt bad when she had to conceal her relationship from people she liked.

“I get it Delia, if you wanted it to be known, it would be. Just hope you’re treated well.”

“Thanks Val,” Delia said with a genuine smile.


	16. Sometimes it Gets So Hard to Hide It Well.

The small Brighton restaurant was delightful. Patsy walked in with a determined stride, giving her name and enquiring about the booths. She returned to Delia who was looking at the mahogany, reds and blues that coloured the place, smiling at Patsy as she came over.

“We can have a booth, so come on Busby, let’s go,” Patsy offered her arm, and Delia took it with a huge smile.

“This place is beautiful,” Delia she in awe. The atmosphere was charming, a very eclectic group of patrons, everyone seeming to enjoy themselves, smiling at those who walked past with genuine affection.

“Good evening, welcome!”

Delia smiled as she sat down in a velvet red horse shoe booth, looking up at a well-dressed man who had a large genuine smile on his face. His red floppy hair fell around his face, his black suit well-tailored and sharp-looking.

“Hello, this place is delightful.”

“Why thank you, you have lovely taste it would seem,” the gentleman said with a smile, looking to Patsy who blushed. “Have a wonderful time. We are most pleased to have you here.”

Delia looked over the menu, feeling Patsy’s hand rest on her thigh.

“Patience,” Delia looked around, but no one was paying them any attention.

“I’m on a date with my girlfriend,” Patsy said with a shy smile, leaning close to whisper, “and she looks so beautiful that I can’t keep my hands to myself.”

“Patience Mount, are you drunk?” Delia laughed, though made no move to take her hand away.

“No, and I want to be very sober tonight, so I can remember this holiday.”

The handsome gentleman returned, and they ordered their meals. He returned with their drinks and cutlery and then left them again with another smile.

“I like your hair out Busby. I love the idea of taking it in my fingers,” Patsy said quietly, taking a large bunch of hair that rested on her chest and moving it behind her.

“Patience,” Delia smiled as Patsy raised her eyebrow.

“I am not being inappropriate. I’m just helping my dinner mate with her hair,” Patsy shrugged.

Delia swallowed as Patsy continued to flirt with her, even when the server returned. This was very unlike her, and whilst it excited her, she worried Patsy was trying to overcompensate.

“Cariad?”

“I feel free Deels, I feel like we are different people away from our jobs, our friends, our expectations. It won’t last, I know, but just for the next few hours, I want to be as free as we can be, and in here it feels like there is no judgement.”

The entrée arrived at the table, to a chorus of thank you.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you called me your girlfriend for the first time tonight, Pats,” Delia said with a smile.

“I’m hoping to be rewarded later.” Patsy said, squeezing Delia’s thigh and removing her hand to begin to eat.

Delia struggled with her cutlery and blushed when Patsy chuckled quietly.

*****

Patsy paid for dinner, insisting that it was her treat. They walked arm in arm along the street, listening to the tide and the sounds of the ocean. They chatted about their ideas for the future, but it was mainly chatter about their enjoyment of the restaurant and the trip so far. Patsy had offered her cardigan to Delia who happily accepted only because it smelt of Patsy.

They made their way to their room, cleaning their faces of their make-up, brushing hair and teeth.

Patsy stood nervous. Her scarf was once again untied, and she moved to take it off until Delia shook her head.

“Come here,” Delia pulled Patsy to her by the ends of the scarf. She dragged it off, Patsy enjoying the feel of silk on her neck. “Kiss me cariad.”

Patsy cupped Delia’s face, and gently kissed her lips. 

“Tonight, was so lovely Pats, thank you.” Delia ran her hands through Patsy’s hair, her beloved was letting her hair colour change to a beautiful mix of blonde and red, it was growing out at the back with shorter bits fanning her face. 

“Deels?”

“Kiss me, Pats. Kiss me hard.”

Patsy groaned, waiting no more. Her lips pressed hard against the softest of lips, a small clash of teeth was heard and felt as they both fell onto the bed. Delia was pushing down on Patsy’s shoulders, begging for her to be even closer, but Patsy worried she’d hurt her so resisted. Delia’s stocking-less legs began to rub against Patsy’s trousers, creating a delicious friction. 

“Delia, I don’t want to hurt you,” Patsy begged, as she felt Delia try to get her to lie on top of her.

“Get off the bed,” Delia said in a commanding voice that sent a tremor right through Patsy.

Delia, one of the strongest nurses Patsy had ever worked with, effortlessly pushed the beds together and ripped the covers out of the perfectly made mattresses.

“Deels?”

“I’ll be back okay,” Delia turned and pressed a kiss to Patsy’s cheek, leaving for the bathroom. 

Patsy stood there, unsure what to do. She decided to make them a scotch, kicking off her heels and placing them near her suitcase. She took a sip as she waited.

“Patience,” Delia returned, with Patsy’s back turned. Delia was in a thin black, long sleeve gown that tied up with a ribbon at her waist.

Simply, she looked stunning.

“Gosh,” Patsy stared. She couldn’t help it. Delia moved closer and undid her own ribbon, smiling shyly as Patsy stood still.

Delia was in undergarments that was quite unlike any she’d ever seen on her. It was a strapless, black corset that was doing delicious things to Delia’s chest. What Patsy noticed first was the enticing offering of skin. Then her eyes travelled down to the lace corset that gave way to a frilled skirt just under the hips. Garter belts sat on her thighs, unclipped.

“Only if you’re ready,” Delia said, unsure. “Patsy? I can easily go and get changed.”

“No, no please don’t. Please. Can I uh, take this off?” Patsy asked and watched as Delia removed the gown.

Patsy looked down at her hands and ordered them not to shake too much as she reached out to run her fingers across bare shoulders, down bare firm arms and back again. 

“You are incredible,” Patsy whispered, kissing Delia softly, feeling her bite at her lip. That was a new sensation and one she quite enjoyed. Patsy pressed her hands into Delia’s back and felt the small hooks that ran down Delia’s spine. “Goodness, Delia.”

“It’s all for you, cariad, all for you.” Delia whispered, pulling Patsy’s blouse out of her slacks so she could lay her hands on her skin. Patsy’s strong back muscles rippled as Delia reached for her bra clasp.

“Wait,” Patsy stilled the movements with a quick kiss, moving away.

“Too fast?”

“I uh, I want you to uh,” Patsy stopped, angry at her inability to form a coherent sentence, took a breath and tried again. “I have scars.” 

“Darling, if you don’t want to show me, that’s okay. You can leave your blouse on, leave whatever you want on. You need to be comfortable Pats. If this is too much, we can stop.”

“Okay. I uh, can you wait a minute? I’ll be back.”

“Whatever you need cariad.”

Patsy kissed Delia hard, and then almost ran to the ensuite and closed the door. Delia sat on the bed, her heart breaking at the vulnerability Patsy showed as soon as she touched her. She had worried about going too fast or being inappropriate. Her shopping experience with this corset was nerve wracking, as was trying to put it on herself. But if this was not what Patsy wanted, or was ready for, then she was happy to stop.

Patsy returned with an apologetic smile, her trousers in her hand. She smiled apologetically, as she gently laid them over the back of the chair. 

“Most of my scars are small. I wasn’t beaten like the adults, they didn’t see the need to break me in that way, but I did sometimes get some punishment. Hits with bamboo that sliced through skin. On my thighs mainly, on my back through my clothes.”

“Sweetheart, those scars don’t make you ugly or undesirable. Your strength, your kindness and your survival make you who I like being with. Your bravery makes you so desirable cariad. Tell me what you want to do, you are in charge.”

“Can we, lie on the bed together? I want you on top of me, but I’m not ready to be completely naked with you. If I stay in my blouse, keep my underwear on? I want you, Deels, I hope you don’t think I don’t want that, but I, I just think I need slow.”

“That is fine, Pats. We go at your speed,” Delia promised, waiting for Patsy to get comfortable before trying to get on the bed with some sensuality, which was not terribly successful.

“Wait,” Patsy knelt on the bed, Delia the same. She began to run her hands along Delia’s corset, down her torso. “This is decidedly the most single best thing I’ve ever seen you in Delia. I don’t mean that you are not beautiful in other things, but knowing you wore this all night and didn’t tell me has me decidedly excited. I sound so ridiculous.”

“You don’t sound ridiculous Pats. If you want to take it off, it’s okay,” Delia whispered into Patsy’s neck, kissing her below her ear.

“I never want you to take it off,” Patsy joked. “I want this to be your new sleepwear, your new nurses uniform. You are the most beautiful person I have seen.”

“Okay Pats, we can just kiss, and maybe touch a little like this,” Delia said with a smile and another fierce kiss.

After a while, Patsy began to relax into things and moved away from Delia for a moment.

“Delia, I mean I, uh, can I uh do it?” Patsy shook her head. “Goodness old thing, I look at you and I’m completely undone, what’s happening to me?”

“Cariad, just say it however it comes out, it’s just us here. No one is judging.”

Delia pulled Patsy in and kissed her, keeping her hands on the outside of her blouse. She ran her hands up and back and suddenly realised that Patsy had removed her bra in the bathroom. She smiled in the kiss, loving this woman even more that she trusted her enough to be this vulnerable.

“Can I take this corset off Deels?”

“Yes Pats, please.”

Patsy climbed off the bed and Delia turned her back to her. Patsy began to undo the hooks, slowly. She paused to place kisses onto bare flesh. “My goodness Delia, I’m so nervous,” Patsy chuckled as she came to the last hook.

The corset opened up, and Delia caught it around her breasts. Patsy used her fingertips to trace around shoulder blades, and spine. Next, lips followed the same path. Delia gasped as Patsy used her lips and fingers to path tracks on her back and neck. Delia couldn’t hold onto the corset any longer and threw it to floor.

“Can you turn around Delia?” Patsy asked nervously.

Delia turned, to wide eyes filled with arousal and nervousness.

“Gracious me,” Patsy said as her eyes tracked from lips to neck, to breasts. 

“Pats, kiss me?” Delia was feeling a little self-conscious sitting on the bed in underwear and garters.

Patsy undid the buttons of her own blouse and opened it up. She wasn’t quite ready to take it off, but she wanted to feel skin on skin. She was still stood near the bed, with Delia kneeling and looking at her with soft eyes. She pulled Delia in for a kiss, moaning as breasts pressed against her silk blouse and the skin she was comfortable showing. It was exquisite.

They kissed for some time, Patsy’s hands in Delia’s hair then on her naked back. Delia was respectful and kept her hands on her face or bunched into her blouse. Patsy was wearing lace underwear, and Delia struggled to keep her eyes away from the maroon-coloured lace.

“Can we lie down?” Patsy asked nervously.

“Of course, cariad, come, lie next to me.”

They got comfortable, laughing as they tried to lie on their sides. Delia took Patsy’s hand and kissed her knuckles. She rolled herself over onto her back, taking Patsy’s hand and placing it on her stomach.

“Goodness,” Patsy gasped as she felt the soft flesh. She watched Delia’s stomach rise up and down, and kissed Delia as she slowly let her hand travel up. When her long fingers brushed Delia’s breast, both women gasped. 

Patsy suddenly felt brave. She bent her head and kissed Delia’s neck, then her collarbone. Then looking up at Delia who smiled, she bent her head and kissed Delia’s breasts. Her hand brushed across a nipple. Then the other. Delia began to talk in Welsh, pulling at Patsy’s silk blouse to keep her close. It was as it had always been, they were in tune with each other in a manner that they would never truly understand.

“Deels, can I?” Patsy didn’t quite know how to put it, but Delia nodded. She knelt and then slowly, checking with Delia, began to lay on top of her beloved, careful not to put her entire body weight on her. She tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed Delia before moving down ghost her lips over her nipples, one, then then the other, then again. Delia moaned as Patsy gripped the sides of her torso as it to lift Delia’s body up to her. 

“Can you touch me?” Patsy asked, taking Delia’s hands and placing them on her hips.

“Beautiful,” Delia whispered, as Patsy’s hands moved their clasped hands around her torso, then up to her breasts. “Oh, ffyc Patience, you are extraordinary.”

Patsy pressed her hands that were still covering Delia’s on her breasts hard, then let go and kissed Delia again. Delia cupped both breasts and sighed at the action and the feeling of love she had for this woman. She and Patsy moaned as hard nipples were pressed into her palms. She looked Patsy in the eyes, “can I use my mouth?” She asked, shyly.

“Please Deels,” Patsy sat on Delia’s hips, pulling Delia up with her. This placed Delia at the perfect height to finally place her lips on her chest. “Oh my, Deels, oh sweetheart, more please.”

Delia smiled into Patsy’s skin, her tongue now flicking at her nipples, making them firm in her mouth. She moaned, causing Patsy to shiver. She pulled away from Delia, kissing her gently on the cheek.

“I’m not ready for more than this tonight my darling, I hope you understand. I am enjoying it, so very much.”

“Pats, I understand. I am enjoying seeing you like this, your chest wet from my kisses, but that step is a big one, cariad, and it’s one we might need to talk about before we go further?”

“Yes, I think so. This is okay but more, more I can’t give you right now Deels. I don’t even know I can give it to you at all.”

“We can just do what we’ve been doing my darling Patience. I am very much enjoying it too. I won’t touch anywhere you’re not ready to be touched. Nothing else happens without you wanting it, and I will always check with you, okay cariad?”

Patsy nodded, “I adore you, Delia Busby. Come here.”

Delia smiled before kissing her.

******

Delia woke first the next morning, stretching her legs out. Patsy was tucked in front of her, her large frame curled around itself. They had continued to kiss and touch each other last night, respectfully but not without passion. When they started to feel the pull of sleep, they separated to get ready for bed, Patsy requesting they sleep just in pyjama tops and undergarments. Delia dressed in front of Patsy, who watched her as she removed the garters, leaving the lace underwear on. She had giggled when Patsy called herself a voyeur and assured her she herself too pleasure in Patsy’s reactions to her body. She excused herself with a kiss, allowing Patsy the privacy to change.

When she returned. Patsy was lying on her back. They kissed for a while longer before Patsy asked if Delia would hold her. Of course, Delia said yes, and they drifted off together.

It was a shame that today they had to return, but Delia wasn’t going to dwell on that in a manner of sadness, rather of hope for the future, their future.

“Moring cariad,” Delia kissed Patsy on the forehead as she stirred.

“Morning. This is the most wonderful manner in which to wake, I simply must insist becomes standard procedure old thing,” Patsy’s voice was still tinged with sleep, which Delia just happened to think made her sound even sexier.

“I would love to accommodate, maybe one day Pats, one day,” Delia said with another kiss before she got up.

“I don’t want to return to the real world, not when I know what mischief we can get up to when we don’t have a curfew,” Patsy teased.

“We can always try to come back here, maybe it can be the start of a little tradition?” Delia suggested.

“I’d really like that, Deels.”

“Great! Now, we need to have some breakfast, go for a stroll together and then, sadly, get ready to head back. If you think I’m not going to snuggle up to you on the train Nurse Mount, then you don’t know me!”

“I’ll look forward to it Nurse Busby.”

It took longer to dress, both women bashfully then assuredly pressing kisses to skin, lips, hair whatever they could find. Patsy was doing her hair smiling and turned to see Delia was fidgeting.

“Deels?”

“Pats. Uh,” Delia paused, suddenly unsure.

“What is it Deels?”

Delia came into the bathroom and grabbed for Patsy’s hands, holding tight.

“Patience Mount, I uh.” Delia paused again.

“Are you breaking up with me? Cause I’ll tell you Deels, this is a pretty odd time to do so,” Patsy joked, kissing her sweetly. “Just tell me what you need to say.”

Delia nodded and took a deep, centring breath.

“I love you, Pats.”

“Oh,” Patsy said.

“I am in love with you Patience Mount. So very much, so very deeply.”

Patsy stood, walking away from Delia, who followed, but sat on the bed.

“I don’t need you to say it, I don’t need you to feel upset if that’s not where you are, Pats. But I’ve been falling in love with you for a long time now, and I’m not ashamed. I’m not scared of it, at least I’m not afraid to say it aloud. But this isn’t about pressure or reciprocation, Patience. This is just for me.”

“People who love me, they don’t,” Patsy shook her head. “Delia, they leave.”

“Oh Pats, sweetheart,” Delia went to comfort Patsy, but she put her hand up to stop her from coming over. Delia sat back on the bed, trying to give Patsy the space she needed.

“I can’t, Delia, I can’t let you love me I’m afraid. It can’t happen,” Patsy said, muttering more to herself than Delia.

“Cariad, I give this with nothing but my feelings, the place that I am at, it’s here.”

“But Delia, you can’t!”

“Why not sweetheart?”

“I don’t deserve it! I can’t accept love like that, I am broken. My mother and sister, gone. My father who was supposed to protect me, couldn’t see the young broken girl and the only one left in the family who resembled his wife and shipped me off, paying his way through his guilt with gifts and savings. People who say they love me, they never stay. Something happens, or they give up on me. You can’t love me Delia, I forbid it.”

“Pats, I can’t turn it off. I’m still going to feel that same even if you don’t want to believe it, even if you ignore it or try to tell me to stop.”

“Delia.”

“I won’t speak about it again until we are ready, but I will tell you that you deserve love, you deserve happiness and joy, to be respected and admired, to be thought upon with kindness, treated with love and treasured. You deserve loyalty and compassion. You are a survivor and you have achieved so much in your life, a life that you hide away. You have suffered, and you have kept going. Look at you sweetheart. You are a nurse, a well-respected nurse who will do amazing things, you will be a midwife that is commanding, reassuring, who will be able to take charge even in the most extreme of circumstance with confidence. You will make new friends, make a name for yourself in this world, because you have survived what many could never imagine. Even if we were not in this relationship, sweetheart, I would still think all this, still be awed that you were my friend, because you are special.”

“All I did was not die, Delia, that’s hardly a special skill in a prisoner of war camp.”

“I won’t hear any arguments Patience Mount, “Delia said firmly but with a whisper of a smile.

“I’m, I, uh I need some time on my own, okay Delia? I’ll be back soon.”

“Might want to finish getting dressed first,” Delia said with a smile. She grabbed Patsy’s coat and handed it to her as she left.

“Thank you,” Patsy whispered.

Delia desperately wanted to go with her, but this was Patsy’s way, of that she was well aware. She couldn’t talk of respecting her if she ignored the plea from her beloved and touched her before she was ready. 

“I’ll be back soon,” Patsy promised, smiling ever-so faintly.


	17. When I See You Smile, I Can Face the World.

Patsy returned after her walk feeling much better about Delia’s love declaration. The waves hitting upon the shore and the noise of fishermen shouting their catches to those on the pier distracted her for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to take Delia’s assuredness, that she was worth the love Delia said she had for her, she just didn’t know how to face that, for it was typical that she turn away from it, lest it hurt her, or she hurt them later on.

How she longed to be able to be strong in her personal life, instead it seemed the strength that Nurse Mount exuded disappeared at an alarming pace when she was trying to source it for her relationship with her dearest Busby.

When she returned, she noticed that Delia had packed up both suitcases and was writing postcards on the table, no doubt for her family. 

“Hey, I packed everything Pats, but left you a warmer jacket out so you can wrap it round yourself on the train,” Delia said, looking up with a smile.

“Thank you,” Patsy said softly.

“I just have to finish these then we head back, sadly.”

“Yeah. This place will always make me smile,” Patsy admitted.

“Even if we bring back the sand?” Delia teased.

“I have the right to re-evaluate my enjoyment of the time away if that occurs Busby,” Patsy smiled as Delia teased her.

“I collected a little, for my little stash of memories.”

“In your own suitcase I should hope,” Patsy said with a smile.

“I thought your high heel shoe was the best place for it,” Delia said with a wink.

“I’ll just use the bathroom before we go,” Patsy said, lowering her eyes.

As Patsy walked past, Delia reached for her wrist. Patsy stopped but didn’t look at Delia. The carpet suddenly looked very interesting.

“I know there’s pain Pats, I won’t ever forget that you have such pain inside. But I’m also not going to stop wanting to hold on to you.”

Patsy closed her eyes and nodded. Delia let go of her wrist and smile sadly at the retreating Patsy.

When she returned, Delia was done. Postcards written, ready to be handed to the concierge for the local post. Patsy grabbed her large coat and lifted her suitcase, then put it back onto the bed. She turned to Delia and found the best way to communicate was by grabbing her by the coat and kissing her. Hard.

Delia held onto Patsy’s waist, as Patsy controlled the kiss. It was fierce, yet Patsy’s gentle hands in her hair almost made her sob with relief. They broke, quite out of breath. 

“I do adore you Delia Busby,” Patsy admitted, her eyes closed, forehead resting on Delia’s. 

“Oh sweetheart,” Delia sobbed, burying her head into Patsy’s coat.

******

Patsy never quite enjoyed the words ‘I love you’, for they reminded her of the last days of her mother’s life, slipping away with no dignity in conditions that their captors refused to improve. Why would they? They were prisoners, it wasn’t a luxury hotel. The women and children in these camps were treated as poorly as soldiers who had been captured. There was not much difference. Torture, hard labour, captivity. 

Patsy never forgot her mother’s death no matter the years that passed. The rash, by the time her mother had it, the camp knew what it was. She hadn’t been the first, nor was she the last. There was no way to quarantine, there was no time to strip bedsheets and wash them. No clean water that wasn’t boiled by the adults in the camp. Their captors cared very little for their concerns unless it began to affect productivity.

So, to hear the word love? Well it only meant death and destruction. She said it to her sister who was delirious at the end, calling Patsy “Mummy” and complaining of a severe headache for days. Then her sister left her, carrying her love away.

By the time Patsy saw her father, she had nothing left. She tried hard to love him, but he had shut down himself and she wasn’t part of his plans any longer. So, she went to the boarding school, and kept her heart lockdown tight. There was no need to look for love, to welcome love. What benefit did it have?

The funny thing is that she had made it this far without any entanglements that would distract or destroy her. Delia Busby had fallen into her life without much fanfare and was stubbornly refusing to give up on her.

It was a few months ago, the trip to Brighton, and Patsy was desperately longing to share the same intimacy, but it was not possible back at the Nurses Home. Not only with the fear of Matron finding out that Constance’s guess was in fact, accurate, but the curfew meant there was not time for both women to relax enough to have each other in that manner.

Patsy was so loving training in midwifery, and as promised, both she and Delia were working hard on carving out time for them, even if it was simply an hour or so in Delia’s room. It was coming time for Patsy to start deciding on what she wanted to do; stay at The London or look elsewhere.

For now, Patsy was happy to stay here, for Delia was here and they had the freedom to visit each other’s rooms when they could. They had both agreed that if something came up that Patsy wanted, they would discuss it and come to a decision together.

“Nurse Mount,” one of the newer junior doctors who had the arrogance but not the experience to back it up called for her across the ward in a sharp tone.

“We try not to raise our voices across the room Doctor,” Patsy said with a firm smile.

“Yes, yes well it was urgent, and you seemed to be in quite the state.”

Patsy stood even taller before replying.

“If by state you mean caring for three mothers and their newborns without another midwife to assist, then I stand as charged.”

The doctor looked shocked, and blushed when the patient snickered behind him.

“Well see that you make sure Mrs. Maher is prepared for her surgery.” With that, he was off, muttering about nurses not knowing their place.

“I am sorry you had to see that, Mrs. Maher,” Patsy said with a smile.

“I would have had a home birth, but my husband wanted me to come to the hospital. I’ve had three miscarriage, so he doesn’t want me taking any chances”

“Fair enough Mrs Maher, must do what’s best for you,” Patsy nodded, happy to agree with her, and her husband.

“I’m so happy the nurses, the midwives, are here. If I had to deal with the doctors alone I might just do all this at home,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

“You will have a midwife with you at all times. Doctor’s like to come in here and take all the credit, but unless surgery is required, it’s really you and baby who has to perform,” Patsy smiled as she continued her checks. 

“I’m as scared as I was on my wedding night,” Mrs Maher admitted.

“We can’t have that!” Patsy smiled kindly. “You will be alone Mrs Maher, I assure you.”

“I suppose this is normal? The nerves? The fear that the baby will be sick or not take to the breast? Not sleep? Not do all the things it’s supposed to do. I’ve not worried as much before, I don’t know if it’s a new setting that triggering things or that I’m not as young as I was when I had my other children.”

“I do think as we get to the pointy end, that our fears are heightened, but that just means that this is what you want, and whatever happens, you and your husband will manage it. Just remember to ask for help. You can use the clinic and find other mothers with children the same age. Every baby is different. I don’t think your age will affect how you and baby bond, it’s instinctual.”

Patsy patted her leg and bade her farewell. She was meeting Delia for lunch and she did not want to waste a minute.

******

Delia was sitting on the bench that she and Patsy had unofficially claimed as their own. It was somewhat private but still close enough to the hospital that they didn’t waste too much time trying to get back to the hospital.

“Hey Deels,” Patsy pulled her coat in closer to her body as the wind picked up.

“Even in this weather your hair remains assured,” Delia teased. “It’s a shame, Pats.”

“Why? It’s important that I don’t need to worry about it when I’m there delivering babies.”

“I can’t innocently touch your face, put that escaped hair back,” Delia said with a smile.

“Delia, not here,” Patsy looked around in case anyone heard them.

“I know Pats. We sit here, we chat, we go back to work.”

“It’s frustrating for me too Delia.”

“Sometimes I’m not sure,” Delia admitted, taking a bite of her lunch.

“Well it is,” Patsy said, anger in her tone.

“You’re able to hide it far better than me,” Delia admitted without malice or anger, it was merely an observation.

“But it doesn’t mean I don’t want things to be different.”

Delia smiled sadly and sat silently while Patsy began talking about her shift.

“I am sorry we can’t express ourselves in the way you want,” Patsy said as they got up, off to resume their shifts. “But we know that we can’t, so we should stop wishing otherwise, it does us no good.”

“I can’t turn it off like you Patsy.” Delia replied with a flat tone. She sighed and that sat in silence for another ten minutes.

Delia checked her fob and decided that she would go back and have a tea in the kitchen, it was better than sitting here in silence with Patsy, as it was anything but a comfortable one.

“I’ve got to go back, Patsy. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

With that, Patsy was left on the bench, wondering if they would ever stop this feeling that darkness hovered over them all the time.

******

Delia was the contrite one the night following. It was unusual for them to spend time in Patsy’s room, Delia was never too sure why, but tonight she was coming to Pats with an apology.

“Are we okay to be in such close proximity?” Patsy teased, taking the scotch that Delia was offering with a smile.

“I am sorry, Pats. It just hits me sometimes, and as you are the only one who knows just how much you mean to me, you are the one who gets the frustration of it too.”

“I do understand, Deels, I do.”

“You’re able to hide it better than me.”

“I shouldn’t be punished for the ability to keep my head above water Delia,” Patsy said firmly.

“I just wish sometimes,” Delia paused.

“You want me to let go? Be reckless? Put both of us in danger?”

“No, Pats.”

“Then what Delia? We’ve come this far because we’ve been careful.”

“There’s careful and then there’s hidden away.”

Patsy turned, pouring them both a drink.

“I love you Patsy, I love you and yet who else knows? I can’t tell my friends, I can’t tell my family. I can’t even say it to you without you looking like I’ve said something wrong.”

“Here,” Patsy handed Delia a drink. “Settle those nerves old thing.”

“It’s not nerves, Patience. It’s a feeling of, I don’t even know,” Delia sat on Patsy’s bed, frustrated.

“I feel it too Deels, I do. I feel it, and I do wish I was the type of person who could be truly spontaneous, and be braver when you need me to be, but I can’t. If I were, you wouldn’t be so sad.”

Delia smiled a genuine smile at last.

“Being with you will never make me sad, but having to hide you, and what I feel for you does, sometimes.”

“Well old thing, we’ll simply have to make the very best of the time we have, like here, in my room with the door closed,” Patsy said, taking Delia’s glass and placing them on the tray.

Delia smiled softly as she was pulled into a kiss.

******

Delia was nervous. She was snapping. Simply put, she was a wreck.

“Busby, you will do as you always have done, you will get in there, you will be on top of things and you will be amazing.” Patsy smiled as the usually calm Welsh woman tore around the room like a tornado.

“I don’t want to fail. I can’t fail. Mam will have a field day Pats. She’ll be ‘I have never thought midwifery was a calling’ and ‘now there’s no reason why you can’t return home’,” Delia’s accent thickened with every word.

“Your accent is doing something inappropriate to me old thing,” Patsy admitted.

“I don’t have time for that,” Delia said, stopping, smiling.

“Not even a little kiss? For good luck?”

“I can’t Pats, I’m too nervous. My heart is already pounding. If you kiss me, it might explode!”

Patsy smiled and gave Delia the once-over. She pulled on Delia’s sleeves, and made sure her shoes were polished (even though she had polished them last night, one cannot be too thorough, she thought), then snuck a little cheeky touch of her backside as she smoothed down the uniform.

“Behave,” Delia warned with a smile.

“Don’t want creasing, Busby,” Patsy replied with a half smile.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

“You will do fine, Deels.”

Delia nodded, and turned as she heard a gently knock. Whomever it was paused for a moment then opened the door.

“Just wanted to wish you luck,” Sister Winifred said with a wide, friendly smile. “We are all praying for you but have confidence that you will do a wonderful job and will be a midwife with us in no time.”

“Thank you, Sister,” Delia said kindly.

“If your knowledge is anything like your driving lessons, I don’t doubt you’ll be okay,” she said with a small laugh.

Delia laughed with her, feeling some of the tension ease.

“I just hope no one is shouting out at me.”

“I will leave you to get on your way,” with that, Sister Winifred left the room.

“Don’t ask,” Delia said to the puzzled look on Patsy’s face. 

“I don’t think I will,” Patsy replied. “Now come along, it’s always best to get there early so you can take a moment to compose yourself.”

Delia took a deep breath and followed her beloved out of the room. 

******

Patsy was the first to get the news when Trixie returned. She had been cleared to resume her full midwifery duties as of Monday. It gave her three more days to catch up, according to Phyllis, intent of have a near-full complement to start the new week. 

“Soon we’ll be back on our travels together sweetie, won’t that be grand?” Trixie was beaming, so relieved that she was almost back to working as a full contributor to Nonnatus. 

“It’ll be as grand as it can be when one is cleaning bedsheets and having ones hands covered in amniotic fluid,” Patsy retorted.

“It began to take a toll Pats, I can only do so much here. Even in the clinic I was relegated to minding Sister Monica Joan.”

“I know Trixie, but you are healthy and that’s what matters.”

“True. It was even challenging getting in and out of Christopher’s car, but he was ever-so gentlemanly, helping me in and out.”

“Is he good to you?” Patsy asked softly.

“He is Pats, he is.”

Patsy nodded, ending the conversation.

“So, how did our little nervous bundle of energy go?”

“She was a wreck, poor thing. But she’ll be okay.” Patsy said with a smile.

“Splendid. Well you have to go, and I have to get dressed and head to the clinic. I know we can’t get together just yet to toast Delia, but will you let me know when we can, and I’ll set something splendid up?”

“Sounds tremendous,” Patsy said with a smile.

******

When Delia returned from her exam, Nonnatus House was quiet. The Sisters were in compline, and Trixie was out with Christopher. Patsy and Nurse Crane were both out on deliveries, leaving Val to man the phone and clean the autoclave.

“How’d it all go?” Val asked as she hung up the phone.

“It was fine,” Delia shrugged. “I’m just so nervous that I’ll forget things and let everyone down.”

“Nonsense Delia, I’ve seen you on this here phone, I’ve seen you studying. I’ve heard all about that infamous phone delivery,” Val smiled as Delia blushed, “oh yea, don’t think I haven’t heard that story told to me by Sister Monica Joan at least four times since I started here.”

“Nothing special,” Delia muttered. 

“You might not feel like what you did was much of anything, but the way I hear it, it seems to indicate you’d be stellar at the whole thing in person.”

“One call isn’t the best indicator,” Delia said with a smile.

“I’d imagine Mrs. Dawley would disagree,” Val said with a shrug. “Anyway, best be back to it, but you’ll be fine, Delia. Trust yourself.”

Delia sat in the kitchen, exhausted. All she really wanted was Patsy. Now that she was able to see her, touch her, it’s all she wanted all the time. 

Soon, she was too tired to wait up as she would have liked. She bade goodnight to Val and went up to bed. 

She had no concept of the time, only that it was still dark when Patsy came in quietly.

“Pats?”

“Hey old thing, sorry, I tried to be quiet, but I lost my balance.”

“Come to bed cariad,” Delia mumbled tiredly.

“I will, I just need to wash, I smell like a chimney.”

“Don’t care, I need you.”

“Okay Deels, okay.” Patsy smiled into the darkness and dressed in a hurry. She slid in behind Delia and wrapped her arm around her stomach. “Sleep Deels.”

“Love you,” Delia whispered into the evening.


	18. There’s Always A Place in Me You Can Call Home.

Delia was up early. She was washed, dressed and waiting on her mattress for Patsy to wake. She was feeling quite a need to remain close to Patsy. Without waking her, the best option was to be on her bed, with a book, waiting.

The book was ignored with every small twitch or sound Patsy made, but still she slept. Finally, Patsy woke and stretched, her pyjama top lifting to show the small almost unnoticeable scarring on her lower back that she now didn’t fear Delia seeing them now. 

“Deels?”

“Hi,” Delia smiled, closing the book that had remained open but unread.

“Why’d you get up?”

“I’ve been awake for hours cariad, I got dressed and then came back in here.”

“Okay,” Patsy smiled, not thinking too much of it. “I’ll go take a bath and then dress. Want to go down to breakfast together?”

“I’d like that, Pats,” Delia smiled when Patsy hurried to get her gown. 

When Patsy returned, Delia was sorting the closet.

“What’s this Deels, a spring clean?”

“I’m looking for something to wear for the drinks and dinner we have to attend after we finish our exam.”

“Trixie would love to help,” Patsy suggested.

“Okay,” Delia said with a sigh, picking up the clothes she had dropped onto the mattress back up to push them into the closet.

Patsy frowned at Delia’s behaviour, but said nothing, instead she pulled Delia to face her and kissed her softly.

Delia responded with vigour, biting at Patsy’s bottom lip. She undid the sash on Patsy’s gown and grabbed at her hips then further up, to brush against breasts.

“Deels, we can’t.”

Delia dropped her hands back to Patsy’s hips and pulled away with a frustrated sigh.

“I remember every moment of the first time I touched you like this,” Delia said smiling, her hands remaining on those hips she so loved, her eyes doing the caressing. “I remember telling you I loved you that first morning. I remember you trusting me. I was so nervous cariad, and so afraid one of us would think it was too much, or wrong.”

Delia laughed softly before continuing.

“I was so scared that I wouldn’t be what you wanted, in that way. I remember how you began to love me even when you didn’t say those words. Not just that trip, but of other times we were together. When we touched, oh how you touched me Pats. I could never ever chastise or lecture those unwed mothers, Pats, for if they had been lucky enough to be with their truest love, to feel desire and want like I did for you, like I still do for you, then how can it be wrong?”

“Are you okay, Delia?” Patsy asked, worried. Whilst she was used to Delia being able to open up far more than she could, there was a wistful and sad tone to Delia’s voice that was concerning her, and she hated that she hadn’t picked it up earlier.

“I don’t know Pats. I really don’t.”

“Okay. I’m going to get dressed, we’re going to get some breakfast. Then I am going to take you out for a few hours before I have to start work. Some time just the two of us, okay?”

“Okay Pats.”

Patsy kissed Delia’s forehead and took her gown off, smiling shyly when Delia kept her eyes on her as she dressed. 

“Honesty Busby, you look at me sometimes like I’m some adored mythological creature,” Patsy said embarrassed.

“Sometimes?” Delia teased.

“You are a true scamp Busby; however, do I manage to put up with it as long as I have?”

Delia smiled and shrugged.

“Love?”

Patsy wanted to make another joke, but she noticed the tone again. Looking at Delia directly she smiled her little half smile and replied sincerely, “Always.”

******

Patsy and Delia finished up breakfast at Nonnatus House, helped to clean up and waved farewell to Trixie and Valerie. Nurse Crane muttered a goodbye before she began the days rotations, reminding Patsy she was due at the clinic in a few hours.

“Come on old thing, a good coffee and chat and then a walk will do you wonders,” Patsy said jovially as she fixed the collar of Delia’s coat, her fingers running along her jaw.

“Should you seek to travel past the new coffee shop that sells the petite cakes and you are of unburdened arms, I would be interested in sampling them for the sake of invigorating a newly created store and its owners” Sister Monica Joan said with a smile, the light twinkle not unnoticed by Delia.

“We will certainly try,” Delia promised.

“To try is the best one can do,” Sister Monica Joan acknowledged.

“Come along Busby, let us go,” Patsy said, smiling kindly at the Sister as they left.

They walked along arm in arm, the cold a perfect buffer for any lingering eyes. Patsy, surprisingly, did most of the talking, and whilst Delia smiled and interjected a few times, Patsy could tell she was still a little unsettled.

“Coffee old thing?” Patsy asked, as Delia stood by the jukebox, coin in hand.

“Thanks Pats,” Delia smiled and selected a song, sitting after removing her scarf and coat.

“You are so beautiful,” Pasty whispered as she sat down.

“Patience Mount, you are getting quite adventurous with your declarations,” Delia teased. “I’m not sure what’s changed since before Hong Kong and now, but you are quite open at times, it throws me a little.”

“The time in Hong Kong was hard. It was tough, sad, maddening and different.”

“You don’t talk of it,” Delia said sadly. 

Patsy took a steadying breath before replying.

“Deels, I’ve seen my whole family die before my eyes. It shifted something within, a new sense of determination I suppose.”

“I know cariad. I can be here to listen if you need to, or Trixie?”

Patsy lit a cigarette and smiled, patting Delia’s hand.

“Trixie has suffered, of that there is no doubt, but confiding all my deep darks? I don’t think that’s something either of us do old thing.”

“I think bottling it up just adds further stress,” Delia said sadly.

“Alright old thing, what’s happening?” Patsy leant over the table, longing to touch Delia, but too much would look unusual.

“Jitters maybe? I’m doubting myself.”

“Jitters?” Patsy smiled. “Delia, you are an amazing nurse. You will continue to thrive as a midwife. You have all the qualities already.”

“Pats, I just don’t feel at ease. I can’t quite explain it beyond that, it’s a feeling in here,” Delia tapped her torso. “It’s sitting there, a sense of dread maybe? I don’t know. Something is making me feel like this, but I don’t know what has gone wrong.”

“Should you talk to Doctor Turner?” Patsy asked, concerned.

“No,” Delia shook her head firmly. “I don’t want someone giving me a diagnosis when I can’t even explain the symptoms.”

“Maybe our little trip away with help?”

“The one you worry about taking?” Delia teased.

“Cheeky,” Patsy smiled her half-smile.

“I just need time to figure out what’s wrong, okay Pats? There’s a fragile line at the moment, where I try to push whatever it is out, but all it does it make me sadder.”

“Okay Deels, but it won’t stop me from worrying about you.”

Delia smiled and patted Patsy’s hand.

“I know cariad. I’ll try to sort it all out okay?”

******

“I truly cannot handle seeing her like this,” Patsy confided in Trixie as Patsy manned the phone later that night, called into action when Sister Winifred complained of being ill. Delia was asleep, having turned to and fro for a while before settling.

“Sweetie, she’d been through quite the traumatic experience. It no doubt brought up her own hospital emergency. I can’t blame her for feeling out of sorts. She’s been through so much, and for a lot of that time it was just her. From what she told me, her parents weren’t supportive when she was in Wales, then of course hiding what you two have,” Trixie waved her hand around, “well that is hard for someone so expressive. Then when you left us for Hong Kong, she was a lost face here. I wasn’t here at first, Babs was gallivanting with Tom, who did she have here?”

“I know my part,” Patsy looked down, unable to face Trixie’s look of pity or disappointment.

“Now this is no time for recriminations Patsy. We have all struggled in life, but we must all get on with it best we can. We can always look back, but we have to acknowledge that sometimes that does cause us pain.”

“I’ve learnt that the hard way,” Patsy said bitterly.

“Putting on a show is a bit of a speciality for me. I would imagine you know what that looks and feels like. Forced to fake a smile or a laugh when all we want to do is cry or have wrap us up in the warmest of hugs. The pain of the past never really leaves us, sweetie,” Trixie said sadly.

“Is this your way of asking for a hug?” Patsy smiled, her eyebrow rose in jest.

“I don’t know how to let people in, Patience. I’m learning. I will make mistakes, I will falter, but I’ve come to love Nonnatus and its residents, and when I’m feeling low, I at least know that I can seek help. I don’t need it in the form of alcohol now. I think Delia knows that this place is a sanctuary, and she is in the best place for guidance and kindness.”

“Well, Beatrix,” Patsy teased, smiling when Trixie opened her mouth in shock, “We are so very much alike. We need a talisman to anchor us. I have Delia, of course. I think your anchor is Barbara.”

“I do miss her rotten, she’s so unlike me, and yet I do adore her. Don’t tell her I said that!”

Both women laughed and lit another cigarette each.

“I think she knows in her own way, for I think you are also hers,” Patsy said sincerely. “I know she’s married now, but she will always be your friend first. I don’t doubt that.”

“Delia will be okay, Patsy, I have seen her fortitude. She will regain herself, and we will all help for we all do adore her very much.”

“I have put her through so much pain over the years, and yet she is still here and loving me. I need to be there for her.”

“Then that’s what you’ll need to do, Patsy. Give her some time, she’ll come to you,” Trixie said with a smile.

******

The day had arrived. Patsy was no longer an employee of The London but had answered the call to arms at Nonnatus House as their new midwife. Delia knew it was to happen, Patsy had been quite vocal about her current dissatisfaction with The London, but it didn’t make it easier to say goodbye.

“I will write until I am settled and can organise time off,” Patsy said, pulling Delia into a hug.

“I have every confidence in you Pats. Try to show them the person behind Nurse Mount, she’s a gem.”

“You are making it hard to leave,” Patsy admitted with a watery smile.

“I will miss you.”

“I am already missing you terribly. Do I look alright?”

Delia fixed Patsy’s jacket though it needed no fixing. Her white blouse had two buttons undone and tucked into plaid pants with a brown belt. The handbag Delia had bought Patsy to celebrate her acceptance into midwifery training was securely tucked onto the arm Delia had often hooked her arm into. Patsy’s hair had curls kicking out at the bottom, and Delia rang her hands through them, not knowing when she’d next had the opportunity to do so. 

“I do love this hair colouring,” Delia said.

“I’m considering going even bolder once settled,” Patsy muttered, her hands rubbing up and down Delia’s back.

“You will dazzle no matter your hair colour.”

“I don’t want to go,” Patsy grumbled. She kissed Delia hard, then pulled away, picking up her black suitcase.

“But you must,” Delia said sadly. “And you will be magnificent.”

“Sometimes I believe it’s only your confidence in me that keeps me ticking,” Patsy said with one more kiss.

“Nonsense. You are Nurse Patience Mount,” Delia said with a smile.

“I’ll write as soon as I get settled, and tell you all about the other girls there, but I do need to be going.”

“I know. I’ll miss you, cariad. Go be brilliant.”

“Bye Deels.”

Patsy left quickly after the final farewell, refusing to look back lest she break down in the middle of the street.

******

It had been near-impossible for Patsy to get any time away when she first began. Several months into her stay at Nonnatus, she was finally beginning to fit and soften a little. Her professionalism towards work was never in dispute. That Sister Evangelina approved of her work ethic was enough of a seal of approval for Patsy. 

She wrote to Delia as often as possible and enjoyed the call of mail like a giddy schoolgirl. They spoke of their work, with little code words here and there, but it wasn’t enough. However, it was all they had for now and make the most it they would simply have to do, Patsy reasoned. Once a month they managed to work out a time where Patsy would call from the phone booth, but their conversation was very stilted and polite.

How it pained her when she had to let Delia know she wasn’t ready to meet just yet, that she had to get her bearings and make nice with those she lodged with before she could feel comfortable to see her again.

Delia wrote back with words of understanding and wishing her well and that made it all the worse.


	19. I Hear It’s Lined with the Things You Don’t Show.

It was almost six months into Patsy’s time at Nonnatus House where Patsy sent word that she could see Delia. It was just before Christmas and Patsy knew this year Delia was heading to Wales to see her family and would be gone a while. They arranged to meet somewhere new, somewhere they could start afresh. The Silver Buckle was decided upon and Patsy promised to save a table. It had been far too long that Patsy worried if they would be able to still fit together as well as they always had before. Truthfully, it was a concern she always harboured, more specifically that Delia would tire of her and her indecision. That Delia would tire of hiding, of being hidden by Patsy. 

“Pats,” Delia breathed her name and stood at the table with that smile that Patsy could never live without. She wore a beautiful black and white dress with a red cardigan, a dress not seen by Patsy before, and she internally chastised herself for the time they had been separated. On the dress there were two small buttons with one undone showing but a small portion of skin, skin Patsy suddenly desperately wanted to touch.

“Deels.” Patsy had so much to say, but it was the only thing she could get out, seeing her darling Delia in front of her.

They cared not for the looks, pulling each other in for a brief but firm embrace. Patsy whispered in her ear, “I’ve missed you” and Delia responded with a sob she managed to swallow down before the tears fell.

“You look beautiful Pats,” Delia wanted to run her fingers through the changing colours of Patsy’s hair, her hair had indeed changed since she left for Nonnatus. It was a vibrant colouring that seemed to suit Patsy even more than the blonde Delia was so very used to seeing. Pasty wore a black and green sleeveless dress, the fabric on the torso showing off the slopes of her chest, and Delia tried so very hard not to stare. “I love the hair,” she added with a small smile.

“I’ve never missed anyone the way I’ve missed you, Delia.”

Delia was stuck by the passion of Patsy’s declaration, and in such a public space, but she knew even though the declarations was verbalised, to reach over and touch her hand was impossible.

“I’m glad at least, that we have been writing letters. For if I had sit in silence all these months Pats, I may have just shown up at your door demanding to see you,” Delia joked.

Patsy grimaced, knowing it wasn’t said with malice, but it hurt all the same. It was solely her own doing, and she despised how she took this much time to call upon Delia. But, it was done and there was not much point going over it, not when she had Delia sat opposite her.

“How long will you stay with your family at Christmas again old thing?”

Delia took a sip of her milky brew, “I’ll be back January 3, I’m sorry Pats. When you said you didn’t want to plan Christmas I knew I had to go and see my family after a few years of not going. I wanted to be near you on New Year’s. To start the year positively.”

“I know Deels, we must deal with what we can, and get on with it.”

Delia paused before responding, the icy tone taking her by surprise.

“I can cancel, Pats? Tell my Mam that I had to pick up shifts?”

“No Deels. I’m miserable at this time of year as you know. I never enjoy Christmas and see no point in beginning now.”

“We could start our own traditions with Christmas,” Delia suggested, as she had done for the past several years. 

“I can’t Deels. Christmas and I are simply never going to see eye to eye.”

Delia sighed, but let it go. It had been so long since she’d seen Patsy, she didn’t want to waste the time with arguments and frustrations. In fact, Delia worried that Patsy could be easily drawn into a disagreement just, so she could make a cleaner break of it at Christmas time.

“So, tell me everything,” Delia settled on ignoring it completely.

“I’m afraid there is not much by way of exciting news Busby. Trixie is a true life saviour if only she’d stop pressing me about a chap. She’s had a rough trot of it, I can see the same look in her eyes as is in mine, but she paints on a brave face and soldiers on. Sister Monica Joan is a true delight, so unrestrained in her thoughts, with a monster sweet tooth. It’s odd as I don’t now feel so out of place there, Deels. I don’t find it difficult to be in the company of any of them, Sister and nurse alike. I feel like I’m starting to fit somewhere. Oh, and I’m taking on Cubs. I’ll be the new Akela soon. Chummy suggested me for the role. I’m not half terrified by the idea of all those boys, I’ll tell you.”

“Do you think Pats, that you’ll ever introduce me to them? Delia asked delicately.

“Oh Deels, don’t ask me that, please.” Patsy stubbed out her cigarette frustrated.

Delia often juggled this precarious position. Push Patsy outside her pre-made notions and plans or accept things. She never truly wanted to push Patsy. No, that wasn’t what she ever wanted; to coercive her dear girlfriend. Sometimes she knew Patsy needed a push, but it was always done via encouragement or giving Patsy a safe space to fall or to fail if things didn’t work out. Delia was that safe space, and she would never use that trust in a manner that was disrespectful. 

“Will you let me write to you when I’m at Pembrokeshire? I can write in the first few days but after that the mail will get to you after I return.” Delia asked with a smile.

“I’d be quite upset with you if you stopped,” Patsy said with a smile in return. She knew she had hurt Delia, again. She struggled with so much and this beautiful Welsh woman was constantly by her side, no matter what. It often made her question why, the doubt crept in too often for Patsy’s liking. She was terrified that her feelings for Delia would be telegraph as soon as Delia walked into Nonnatus House. She was terrified those she was getting friendly with would not like Delia. She knew that was near-impossible, but she wanted so much to have Delia in her life, and as a result, she worried that something would tear them apart.

They sat together for a few hours, then regretfully, Delia had to go. She saw the drop of Patsy’s shoulders and wanted so much to kiss her farewell but knew they couldn’t. She felt so sad herself, knowing they were six months without physical affection already. The Christmas and new year period was going to be tough for them both.

“I’ll see you when you get back,” Patsy promised, pulling Delia into her tight. She kissed her neck and whispered, “Merry Christmas Delia.”

Delia willed herself not to cry, and almost succeeded until Patsy pulled away with a sad smile.

“I shan’t see those tears Busby. We will write, we will see each other again, soon. This isn’t goodbye after all.”

“Okay Pats,” Delia said wiping her tears and kissing Patsy’s’ cheek. She got on the bus and refused to look back, had she, she would have noticed Patsy was wiping her tears away, having held on until this moment.

******

Christmas was upon them, and so were the Christmas births. Trixie was still upset about Cynthia, and there wasn’t much Patsy could do about it. She had made her decision and they had no recourse but to respect it. Patsy had been very strict on the rules of presents at Christmas. She wanted nothing and was happy to fill in shifts for anyone who needed the time away. Delia, sweet Delia had promised no presents or over-the-top salutations, but she did send a small parcel that she had posted before her trip to Wales. Inside were items such as the sand from Brighton, a book she had been interested in buying from the bookshop they frequented often since their date, and a monogramed handkerchief. 

“Busby,” Patsy sighed as she thumbed the pages of the book, noticing that Delia had put little notes randomly in the pages, and a photo of herself in the books sleeve.

She began penning a letter to Delia immediately, knowing that it was likely that only today’s letter would get to Delia in time given it was Christmas. She promised herself to write a few notes here and there and give them to Delia when she got back, laughing at how incredibly sappy she had become.

She collected mail from whomever else was hoping to beat the Christmas rush at the post office and, pulling on her thick coat, took off in the hopes that she didn’t have to line up for long.

Having Delia so far away from her made her wish they had indeed made plans for Christmas, even for the New Year’s Eve dancing at The London. She shook her head, clearing it of fanciful notions. 

******

Delia was surprised when she got off the train, back from Wales and away from her family at last. She felt a great sense of relief to be back in London for several reasons. Whilst the station wasn’t overbearingly packed, it was certainly busy and congested with bags, suitcases and the like. Either people returning from a holiday or preparing to go on one. She smiled as a gentleman offered assistance with her bag as she left the carriage, declining politely as she lifted it herself. He nodded and remained at the carriage door to assist those who needed it.

She was exhausted. Her Mam had been especially vocal this year about the disappointment that was her daughter. Choosing to “help others over herself” was her cry this year. It seemed to perplex her family that she saw nursing as a calling, akin to nuns and priests in a way. She had been thrust towards every available male at the Christmas gathering at the Church like she was a chess piece. Her mother providing instructions like “stand straight”, “don’t forget to smile”, “make an effort”. All she wanted to do was be in Patsy’s arms.

“Hey old thing.”

Delia almost ignored it, for fear it was all in her mind, but she could smell the perfume Patsy used, so she stopped and turned.

“Pats,” Delia wanted to drop her suitcase, run towards her and crash into her arms. But she didn’t. Instead she smiled and walked over, staring at Patsy and her little cocky smile.

“Surprise.”

Delia took in her dear Patsy, standing on the platform in her plaid slacks and heels, a cream blouse covered by a dark green coat, her hair out, a small smile replacing the cocky one as though she was unsure if she should be here. She decided that she couldn’t wait. She placed her blue suitcase down gently, her eyes travelling up Patsy’s body, settling on her lips. She pulled Patsy to her, tucking her head into Patsy’s chest, and hugged her tightly. Patsy’s surprised yelp and her thunderous heartbeat soothed Delia immediately. She squeezed her hips she so loved to rest her hands on and pulled away.

“I’ve missed you,” Delia said, smiling as Patsy collected her blue suitcase.

“I’ve missed you too,” Patsy admitted, blushing. “I’ve uh, booked a hotel room. For tonight. I have to work tomorrow, but I thought maybe, tonight we could uh, we could maybe be together just the two of us?”

Delia nodded, not trusting her voice or her body to behave inappropriately. She so desperately longed to kiss her nervous girlfriend right now.

“Come on then, let’s get to the hotel, you can have a bath and I’ll get us some lunch.”

Delia followed, still shocked that Patsy had taken the initiate in such a way.

******

The hotel wasn’t flash, but it had two single beds bed that Patsy had pushed together earlier, a beautiful bath and space for them to eat lunch. Delia watched as Patsy unpacked her bag, blushing when she came across knickers and bras, leaving those in the suitcase for Delia. Patsy had checked in before collecting Delia from the station, so her uniform was already neatly hung up, shoes polished. Delia waited until Patsy smoothed out one of her skirts, then grabbed her hands.

“The rest can wait. I need you, Pats.” 

Patsy smiled and gently kissed Delia. It was perfection, or at least to Patsy. The touch of Delia’s lips, she had missed it so much, and yet as she felt Delia move into her, closer and firmer, she wanted more.

“I missed that too,” Delia said with a smile, sitting on the bed, pulling Patsy to her by her hips. Patsy rested her arms on Delia’s shoulders and kissed her again. She felt Delia fall back and went with her onto the bed. It was anything but graceful, which made both women laugh, easing some of the sexual tension that seemed to be radiating from them both after so long between physical touches.

“I feel like I am one half on an illicit love affair,” Delia joked, feeling Patsy tense at her choice of words. “Like I’m yarding on with you whilst my husband is at work.”

“I’d prefer not to think of you married to a man, Deels.”

“It will never happen, Pats. No matter what happens between us, it will never happen.”

“Your parents might have words to contradict that very impassioned promise,” Patsy said, as she ran her fingers up and down Delia’s arm as they lay together.

“Mam will just have to let go of the notion that I am a child and must bend to her will,” Delia said angrily, smiling when Patsy raised an eyebrow. “Sorry Pats, just had her putting me on show like I was cattle at the local market. Any man with gainful employment and a pulse were trotted around me. I’ve never had so many offers of tea and scones, or a walk around their family farm as I did when I was there. Took all I had not to tell her about us, Pats. It was horrible.”

“I’m sorry Deels, I know it can be harder to keep us a secret when faced with that,” Pats said sympathetically. 

“I love you Pats that it felt like even the idea of taking a stroll with one of these men was like I was disrespecting us. Mam was so angry, all through Christmas and the New Year gathering. Looking at me with disappointment, talking to me as though I was but a wee child. I hate that she makes me feel like that, and yet I don’t stand up to her the way I want to, cause she’s my Mam.”

“You do what you need to, okay? Next time? You keep her happy just for a moment,” Patsy said, sitting up, her back to Delia.

Delia was not going to allow Patsy to even consider that, so she climbed off the bed and faced Patsy.

“I will never be alone with a man in that way, Patsy. Never give Mam a little sliver, or the gentleman a drop of hope. I will never do that to you, and I need you to know that. I will never, ever disrespect us just to make Mam satisfied,” Delia implored Patsy to listen and understand.

“Okay Deels,” Patsy nodded, bringing Delia to her for a kiss. 

“Now, I’m going to take a bath,” Delia said, her voice a little wobbly after the consuming kiss.

“I’ll go get some food,” Patsy said with a smile and a little wave.

******

They ate their lunch at the table, smiling and conversing about the Christmas period. Patsy spoke about Nonnatus House with warmth, which made Delia so terribly happy for her, it sounded as though she was really settled and enjoying herself.

“There are so many mothers who are doing it on their own, even with their husbands, who are utterly hopeless. Women are the ones doing all the physical work, the ones with the sore breasts, the ones at home tending to the infant. If I didn’t want a marriage with a man before this work, it’s certainly cemented it now.”

“I can see you, pregnant and then nursing a wee one,” Delia said with a soft smile.

“Is it something that you want?” Patsy asked cautiously.

“Honestly Patsy? I’m not sure. I think sometimes I would like to be a mother, but I can’t think about it now, not when I’m loving a woman and we aren’t accepted. I can’t bring a little one into that life.”

“I don’t want to ever hold you back,” Patsy said, taking their rubbish and putting it in the waste paper basket.

“Do you think that, Patience?” Delia asked softly.

“No, I don’t, at least not all the time. I know you tell me you love me, but will it cost you a proper life?”

“I won’t have a proper life if I’m with a man and having a child. That’s not what I want, that’s not what I need. I need you.”

“I’ve missed you,” Patsy said smiling, reaching for Delia who came to her immediately. They embraced, and Patsy lent down to kiss Delia softly.

“I’m so happy we could at least write, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with the silence,” Delia said, kissing Patsy again.

“I loved all your little notes, Deels. It made me feel close to you. Anyway, old thing, I’m going to go take a bath, will you be okay here?” Patsy asked as she ran her hands through Delia’s hair.

“I’ve got a book, I’ll be alright sweetheart,” Delia smiled as Patsy kissed her forehead before heading to the bathroom.

******

Delia was seated on the bed, dressed in her pyjamas for comfort. She knew they weren’t going out unless it was for dinner, and the dress she wore after her bath wasn’t sitting well. She smiled as Patsy opened the door, chuckling as she noticed Patsy was also in her pyjamas.

“Great minds old thing,” Patsy smiled in return. 

“Come sit with me?”

Patsy placed her clothes on the chair and climbed onto the bed, sitting next to Delia.

“When will you stop claiming my pyjamas as your own, Deels?” Patsy teased, running her fingers along the seam of her pants.

“I only have two pairs, plus the ones you bought me.” Delia remarked indignantly.

“I do like seeing you in them,” Patsy admitted embarrassed.

“Pats.”

“I know that we haven’t been able to be together,” Patsy said, her fingers tugging at the sleeve. “But I think I’m settled enough and I want you to be a part of my life at Nonnatus, Deels. If you want to?”

“I want to,” Delia nodded, pulling Patsy to sit on her hips. “Thank you, Pats.”

“Thank you for waiting for me, like you do,” Patsy whispered as she kissed Delia.

“Pats,” Delia whispered into Patsy’s neck, smiling as she shivered at the contact. “Cariad, I want to be with you.”

“Deels,” Patsy shuddered as Delia moved her hands that were on her hips to her pyjama top. “Yes Deels,” she answered the non-verbal question. Putting her hands on Delia’s as she kissed her hard, she gave her the permission Delia always sought before touching her.

“I’ll leave it on, Pats,” Delia said, moving back so she could try and catch Patsy’s eyes. “Can I touch you?”

Patsy nodded and began to undo Delia’s buttons.

“Take it off me, Pats, I need your touch,” Delia said softly. “I need you so much Pats.”

“Deels,” Patsy pulled away as her buttons were undone.

Delia stopped immediately. She cupped Patsy’s face and waited for her to look at her.

“There is no shame here, Pats. We are together because we want to be, because we are right for each other.”

“I want to,” Patsy moved her face away from Delia, but grasped her hands as she tried to compose herself. “Oh Delia.”

“Anything you want to say is okay with me,” Delia assured her.

Patsy nodded, but still stalled. She thought the best way to express what she wanted to say would be to demonstrate it in a manner other than talking. She took a deep steadying breath and climbed off the bed. Delia, sweet Delia, waited. She smiled encouragingly and waited.

“You are the best person I’ve ever met,” Patsy smiled nervously. She looked at Delia, who loved her simply for her and in one quick move, took of her top. 

“Pats,” Delia whispered into the room, a few tears falling as she tried to impress upon her beloved just how much she cherished and admired her. “Sweet Pats,” she said with a smile as she removed her own top. She knelt on the bed as they both looked at each other with considerable arousal. 

“You are stunning,” Delia said, putting her hand out and hoping Patsy would take it. Patsy did, shyly, wrapping an arm around her naked torso. “Lie down Pats, I want to lie on you, we don’t need to do anything, but I’d love to feel you.”

Patsy smiled, kissing Delia’s knuckles. 

“There is no real way to seductively get on a mattress is there old thing?” Patsy joked to relieve the tension, pleased when Delia laughed along with her.

“I’m going to lie on you, but not too much,” Delia said, waiting for Patsy to nod before she pressed her body against Patsy. They both moaned at the feel of breast upon breast.

“Okay?” Delia asked, stroking Patsy’s torso with gentle fingers.

“Very,” Patsy said, her voice a little shaky.

“Can I touch you?” Delia asked, kissing Patsy gently.

“Please Deels, please.”

Delia bent her head to kiss Patsy’s glorious neck, kissing along a few freckles. Her hands gently began to cup Patsy’s breasts, her beautiful breasts. Delia felt like a teenage boy, touching them with reverence and a little trepidation. Patsy’s firm hands encouraged her to press harder.

“It’s okay, I don’t need slow and gentle,” Patsy assured her with a squeeze of the hands.

Delia nodded, her mouth taking a nipple, her hand on the other. As her tongue flicked and pulled at the nipple, her fingers were doing the same to the other. Patsy felt overwhelmed, by the dual sensations, moaning and whispering nonsense. She felt an odd pull in her stomach, a stirring that she couldn’t quite locate and understand until Delia began to kiss down her torso. 

“Oh,” Patsy gasped as she understood, she was feeling a stirring sensation further down, a deep longing for Delia to touch her.

“Pats?” Delia stopped, her lips wet, her hair dishevelled.

“I uh, I’m enjoying that,” Patsy said, mortified at her response.

Delia didn’t laugh at her, didn’t tease, she just smiled, kissed her hard and then gently placed kissed along her jaw and throat.

“You are so beautiful,” Delia said reverently, sitting on Patsy’s hips, seemingly not concerned about her nakedness.

“You are,” Patsy said with conviction. “And you always will be,” she added, grabbing Delia’s hips, forcing her to lie on her completely. 

“Kiss me,” Delia whispered near her lips. 

Patsy did, she grabbed at Delia’s behind, pressing her into with force. Delia’s groan opened her mouth further, allowing Patsy’s tongue to enter and dominate. They both stopped thinking and worrying, allowing their hands to travel where they wanted. Delia was so worked up by Patsy’s show of force and confidence that she grabbed for a hand which she pressed to where she was feeling the most need. 

“Delia?” Patsy pulled her hand away, having not touched there before. It stopped them both immediately.

“I’m sorry Pats, I’m sorry.” Delia climbed off the bed, flushed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Delia,” Patsy began, sitting up, fixing her hair and grabbing her top.

“I got, uh, carried away.” Delia said, ashamed that she went too far.

“I can understand that, old thing,” Patsy said with a smile. She draped Delia’s top over her shoulders.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Delia shook her head as she put her arms into her top. She jumped as Patsy kissed her neck. Patsy moved to stand in front of her, halting Delia’s progress with her buttons.

Patsy began kissing Delia, with passion, firmly and in charge of the pace. Delia surrendered to the kiss and sighed as Patsy began to undo the few buttons she had done back up. Lips were on her neck, making her ticklish, then they travelled further down, to brush teasingly across nipples.

“Pats,” Delia put her hands in Patsy’s hair and moved backwards until she was against the wall.

“Please never be ashamed that you want me,” Patsy almost growled into Delia’s skin. She pulled the top off Delia and dropped it to the floor. “Never.”

Delia wanted to answer her, but found words were quite challenging so she nodded.

“If this is what you want,” Patsy said gently, at odds with her hard kisses, as she tentatively placed her hand when Delia had earlier, “then let me.”

Delia nodded again and felt Patsy press her body into her, one hand braced on the wall near Delia’s head. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Patsy admitted, frustrated that she not only voiced that aloud but that it was true.

“Bed Pats,” Delia said breathlessly.

“Can you? Will you?” Patsy shook her head and tried again. “I want to see you, is that okay?” Patsy said with shaky breath.

“Yes cariad. But only if you are ready.”

Patsy smiled and took a step back. “Deels, I’m not ready, to, to be that brave myself, but I would like to touch you.”

Delia kissed Patsy gently. She smiled and cupped her beloved’s face.

“Then we wait cariad, we wait until this is something we both want. If we both never want it together, then it doesn’t happen okay? I need you to be comfortable to voice what you want, and what you don’t want, Patience.” Delia said with a smile and a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“But,” Patsy began to negotiate but the look in Delia’s eyes made her stop. “Okay,” she nodded her acceptance.

“Come to bed and just lie with me Patience. Feel free to lose the top,” she teased.

Patsy couldn’t help but laugh, releasing a lot of the tension.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks, please take a moment for a review, a kudos or a warm beverage of your choosing!


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